[trulyshi]

Hi everyone.  I’ve chosen at this time to restart my thread due to personal reasons.  I love posting on the journal and it’s helping me so much.  I have found such great support here and appreciate the responses I receive, in fact I read them over and over on days when I’m struggling.  I feel I made myself too identifiable to someone who is close to me and at this time cannnot afford to have them read my previous journal which is why I’m going to start it over.  Anyways, I’ve made it through the weekend without running to the casino which is a major accomplishment for me since weekends can be difficult.  Here’s to a new, gamble free week. 

[trulyshi]

I spoke too soon yesterday.  I was awoken at 2:30am by being pushed over against the wall to make room for the bf to get into bed.  I was startled into being wide awake and couldn’t go back to sleep so just came downstairs, found an alarm clock and laid down on the couch.  I must have fallen asleep since I woke up there at 6am.  It’s obvious to me now that he’s doing it on purpose, perhaps as some kind of punishment – who knows?  I wish I could just sleep on the couch all night but he’s there on his computer and watching t.v. till all hours of the night so that’s not an option.  There is nowhere else to sleep.  I’m off on vacation time next week so it will be a good time to start looking around.  I’m so tired, too tired to even cry.  I’m starting to think that he wants me to move out but doesn’t want to tell me, perhaps this is his way of getting me to leave on my own.  Time to make some coffee and get started on the day, it can only get better….. right?

[nelly]

Hope your ok I know how bad sleep depravation can be when the neighbours banged plaster is off I’m in an ankle support mums going home ******

[bettie]

Hey Deb,
Make sure you "phone home" a couple ***** during nap time! You could even be a sneek and block the caller ID and just hang up when answers!
I am tired and cranky this morning. Sore and stiff from the painting too boot!
When I am tired I can be really unreasonable!
bettie

[vera]

Debbie, I would put sedation in his evening meal and when he tries to come upstairs in the early hours he would be too drugged to move!
Seriously, it’s a terrible situation to be in. I have long term sleep problems. If I don’t sleep I am ill the next day. I can’t work, so I would have to make alternative arrangements. Everyone in my house knows about the "silence and lights out rule!" That’s probably why so few people want to be here. I think this man is testing you big time Debbie. I would rather pack my own bags before he packs them for me. Start by not buying groceries , and stop cooking. Then when the **** hits the fan you will have some money saved to put towards rent , even if it’s only for one room.
The time has come to kiss him goodbye methinks!
I often wondered what it would have been like to be reared with a different family too Debbie, but we ‘ll never know the answer to that. Yesterday is gone! I won’t look back! The future is uncertain and
Today, all I know is that I will not gamble…

[desdemona]

Dear Debbie! I’m so sorry that this man is treating you so terribly. Him pushing you awake towards the wall is not passive aggressive behavior, it’s aggressive behavior. He is angry that you have changed the rules, and that you are not that quiet girl who asked for nothing. He’s probably angry because he sees the writing on the wall that he is going to lose medical and dental coverage, and nobody will be there to buy the groceries, ****, and clean. He’s tried to make you think that there are other women lined up to take your place, when in reality, nobody is going to move in with him and his horde of musical instruments, etc. And women once they get to know him and his selfish behavior, won’t stick around. As well as some of the things you have shared with me. He could put an ad in the classified and it should read: Wanted good-looking woman to move in with a hoarder. Willing to **** and clean with nothing in return. You will pay rent and purchase all the groceries. I will drive your vehicle and you will pay for the fuel. You will be woken up nightly when I get into bed. Hope you don’t require much sleep. Everything will be about me with no consideration of your *****. I will work about 20 hours a week and hang out with my friends, and you will almost always not be welcome to join us. You must have dental and medical insurance as I have none. And last but not least, must be willing to accept that I have an addiction to …………

[trulyshi]

