Ozna?eno: Recently separated from gambler
- This topic has 3 odgovora, 2 sudionika, and was last updated prije 3 years, 6 months by .
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I separated from my husband 6 weeks ago. I live in uk so no prenup and it scared me that he can gamble my whole life away. It’s took me years to build but he can ruin it in one press of a button. I’m lucky to be able to talk to my husband still so it’s been amicable which has helped in ways.
I still love him, it has entirely broken me but I try to remember that im strong and I’m doing this to take care of me and my future. Sometimes that’s had to remember between the utter pain. I try to remember that it won’t always feel so devastating as it does now. I know that Iv made the right choice.
I realise that I’m always the adult always looking after us but who is looking after me?
I was told to imagine how I would feel if I was still living in this situation in 5 years? He broke my trust, he lied, his behaviour makes me worry about my own financial security, it makes me feel physically unwell with worry. I’m exhausted. I do not want to separate from my husband I don’t want to go through this pain but I realise it’s necessary.
It feels like there are 2 people – my husband who I love and the risk taking gambler. I was not aware of any gambling issues then after knowing each other for years we got married. Within months he woke me up to tell me he had borrowed and lost ￡50k. We are on low incomes this was massive. We tried to sort this out but I made it clear this is not what I intended for my future.
Over a year later it’s happening again so game over. He did not come to me and tell me he made a mistake, he did not say he was going to get some help. He told me it wasn’t gambling and I know we can’t move forward with that so we are separated.
It feels like consciously or unconsciously he did not want to be married.
Iv had a hard life in places it took a long to find this man that I love with all my heart but now it is just so broken don’t think I can ever put those pieces together again -
Hello
Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.
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The Gambling Therapy Team
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Hi Lind
Compulsive gamblers are not intrinsically bad people, but their poor behaviour often causes heartbreak to those who love them.
I do not seek to excuse you husband’s behaviour but I think it helps to understand certain aspects of the addiction to gamble and the accompanying lies.
In the early days, your husband will probably have joined friends or family in a harmless bet without realising that for him there was no such thing as harmless. He would not have known that he had a problem until it was too late and the cover-up lies had become common place. Lie often follows lie, as failures mount up, until truth is lost. I suspect, he will not like what he has become and equally he will not know how to do anything differently. The lying is probably the only method of coping your husband feels he has.
A compulsion to gamble is not about money, it is ‘the gamble’ that matters. However, every gamble fuels thoughts of more gambling and it is inevitable that losses follow. Every loss triggers the need to ‘gamble’ again and so it goes on.
It will be hard to piece your life together again but you have made a positive start. I think it is great that you are still talking to your husband and that you have erected barriers to protect your finances and your health. Maybe you could direct him towards Gamblers Anonymous (GA), or this site where we have fantastic resources for him. We have an excellent Helpline available for both of you; we have Gambler Only groups facilitated by Charles who will understand your husband and support him; there is also the Gordon Moody (GM) rehab in the UK which is excellent.
It would be great to chat to you in real time, I facilitate the Friends and Family group on Tuesday and Thursday evenings between 7 and 8pm. Nothing said in the group appears on the forum, it is private and safe.
Keep posting Lind, I know the aftermath is extremely tough and I believe that talking to those who have been there helps tremendously.
Velvet
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