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Hi Cat , A Warm Welcome to Gambling Therapy
Having found us you have also found a diverse community who can help and support you on your recovery journey.
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and non-judgemental environment and by reading others stories am sure you will see that you are very much not alone in this addiction
Please click here to see our services page, feel free to use all that this site can offer…
To chat with others in real time you may wish to make use of the support groups, the ***** of these groups are advertised under "What’s on and When" or click here to see the weekly group schedule.
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Also to say when you registered we would have sent you an email with an attachment, this attachment will help you navigate the site and find the support you so rightly deserve, alternatively this guide can be downloaded by clicking here.
Take Care
Harry -
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Hi Cat – Excellent choice! Self-banning is a great plan! Keep coming out here and posting. I recently came back to the site after quite a few months of stumbling around by myself thinking I could do this on my own. I journal everyday…no matter if anyone posts back (although it is nice to hear from others :). You will find so many wonderful, caring people out here, it is quite amazing. Stay strong and take one day or hour at a time. Hope to hear from you soon.
LisaNot Gambling…one day at a time -
I don’t know why I slipped but I did. I knew that I was having urges and I don’t know why either. It was as if I was telling myself I could go once. It was a strange feeling at first just walking around the casino watching people gambling. I though I might just leave and not gamble, then I thought I will just play $40 for fun and everyone knows how stupid that is. I am trying to figure out why I went. It was as if I was planning for my slip.. I was giving myself permission to go gamble.. Why would I do that to myself. On Friday night I wanted to go, but know I came straight home… so proud that I managed to stop myself. I went out today shopping and I was not planning to go, but the thought came and I found myself driving to the casino… I went through all the lies to myself… I am not going to beat myself up though. Tomorrow is a new day and I will continue to fight this cg addiction one day at a time. It’s still December 31 here…. so I hope and pray that 2012 will be a gamble free year for me and everyone on GT. But I am just going to focus on the NOW and one day at a time.One day at a time my sweet lord…
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Hi ((Cat)) — Keep coming back my friend. Keep what is working — change what isn’t — add more help if you need it. You are doing a great job! I’m glad you say you will not beat yourself up over this — no sense in doing that it won’t help. I’m also so proud to see you come back here and working recovery right away again! It’s never easy and you are an inspiration — exploring your life, changes, desires fearlessly. I believe 100% that the only way we fail is to give up — and as long as you are not willing to give up cat you won’t fail Stay strong my friend and believe recovery is possible! Pumkin
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Thanks Hope, Caron and Pumpkin for your posts. I really did not want to come back here as I have slipped again. I know that if I dont come back I will continue so I need to come back and face what I have done. I hate myself right now. I am scared that I am on that road again. I know more than anything that I need to get back on track and come to GT and face the challenges. I ask myself did I really enjoy myself and I can honestly say the answer is NO. I hate how I go and I can’t move from a machine… it’s as if I am mesmerised. In my head I keep saying I am leaving…. but I did not leave until my last dollar was gone…. so what does it prove… yet again, it proves I am a compulsive gambler. I am not a responsible gambler. I am trying to figure out why I wanted to go… I was doing so well and I don’t know what made me want to go… I am trying to analyze what happend.One day at a time my sweet lord…
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Glad you got the gambling urge out of your system in time for the New Year kick off, Cat!
What’s done is done. As much as we hate gambling or hate ourselves for giving in to it, we cannot change things after the crime is committed.
I very nearly went myself today..so very very close that I almost believe I gambled, so I know how you feel Cat. Ithe scary part was that I didn’t care if I gambled or not! The results were as if I had gambled. I suffered the after effect without even entering the casino. How powerful is that? "Absent gambling" so to speak! As a result, I was unable to go to work. Due to start nights but luckily someone who ***** a night off next week agreed to work for me tonight. Not my decision totally. Not what I wanted . I feel I am losing control when I cannot do what I am should do. It is as if gambling is gainining some control over my life again, albeit indirectly!
So here we are Cat back to reality. Back to today. Back to NOW! -
Cat, Glad you came back. I know how you feel. I had another little slip too. Went with mom and daughter yesterday. A situation presented itself. I resisted initially, but in the end I wasn’t strong enough to say no. I don’t want to end up where I was, so I will keep coming back here. It helps. I didn’t gamble today. I am a compulsive gambler. I can not win, because I cannot quit. I will not give up trying. Never quit, quitting. I’m here with you. This will pass, as long as we keep connected. I am so happy I will be back to work tomorrow. Back to routine. One Day At A Time
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Hi Cat
I am so pleased that you have come back.
Please don’t over-analyse the whys and wherefores on your own. You have accepted you have an addiction to gamble and that it will never bring you happiness.
A slip does not have to be negative – working through it can make you stronger for the future. Turn this experience into a positive and never be afraid to come back here.
You can do this, you are doing well. Believe in You.
Velvet -
Happy New Year to everyone. I know that I need to come to GT to keep myself on track. Yes I had two slips, but last time it was three so my goal is not to have another one then I achieved something. I have to think of the positive and be proud of what I have achieved. June 13 went for 90 days then slipped…over the 8 days had 3 slips. September 19 went 104 days then had 2 slips – so my goal is to not have another slip. The funny thing is I felt so guilty for being there and lots of your were in my head when I was there. I did not really enjoy it, but once you put the first money in those slots – well everything else goes out my head. Why I ask myself do I sit in front of a machined mesmerised watching for stupid free plays, jackpots etc…. Just for today I will not gamble. Wishing everyone a day free of gambling.,One day at a time my sweet lord…
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Originally posted by cat438
… once you put the first money in those slots – well … … …
One day at a time my sweet lord…Good morning Cat,
Thanks for the New Year’s wish you began your post with; mine for you is for you to have a Happy Gambling Free New Year.
One way for you to do this is remembering well where putting the first money in those slots can only lead; for a compulsive gambler there can be no first bet — it is the nature of the beast. You have progressed from having three relapses to having two, now is the time to work as completely skipping over the next number in the sequence and moving on to and staying at zero. You have a choice, you can make your recovery work ODAAT through the help of your sweet Lord, your Higher Power, or let your addiction, your compulsion to gamble, keep control one bet at a time.
God’s speed. Stay strong. Keep aware.
LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free. -
Originally posted by cat438
… once you put the first money in those slots – well … … …
One day at a time my sweet lord…Good morning Cat,
Thanks for the New Year’s wish you began your post with; mine for you is for you to have a Happy Gambling Free New Year.
One way for you to do this is remembering well where putting the first money in those slots can only lead; for a compulsive gambler there can be no first bet — it is the nature of the beast. You have progressed from having three relapses to having two, now is the time to work as completely skipping over the next number in the sequence and moving on to and staying at zero. You have a choice, you can do this, you can make your recovery work ODAAT through the help of your sweet Lord, your Higher Power, or let your addiction, your compulsion to gamble, keep control one bet at a time.
God’s speed. Stay strong. Keep aware.
LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.– 1/3/2012 3:23:09 PM: post edited by paul315.
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Hi Cat i was sorry to read of your slip but i am glad that you came straight back here. It is hard saying you have done it again, i know, ive done it many many ***** as you know but the good thing is you have again stopped and got straight back onto recovery again. You did so well and that time is still there, your ldg date has just changed that is all. Hope to see you round chat again one day soon
Living with Hope -
dear Cat –
Glad you are back here and learning from your slips. I had 2 slips last year but I did learn from them – the last slip taught me that when it comes to gambling I cannot win – any money I win goes back to the casino so I feel it is insanity for me to even try.
You are making great progress, remember when you get the next urge that you didn’t even enjoy the last slip. Wishing you a Happy New Year.
reds
Just for today, I will not gamble away my time, freedom or peace of mind. -
Dear Cat! You mentioned in your post that it was almost like you were planning your slip, and I have to agree with you because my slips have been planned. I had already thought out where I would get the money from to gamble, where I would gamble, etc, before I left the house to go run errands in town. These days when I am having urges or thoughts of gambling, I stay home if possible, and don’t leave my house if I believe I’m going to gamble. If I have to go out I take a neighbour with me. If that’s not possible, I play out the tape, of losing money that I can spend somewhere else, of gamblers remorse. I remind myself that I can’t win because I can’t leave, ever. I make a list of what errands I need to do, and go do them, and high-tail it home. There are days that we need to really fight this addiction so that it doesn’t lead to a slip or worse, a relapse. Just for today I will not gamble. Carole
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Gost
thank you so much for your time and kind words have a great new year Mike
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Thanks for the posts… I am having a tough time just now. I don’t know why but having thoughts of gambling again. I know that I need to come to GT and keep posting as it does help to keep me on track. It also helps to read forums of others and see how my friends are doing. We all have our struggles and I am no different from anyone else. All I need to do is take it one day at a time. I will not worry about tomorrow only about today as I know I will not gamble today. Because I recently had the two slips it makes me wonder if that is why I have the urges and thoughts right now. I wonder if it makes it worse when you give in to your urges and have a slip. It is kind of crazy as when I think about it I did not even enjoy being the gambling… my stomach was in knots and I felt terrible with guilt… Why would I even consider doing that to myself. I don’t want to gamble… I don’t need to gamble…. I want to change my thought pattern and think more about how I did not enjoy myself gambling. How I hated myself for going there and losing money. What will I do this weekend that does not involved gambling. I am excited to watch the curling on TV this weekend. I will get rid of some clutter around the house. My focus this weekend is to make a list of the things that I need to do around the house. The things that I let slip when I was spending so much time gambling. So this weekend I will start on spring cleaning… getting rid of clutter. Now I have a more positive focus.One day at a time my sweet lord…
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Cat, Congratulations on your gamble-free month of March! I think posting your thoughts on gambling has helped you and I know others as well. I have been doing the same lately and I think the opposite is true for me. It has left me feeling a little depressed. Oh well, not every day is easy or a happy recovery day. I’ll keep plugging along and maybe someday what I write will make sense and help me. It’s crazy but the thought that I cannot gamble again and the fear of not being able to stop gambling (even though I know I should just be taking one day at a time) has left me feeling quite down it the dumps even though my last relapse has also left me feeling quite down in the dumps. Enough about me. Congrats to you!