Wow.  That’s all I can say to that Carole, wow, and thank you.  That was truly a necessary eye opener, it made me laugh but then I cried.  Vera, I’m so tired right now that I can barely keep my eyes open.  I just got home from work about a half hour ago and here’s how that half hour has gone:
Came out of work to find him waiting in my car by the curb.  I hopped in the car, really happy that I didn’t have to walk home in the heat.  He didn’t speak to me except to say, we’ll go home and get your purse – I forgot it and we need your casino card so we can get a free buffet for dinner.  We got home and he opened up the front door and he shouted out "Hey Bruno, how’s it going buddy", to the dog.  I sat down on the front porch and he turned and asked me if I wanted to go get changed before we went to the casino.  I told him I would really rather not go, first of all I had a long day at work, I was tired and I didn’t want to go…… period.  I told him that I felt unappreciated today at work and that I feel unappreciated at home too so it was a lose, lose situation.  He got indignant and asked me what I meant about being unappreciated at home.  I told him that when the dog gets a better greeting than I do, then there’s obviously a problem.  He said that he always greets me warmly and I stared at him incredulously and told him that I look for it every night, I wait for even a ***** or I missed you today, or how was your day,  and….. it doesn’t come.  He threw his hands up in the air and yelled, fine, I was parked in a no parking zone waiting for you to come out of work and so this is how you’re going to act? So that’s the way it’s going to be tonight?  Fine.  Then he stormed into the house and then stormed right out again, told me over his shoulder that he was going for a walk and disappeared. 
I think I’m going to go out now, take a book and have a nice dinner by myself.  You are probably right Carole, he sees the writing on the wall and his pride won’t allow him to do anything else except continue to treat me like ****.  The old Debbie is gone, she’s not coming back and nothing he does can make that happen.

[bettie]

Hey Deb,
Spend next week getting ready to put your plans to action. I know state side landlords are working to get tenents-some waiving security deposits and reducing rent payments.
I’ve been thinking Michigan should be pretty in the fall. We could meet half way and do a weekend.
Something to look foward to!
bettie

[desdemona]

Dear Debbie! I honestly don’t think that it is pride that is keeping him from treating you kindly. He is frustrated with the situation of you now asking that some of your ***** be met. He knows that he is unable to sustain being there emotionally for any woman, long-term. He doesn’t have it in him to be able to give on that level as he is so consumed with getting his own ***** met, that he scarcely recognizes that others have ***** as well. The fact that he’s a hoarder is no accident. Hoarders from what I understand feel safe and secure with their hoard. They relate better to objects than to people and often have had troubled interpersonal relationships throughout their lives. Living with emotionally abusive partners makes us ill emotionally, and often don’t even recognize how ill we are till we have had space and distance from the relationship, be it work or personal relationships. I wish you the very best Debbie. Carole

[trulyshi]

Bettie, one of the first things I’m going to do once I get out of this mess is to get my passport, I would love to do a road trip with you.  Carole, you have offered me some amazing insights and I thank you from the bottom of my heart, you are a very smart woman.  I confronted the bf last night and told him I don’t love him anymore.  He told me that he didn’t love me either.  I then asked him if I could have just a bit of time to find a place to live and gather my belongings and he said of course, that he hoped we could part as friends.  An hour later he tried to hug me and kept telling me to come over to him.  I just told him that he had hurt me terribly with some of his actions and that I was very lonely and didn’t want to start gambling again so this was for the best.  I said that material things mattered more to him than I did and I couldn’t live like this anymore.  He said that he knew he had done alot of things wrong and was just realizing his behavour was unnacceptable.  I just went up to bed, what’s done is done.  Guess what?  He plopped himself into bed around 3am and I’ve probably slept an hour total after that.  Once I wake up it’s very hard for me to go back to sleep, especially if I have alot on my mind.  Two more days and I’ve got a week’s vacation.  I’m going to spend it apartment hunting.  I’m glad I live close to downtown and my work – that way I can go on a nice walk each day and look for rental signs on the buildings.  Time to make a pot of coffee and try to wake up fully to start my day.  Debbie

[nelly]

Wow what a brave and special woman you are that post made me cry but also I could see how strong you are to actually tell him straight how you feel and that you’re done with him you are strong brave and smart I’d love to meet you when we’re In America love to you and great admiration nelly ******

[velvet]

 
Dear Debbie
I was just about to close down when I thought I would give you thread a quick look and I am so glad I did.
What a massive step you have taken and what terrific plans you are making.   I am so, so pleased for you.  
I never doubted for a minute that you had it in you but I wasn’t sure when you were going to take the plunge.   I am glad it is to be sooner rather than later.
I am off to bed now but I just had to write.   You are, as Nelly said, one brave and special woman.   You haven’t made me cry, you have made me smile from ear to ear.  
Goodnight Ms Fantastic  
Velvet

[nelly]

