[KSHEERAN]

Hello everyone,

I have spent a bit of time now reading a few of the posts on here and I’m not sure if I was inspired or feel a despair that has driven me to register and post.

This is the first time I have written about this, nor have I said it aloud to anyone.

I have a problem with online gambling.

After reading the stories on here I realise the amount lost to these… Cretinous, leeches is not the issue nor is it a marker of how bad an addiction is. Its all the same.

My problem comes from hitting low points. When the bills pile up, but first a little background information. I am a husband of a loving wife who suffers from depression. As such she has found it hard to gain employment, I work nights and am solely responsible for paying the bills.
I started gamblin about 13 years ago, I had a win in a scratch card and the feeling was so great I wanted it again, when I didn’t win on those I turned to online slots, and one day I won 5k after depositing only 100 pounds. I was over the moon and super charged…. We spent 300 on the house the rest went back on the site and the cycle started over again. I quickly started to chase my losses which is only a downward spiral. I became so depressed I quit my job and left the internet completely.

I didn’t gamble for almost a year, living on benefits took its toll on us. We were short of food every month, no electric some nights and almost always with out hot water and heating. One benefit payday I tried to increase our income via the gambling sites and lost the lot, so I took out payday loans spending the minimum on what we needed and the rest on gambling. This continued for years.

I used excuses to my wife like, “oh that bill has come out” “we had bank charges” “no no that cost way more than that hun, you must not remember me telling you it went up”

It’s funny but reading that now If it were anyone else I would be screaming at my wife to run away from that guy as far as she could.

One day about 8 months ago I had just recovered from surgery to remove a cyst from my lung. I was feeling positive and set out to get a job. Which resulted in my current nights job. This month I worked out that the debt I had run up was around 3k. It was the only cluster of debt I have….

If I could just find enough money to pay it off all at once…

And here I am 2 weeks to payday, no hot water, no food Money and a new payday loan with a bank trail of all my earnings leading right into the mouth of the gambling beast.

I spent yesterday self.excluding myself from all the slot sites I had going. There was over 50 of them. I don’t know how I will survive the next 2 weeks but when I get there in really hope there isn’t a casino waiting for me again.

As I said I don’t know what I expected when I decided to post here. I only hope its the last time I have to say any of this.

[Anonimno]

You’ve made a step in the right direction by excluding, but that alone will not fix the problem. In fact nothing will fix the problem except yourself.

I also work nights so cant write a long post, but keep your hopes up that you can learn to live a life without gambling.

In addition to the self exclusions I highly recommend you get some blocking software for your computers. Most will offer a free trial. I found K9 to be the best other people like other software but fundamentally they all block access to gambling sites. Obviously it would be foolish for you to set your own password maybe you could get your wife to do that if shes aware youv’e started gambling again. Which more than likely due to your current situation is inevitable.

Does your wife join in the gambling?

If you’re in the uk and bank with barclays I know they now have the option to prevent remote purchases from accounts with debit cards.

Stopping gambling seems the most difficult thing to many of us CG’s (Compulsive gamblers) but at the end of the day, the bottom line is learning to be able to say “NO” to it. For me I just didn’t think I had the ability to change. I thought honestly that that was my life, I’d never change and I was doomed to it forever. I was wrong. No one is.

Get as many barriers put in place NOW before payday comes along.

I’m not long in from work so will have to leave it there mate. But I know that there are many people here who had a serious problem with online slots and now they dont gamble any more. It can be done.

You’re so right its not about the amount of money, or even about the amount of time, or the dispicable lengths we would to, just to gamble.

It is the same life wrecking obscene addiction we all have.

But nobody NEEDS to gamble. I understand that sometimes we think “I just couldn’t help it” or “I dont know why I done it again after the last time”. “I just found myself gambling”.

Gambling wrecks lives mate, Brilliant that you’ve managed to find this site, I hope you stick around and use it.

I wish you well with it.

All the best.

Geordie.

[Anonimno]

Pleased I couldn’t write a long post. ??

