Hi Butchugly welcome to G.T. there are no quick fixes or rememdies to stop it but plenty of fellow C.G.’S on here who will give you advice and will read your journal and help out with any advice you need and hopefully you will find what works for you in helping you stop this horrific addiction . M.

Hi Butchugly,

So many posts that I’ve read on here could easily have been written by me. This is only my second day on here and it appears that most of us think and act in exactly the same way. I go online knowing that even if I’m winning I wont withdraw the winnings. It defies logic as to why we play really. There’s an urge inside us that seems to have control of our thought process and makes us act in a way that defies logic and common sense, with no thought or consideration of the consequences when we lose.

It has been a complaint of mine for a while, that even if you self exclude yourself, some gaming sites still allow you to open new accounts, gamble and then complete their checks later before realising that you are self excluded. By then of course the damage is often already done. It has happened to me a few times. I have complained to a few big gaming sites that no one should be allowed to place a bet until their identity and age is fully checked out and verified and then cross referenced for self exclusion. Everything and I mean everything is biased in favour of the gaming operator. We just need to realise that we are all going to lose, if not in the short term, then certainly in the long term. The house always wins, that is a plain and simple fact. I for one am intrigued as to the methods used to change our thought process and habits, so keep posting and keep reading about other peoples experiences on here, it will be invaluable I’m sure.

There is plenty of advice, help and guidance on this site and I’m just beginning to tap into it. Ultimately, whether we stop gambling or not will be down to us, but this site should teach us ways and methods to change our way of thinking and hopefully give us the tools that will equip us to best face our daily challenges.

It’s a vicious cycle, we gamble, we lose, we get depressed, our self esteem hits the floor, we shut out the people close to us because gambling completely consumes us and so on and so on. I think everyone on here has reached a point where we all want to help ourselves and are seeking help and guidance in how to best do this, so you may not realise this now, but just being here and posting is a giant step, it is for me anyway.

Best of luck and stay strong.

Charlster2

Hi butch,

keep yourself strong at this moment and try to get busy with something. Doing dishes, some cleaning in the house can help you till your partner comes back. Or go for a walk outside, just don’t go near your computer or tablet. Maybe it is good to talk to your partner about the urges you had when he left.

L

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Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you?re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you?re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We?re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you?re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

And on that note….

I?m going to hand you over to our community because I?m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you ??

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

Hi BU, I’m on the train and keep losing my connection due to my dilapidated dodgy dongle. Wish I could have stopped in the group longer, but am sure Harry would have given you food for thought and hopefully a bit of confidence. I believe that every one of us possess the necessary inner strength to overcome addiction, however it takes us all different lengths of time to discover it, or even to believe in ourselves

Wishing you well.

Geordie..

Great to see such positive steps, really good to see. No need for ” if”, you can get through today. You probably will get urges I would think but when or if you do, just postpone the gambling, get though the hour or through every ten minutes at a time. Ring the helpline..think how frustrating it is to you when you see addicts at work who will not change, and you know thats all they need to do. You can overcome this and the early days, sure are the hardest.

Geordie.

Hi NursePretty,
In the very early days for me, back in Oct., I cried a lot! I banned myself and then had no plan to fill the void. I never played on-line, and I know that has to be very hardk but you can do this. I am a nurse too. We see the mistakes of our patients and educate them. We rarely take our own advice (I Smoke!) But this gambling thing is embarrasing. We work so hard, to just give it all plus more away. It is not something we would want to share with co-workers. How can someone trust us if we have a problem like this?
You are doing the right thing by putting the barriers in place. I never had a chance of stopping until I did. Two weeks was my usual breakdown time. I once went 2 months in 5 years, I was flat broke and waiting for money!
You have got to change it up. Look up the MRI of a CG. We kill oir enjoyment center of our brain with this addiction. I believe I am finally beginning to have a more normalized brain. I am beginning to see the fun in normal activities.
I felt I had to post to your thread, because I laughed about matching socks. I have a post just like that on mine. We are worth quitting for. We don’t have to live in shame. Lying about money, being irresponsible with our futures.
Keep posting. Keep reading all you can on this addiction. It is all part of the arsenal we need to win.