Hi how’s you I cried because I to was in a similar relationship with the kids dad 5 years ago your story reminds me of those dark days keep strong love ya *******

[trulyshi]

He tried to tell me this morning that he really does still love me, but I couldn’t say it back to him.  I couldn’t *** and had to tell him that I didn’t feel anything.  Actually I do feel something, I feel despair and unhappiness.  Can someone please tell me why I feel worse that I ever have, even when I was gambling?  This really isn’t fair, I thought I had hit my rock bottom, how can I keep going lower?  I appreciate all the votes of confidence and the compliments but I really don’t deserve them, I’m absolutely miserable.  Yes, Bettie, I see danger signs all around me and I do recognize them and will put preventative measures in place, to gamble now would undo all the good I’ve done (thank you for being such a good friend, only someone who really cared would point that out right now and I appreciate it).  I just realized how I feel, it’s like I’m in mourning.  Not for him, but for me.  Is it okay to feel sorry for yourself?  Deb

[bettie]

Deb,
Remember the conversatation we had about being the worlds biggest idiot? I WIN HANDS DOWN! What a waste of 20 minutes of my life! And I miss this jerk too!
It is ok to feel sorry -to a point. Just remember-Michigan in the fall!-And YOU matter, ESP to ME!
bettie

[trulyshi]

Woke up at 5:30AM in a puddle of sweat because you-know-who was ****** beside me directly in front of the fan.  I came downstairs to find the air conditioner shut off and the temp read 28 degrees C.  By my figuring that’s about 88 degrees F and that’s too fricken hot for this menopausal lady.  I went around slamming all the windows shut and cranked on the air so I’m not a soaking mess before work.  I will NOT pay rent to live in a steam bath.  I find myself right now fluctuating between extreme anger and self-pity.  One more day of work and I’ve got the week off.  Really not looking forward to it since I have no plans but I will keep busy.  Deb

[vera]

 
— 03/08/2012 11:22:51: post edited by vera.– 03/08/2012 20:52:28: post edited by vera.

[trulyshi]

Vera, I have thought long and hard over how to respond to your post.  My first initial reaction was anger and amazement.  How dare a fellow cg kick me when I’m down?  How dare you insinuate that the demise of this relationship may have been partly my fault?  Then I took a step back, had a cup of coffee and came back and reread it.  I am now ready to respond since I don’t believe either of those things were your intention.
When I moved in with the boyfriend it was at his insistence, not mine.  I had my own apartment and was settled.  The thought of coming home to someone each night and being able to share my life with someone won out and I moved in.  Marriage was not something I wanted at that time and is not something I want now.  I held nothing back and he knew about my addiction and my behaviours before I moved in, I never **** or omitted anything.  On the other hand, I did not know aout his addictions or his hoarding tendencies.  Yes, the house was a bit cluttered when I moved in but the explanation I was given was that he was in the process of opening a store and was looking for the right location.  As time went on and more and more equipment came to rest here I realized that there was never any intention of relocating this stuff.  He omitted telling me about other things that he was addicted to, which have come to light over the past year and would have made a difference at the time – I would have chosen to stay in my apartment had I known.  Out of what little respect I have left for him I will not go into it at this time since it is his personal business and not my story to tell. 
The casino and the gambling were my escape.  I actually didn’t gamble for the first 5-6 months I was living with him.  He presented a completely different personna to me at that time – I call it the honeymoon phase.  I was wined and dined and treated with respect and affection.  As I became more comfortable and bought things for the home, added him to my benefits at work and just became more emeshed in his life things started to slowly change.  The bloom was off the rose, so to speak.  In order to avoid dealing with it, in order to avoid facing up to it – I escaped and returned to my old ways.  Going out each night was much better than facing the fact that my partner didn’t want to spend time with me anymore, didn’t want to be with me or notice I was alive.  As the house became more cluttered and I would have to make a path through the mess in order to get from A to B – I escaped and ran and blocked out the obvious. 
The main reason I was happy to find GT was the ability to keep a journal, so that I could look back and reread posts.  You see, I have a tendancy to forget the bad when I get a scrap of attention that makes me become hopeful again that things will work out.  With the journal I can go back and see the emotions I went through and the struggle and that memory makes me stronger with my convictions.  I’m not looking for validation, pity or sympathy here.  The support from others was a wonderful bonus and part of why I believe I am able to now move on in my life and fight the gambling urges.  The advice has been wonderful and helpful and I’m grateful anytime anyone offers any.
Vera, I wish you luck in your own struggles and will support you in any way I can, but I cannot take ownership for the demise of this relationship.  I’m quite sure that the "other side of the story" would be interesting, but probably not truthful.  Take care, Debbie