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Thanks ican, I know how you feel there are ***** we just can’t seem to get things going right for us. I know that I had a tough time after my gambling spree in February. I was so depressed and wanted to go gambling, but also when I went gambling in February I did not enjoy it either by the end. You are just torn in two. Also, I do suffer from depression and some days it is tough to be positive and you just want to say to **** with it. Why struggle with this I will just gamble, but then the depression is even worse. Hang in there Ican and you will get there.
I did manage to get through March without gambling, but on March 2 I really had to fight not to go…. I am on day 40 today, however, I know from the past that this is not the main thing, as I have been to over 100 days… the main thing is not placing my next bet. I know what you mean about getting down in the dumps when you thinkg you can’t gamble again as it really does get to you. I really try hard not to think about not being able to gamble ever again. I struggle with it as well. I think most people do and that is why I really try hard to just think about the one day at a time. I am starting to understand more and more that the gamble free days are not the important thing.. it’s placing that next bet. Can I honestly say that I will never end up sitting at those slots again. I don’t know what the future holds, but I know that for today I will not gamble. I feel panicky if I think about not gambling in the future so I try to not think about that and refocus back to today. I think it’s called living in the NOW. However, I also know if I go gambling again I will not be happy about it. I found it so tough to get back on track in February that it scared me. How long will it keep me scared, that I don’t know but I hope it is for a long time. There I go again thinking ahead… and all I need to do is think about not gambling today.
Do I miss gambling? YES… I miss the fun and excitement of going to the Casino, escaping and running away from everything. But I don’t miss…. the person I become when I gamble.. hating myself, the lies, the guilt, the anger, losing money.
Sorry for rambling. Wishing everyone a day free of gambling… me too!!!!!One day at a time my sweet lord… -
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Dear Cat! You should be so proud of yourself that you have all green Xs for the month of March. You need a copy of the month with green Xs on your bathroom mirror, on your fridge, and in your car, to remind you how great it feels to be able to do that. It’s a huge accomplishment! It’s crazy how we can be going along so good in recovery, and then forget how gambling affects us in every area of our life, and decide to go for a little gamble, which inevitably for me ends up with losing a pot of money and many wasted hours feeling stressed out, during and after gambling. Gambling is as much of a friend to us, as having an anaconda ******* around our neck. They both choke the life out of us. Carole
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Hi Cat!! A cloud salad consists of cranberries, pineapple, and cool whip. And it is a BRIGHT CLOUD!!! LOL!!!! Sorry to hear how far your Grandkids live from you. But at least you do get to visit them. I go about 4 days in between seeing my little guy (Grandson) and I can’t wait to see him. I have him alot because my Daughter and Son in law both work and go to school, and sometimes my Daughter goes on business trips. He will be my only Grandchild soo that makes him even more special to me!! I can totally relate about Hubby not drinking soo much and how much better it makes your relationship. Sorry to hear that he is having stomach issues though. My Hubby is finally going to the Doctor’s after years because a friend of his passed away recently and hadn’t been to the Dr’s for years and when he got sick it was terminal. Nevermind that I have been on him to go. His drinking and my inability to cope led to alot of my gambling issues and depression. But I am not going to let him have that control over me anymore. He has been doing alot better lately and I think that me giving him more positive attention and spending more time with him is helping. So much for my rambling!!! Congrads on your gamble free life. Cat, we have to take it one day at a time. We deserve a gamble free life. We are worthy! Take care!!Seize all the good things in life
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Hi Lizbeth, thanks for the post and your caring words. That cloud salad sounds yummy… I will need to try that one day. It has no calories right!!! Yes, it is amazing how hubby’s drinking can have such an impact on us. I wonder if one of the reasons I started to gamble was to escape from it for a while. I could go gamble and forget everything and… it was somewhere that I could go by myself. He has been drinking a little again, but I just feel it will be finished soon as it is upsetting his stomach too much. It will be better for him and me when he stops. I notice that he is different when he is not drinking in that he comes and sits and talks to me more… which is a good thing.One day at a time my sweet lord…
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Dear Cat! I am so sorry to hear of the demise of your precious grandson. It’s impossible to understand why these things happen so late in a pregnancy. I feel for the parents of this baby as well. Their hopes and dreams for this child also **** with the little one’s passing. Sincere condolences to you Cat! Carole
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Thanks for the posts and it was difficult to write it down as then it makes it even more real. I just feel so much for my daughter-in-law and son right now. I can’t imagine anything worse than losing a child… it is not the natural progression of life. It seems so strange that it happened the day we arrived on vacation… I did get to hold him and I thank God for that as it was important to me, but I don’t know why.One day at a time my sweet lord…
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Wow, do you ever miss this site when it’s down… I wonder if this is another addiction LOL
I can’t believe that I have actually met Carole and Bettie and they are just so lovely… It is so wonderful to be able to talk to others who understand. We did go shopping last night… and what a surprise we ended up in the Coach store… and I wonder if you can guess who bought a Coach Purse? I ended up in another store that I had not been in for years and that one was a real hoot!!! One day at a time my sweet lord… -
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Hi everyone, just a quick post as I am tired as we just got home. (((Carole))) (((Velevet))) (((Larry))) (((CC))) (((Ican))) thanks for the awesome post. I feel so blessed to have so many wonderful caring people surrounding and supporting me. Carole, you made me feel so special with your very kind words about me!!!! Velvet, yes I did it I did not gamble on Dec 31 and yes 2013 is a brand new year and I am so excited to work on myself and recovery. Velvet I did not know that you were one of the"blessed" like myself being Scottish LOL Larry, as always you truly amaze me how you can take what I post and decipher it and make me think. CC you have my utmost respect because if ever I met anyone who is a fighter it is you. I am feeling so warm and fuzzy inside because of all your wonderful posts. Will post soon. Bless you all. Wishing everyone a wonderful day free of gambling. I am saying a prayer for Dear Vera and Pumpkin and all the GT members both the CG’s and their family members who are suffering as well.One day at a time my sweet lord…
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Hi Cat
What a wonderul post. Now you can definitely say that yesterday is history. Enjoy the gift of today – well done, I knew you could do it. Foget ******** and go for a gamble-free ‘life’ and find the inner happiness that the addiction denies you. I’ve seen it Cat, I know it exists.
Velvet
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Dear (((Cat)))! You haven’t been posting. I hope you are going along fine and working recovery to the best of your ability. I am enjoying my new small dogs. They are very bonded with each other and with me. The boy dog Zac reminds me of me. If I don’t keep my eye on him, he’s down the road gone to the neighbours, playing with their dogs. He is either unaware of the dangers that lurk like big predatory birds, coyotes, foxes, lynx, etc. or he’s foolhardy and a risk taker, like me. I’m hoping to only take calculated risks this year, and a day at a time manage my recovery. It would be great if you could write a line or two and let us know how and what you’re doing these days. Carole
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Hi Cat, I hope you are keeping well and had a good christmas and new year, it seems like the days just keep ticking by and in truth I know they do, I really wish you all the very best for 2013 and look forward to reading your posts in the coming year, take care and always follow your heart because your heart never lies, wish you well love Maverick.
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Thanks for the wonderful posts and caring about me!!!! Velvet, your words "gamble free life" have really made me think. I was not thinking about a gamble free life before. I think in the back of my mind it has always been about "beating" my longest stretch of gamble free time which is 7 months. I am now going to change my focus to a gamble free life as it definitely has a much better ring to it than thinking the other way. And as you say it can be done. It is almost as if I was saying before I could not do it… and you know the old saying… if you think you can or if you think you can"t you are right!!! It is what we tell ourselves in our head. I know that I will have my bad days, hours, minutes and have to fight for the gamble free life, but it can be done. Have to go for now. Wishing everyone a wonderful day free of gambling!!!