My dog’s name is Fritz, so we share that in common :o)

It sounds like you help loads of people in the work you do. I admire care givers very much, because they really go through massive amounts of stress and all to help others.

For that alone (and many other reasons that I don’t know about, I am sure) you are a beautiful person. I know we are always the hardest on ourselves, but one part of this recovery thing is to stop kicking ourselves when we are down. Take care.

you know what BG, I’m at day #3 myself today. And I caught myself thinking “tick clock, tick” today. I wanna be at day #100, I can’t wait to be there, tick, tick, tick.

And then I stopped and realized how wrong it is. I have to use that time for something good, something productive. I have to make that time count, I have to live every day these 100 days and do something useful with them. Not only refrain from gambling.

Fritz made a comment the other day how good he felt after a productive day at work. That’s where we should be, not passively waiting for the time to pass hoping we won’t gamble.

The movie “Click” with Kate Beckinsale and Adam Sandler comes to mind. What a great movie that is. ??

Well done BU!
Buy the coffee machine and look on it as your reward for not gambling.
I have a Nespresso. Is that what they are called ? I dont really drink coffee but hubby loves it and it looks good on the worktop

Hi BU
It stands to reason that a forum for CGs wanting to change their lives will focus a lot on relapses BUT relapses are not compulsory and many, many people take control of their lives without relapsing.
I remember a CG some time ago who slipped because she felt it was the thing to do – to see what it was like. The pain of it did work for her positively but there was no need for her to go down this road and of course it could have worked against her.
Slips are not necessarily negative, working through a slip can make a recovery stronger but once again this is not a necessary path to go down.
I think that early recoveries are frightening and more so when you start thinking that your thoughts, in years to come, will be as they are now. You will change as your confidence grows – confidence is not complacency. I feel that we all have to be aware that we are not complacent about something in our lives but we can be confident, hold our heads up and live happily in control of ourselves.
Try and stop worrying about tomorrow because it stops you enjoying today.
Velvet

That is a wonderful post Velvet. One I am going to take heart for myself as it sums up where I am.

BU you are on day 4. That is cool. I am on day 3.5. I have almost had a relapse, but got caught. I don’t even know why I did it. I think I am self-destructive and have continued gambling because a part of me wants to destroy everything.

I have met gamblers who have not relapsed for many many years, but they still call themselves gamblers. I think I need to learn how to accept this. That there is a future and life without gambling. None of my friends gamble and they are leading happy, productive lives. No one’s life is perfect, why should mine be. But if I can come to accept this part of myself and move on, I know I can have the kind of life I deserve.

Many thanks

Mav

Hi Butch,

You didn’t resist fully? You are forgetting something. You couldn’t gamble because you had a blocker. It was you who chose to put that blocker in place. Well done, good choice, now give yourself some credit for it please ??

Fighting addiction can be like climbing a mountain, when someone climbs a mountain it’s not cheating to use a rope!

Now, retirement….. I think you did tell me your age and i think I’m right in saying it’s no where near retirement age? Don’t think that far ahead. It’s early days right now, it’s not surprising you are getting urges, gambling thoughts etc Will it be that hard when you retire? If all you do is sit there not gambling then yes it might be. The good news is you aren’t going to do that! You are going to work your recovery, address any character traits that addiction has given you, find other interests and things you like doing to fill your gamble free time.

Baby steps though, we say one day at a time for a reason – it’s achievable and not scary. As velvet says – enjoy today, enjoy your recovery. The future will take care of itself if we concentrate on today.

Hopefully see you in a group later.

Hi Butch. I didn’t actually say character traits that made you gamble, though we might all have those as well. What I said was character traits that addiction has given you – It certainly gave me a lot that I wasn’t proud of and wouldn’t necessarily just have disappeared by stopping gambling.

No Problem, come in now : for the 7 – 8 slot. ?? It’s a Topic group so the doors close at 15 minutes past.

That’s fantastic, a long, overdue, deserved treat or shall we say treats!! A bit of retail therapy, never a bad thing.

Great to read that you had a good day, here’s to Saturday being just as good if not better. :o)

Take care,

Charlster

So great to hear that you have rewarded yourself! You most definitely deserve it, and I hope you take a little time to really savor it!