[KSHEERAN]

This was my first step, and as of yet I am not ready to face my wife with this information…. Lets be honest I’m hoping on cam fumble a solution for the next 2 weeks out and she will never have to know. In that sense i am a coward, I can’t face that argument or seeing her heart break and the trust she has in me go. As for taking steps I have a pc that I will install anti gambling software on and when the next payday arrives in handing the responsibility of the bill paying to my wife.

I’m scared, I can’t keep living life so … On the edge of ruin

[KSHEERAN]

As a night worker do you find it harder to cope with the urges or easier?

[Anonimno]

I dont really get urges mate, not now. But to get into this state of mind has taken me a long long time, I gambled about 35 years, not just online for me.

The urges will come thick and fast I think regardless if you do days or nights.

I will try and post a bit more tonight (night off), but cant promise.

Just be bloody careful!

[2017shaun]

I also work nights. I’d say the urges are there yes as soon as I wake. But, if you can just get thru the single day telling yourself that your not going to gamble. I think you’ll do alright.
The weeks go by so fast. Just get thru the day one day at a time. Try keeping busy. Spare time makes your mind wonder. Keep busy, say no.

[2017shaun]

You either choose to
Or
Choose not to

[Anonimno]

but believe it or not I still havn’t been to bed yet…been a funny old day.

I wouldn’t do you justice if I tried to post now mate, you’ve spent a while writing your first post here I would think. I’d like to take my time and reply to it the best I can.

Is it only online slots you have a problem with? Do you do any other gambling? And when’s the last time you gambled?

5 minutes ago or 5 days ago it makes no difference to anything, just curious.

Stick with it mate.

[KSHEERAN]

I know all to well of sleepless days.

It is just online slots, with the occasional scratch card and the last time was 2 days ago. The loss of that trip to the casinonsite is what triggered my needing to get away from it for good

[KSHEERAN]

This is true, will power is key I suppose

[vera]

Hi K
I just read your first post here on GT.
What strikes me most is that you are living a secret life.
Looking back and listening to people speak in GA, I can certainly tell you that secrecy puts an even greater strain on a gambler than the actual gambling itself.
The saying “We are only as sick as our secrets” is very true and most applicable to a gambler.
Honesty, openness and willingness are the key to recovery.
Is there a GA Group near that you could attend? (Gamblers Anonymous). Hiding behind a screen to gamble becomes a way of life. It can go on for years without coming to the notice of our families and friends.Using a “screen” in recovery serves as a protection in the early days but it can be equally unhealthy unless we use it to bring problems into the open. In my experience, it is only when we share our secrets that the illusion crumbles.
Gambling is a great illusion. It takes us to places beyond our worst nightmares.
My guess is that your wife knows more than you realize.
If she knows the full truth she can be your greatest support.
CGs cannot handle money so perhaps handing over the funds to her care could be your first step.
I wish you all the best in recovery. You have taken the most difficult step by admitting you have a problem.
To know that we are “powerless over gambling and that our lives have become unmanageable” is crucial information. To actually admit that this statements applies to me and you is the first step in recovery.
Keep posting.

[i-did-it]

Hi K,
Well done on taking that first step and coming on here.

I agree that it would be really helpful if you could get to a GA meeting .
I guess you have no money right now to buy a gambling blocker so maybe get net nanny or something that will give should thinking time at least . I have betfilter on my iPhone and it has made a huge difference –
Your priority is to stop gambling – if telling your wife is a stumbling block right now you can still stop – of course honesty is best but it’s hard to face everything at once .

You can cut up bank cards , give them to someone else to mind, carry just cash (I try to do this so I can’t gamble on line). You can get someone to set a code in your wifi account so gambling is blocked for the whole house .
There are lots of things you can do which will make it impossible to gamble when payday comes round. Please don’t think you will have learned from this an d know better – take no chances !

Hope this helps .

[Anonimno]

I’m really sorry I havn’t posted yet KS but Shaun Vera and IDI were all slots people and have been gambling free a while. What Shaun says is so true. Ultimately you do have a choice. You have a choice in everything you do.Anyway you’re in capable hands with them three, the more people see you posting the more responses you will get.

[Autor]

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