[desdemona]

Dear Debbie! I’m sure that Vera was identifying with your struggles and was relating it to her struggles, and meant no harm to you. I’ll leave her to defend herself. I had a dream last night that I was in your situation having no place to live and not enough money to get a place of my own. I asked a few friends if I could stay with them and the few belongings I had. No room at the inn at their homes. Long and short of it, I moved into my childhood home with my dysfunctional family after 40 years of having left there. In reality there is no longer a childhood home, thankfully! I woke up stressed out and with a stomach ache, feeling depressed. In my dream I felt powerless to come up with options of where to live. I think of you often and hope that you can come up with some viable option soon if you choose to move out. Your bf had agreed to moving out some of his horde so that you could put a bed in the other bedroom. Is that an option so you can get a full night’s sleep? I know you said you didn’t want to intrude on your daughter’s family, but with her having a baby in the not so distant future, would she welcome someone to **** and clean and help out with the baby in the evenings for a couple months, so that she and her partner could have some time together, and she could have some rest? Could you consolidate your gambling debts and just have one payment that was manageable, taken over the longest possible time? Everyone hates having payments over a long time but you need to be able to live and get healthy emotionally, as no one can live for years under the stress you’re currently under, as it weakens a person’s immune system, leaving them susceptible to autoimmune diseases. I hope that you can come up with a viable solution even if at first, it isn’t exactly what you would like. Carole

[vera]

Sorry if I caused you to be angry or amazed, Debbie. That was never my intention. I was just trying to gain some insight into why things went so wrong for you and I really feel very sorry that you think I am insuating that you are responsible for the demise of your relationship.  As I said there are two sides to every story. Maybe I am projecting my own situation on to yours and looking on gambling as a common cause of the destruction of all relationships. There are of course many factors. Life is not clear cut.  As I spoke in the first person in most of my post, I think it should be obvious that I am talking more about myself than I am about you, Debbie.
I was just being the " devil’s advocate". Please do not be offended . What I read or write here can be easily misinterperated because it is of course, totally subjective. I would never ever judge another CG’s motives or actions. I am the person who could least afford do that because I have caused so much chaos in my own life and in the lives of others by my actions in the past…… Nor do I kick people when they are down. On the contrary, I have been accused of "picking up lame dogs" and have done so in the past to my detriment.
They say we see ourselves in others! Sometimes my expectations are two high. Maybe I expected you to read between the lines but on this occasion I have learned I was wrong and that I expected too much. I will have my post removed from your journal Debbie, in case it disturbs you when you read back.
Please accept my heartfelt apology!
 — 03/08/2012 20:55:37: post edited by vera.

[kathryn]

Hi Debbie,
Hmmmm, seems there are unrealistic expectations flying all over the place today.  It is, a full moon and i strongly believe it affects us in weird ways, for myself, i was in bed at 8pm as i didnt want to talk to anyone, hubby included!  My pity party ended quite early it seems!!!!!
Thank you for directing me to Ken, even when he isnt here it seems he is watching over us!!!
I hope you are feeling better, you are stronger than you know.
Love K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[trulyshi]

Vera, I responded to you on your thread (had to hunt for it, but finally found it).  Again, no need to apologize and I’m the one who’s sorry because I didn’t mean to upset you, I was just trying to explain things.  Right now I’m a menopausal emotional woman who is dazed and confused (poor excuses, I know) and I think I didn’t do a good job of telling you when I responded that I’m grateful for yourself and others who support me and make me think.  Debbie

[bettie]

Hey Kiddo,
I called but u were asleep!
Catch u tomorrow!
bettie

[trulyshi]

I ended up going to bed at 9pm last night and slept through till 4am when the bf came up to bed and woke me.  I managed to get about another hour sleep and then gave up so here I am at 6:30am on Saturday morning, wide awake.  I think I’ll just relax and do some reading and then start in to my laundry.  I also have a gift certificate for a pedicure that I need to use before October so may go and have that done.  Have a great Saturday everyone.  Deb

[nelly]

