[Rosey Posey]

I lost my job two months ago. It was not gambling related but it was the catalyst for change. Suddenly I was on unemployment and no more of my favorite excuse – “I can always earn enough money to cover my losses and my debts”. I haven’t gambled in 29 days and I am so very proud of myself. Today I got a new job and I start in two weeks. I’m going to have money again and that terrifies me.
n
nI’ve worked hard at this and I know I’m just at the start of a long road to recovery. I have a strict budget, blocking software, a go-to list of delaying activities and a journal to write in daily. I know my addiction now better than ever before and I vividly remember the exhilleratiing feeling of checking my bank account at 12:01 am to see if my paycheck is there.
n
nI need to get more safety nets in place. I need to set up automatic payments, withdrawl limits and anything else that can lock down that extra cash. I’m not waiting. I’m going to start working on this tomorrow.
n
nThanks for letting me put this in writing. It feels more real to see it in print than just words floating around in my head.

[dunc]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you?re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you?re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We?re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you?re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I?m going to hand you over to our community because I?m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you ??

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[charles]

Hi Rosey,
n
nI saw your thread heading and had lots to tell you. Then I looked at what you have written and you are doing a lot of it already, well done.
n
nGet your bariers in place, read the other threads here and see the thigns that have worked for others. For that “extra cash” accountability can help; so you can’t gambel secretly, so you can’t access gambling funds so easily.
n
nThe most important thing is to keep using support, none of us can do it on our own. You are also right to start putting thigns in place NOW. Waiting till payday is often too late to take action. Keep posting.

[Rosey Posey]

I joined this forum and started this thread a year and a half ago. I’ve quit six times since then. I found a new job and did some work on my house. The pandemic changed all our lives. My Mom got cancer, her dementia progressed, she came to live with me, the cancer came back and she passed away in November. I have joined a nature club, made new friends, let other connections fade away. My guinea pigs both passed away and I have two cats now.

All of this has happened but I am still an addict. Still in debt. Still trying to change.

I am on day 54. I am convinced that if I can make it to 90 days I have a real shot at recovery. So far my longest stretch has been 89 days. (I have trouble forgiving myself for not making it just one more day). I check the “days free” counter on my phone and think there must be a mistake. Surely it’s been longer than that. Every day feels like an eternity.

This….is…..so….very….hard. This is a struggle. There are no easy ways through this. I have to slog through every day. Some days I rage against the urges and some days I roll over and ride the waves of despair.

I truly believe I can do this. I have learned something from every failed attempt. I put more barriers in place with each attempt. I get rid of what didn’t work and try new things. I will succeed this time…..or I will try again and again and again.

Tomorrow is day 55.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by Rosey Posey.

[Losingitslowly]

Hi rosey. I’m on day 17 and am hoping to keep making it through day by day. I totally agree with all of the barriers that we can place. I used to think that I was strong enough to just make up my mind not to and have that be enough but I learned the hard and expensive way that my mind is not what it used to be. We are all smart. We are all trying hard. We are all addicts and in saying that we must all acknowledge that we are powerless, or least in the beginning we are, to stop ourselves. The pull that our brain is putting out for is to produce more dopamine is great and it is actually doing what comes naturally. We need to find activities that will produce dopamine that are healthier. I love the lists and the journals too. Paying down bills is great. All of the things that you are doing are great and productive and you have the choice of ruining all of the hard work that you have done for a few hours of mind numbing gambling. That is all that is will last for and the next 90 days will be spent trying to make it up. I have blocks that wont allow me and I am never going to say that I am in control in the least. I think about going to casinos constantly but am excluded. I think about taking the risks since we are still wearing masks and I would get away with it but I work 7 days a week. I think about it all of the time. That is the kicker though, I just think. Soon my mind will get tired of thinking about it and move on to something else. That is what my success is all about. All of the barriers that stop me from ruining my success. It’s not me at all. No pretense. If you think that you are losing the war then change your strategy to win many small battles. I hope that you keep your mind on the small battles so that the war is more manageable and victory is within your grasp.

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