Your experience reminds me of how strange and distorted my relationship with money became when I gambled. On the one hand, I saw my wife clipping coupons and thought, what’s the point? I lose $500 at the casino and my wife works to save 50 cents on paper towels? Hard to wrap my mind around that. Made me feel really guilty, which is exactly how I should feel after that. On the other hand, I need a new shirt or some new socks and think, oh, I can wait another month or two on that. Too guilty to spend on myself for something that I could really use. Why? Gambled it away. The whole idea of money gets very confusing when you are gambling.

Another glaring example that gambling is completely insane! We have these false thoughts that somehow gambling will help us to feel better? Give us pleasure? It’s all a sham and a lie. That’s the addiction talking! In reality, gambling hurts us and makes us feel bad! The struggle is to realize these things when the urge strikes. That’s why there is no shame in putting every block possible in place and letting others help with the money side while I am trying to get some clean time under my belt and start getting better emotionally and mentally. I am so glad I have that support around me to help. I hope you have that or can get that too!

Cheers and have a great weekend!

I was glad to see your post! I am sure you are getting a lot of advice but I’ll add my 2 cents for what its worth.
Lots of care givers are CG. Maybe it’s because they give and give and need to unload all the pent up stress with the numb feeling of hitting a button and waiting for a reward to fill that need. Just a thought.
No cash means no gambling.
Non CGs will never understand this illness or what it means to us. A friend called me Miss Las Vegas yesterday-and she knows I am CG. What a thing to say!
Surender is accepting that if we want a “normal” life and a return to a “normal way of thinking” we can never gamble again. It took me a very long time to accept that but it was very freeing when the feeling hit me. This doesn’t mean we will never want to gamble, we just accept that it is very harmful and doesn’t solve any problems.
Gambling stopped being “fun” a long time ago. When we cross that invisable line into uncontrollable compulsive gambling there is no going back.
CGs never “win”-because there is no win just fuel for the next binge. “Winners” walk away. We can no longer physicaly or mentaly do that.
Gambling is income for the providers-their job is to attract you to gamble so they can make a living. It is not their job to police you. If you choose to gamble they will be glad to take your money.
Well thats it for my rant right now-lol! I will be nursing my strained knee today as I have called off work.
Just for today I choose not to gamble and I hope you choose the same. The longer we don’t gamble the less the urges become. Believe it or not the days will make weeks, weeks make months, and before you know it months make years. The key is “just for today”.
bettie

Hello, I’m Wayne, a group facilitator here. My group is open from 1500 GMT most Wednesday.

The reason I respondd to this post, is that I think it highlights the simple benefits of not gambling. Butchugly, you’ve celebrated many occasions by gambling, but now, you want to spend those days doing something as simple as having a meal with your daughter. Being appreciate the simple things in life, like spending time with your children is a quality made all the more important by the miserable times spent gambling. Let the meal with your daughter be one of the simple things that inspire you if you have urges to gamble. Remind yourself of the simple ways you can enjoy yourself, that rather than destroying you and your relationships, help you to make those relationships stronger.

Great job redirecting toward something else. Expressing your emotion, and deciding to watch a movie. Bravo!

I guess for us CG’s it’s hard to feel flat, but all people feel flat sometimes and it’s perfectly ok. After a time you will feel something else. It’s the way humans are, emotions go through highs and lows and sometimes for no apparent reason. I think CG’s forget about that sometimes and either think the lows won’t go away without a gamble, or that it’s not normal to be low, so a gamble is needed to prop us back up right away, artificially.

Maybe we just don’t have the confidence or belief that we are capable of picking ourselves back up when we are low. Or we forget that when we’re low, we can just pick up the phone and tell someone about it, which usually does the trick.

Gambling addiction creates these false walls that (we believe) are impossible to break through. In reality it’s just the addiction that tricks us into thinking there are walls but the walls don’t really exist.

Anyway, great job and give yourself a mental pat on the back!

How’re you doing butchgirl? Just like myself, you haven’t posted for while…

Hi BU

Sorry to hear of your relapse. I understand exactly what happened as it happens to us all. We are up, withdraw – and then reverse that. The reversal button is the worst thing of all, I have done it so many times. It’s why they have it there, to make sure that CGs never walk away with their money. And if it hadn’t been straight away, it would be some other time.