One day at a time my sweet lord… -
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Cat, I’m surprised on how much we have in common. I also had 7 gamble free months in a row last year, and haven’t gambled for a few months (I can’t remember November but I know December and January are definately gamble free) and we’re close to the same age. I know the goal isn’t to get past 7 months but I know the longer we work at recovery the better we get at it…even a few years ago, 7 gamble-free months was something I didn’t think was possible. Today is all we need to get through and doing that everyday will get us to where we want to be. Hope you have a great day Cat.
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Three months (((Cat))) is "awe"some!! Way to go and you made it through such a stressful time in December. Thanks for all your support to me during a time when I especially needed it. The sewer got fixed which was a huge stressor for me, and Danny has been "pretend normal," which is what the family violence counsellor called it. The period in between when the stress in him builds up to the point of anger. He leaves tomorrow, later afternoon, to go back to work, so it will be interesting to see if he can remain peaceful. We need to go to town and sign a document releasing us from our contract with our realtors, so that we can list with a new realtor. One of my realtors is a cg, so I don’t suppose her mind is on selling our property, and the other one never follows through on anything she says she is going to do. Hope you’re having a good day! Gambling didn’t fix anything for me. Carole
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Hi Cat,
I talked to my boss today and he wants me to push off my surgery to months end if possible because we have training. I wanted to get it over with so I can feel 1/2 way decient for my 50th birthday in March. We will see.
I can see how I could become fast friends with the girl down stairs. She said when she first saw me in the parking lot she thought i was just a few years older than her. She is 27! Ya gotta love someone like that!! lol!!
bettie -
((((P, Carole& Bettie, cat)))), a group hug for all of us as I needed one and I am sure it will help all of us. I just posted on the February month about gambling and how we have the choice if we gamble or not. My friend’s daughter who has cancer and was diagnosed 4 days after she had the babies does not have a choice any more. The second chemo is not working and there are no more options. Her future with her babies is being taken away. She is in pain both physically and emotionally. I put on a brave face when I see here and we laugh. My heart is breaking for her and it all seems so unfair. We are holding a fundraiser to help the family financially, but another reason is bedcause she wants a party so everyone she knows can come and see her and have a good time. I understand so much better the saying that "they are living with cancer and not dieing with cancer", as she is definitely living her life. I admire her strength, courage and dignity and at the same time my heart is breaking for her!!!One day at a time my sweet lord…
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Dear (((Cat)))! It truly is awful that this young Mom has to die and leave her babies behind. Life just isn’t fair at *****. When is the fundraiser and what kind is it?? It is a heart-breaking situation for sure, for everyone involved. Does Ruth’s daughter have a husband that can raise her babies?? It doesn’t make the situation less painful, but it would be good if she did. Take care (((Cat)))! Carole
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Thanks for your loving posts Cat!
I think of your friend, Ruth every day and her mum and her twins. What will happen? Nobody knows but we do know there is a reason for everything and God only sends us the crosses we can bear. His ways are not ours. so looking with finite vision reveals only a dull and foggy picture.
Praying and hoping will never lead us astray.
Thanks for your prayers! Much needed and appreciated! -
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I thank God that I have not gambled. It would be easy to use all the stuff that is going on right now as an excuse to gamble, but then I feel worse if I gamble. It would be to escape that I would go gambling, but escaping does not change anything as when you stop gambling – the emotions and feelings are still there. In fact you feel worse after you gamble because you then have to add the guilt, remorse, money loss, hating yourself. I will just take it one day at a time as that is all I need to do – focus on today!!!! Wishing everyone a wonderful day free of gambling.One day at a time my sweet lord…
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The weekend is more or less over and it’s back to work tomorrow. I could do with another day in the weekend. I sometimes think to myself what did I get done at the weekend as it is over before you know it. I did some tidying up, laundry, going through paperwork yesterday morning, nail appointment in the afternoon, then hubby and I were out last night and it was a late night, then Church this morning, then got my car washed today.I am sitting watching the Grammys and reading posts on GT and it’s only 8:00 p.m., but I feel like I could go to bed. I sound like such a complainer. I keep trying to have a few days of work, but it is just so busy right now. Looking on the positive when I am busy it keeps my mind away from gambling thoughts most of the time!!!! I also skyped our grandkids and that was actually the highlight of my weekend. I really miss them…. I wish they lived closer, but it is what it is!!!!One day at a time my sweet lord…
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I washed my car today too. It was covered with mud and really needed it. I don’t think what you are saying is complaining. You’re just stating your weekend. Complaining is blaming someone, or something, for taking your time or your money instead of taking responsibility for yourself…at least that’s how I see it. Your weekend was well-spent without a moment wasted in a casino!
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Thanks Ican, Velvet and P, Guess what Ican and P, it’s a brand new month, it’s also a brand new day!!!! I was humming and hawing whether to put a March month forum, but I am going to do it, and I would like you both to join me as we get through March – one day at a time. Always remember every gamble free day is an achievement. It is such a horrible addiction and when you feed it just a little bit… even for a day… it is like a snake getting into your system and twisting you around to get you back to those machines. I know that I can only do it a day at a time. I also know once I give in to the temptation and go back gambling it is a continual struggle and fight to stay away. I am as close as both of you from my next bet!!!
Velvet, thank you for taking the time to post, and as always you are such an ecouragement to me to continue to have a gamble free life. It is strange that I had not thought that way until you posted it on my page one time. I was always thinking about beating my longest gamble free time and not about a gamble free life. I am not saying that in the back of my mind it is still there, but it is not the focus. I am at 4 months gamble free, however, I had 7 months gamble free before that so I know that it is not ******** the months that matters, but focusing on a gamble free life, one day at a time.
Wishing everyone a wonderful gamble free day!!!One day at a time my sweet lord… -
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I have been reading through lots of posts by others and it is interesting how more or less any post you read could be you!!! The struggles to stay away from the slots/vlts, the hating yourself when you have gambled, the not having interest in anything. All you can think about is playing those machines, arguing with ourselves that just maybe we can be a responsible gambler. We can go once a week or once a month or a special occasion. I know for me I can’t do that, I may dream of being a responsible gambler, but that is all it is a dream. The reality is that once I put one cent in those machines I am a gonner back on the road of self destruction. Then if I do go I end up having thoughts/urges so strong and wanting to go again and again!!!! I have accepted that I am a compulsive gambler, not a responsible gambler, no matter what I may wish for I have to face reality. I don’t think about never gambling again as that could cause me to go on a binge. I just know that for today I do not plan on gambling. I also know that I want a normal life, and to have that I know that it has to be a gamble free life. I am slowly starting to enjoy normal every day things in life again. It is not easy, but it is worth it. I think of doing other things in life now, like getting together with friends. I am taking an interest in my home again. I am slowly decluttering, but it is a slow process as we bought our home over 30 years ago and are still living in it, so you can imagine how we have acquired so much stuff. I know it will take a while to get rid of stuff, not that I am a hoarder, but you still accumulate lots of stuff. Now, my hubby is a bit of a hoarder, I have to get rid of things when he is not around LOL. I am realizing that the decluttering is a journey the same as living a gamble free life. I just have to work at getting rid of it slowly. I want to start doing something for me in regards to excercising and eating healthy so that is my next focus. I also want to make healthier meals to help hubby as well. I think the best thing that has happened to me since I started recovery has been finding my faith again. God works in mysterious ways!!!! Wishing everyone a wonderful gamble free day!!!One day at a time my sweet lord…
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When I moved out of Barrys house I put everything in the basement here and have been going through it bit by bit. I have moved several ***** over the past 8 years and am still amazed at some of the junk I have kept. I have also found some things that I forgot I had and was happy that I kept them. Some of those things can invoke wonderful memories as well, of places and people. Keep moving forward Cat, try not to take any backward steps. I am over 4 months today and ********. You can do it. Deb
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Thanks Debbie, WTG on over 4 months gamble free. We must be close as I am just over 4 months gamble free as well. It all happened one day at a time though. I try not to focus on the length of gamble free time now, although it is there in the subconscious. I did focus on it at one time, but it was almost like a goal to beat my longest part of gamble free time, and then I would end up gambling again. It is a horrible addiction, as I go through stretches when I don’t even think about gambling, and then other ***** when I think of gambling all the time. I know that a gamble free life can be done as there are so many people on GT that are living that life. Wishing everyone a wonderful day free of gambling, because you deserve it!!!!!One day at a time my sweet lord…
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It is what it is. Having gambling thoughts today, but not acting on them. I have had a shower and it is getting close to bed time so I will not be going gambling. I have been feeling stressed and emotional the last couple of days so I know what is causing them. I just wanted to run away for a while.. or escape, but it does not solve anything. My friend’s daughter who has cancer and is at the pallative care stage inspires me so much… if she has a bad day with pain.. she says tomorrow will be better. I think of that and say why would I want to gamble when I have been blessed with a day free of pain. Wishing everyone a wonderful gamble free life one day at a time!!!!One day at a time my sweet lord…
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The service was lovely… the minister made it so wonderful. It was what she wanted a Celebration of her Life and not a funeral. She did not want people crying she wanted them to tell funny stories about her. Everyone carried out her wishes and although we wanted to cry we kept out tears at bay. I am blessed to have known her. I know that it was tough for so many. I think that in a month or so a number of us are going to get together and just talk and remember her and tell funny stories, and also cry if we want to. I know it is going to be hard for her mother and I will be there for her as much as I can. One day at a time my sweet lord…
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As far as last goodbyes go, it sounds like Ruth’s send off was just what she wanted. You’re a good friend and will be a big help to her mother. I couldn’t even imagine raising twins at my age but it’s wonderful that she can. Guess where there is a will there is a way. I’m sure it made it easier for Ruth knowing her mom would be there for her babies.