Hope your ok and things are getting sorted for you lots of love

[trulyshi]

Had a very quiet day today, didn’t get alot accomplished but am very relaxed.  Watched the olympics for awhile and procrasinated doing the laundry for yet another day.  The b/f put together a kitchen pantry that has been sitting in pieces in the corner for over a year so I need to organize it and put dishes and appliances into it, should help to unclutter the kitchen a bit.  I think I can manage to put off doing that until at least tomorrow, lol.  Time to rustle up some dinner, my tummy is rumbling.  Deb

[vera]

Hi Debbie!
Just to say "no hard feelings" and no gambling!
Heard today that a woman I know has a been given a week to live. Puts things in perspective when you hear news like that. She s an old lady but has been like a 40 year old since I first met her about 15 years ago. A highly intellegent woman and strong as an ox!  Never ill in her life! Her son had tears in his eyes when he said "my mother has been given a week to settle her affairs!" Life is short really! Who would waste it gambling!
 

[bettie]

Hi Deb!
Well I am off! Wish you were coming too!
Remember Michicagan in the Fall!!
bettie

[nelly]

Gladyou and Vera have sorted out your differences hope your ok love nelly x

[trulyshi]

Had a wonderful evening at my daughter’s, having dinner and swimming.  I have invited the neighbours over for dinner tonight so will spend most of the day cleaning and cooking.  Not the vacation I had envisioned, but it’s all what you make of it – so I will make it fun and relaxing.  Weather is gorgeous today, sun shining and not too hot – all the windows are open.  Time for breakfast and then a quick trip to the grocery store.  Feeling confident today, there is no time for gambling for this girl – she’s got her own agenda.  Debbie

[bettie]

Hey gf!
I am having coffee on porch. Mic, the big dog is barking at the other dogs. It is Loud! Lol!
Need to have my coffee!
Trip went smoothly. Typing on the tablet is tricky and i am still halfasleep.
Tc!
Bettie

[trulyshi]

Trying to understand the way I feel today.  I’ve been reading a book Bettie sent me called "Codependents" Guide to the Twelve Steps" and finding that I can relate to the first chapter in its entirety.  I feel strangely calm and very much in control right now which is not normally the way I feel at all.  I had urges earlier today to gamble when something happened here at home.  The b/f was awaiting a package from China that he had ordered online and it arrived this morning.  My initial thought was anger, how dare he do this when I’m sitting here on vacation and the money could have been spent on doing something together, perhaps an evening out so I didn’t have to **** yet again.  Then, I read that chapter in the book and realized – IT’S NOT ABOUT ME.  I cannot control what he does and cannot manipulate the situation to make it about me and what I want.  He didn’t order something just to spite me or to take away from me, he was just doing what he does – taking care of himself and his own *****.  I made a decision not to take it personally and looked up a homemade pasta sauce recipe online then went off to the grocery store to buy the ingredients.  As soon as I had made that decision, all thoughts of gambling and the urges went away and I knew that I was ONLY going to the grocery store and then home.  I love to **** and I’m looking forward to making my homemade sauce, I’m even excited about it.  He and I are both winners today, he is enjoying his new equipment (I even told him it was a beautiful guitar and he looked so proud of his acquisition) and I was pleased that I was able to make it home without a casino detour.  He helped me carry in the groceries and even made me a cup of coffee.  I know that this is very small compared to his past actions and selfishness, but to me it’s really huge because I’m at peace right now and that’s the most important thing of all.  I just want to get through each day without anger or self-pity and do things that make me happy.  I’m really looking forward to taking my daughter shopping tomorrow for a nightgown to wear in the hospital when she has her baby and we’re going for lunch for her birthday.  This is shaping up to be a good vacation after all.  Debbie 

[desdemona]

Dear Deb! Decided to post on your thread about the coyote issue. Coyotes eat many, many cats and small dogs. As a matter of fact, I lost a teacup black poodle to a coyote a few years ago. Mandy was the only dog I ever bought from a breeder. Months later, my Bouvier brought back the fur and bones from my poodle from the river valley and was chewing on them. I was freaking out so my brother-in-law came over and took it away from the Bouvier. Coyotes will come right up to your step to get a small animal. I can hear the coyotes right now howling. Larger dogs they will pretend to play with them and lure them to where a pack is and the pack attacks the dog. Also outside of my husband’s office downstairs, stood a huge bird of prey with huge talons one time. They will also carry off cats and small dogs. They build big nests on top of utility poles and this utility worker guy told me that they often find animal collars in the nests. One of the not so good things about living in the country. It is scary and until I got Mogee yesterday, I didn’t have to worry where my dogs were. Carole

