[vera]

Happy Christmas to everybody in GT—-Far too many to name, but I want to thank each and every person for the support, encouragement and fellowship throughout the year.
I received an interesting Link from a family member a few days ago. It was as if the penny had just dropped with this person, regarding my gambling problem. The title of the article/talk goes something like this “Sobriety is not the answer to addiction /Connection is”
It addresses a whole new approach to dealing with addicts and mentions gamblers.
We all know gamblers have common traits, low self esteem is the one most often listed. The author in this article talks about how addicts (CGs in this case) are often undermined, mistrusted, ostracized and made to feel ashamed for our behaviour. A better approach would be to re build emotional connections in an effort to develop a two way trust rather than allowing the “addict”/CG to carry all the shame.
I found this idea interesting and when I get time I will share more on this Topic.
Earlier this every, I read a few comments in an F and F post that alarmed me somewhat.
I need to re read them when I find time.
One reaction I can share is that I never set out to disrupt anyone’s Christmas even in the height of my “madness”. On the contrary, I made sure everyone had extra presents , time, attention, food and the person who suffered most by my gambling was me.
Also, I would question the wisdom in making a family announcement at Christmas that “my spouse is a CG”! Maybe I didn’t read carefully enough and I will re read the ideas and I am open to correction but to me there is a time for everything and if CGs are expected to be honest, faithful, humble, prepared to come clean etc etc, maybe our SOs could ask themselves what part they played in our gambling and together an attempt could be made to restore connections from both sides.
Every CG is an individual.
Not all are “demons”. We are complex souls who need TLC sometimes.
Christmas could be a good starting point -for believers this is the time when Heaven and Earth overlapped and God sent His only Son to save ALL of us from our sins. Not just CG (lol)
We all need redemption.
OVER AND OUT
HAPPY , PEACEFUL , GAMBLE FREE AND BLAME FREE CHRISTMAS TO ONE AND ALL>

[i-did-it]

Another great post Vera .
I don’t blame anyone for my addiction except a trauma that most people will never experience (please God) and a family in free fall- my spouse couldn’t stop me or help me – he was lost in his own devastation . . But we came through it all and we have survived all the stronger and happier for it .
We are good people and for whatever reason,we got lured into this addiction.
I’m not sure I know which post you are referring to but to announce to people that someone is a “cg” (u know how much I hate labels ) at Christmas smacks of vengefulness . It sounds like maybe a “loved one ” isn’t feeling the love this Christmas . If my spouse ever treated me like an object they could treat how they please in that way it would have a twin effect 1. I would be still lost in gambling unless someone else was able to give me the support and love I needed . 2. I would not be with that spouse .
If you cannot respect the people in your life – even if they Have an addiction , then perhaps you should do both of you a favour and move on and leave them be .

I understand what you say about being connected . I love my happy little family – each of us with our own imperfectations and each loving each other regardless.
I find the idea of someone setting out to disrupt someone else’s Christmas disgusting but I also have learned not to try to read others motives – we are not mind readers here at GT (although some seem to have elevated themselves to that position) and we can never tell what another is thinking , feeling or what their intentions are .
To me it sounds like someone is venting their bitterness because their loved one has removed himself / herself from their control Over Christmas –
-and for the record – I too always went out of my way to provide not only a fantastic Chrismas for my family – but also a fantastic life . I did my best always – even when that best did not measure up to the standards others feel they have the right to impose on me .
I too was the person who suffered most by gambling – how do I know ? – cos I asked my family and they don’t care about money – they care about me and my happiness . My family didn’t go without – I did .
So yes Vera – we are not demons – we are people who maybe others find easy to put down , especially from behind a computer screen. I know I’m a great mum – I know I have a great family – and if others want to think otherwise I do not have the arrogance to think that I can read their thoughts or motives – which rreally are none of my business anyway .
Happy Christmas everyone. You are just fantastic as you are – we all just need to control this small part of our life – and we all can do that !! Have a great festive season !

[Autor]

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