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thanks for the post Cat and thanks for the post at the start of my diary when i had just joined this forum you were the first person to post to me quickly followed by harry it meant a lot when i was getting it tough. Sorry to hear about your good friend and i hope your doing ok adaat your april thread is a great help. take care
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Congratulations on six months gambling free, Cat. What a great milestone!!! Also, thank you for all the support you’ve given me as I’ve tried to pick myself up from the wreckage of gambling. Your one-day-at-a-time feat gives me hope that, with vigilance", I can be there too. Have a wonderful day. RG
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Thanks everyone for the posts. I just checked back and the last time I posted here was April 8, which is nearly a month ago. I have been posting on the monthly page and pages of others. I don’t know why but I am having a tough time lately with thoughts of gambling. I am wondering if it is because I am at 6 months without putting money in those slots/vlts. I know that the last time I got to 6 months that I had to fight every day to stay away and then I got to 7 moths and then gambled. I don’t know if it is fear that I will do the same or is it the addiction and I need a fix. I know the last time I started gambling after 7 months it was September 30 that I first went and it continued to November 1 so it tough to get back to ******** days. I was not ******** days for a while I was focusing on a gamble free life, but there is something about beating the longest gamble free time you have. I know if I keep thinking like this then I will be back gambling and I don’t want that. I have to remember that I am still paying gambling debt and the feeling of despair and hating myself when I gamble. I know that I will not win as I will continue gambling until I lose every last cent and keep running to get more and more cash. I don’t carry the credit card with me any more where I got the cash to gamble. I remember the last time I felt like this I did not take any money with me so I could not gamble. It is good that I am aware of it though as it keeps me on my toes and realize that I cant be complacent. I am so aware now though that gamble free time does not mean anything as it is so easy to be back to Day 1. I will not gamble today and that is all that I will focus on!!!! Wishing everyone a gamble free day!!!One day at a time my sweet lord…
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Hi Cat
I was glad to see this post from you.. I am glad to read you are Six months, sorry to hear you are having urges. I have them all the time. I hear people say they don’t get urges and I wonder how they do it and why they don’t leave me. What I do know is they are only thoughts. They are not harmful unless I act on them. You have done great, I know exactly what you mean about the days. I forget the pain almost instantly. I can’t recall it, I can see it in my mind but there is no feeling with it. So I have to trust that when it comes to my thoughts about gambling they are not sane.
I have relapsed sooooo many ***** that I too am fearful of going back. We don’t have to, so long as we keep doing what we are doing just for this day. You are doing so well Cat..
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Hi Cat: Thank you for your thoughtful post on my thread. I’m sorry to hear that urges are coming up for you at this time. From what I’ve heard from others, there are certain ***** that require heightened awareness and six months and one year seem to be common themes.
As compulsive gamblers, we also have the tendency toward "magical thinking". For instance, I believed that if I made meaningful eye contact with the characters on my slot machines, they would "hear" me and allow me to win. Welcome to Crazy Town, with your host RG!!! It’s may be the same type of thinking that has you believing that the seven month mark is a danger zone for you. It isn’t really if you continue to apply the one day at a time rule as you have been to the point. The time accumulated is a wonderful achievement … but it’s in the past. It’s today, this moment, that matters. As long as we stay aware everyday, then we will have succeeded. Thank you for your honest post, because it brought something to my awareness that will help me in my journey every day. Have a wonderful week. RG -
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Hi Cat: Thanks for your post. It’s so funny that we all know what we should be doing to keep ourselves healthy, yet we’re so reluctant to do it. I know that when I get into a program of walking, I feel so much better. It’s recommended for so many things, from depression, as you mentioned, to addiction. I’ve read so many addiction blogs and articles that recommend exercise in some form to get the endorphins going and as a way to reconnect with life.
We become so used to being in the fog of escapism … blind and deaf to what is going on around us. I too believe that I need to approach eating and exercise in a one-day-at-a-time fashion. It’s the only thing the really works for any kind of habit change or self improvement. Maybe we should start a monthly "Walk Away the Urges" thread to get some of us moving every day. What do you think? In fact, I’m going to go out right now and go for a walk. More action, less talk. Will report back later to let you know how it went. !! RG -
hi cat well done with the six months bet free adaat i can totally relate to you being a bit panicky over trying to get past a previous best i always seem to come a cropper between 12 weeks and 20 weeks apart from a year bet free one time. this time im trying to enjoy my recovery as best i can i really am like yourself taking it adaat and with barriers in place we are and can really do this. take care
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Way to go Cat on having over six months of gamble free time. I was thinking of you going to visit your grandsons soon. I’m sure that will be so wonderful for you and your husband. You need a break as you have been working so hard. I’m sure your grandsons are very excited about you visiting. Danny leaves tomorrow for a few weeks for work. I’ve got lots to keep me busy like yardwork and weeding, plus cleaning two places. Not to mention my granddaughters!!! Carole
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Hi Cat congratulations 6 months is wonderful!! I am working toward having a gamble free life too. I got so sick of relapsing over the years but simply could not stop no matter what i did. Hoping this time i can hang in there and change my life to a gamble free one without relapse. I dont feel i can be in recovery and still relapse all the time. If there is not much time between each relapse then i am definately not in recovery. So i am aiming for life now too and of course one day at a time. There is not much need to ***** time is there when we are aiming for life haha… Just so long as we dont start again then it can be life.
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Happy Mother’s Day everyone!!! I am getting excited about seeing my grandsons… only 5 more sleeps, but who is ********, ME!!! I am focusing on that right now and it is helping to take my thoughts away from gambling, as I have been having lots of thoughts and urges lately. I know the last time I got to 7 months that I really had to fight the last month to stay away and that is how I am feeling right now. However, I am going for a gamble free life so I should not put so much focus on beating my longest gamble free time. It is so strange though how I have not been having thoughts and urges and then they come back and get you, so it tells me I need to be on guard!!!!One day at a time my sweet lord…
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I started on GT in June, 2011 so it is two years since I started recovery. On June 2 I am 7 months gamble free of those machines. I am trying to think how many ***** I have slipped/gambled since I started recovery and I am not sure. I do know that prior to this 7 months that I gambled for about a month, but prior to that I was also at 7 months gamble free. I know that if I had not come to GT then I would not be where I am today. I also know that "just like that I can be back on day 1" as I have been there many ***** over the last two years. I went to a Casino on Saturday and I just looked around and I knew that if I put one cent in those slots I would be back to fighting urges and hating myself. I also know that I still want to play those machines – so I have to always be aware that I am one bet away from gambling. I am accepting that I am a cg with those slots/vlts and that I will never be a responsible gambler with them. I still have ***** that I want to go and run away to the casino and not deal with my emotions, but I also know that it is not the answer. It is interesting as I yearned to be a responsible gambler, but if I was not a cg then I would not yearn to be a responsible gambler. It is the addiction that makes me want to be able to gamble. It is not easy as there are ***** that I can feel the addiction trying to get me back gambling. I am glad that those ***** don’t come as much as they did, however, I do need to be aware that they will come and fight them and not act on them. It is what it is and I can’t change that. I can only change myself. I have learned so much over the last two years. I have received support and encouragement from so many of you and without that I would not be where I am today. I will continue on this journey – the only way I can – one day at a time. Velvet, I thank you again for your post to me about a "gamble free life" as it was not something that I was thinking about. I think it just overwhelmed me, but I also know that I am working towards that gamble free life now – one day at a time. One day at a time my sweet lord…
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Awesome job, Cat. You have been a wonderfully steady and supportive influence on GT in those seven months and your story is one of those that keep me moving forward. One day at a time. What an incredibly simple, yet powerful concept. Part of me wants the time to pass so that I have more gamble free time to my name. But most of me wants each day to go by as slowly as possible, so that I can experience every emotion, every moment with my boys, every opportunity to examine my life and improve myself. Some days I feel downright miserable, but even in those ***** I`m learning. I wish you many, many more amazing, gamble free days ahead and the gift of being present in every one of those days. All the best. RG
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Hi Cat: Thanks for your post on my thread. You sound like you are still on very solid ground on this recovery journey. I worried a bit when you mentioned that you went to a casino and just looked around. Please protect yourself in that scenario or try to avoid them altogether if you can. I’m rooting for you to get to eight, nine months and onward. I know you can. It freaks me out, I think, because I am so very early in recovery and would never be able to walk away unscathed at this point. I mention in my posts my stupid drives to the casino now and then just to see how full the parking lot is, to look at people going in and out etc. Stalker!! I know this is a ridiculous, hideous waste of time, but I think sometimes I miss being able to go so I go and check it out. Dangerous, counterproductive. Anyway, hope you get to buy some pretty flowers on the weekend. I put mine in a couple of weeks ago and they’re thriving. We’re getting quite a bit of rain though, so I’m afraid they may drown. Stay strong. RG
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Thank (((RG))), the reason that I went to the casino is I had to go to something to the hotel attached to it – so I just thought I would go and have a look. I definitely don’t plan on going again – even to look around. I know that if I did that a few ***** I would not be able to stay gamble free. I knew when I went in I was not going to gamble as I had no money, but if I am honest I would have loved to have sat down and played those machines. It shows me that the addiction is there and I should not put myself into temptations way. I know that those machines just call me. It was good for me to go though as I know that "I am not cured" LOL It’s not funny, but I have slipped so many ***** in my two years of recovery by saying to myself – I can control this – I can go and limit the cash and just be a "normal gambler" LOL I now know that will never happen. It has taken me a while to accept that, but it is what it is. I know if I put one cent in those machines that I can’t control myself so I just take it one day at a time. I hate the feeling after I have a slip and ******** to try and get some gamble free time again. It is so hard to stay away after I have gambled. I am working hard for the "norm" for me to be that I don’t gamble. I also know that no matter how much time you have gamble free, it can be years, that you can still end up back gambling. I will always be a cg and I can’t change that. I accept that I am powerless when it comes to those machines. I thank God for helping me in my recovery and all the support at GT. I also know that I have to keep working at recovery and deal with my emotions and any other things that bother me, rather than run to the casino. I know with Gods help for me, Higher Power for others, that it can be done, as long as I take it one day at a time. I don’t think about never playing those machines again, all I think is just for today I will not play them. Wishing everyone a wonderful gamble free day!!!One day at a time my sweet lord…
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Hi Cat: Go ahead and moan away … I’m at the pity party with you, you’re not alone, at least Right after I posted, my best friend called on the phone and we chatted and laughed about nothing for about an hour. Then, I went to Walmart for the last 45 minutes of business hours, and went to look at baby clothes. I’m thinking of getting a cute little sundress for my neighbour’s infant and a little summer toy for the little boy. They are sooo adorable. Ended up getting myself a couple of new nail colours instead — the kind with the gel finish — and I plan to do a mani-pedi tomorrow.