[trulyshi]

I want at this time to type out an excerpt from a book I’m reading that had great meaning for me so that I can go back and read it again and again:
Unmanageability can creep into our recoveries, no matter how long we’ve been recovering.  It happens whenever we try to control something we cannot control.  It happens when we allow our fear and panic to control us.  It happens when we allow others’ expectations, demands, agendas, problems, and addictions to control us.
It happens when we neglect our responsibility to take care of ourselves lovingly.  It happens when we try to exert power where we have none, then continue trying ferociously, even though what we’re doing isn’t working.  Whenever we try to have power where we have none, we forfeit our personal power.  Our real power is to think, feel, make choices, live our own lives, and take care of ourselves.
Unmanageability occurs when we stop owning our power and start believing that we do not have choices about how we want to act, regardless of what another person is or isn’t doing.
Perhaps the relationship most affected by our attempts to control or change what we cannot is our relationship with ourselves.  We become frustrated, confused, and often immersed in negativity, self-hatred, repression, and depression.  We stop loving and caring about ourselves because we have cared about others too much or in ways that don’t work for them, for us, or for the benefit of the relationship.
We may have developed a life pattern of self-neglect.  If so, we can now learn how to take care of ourselves in a loving, gentle manner that feeds our soul and makes life worthwhile.
 

[bettie]

I’m up at at it-normal time for me. Even on vacation I am up too early!
Yea I was outside when the Coyotes howled last nite. Mic howled right back! If I were a Coyote I would leave him alone! lol!
That would be like attacking a bear!
I tried to upload my fishing catch last night on FB but didn’t see it this morning so I am trying again.
Sunrise is beautiful here.
bettie

[cat438]

Hi Debbie, thanks for posting that excerpt from the book you are reading.  I am learning so much from what you post.  I know that I have issues that I need to deal with and when you post information like that it makes me realize more and more that I do need to start caring about me and my health, weight problems.  It is not easy to change the way you have lived a life-time of everyone else’s ***** coming before your own.  Always giving in to others and what they want…. In the process you lose yourself.  This may sound crazy, but I don’t really know what I want any more.. or who I am. I do know one thing though I don’t want to gamble any more… well maybe I should rephrase that as I know I would love to gamble, but I know that it is not an option for me to gamble.
I am sure that you can imagine that I am really excited about meeting Carole and Bettie. I have 2 more sleeps then I will meet them on Friday. I wish you had been able to make it as I would have loved to meet you as well. 
Wishing you a wonderful gamble free day. 
 One day at a time my sweet lord…

[nelly]

Well done for beating the demon your incredibly strong I’ve been to the docs I’ve torn a ligament he’s told me the more I do on it the more quickly it will heal he’s given me co codamol for pain neighbours are relentless

[nelly]

Is it safe in America with all these coyotes roaming about lol

[trulyshi]

Actually, Nelly, Carole lives in Canada.  There are no coyotes in the part of Canada I live in.  My vacation week is over and though I didn’t go anywhere special I had a good week.  I spent time with my kids and time on myself.  I’m actually looking forward to getting back to work and the next week I take vacation will be due to the fact that my little granddaughter has decided to make her debute appearance.  I anticipate that should be around the second week of September.  The b/f’s parents are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary tonight and we will be going to dinner at a local restaurant with his family.  He told his mother a few days ago that he would be unable to attend since he has no money to pay for a meal (hmmmmm, wonder how he’s going to pay for his meals and gas for his 5 day trip to Montreal in two weeks?) so I’m going to pay for him and I since I really do want to go.  His birthday is in a few weeks so I told him he can consider that his gift from me and that’s it.  I like his mom and dad very much and they have been good to me.  Going to this meal tonight is about me and what I want.  His mom was so hurt when he told her that and his brother called shortly afterwards to offer to pay for our meal.  The b/f actually did feel a bit ashamed when that happened, but not ashamed enough to turn me down when I offered to pay.  Anyways, it’s all good as far as I’m concerned and I’m looking forward to a dinner out with good people.  Have a good weekend everyone.  Deb

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