[levi]

Hello GT people. I wonder if any of you remember me. But I extend my warmest seasonal greetings to you all – old and new members alike.
It is, however (with all due respect) with regret that I find myself back here.
Some may remember. In February 2011 I lost a frightful amount of money after an online gambling ‘hobby’ spiraled into an out of control addiction. At the time I was unemployed and left myself in a financial mess beyond words.
Things then picked up for me when I found full time employment and locked myself out of the websites that had ruined my life.
Life became busy. My full time job and the money it gave me started to repair the damage. I ended a relationship and started a new one. I made a lot of new friends through work and life changed dramatically – most for the better. Gambling impulses became a distant memory, apart from the very occasional and controlled session which I told myself was totally harmless – despite knowing I should not.
I had financial goals and was rising for the ashes.
Only to be shot back down.
Entirely my own fault.
What I thought was controlled became – again – out of control.
And to cut a long story short, after 9 months of hard work both literally at my job and mentally to overcome this problem – I find myself back where I was earlier this year. Something I never thought would happen.
In the past couple of weeks my gambling habit has come back with a vengeance and I’ve lost thousands. Loss chasing again. I was just getting my head above the water. And now I’m sinking again. Fast.
I struggled then and struggle now with clinical depression for which I am medicated. This situation has well and truly put me on a depression downwards spiral. This all keeps playing on my mind and I am furious and frustrated and sad and angry and vulnerable and miserable and many more things all at once.
And its Christmas.
The only good thing I can think of is that a New Year is upon us and I can start entirely from fresh. Blocked from all the sites. And at least I am still employed so can make a clear plan to salvage the damage, although it will take some time, it is at least a goal. I actually have holiday from now until New Year so I have time to straighten out my thoughts and just make a solid financial recovery plan WITHOUT gambling, ever -EVER again.
I cannot believe this has happened.
I am an idiot. I couldn’t hate myself more. I find it hard enough to find reasons to make life worth living without coming along and making everything so much worse for myself.
Idiot.—– Levi

[mike123]

Originally posted by Levi

…. Thank Goodness its New Year, what better time for a clean slate. I want to get on top of my (chronic) depression this year and feel happy for a while and one of the things that will aid that is no gambling. On the plus side: I have my health, a loving family, a nice car, a job that isn’t too bad and enables me to repair some of the damage with my wages and a couple of things to look forward to (sort of). I just need refocus and strength and patience. In a few months I will feel back on the right track and into my recovery.—– Levi

Hi Levi,
3 days in to the new year, how are things now?  You described that you have so many things to be thankful for and life can be great with a couple of adjustments.  Its early days, I know, but it would be great to hear what you plan to do to bring about those adjustments.  There’s a great deal of knowledge and experience on these forums so, if you need a little direction, just ask!
Happy new year.
Mike
 

[pumkin113b]

Hey Levi — Happy New Year to you ??   Pumkin

[desdemona]

Hi Levi! Of course I remember you, you silly. I’m happy you’re back, happy to hear that you did so well for so long, and happy to hear that your job worked out so well for you. It is amazing the amount of emotional and financial damage we can do to ourselves in a short time, when we slip or relapse. Time for you to get back on the recovery train with us. Time for the insanity to stop. Carole

[velvet]

Hi Levi
Health, loving family, car and a job you quite like – sounds like a good start to the New Year.
Keep it up – I will be popping over to read your posts and cheering you on from the sidelines
Velvet

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