All of this boredom and the urges in the last few days just reminds me that I need to shore up my barriers. When I go to my Dad on Sunday, I must leave the house debit card at home if I want a peaceful visit.
I’m proud of you for your determination to stay gambling free and making it your norm. You’ve helped knock me back into reality this evening. I mentioned on my post that I’ve been watching slot win videos. Supremely bad idea!! However, this time, I’m not quite as taken as I have been in the past. As I watch the wins, I realize that most of them are small and that the people playing are really not that excited. I believe it has caused urges though so I will cease and desist.
Hope you enjoy the rest of your evening. All the best. RG– 2013-06-08 3:20:56 AM: post edited by runninggirl. -
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Hi Cat: Thanks for the post. Glad to hear that the day was lovely and bright and that you got a few things done around the house. Hope the get-together with your friend was fun and that the rest of your day was equally as happy. Got some stuff done around here too — not too much though. Hubby and boys took at 45 kilometer bike ride and then took a train back and called me to pick them up with the truck. Lovely to have the day to spend as I pleased. Took dawg to the lake, went shopping for little gifties for the little ones next door, spent some time on YouTube — gotta watch that habit , soft addiction. I have MOUNDS of laundry to do tomorrow and then a visit to my Pop. Enjoy Sunday. Love, RG
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Thanks RG, I did manage to get a few things done, but not as much as I wanted. I have so many things that I want to do around the house and then I get overwhelmed… and don’t do anything LOL I am talking about cleaning out closets, doing a bit spring cleaning etc., but I have decided that working full time and on top of that getting older that I should be patient with myself LOL It sounds like a good excuse anyway. I have not got those flowers yet to plant. I did look at some and they were not nice so I will get them this week and maybe put them in next weekend… it is raining today so I cant get it done today. Yeah, procrastinating again!!!
We were selling our trailer and it looks like it’s sold YEAH.. we got a good deposit and the balance is coming on Wednesday. I put the cash deposit in the bank right away… all nice new $100 bills…. so when I was looking at them… guess what I was thinking about.. yes, gambling. I don’t trust myself and got rid of temptation, although hubby would have known if it did not make it to the bank so that was a big enough deterrent. I am excited to be getting our line of credit paid off. I am thinking that I would like to go on a trip to Scotland to see my family. Who knows I might go in September or October. The thought of that makes me very happy!!!! It is something to work towards saving and to look forward to…. I need a positive focus to keep me on the right road!!!!!
I am just rambling away here!!!
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Good for you in getting that cash to the Bank, your line of credit paid and plans to visit Scotland!!! Sounds wonderful. So many rewards/blessings possible because your not gambling. I’m very happy for you!
I know what you mean about getting things done. I’ve gotten a ton done with the new house (I’m even surprised) but I can’t seem to get going on the little house. Someone is interested in it but I told them I won’t show them until I have it ready. Even if it means losing the sale, I don’t have the energy and don’t want to be forced to hurry it up. I have so many closets and cupboards and room in the new house that I hope I never have clutter or junk to deal with…of course it’s up to me to make sure that doesn’t happen. Anyway, I don’t blame you for putting it off. Keep planning and looking forward to that trip to see your family. You deserve it. -
Thanks Sherry. It is a brand new day and I am feeling hopeful that we can swing that trip. I will just have to be careful with spending and save to go on the trip. I get excited about the thought of seeing my brothers and my nieces, nephews, great nieces and nephews. I don’t have any family where I am except for my hubby, kids and grandkids, although our oldest son and grandkids live 2 x 2.5 hr flights away. I do have hubby’s sister and her family here. I find that as I have gotten older that I seem to miss my family more. I will just take it one day at a time and it will all work out. One day at a time my sweet lord…
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Originally posted by cat438 in the topic "Day Two is Still a Day Away by paul315". aka Larry
… You have helped me more than you know …
One day at a time my sweet lord…
Good morning Cat,
Thanks for the kind words to my topic and the support that you too offer me and others. We are a community of people in need of help and each of us receive and give that help that we can. It is good to hear form you. It is good to be able to say the my commitment for June in your topic "JUNE – ODAAT!!!" is holding true for me, and more importantly, that my daily pledge, that I now only occasionally post to the topic Our Daily Pledge, is continually being fulfilled thanks to the help that I receive here from all and from those in my GA meetings, "we are not alone".
Reaching out here is something that I did at a time of great need, not even knowing what I was in need of. But here I found reference to a poem, Another Chance, that defined what it was that I needed, a poem that I later found was also used in a Gamblers Anonymous pamphlet, "Towards 90 Days" see https://www.gachicago.org/Literature/Towards-90-Days.html. I again copy that poem below in hopes that it will inspire others to reach out and keep moving forward One Day At A Time.
I am doing good with my staying gambling free, yet some of my past still haunts me and dealing with that puts a strain on my resolve at *****. But as Carole used to post,"it is what it is" and I find that this problem is somewhat separate from my gambling one. I am finding that I can not blame my gambling on everything that I did wrong, I need to take responsibility for the actions other than those caused while being under the influence of this addiction. And it is harder to deal with my life before I crossed over the line than it is to deal with the addictive part. But I am progressing in that area as well.
God’s speed. Stay strong.
Another Chance
Fellow Gambler, take my hand;
I’m your friend, I understand.
I’ve known your guilt, your shame, remorse;
I’ve borne the burden of your cross.
I found a friend who offered ease;
He suffered, too, with this disease.
Although he had no magic cure,
He showed how we could endure.
We walked together side by side;
We spoke of things we had to hide.
We told of sleepless nights and debts,
Of broken homes and lies and threats.
and so my weary gambler friend,
Please take this hand that I extend.
Take one more chance on something new,
Another gambler helping you.
LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G's – God, GA, and GT, "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all I hope to continue to remain gambling free. -
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Hi Cat: Thanks for your cheery post this morning. I read it early, even before the boys left for school and it made me smile … so thank you!! A smile first thing in the morning is a wonderful gift.