So, don’t be too hard on yourself. Get your friend to get NetNanny installed, but be aware that it doesn’t work well for Opera so do not use Opera. Only use CHROME, IE or SAFARI. This is how I relapsed last week.

I wish you all the best

Mav

We can only make a wild guess at the millions of $€￡ that were poured into the setting up of Online Gambling Sites. The psychology underlying the payment system is so simple yet so clever. Whoever devised it knows the mind of a CG inside out! They lure us in, give a bonus/promotion/reward, allow us to build up our fund then hang us out to dry. Leaving the “bait” available in cyber space until we are gasping , with our tongues hanging out for more. The fear of not being paid, coupled with the anticipation of winning more draws a CG back before we lay our hands on the perverse “reward”. It seems so easy to repeat the “win”by reversing the pending withdrawal. The planners play on two traits that are common among CGs. Avarice and Impatience! And they get it right every time. A CG never wins!
Well done on coming back to scramble for damage control BU!
This is one sick business!

Morals and Money are bad bedfellows BU!
I know how sick you feel right now. Personal disgust is the worst type of torture.I am computer illiterate . I just learned the simplest methods to do what I need to do i.e learned which buttons to press. I have no computer language. I managed to download a blocker called Betfilter. No idea which filter is best to stop a CG gambling but that’s a separate issue. I got a free trial When the time ran out I got another free trial I suppose the providers will cop on to this eventually but for now it works. I tried to log on to several G sites out of curiosity and I was prevented from doing so. Anything that delays action is good. Luckily I can’t do technical evaluations or turnabouts but given time , if I got desperate enough to gamble, no doubt I would learn.

Mav, I love you man ?? ?? ??
“Do not use Opera, only use Safari or Firefox”. Hahahahaha. You’re awesome!!! I really love you.
“Do not think of white bears, whatever you do.”

You know, I have Opera installed, but I use it only for testing purposes for my websites. I never use it for anything else. But now that you said not to use it for gambling, I had to check would it let me gamble. Luckily K9 works fine with Opera too. Had it not be the case, I might be gambling now instead of writing this post.

Anyway, you guys GOT IT ALL WRONG regarding payouts, reversing payout etc. Most gambling websites are pretty good when it comes to withdrawing your funds once you verify your account. Of course, the option to reverse your cashout is there so we can gamble our money away rather than withdrawing it (and losing it on a different site), but that’s NOT THE POINT here.

What do you think, butchgirlie, would happen had you managed to cashout your money? Let’s say you cashed out ALL of it – 2600… What do you think would have happened? Would you A) come back here and continue your abstinence and never gamble again? or would you B) go back and gamble some more once the money cleared in your bank account?

Believe me, chances are in the long run you would lose that money anyway. Don’t blame it on gambling websites and their withdrawal policy. Once you (a CG) decide to gamble you can safely assume that money is GONE. It’s no more.

I lost $10K between Feb 22 and March 6 this year, after not gambling for 63 days. After losing the first 3k I solemnly promised myself that only if I won it back I would NEVER, NEVER, NEVER gamble again. I won back the 3K, but I continued to gamble only to lose it and lose much more. The day I lost the last 2500 I was up 4000 at one point. But I didn’t stop, I continued to gamble.
And had I won all my money back, chances are sooner than later I would gamble again and eventually lose. The only solution for us CG’s is NOT TO GAMBLE AT ALL.
Blaming it on gambling site, on this and that is irresponsible. It’s all us, it’s all our doing.

Now that you know about Opera (thanks to Maverick ?? ?? :D) i think there’s no point in proceeding with NetNanny. I recommend you install K9, it’s free and you don’t need anyone’s help if you do a little trick. Email me for details if you’re interested and I’ll help you install it and you won’t have to worry about gambling on your computer again. [email protected]

A fair post mate. Funnily enough I always think of elephants. I was only trying to draw attention to the fact that Opera let me gamble, so a fair warning. We are alwasy responsible for our own actions, no one else. No one puts a gun to our heads. The truth is: we are addicts. No different to heroin, alcholo, nictine etc.

I will take a look at K9 now.