I’m so excited that you’ve sold your trailer and you’ll be able to eliminate some debt. The best part though, is being able to take a trip to Scotland. September would be early Fall in Scotland, so I imagine it would be a very cosy time. In my mind, Scotland is all cute, centuries-old cottages with massive fireplaces, surrounded by pink-cheeked family members in thick hand-knitted jerseys with big mugs of tea and gorgeous smells coming from a tiny kitchen. I know, I know .. I could simply Google "life in Scotland", but I like my picture better, so I’m sticking with it. Part of me hopes you’ll say that it’s exactly as I describe it though. Keep moving forward as you have and you’re right, it WILL all work out. Love, RG
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Thanks Larry and RG for the wonderful posts. It is morning and the sun is shining. I have had a cup of coffee and I should be getting ready for work, but it seems to take me a little while to get going in the morning. I like to come round a little while before I face the world. I am ******** my blessings today and I am not thinking about never playing those machines again, all I am thinking about is today!!! Wishing everyone a peaceful gamble free day!!!!One day at a time my sweet lord…
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Dear (((Cat)))! I am so happy to hear that you have tentative plans to go home to Scotland to visit your family. I love (((runninggirl"s))) description of Scotland. You always do better when you have something to look forward to. I did not plant any flowers this year, not one. With renters I have my plate full and flowers mean dragging hoses around to water them with gazillion mosquitoes around. Not that I would have had to water them lately as it rained solidly here for 4 days. Today is overcast as well. It was winter here for so long this year and then all of a sudden it was summer, with no spring, which is when I do the major cleanup of my perennial flower beds. I didn’t even take out all the butterfly stakes and ornaments that I put in my brother’s memorial garden. Everything is still sitting in the gardening shed. But I’m OK with my decisions this year. We have not had our house up for sale this year, but Danny has to face the fact that this property is way too much for us to look after seeing as he works out of town and likes to golf every chance he gets when he’s home. At the end of 2014 it is going back up for sale. In the meantime, the rental income goes to debt repayment and vacations, like our cruise to Alaska. Carole
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Thanks for your post Carole, and I went back and read RG’s description of Scotland and gave it some thought. There are places in Scotland that are like that with little cottages that are so quaint and old. It is nice when you go to areas like that and they sell afternoon tea. They have the tea in lovely china cups and saucers and tea pot, and of course there are home made scones, jam and absolutely delicious, scrumptious desserts, and I love the fresh cream cakes… There is also the cities and the old buildings and architecture is awesome, but then you have a McDonalds, KFC and all the other fast food chains around. I can remember going back to Scotland one time after being in Canada for years and I was in Glasgow at the shopping area waiting to cross the road, and I looked round and each corner had a fast food place in the corner. It really amazed me and made me realize how things change. I still love the fish and chip shop though. I love a haggis and chips. We may be going at the end of August, but will know next week, and I may go a week before hubby or stay a week after. The person who bought our trailer is coming tonight with the balance of the payment. OMGosh once that happens it will make it real. I have to stay calm. I would like to lose some weight before I go so I may start walking a little bit every day, and cutting back on what I eat. I am excited and trying to stay calm!!! Have a wonderful gamble free day!!!One day at a time my sweet lord…
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Hi Cat, I want to thank you for all of your support. Your posts have helped me get through the rough days. Scotland sounds wonderful. I am thinking about going to Europe (France and Germany) next year. I have never been and it has always been a dream of mine. Life is too short. I think a lot of places have become commercialized. That is progress but it is sad. You deserve a wonderful vacation. Take care!Seize all the good things in life
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Today I am 8 months free of playing those machines!!!! It is only with the support of the counselors and my friends at GT that I have got here, so thank you for your support for being there for me and helping me up many many *****. I was so stressed for a while as I was thinking that I would blow it once I got to 8 months as this is the longest I have gone since starting GT. I now know it is just another day and I will continue working recovery towards a gamble free life. I know that I have to be on guard at all ***** though, as just like that I could be back playing those machines. I don’t want that life again. I know I need to work on myself still and it will be a continual work in progress with ups and downs. I can only do what I can do and that is why I have to remember it is one day at a time!!!! I know that I can’t go and play those machines again as I am powerless once I start with them. I also know that just going once is not enough for me, and I go back again and again and it takes so long to find the strength to stay away!!! I think that is part of the reason that keeps me away as I know I dread the strong urges, the arguing in my head, the self loathing, the feeling of being a failure. I know that I can say this when my addiction brain is at bay, but I would not think about all this when I was in a gambling spree!!! I will continue on my journey one day at a time!!! Wishing everyone a wonderful gamble free day!!!One day at a time my sweet lord…
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WOOHOO CAT!!! 8 MONTHS IS AWESOME!! I hope you’re planning to do something good for yourself today. I am so proud of you for your achievement and I knew that getting past July 2 would not be a real issue for you. Good for you. And thanks for reminding me that success is simply achieved one day at a time.
Even though I’ve messed things up this weekend, I can still celebrate the 78 days that went previous and today I can celebrate another gamble free day with you. I am hell-bent and determined that my lapse will not turned into a full-on relapse. I’m patching up my bruised ego and I am back on the road with you (albeit limping slightly ). We’ve got this month in the bag — ODAAT!!! RG"I ***** him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self.? ? Aristotle -
Hi Cat
Thanks as always for your support.. it is so wonderful that you have achieved 8 months gamble free!!! way to go that is awesome, now you have reached your longest time you are in for the home stretch, dont worry about the date, just each day at a time as you are doing. You are doing the days toward a gamble free life and you are living it now that is just amazing, good for you.
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Hi Cat (again): Thanks for your post. You have done very well, right from the beginning. Every once in a while, I go back and read some people’s threads and it gives me hope. I am determined to keep my ODAAT focus this time. Nothing else matters. And it’s not just for gambling. It’s for everything. I’ve decided that I can make each day as happy or as ****** as I choose. I have to control my ***** because I have let them get out of control. So ODAAT for gambling, for eating, for exercise, for work — for everything. Just one little day is the building block to the success and happiness we crave.
You mention your weight and discomfort with it quite often — as do I. I challenge you to join me daily in the month of July to post at least one good thing you’ve done to change that. We can do this Cat. We’re very lucky to have each other in this community. Let’s use the support, love and advice to the fullest.
Love, RG"I ***** him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self.? ? Aristotle -
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Hiya Cat: Just one more post before I go and read in bed. Hope you had a lovely day and are feeling better. I was thinking about how you mentioned that you really hate how you look, with additional weight and all. Well, I think so many of us torment ourselves with the whole appearance thing. But I did a funny thing when I went shopping looking for gym clothes the other day. I hate dressing rooms, the mirrors and lighting are ALWAYS defective !! I know that because I couldn’t possibly be the size they portray. Anyway, I stopped and looked at my thighs. They were worse than the last time I had looked at them. But then, I switched gears. I looked at them again — and yes, they were large as tree trunks, but they looked strong — and they still retained some shape, regardless of the years of abuse I had put them through. I didn’t feel so bad at the end of that.
I’ve found two ways to regularly build mindfulness into my day, albeit it for only 15 minutes. First, during my daily showers, I force my monkey brain to stop swinging and twirling and jumping and prancing. And I focus on the water — how lovely and warm and refreshing, I look at the bubbles in my body wash and their sparkle and shine make me happy, even just for an instant. Of course, my mind tries to sneak out and start worrying or condemning or abusing or whatever it likes — but I force it back. I imagine how lucky I am to have hot water, a locked door, lovely health and beauty aids. I imagine poor women around the world and what they would give for my modest-by-North-American- standards shower. Anyway …
The other opportunity I found was on the treadmill. That’s not ODAAT — that’s OMAAT. Let me tell you, I appreciate the value of a minute!! Anyway, I play all kinds of mind games to get myself through — raise the pace every minute, raise or lower the incline every minute. But my favorite part is when I get to 50 minutes. For five minutes, I go at a blistering (for me) pace, all while doing a mantra I made up. Then for the last five minutes or so, I slow it down and do a body scan, starting at my feet. I feel what’s going on, and then I thank that body part for doing such a wonderful job. I know, I’m going nuts, but hey — whatever works.
Well, I’ve ranted on your thread endlessly, hope you don’t mind.
Have a wonderful day at work and I hope you have a little bit of fun planned for the weekend.
Love, RG"I ***** him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self.? ? Aristotle -
Hi Cat
I read on the feel good thread that you had a pedicure.. so nice you have bright new nails for the bright new you.. The cat that is in recovery.. I am sure those nails were neglected in the gambling time, they will be smiling. I am glad you are where you are at cat (hey that rhymed hehe)
Life is good without gambling isn’t it. Walking the recovery road together is an awesome feeling
p -
Thanks RG and I have decided that you are my "think positive coach" I love all the suggestions you give me they do make a difference and are very much appreciated. It is great that you take the time to post all this on my page. You really are an awesome lady!!! One day at a time my sweet lord…
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Hi Cat, it’s me again. Your posts seem to make me put things into prospective. I wanted to gamble today but instead I bought some new plants and beautified my patio. I was wondering how Ruth’s family and the twins are doing. I think of them often. You know Cat, I am grateful that I have my Grandson in my life as he keeps me grounded and he and I are like two peas in a pod. We enjoy being together. Take care of yourself and thanks for being here for me.Seize all the good things in life
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Dear (((Cat)))! Here I sit on my office chair and a fold out table in my living room, warming up yesterday’s coffee in the microwave, and I couldn’t be happier. The sun is shining and the birds are singing. And my dog Ruffuss is ****** at my feet! I wanted to thank you for the daily support you have given me during this time of upheaval in my life. It has been so appreciated, and I wish we could see each other again. I celebrate your 8 months of gamble free time. You rock girl!! Carole
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Carole, it is amazing how our inner peace is so important to us. We go along with things we don’t feel are right for us and then when we make the change and find that peace then we know that we made the right decision. I am sure there will be ***** when you miss Danny as you start your new journey, but I am happy that you are putting yourself first and doing something for you!!! I am having a difficult time right now, but it is a year this month since my grandbaby was stillborn. I did not realize how much he was in my thoughts, but I went to a counselor on Friday and it was the first thing that came out of my mouth. I just have to take it one day at a time and take care of my emotional self right now. I think if he had lived he would have been a year old this month. It was not in God’s plan for him and I may never know what God’s plan for him being here was. It made me realize that it must have been in August last year ago that I was in Edmonton and met you and Bettie. That is a good memory for me!!! One day at a time that is all any of us can do. It will be wonderful for you having Liz visit, so excited for both of you!!!!One day at a time my sweet lord…
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Dear (((Cat)))! I can well imagine that your precious grandson would be in your thoughts consciously and subconsciously at this anniversary time. That’s the way grief works especially in the early years. Anniversaries and other occasions like holidays leave us vulnerable to coping in unhealthy ways, so it’s best to safeguard ourselves as much as we can. Perhaps you would want to honor your grandson in a way that is unique and special to you. Liz and I are going to go to Banff and I was wondering if you would be able to fly into Calgary and we could pick you up and we could spend a night or two in the mountains. Just a thought! Think about it seriously! Carole
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Gost
Hi Cat: Thanks for your post to my thread. I hope that you’re starting to feel better and taking some comfort in the knowledge that your beloved baby grandson is an angel watching over his family. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family as you go through this sad anniversary.
How have things been going on the recovery front? I have been fighting some mental battles and having a few revelations in the process. How wonderful it would be to be completely free of the scourge of gambling. I wonder though if it’s possible to be totally free of it. Part of me wants it to be an awful memory and then another wants to immerse itself in that world again. Schizophrenia of sorts?
Hope you have a lovely, relaxing weekend planned.
(((Hugs))) RG"I ***** him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self.? ? Aristotle -
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Thanks Lizbeth, RG and Carole for your posts. I am concerned as I notice that RG has closed her thread. I hate this addiction and what everyone has to go through…. ggggggrrrrrrrrr I am plodding along one day at a time. I really believe that to some extent it is fear that is keeping me away from those friggin machines…. I know that if I go once then I am a goner and I will be back fighting to stay away. I know that even though I just reached 9 months gamble free that just like that I can be back at day 1. I know from so many slips and gambling binges there are no guarantees it does not matter how much gamble free time you have you still have to be on your guard. One day at a time… wishing everyone a gamble free day!!! One day at a time my sweet lord…
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Hi V after your post I went and started an August post, but I have been trying to figure out why I did not start one. I know that I sometimes get scared that I am putting the focus on a month of gamble free time when it should be on one day at a time. However, although I may be thinking about the month I am doing it one day at a time. I may have 9 months gamble free time, but I know that can change in the blink of an eye. I don’t take it for granted and I do get worried about having another gambling binge and not being able to get back on track. God willing we are planning to retire in a couple of years and I know that means no gambling as we need to save. I know that if I stay on track my gambling debt will be paid off this year. I have heard that once you get rid of the debt that it can be a trigger. There are so many triggers with this dam addiction that you have to be aware all the time. I will not think about all these triggers I will focus on the gift of today. One day at a time!!!One day at a time my sweet lord…
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Sometimes we get too stressed about not gambling, Cat. The more thought we give to it the more attached we become to the memory and in a way gambling still rules our lives. "Dropping our attachments" is the way to be free. When I cling to gambling thoughts it still controls me. When I see it for what it is, (an illusion) and become aware of its’reality and consequences, I feel I am just dropping it , in the same way I would drop a cooking pot if I caught it by the hot handle.
I’m trying to forget all my gambling experiences, good and bad and just glance at the consequences. I have managed to instal new sofware in my brain (for today). "Gambling ruins lives" and "CGs can’t play slot machines". I’m not giving "urges" a second thought!
Gambling no longer rules my life! -
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Thanks Sherry and Vera. I am just getting read for work. I am thinking more and more about retirement for some reason. I think I am starting to accept that I am getting older. We were on vacation for two weeks and all we did was go to the lake and a cabin for 3 nights, and the rest of the time we stayed home. I was surprised how fast the day passed doing nothing but puttering around. I must be getting old. It really has me thinking more and more about retirement. I did not want to think about it before, but now I am thinking maybe in two years. I am finding that I am not handling the stress as well as I did, but we will see. I always think that God will give me a sign when it is time to retire. I don’t know why I think that way. We do get sometimes get strange ideas in our head. I wish I lived close to Vera as then I could go walking with her as she seems to walk lots. I don’t know if I could keep up with her though as I am so overweight. I do want to do something about that so who knows I might get started on a healthier lifestyle. Have a great gamble free day everyone!!! I will ***** my blessings today and Let Go Let God!!!One day at a time my sweet lord…
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It is tough getting back into work ****… I think if they kept paying my hubby and I we could get used to just puttering around. I think especially just now with the nice summer weather. I don’t know if I would be so content when it is freezing winter weather. I feel as if I am plodding along one day at a time and that is all that I can do. I am still going for counseling and it is helping me, but I know that there are some things that I need to do for me, but I will get there eventually. Have a great day!!!One day at a time my sweet lord…
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Hi Cat!! Thanks for your recent post! I hope to meet you one day also. I love retirement. I took a early retirement at my Husband’s urging 4 years ago at the age of 51. (He could of retired also, as we both worked for the same company for a lot of years, but he kept working and passed before he did) I seem to be more busy now!! I don’t regret it at all. I am sure when you retire that you will keep busy doing things you enjoy. I plod along too, one day at a time. I think that is all we can do!! I am still trying to find my way, now that I am alone. It’s strange sometimes where our journey in life takes us. Gambling brought me here to GT and to friends like you who have helped me through some dark days after my Husband’s death. I will forever be thankful. Take care of yourself Cat, you are special.Seize all the good things in life
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Dear (((Cat)))! I have a friend I used to work with that says that since she retired, she is busier than when she was working. I believe the key to successful retirement is having hobbies and interests to pursue prior to retirement. That way the transition is more seamless. I was driving down the street, 2 avenues from where I live, and I saw that a person could learn to scuba dive, take yoga, or learn to pole dance. LOL! I can’t swim so the scuba diving scares me, and pole dancing isn’t me, so my granddaughter and I will try something new and sign up for beginner’s yoga. That should prove interesting as I have a hard time getting up from a squatting position once I’m down there. I will do what I can and not worry about my "form" and just have fun with it. Carole
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Hi Cat,
popping in to see how you are doing! Retirement sounds like a lovely thought. Wish I could go tomorrow! But I will have to try and struggle through another ten years or so yet. I’ve always struggled with being active and feeling exhausted at the end of a day but disability and pain definitely have made that worse. We need to be kind to ourselves, set a realistic agenda. 15 minutes of walking 5 days a week or so to start. Just to get in the habit of getting up and going whenever possible. I was doing really well walking but have let it slide over the summer months. Been doing some swimming instead which is nice. I’m happy to see you working recovery. I need to get back here more often! But now it is time to get myself moving! Errands, housework, none of that does itself unfortunately! Stay strong Cat! take care,
Laura -
Originally posted by cat438
Hi – I am at the stage of knowing that I have a problem – I thought I could go it alone – but realise that I cant – so will start taking the necessary steps. I am going to self exclude fromt he casinos – and go for counselling
Self Exclusion is working for me; you can do it! I’m rooting for you.Saved by Grace -
Cat that’s great that you might be able to retire in 2 years! I’ve been thinking about how nice it could be to retire but I still have 8-9 years before full retirement age. Hope I can stick it out that long. I’ve noticed a few people ******** down the years for retirement and once they get there then they keep working. Maybe knowing you can leave if you want makes working a little easier. I’ve also gained too much weigh and wish there was a quick or easy fix for that as well as for gambling addictions. I’d love to walk with you and Vera but am happy to know we’re all walking together in cyber friendship.
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Dear (((Cat)))! Thank you for your post on my thread. I think that I am exhausted mentally as I nap a lot and get a lot of sleep during the night. It’s a huge change for me and there are a lot of things I still don’t have to move forward like my registration, CPR course, a job, etc. I did the dishes, and laundered and made my bed, and my granddaughter came over and did the vacuuming for me. Cleaning the bathroom is a ten minute job but I’ve got it on my radar for tomorrow. I was debating whether to say anything to a very good friend that I felt was negative that I overheard hearing her saying as I left her place. It was a small thing by any standard but I felt like she was talking about me behind my back. In her defense she had had no sleep and was drinking. She did apologize without admitting that she said it. She said she couldn’t remember saying it. I have such a hard time telling people when they hurt my feelings. I need to get better at that. I still would like to see you soon. Carole
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Thanks Sherry and Carole for your posts. I can’t believe that I am at 10 months today. The last time I put a cent in those machines was November 1, 2012. I got here one day at a time with the support of some wonderful and caring people. I also know that although I have achieved 10 months it does not mean that I am cured or that I will not end up playing those machines again. I pray to God that I don’t, but I know how easy it can happen. I know that I don’t get the thoughts and urges as bad, BUT just like that they can come out of nowhere. I just have to think of others who have had gamble free time and how it can happen. I am thinking of Larry, and I thank you Larry for posting that you gambled as it helps me see that we are never safe from this addiction. Also Sherrie (UK) who had 15 months gamble free. I know that thoughts of playing those machines do come sometimes, and I do have to fight to get them out of my head. I will work on keeping that fear, which I know is true, and that is as soon as I put one cent in those machines that I am helpless. I know that no win would be big enough and I would be pushing dollar bills in waiting for a jackpot that would not come, or if it did it would not be enough to make me smile. I would then proceed to put it all back in the machine and then feel like a loser and hate myself and then start chasing my losses. It would be the same old story over and over and over again!!!One day at a time my sweet lord…
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Gost
TEN MONTHS!!!! WTG!!! WOOOHOOOO!!!! You deserve a huge reward … I hope you’re doing something lovely for yourself today, Cat. I am so, so proud of you because I know how hard you have worked every day of those 10 months. And I, like everyone else on here, know the trials that recovery can bring … but you’re also demonstrating the triumphs — thank you for that. I’m at one month and holding. Got through the long weekend which is always rough for me. Your success gives me renewed hope and I wish you continued strength on your journey. I know you’ll make one year, then two and so on. Keep on plugging odaat, my friend. You now have the proof of the success it brings.
Love, RG"I ***** him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self.? ? Aristotle -
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Wohoooo Cat! 10 months!!!! Each day helps to put more space between us and those machines and the crazy looping behaviour and thought processes they seem to trigger. Insanity! a non addicted person would say looking at what we were doing. We may be only one bet away from a relapse but you are ten month away from the insanity. Amazing job Cat!!! Keep on doing what you are doing, adding to your tool box of recovery, learning about yourself and new ways to deal with old patterns. Stay strong Cat, one day at a time you can keep doing it!!! xo Laura
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Dear (((Cat)))! Thank you for your kind post on my thread. I think of you often as when Liz was here, I took out the blue bell soap you gave me, and have been using it ever since, and it is lasting a very long time. My TV did get set up by my genius granddaughter the same day it was delivered. You’re a smart ****** observing that my posts are calmer and more relaxed. I am calmer and more relaxed as I have resolved things like my practice permit, and am settling in my home. By the end of the weekend I will have my course completed and that’s another piece of my jigsaw. The cats are getting along well and like each other. They chase each other and rub faces together, which according to my new book, means they are saying they are each other’s. Last night one of them reached out and grabbed the other one in an affectionate gesture. I feel like a Mom with these cats as they like to be involved in what I’m doing and follow me upstairs or downstairs. I think of Ruffuss and hope that he is settling in well with his new mom and dad. I know they’re good people and love him. I have also figured out how to prepare meals for one person that are on the healthy side, and how much to buy for groceries so as not to waste food, like produce. Everything is falling into place, though I know that Danny would like to reconcile in the future and I don’t ever see that happening. If nothing changes, nothing changes. The reasons I left are still going to be there, so why would I ever want to go back. Carole
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Hi Cat. Thank you for your supportive and positive posts. I am going to try the 30 min rule of de-cluttering. It might work for me. I am getting help from my Daughters, so when I am through they continue. They have become much more supportive and have been here for me. We are getting through each day and are getting stronger. You never know what’s going to happen in your life. So, I try to enjoy each day with the people I care about and love and I try to be the best person I can be. Life is too short! Take care of yourself. I am soo happy for you being gamble free. It is hard but worth the results!Seize all the good things in life
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Gost
Hi Cat: Thanks for your post. Glad to see how well things are going for you. I am not doing the Shoppers points thing very well this year. Much of that has to do with lack of income. I loved getting the points and getting all the free stuff though.
I am still on the wagon (surprisingly!!). Tomorrow will be five weeks since my last foolishness. I had almost unbearable urges last night, but managed to stay safe. I was horribly ***** though.
I am also still annoyed with my weight gain. I think I’ve cross-addicted to food. I weigh more than I ever have in my life, even through my pregnancy. I have my niece’s baby shower in 28 days and REALLY want to drop the poundage by then. Wanna join me in a 28-day blast?
RG"I ***** him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self.? ? Aristotle -
Dear (((Cat)))! Thank you for your kind supportive post on my thread. I am very aware that in the past I have enabled clients, by doing things for them that they could and should have done for themselves. I am really trying not to enable people anymore, and to stop being a people pleaser. It’s good that I do have lots of empathy for others, but I recognize that me feeling awful for them, or worrying about them, isn’t going to change their situation. Only they can do that! Like only I can work my recovery! I myself have become so much more healthy emotionally since getting into recovery. I still have a long way to go but I can only do it as I become more aware of my patterns of behaviors and thoughts. I notice that I can come across as negative though I don’t mean to. The instructor asked me why I was taking the course. She asked if it was for fun or for work. My foot in the mouth response was "why would anyone take this course for fun?" I immediately regretted saying that as she obviously thinks the course is important or she wouldn’t be teaching it. I’m trying to be a healthier person and to have healthier people in my life but that is going to take time. As Oprah has said, "when you know better you do better!" Carole
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Dear (((Cat)))! My granddaughter said she would come live at my place while I was away, and I talked to Danny and he said "go ahead and make your plans for this trip." Normally I wouldn’t ask him but seeing as he is paying my bills till I get working, out of respect for him, I had to ask. I’m ready to leave Thursday morning if that works for you. My daughter will pick up my granddaughter at 8:00 am on Thursday. LOL! Just let me know when your days off are. It will take me 2 days to drive. I love shopping in the US! Carole
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Dear (((Cat)))! I looked at my calendar and I have a big maintenance appointment on my car on September 25th so my car will be tied up that whole day. I could drive as far as Saskatoon after I pick up my car, sleep in Yorkton, and arrive Thursday evening. Then on Friday morning we could leave for the US. We could spend the weekend shopping and then return to where you live. Then I would visit my family and drive home. The only thing that could change this schedule is if I would get called for an interview for the job I would like. Or what about this me leaving this Thursday and we go to the US this weekend. I would again visit my family after we shopped. My Aunt lives in a senior complex and she offered me the guest room at her complex, but I am going to think on that one, and may decide to stay in a hotel instead. She offered to lend me her car if I wanted to fly in, and I have air miles, but I think I still prefer to drive. That jack rabbit I keep seeing every day in my yard is ****** down like a cat in the sun today in my yard. He is not one bit skittish! Carole
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Hi Cat,
A belated congrats on your 10 months!
I saw your post to carole about the suspected carpal tunnel. I have it and the best advice I got from my orthopedic was to sleep in a hand brace. ( About $25 dollars at a **** store )Took a bit of getting used to but it does give me much relief. If i don’t wear it at night I wake with alot of numbness and soreness.
If it gets really bad you can get a shot right in your hand near the nerve.
Hope your visit works out. Debbie will be here for a few days next month! Can’t wait!!
bettie -
Dear (((Cat)))! I am going to leave Thursday evening after my car is serviced on September 25th, and drive for 5 hours to Saskatoon. I will arrive in your city at about 6:00 pm, on the 26th, and then phone you, and let you know what hotel I am at, and we can make arrangements to meet the following morning, and leave for the states. We can leave Friday morning and be back from the US Sunday evening. That will give us lots of time to shop as I’ve done this trip with my aunt a few ***** before. I will visit my family on Monday and leave to drive home on Tuesday. I am going to see a doctor tomorrow about my foot and see what he says. I am wondering if I have a broken bone on the top of my foot, as I have a red lump. Carole
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(((Cat)))- I will talk to you on the evening of September 26th, and we’ll leave for the US on the morning of the 27th. It will be wonderful to spend time with you, and hopefully we can find some nice clothing to buy. This morning I have a doctor’s appointment for my foot. I managed to find myself a doctor in the city quite by accident, while looking for a walk-in medi-centre. I thought that was going to be a challenge as I had called several doctors’ offices last October when I was planning to leave Danny then, and couldn’t get a doctor. It seems that timing has a lot to do with things working out. Who knows if and when I’ll be called for an interview. I am believing that at the right time I will be interviewed and get a job. I try and take things as they come now, so that I don’t get overwhelmed. Carole
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Dear (((Cat))). The doctor had me come in again to see him today and he said I had a stress fracture in my right foot, and that he wanted me to have a bone scan which is scheduled for September 23th. They inject dye into your vein, you go away for a few hours, and then come back for the scan. I don’t know what if anything is the treatment for this type of fracture. I have realized that I can’t drive to where you live as I drove a fair amount yesterday, and by evening time, my foot was sore. I thought of flying but because I don’t know what’s going to happen with my foot and possible job interviews I can’t buy a ticket, because of all the unknown factors. I really wish this would have worked out that we could have spent time together and shopped in the US. Sorry about that (((Cat))). You are welcome to come visit me and stay with me. Carole
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- Morate biti prijavljeni kako bi mogli odgovoriti na ovu temu.