[wally2021]

Good morning everyone…thank you for sharing your experiences…I found this site yesterday and read a lot of your stories yesterday and this morning.
I went to sign up, like 3 times and didn’t and then Finally I did it….so here is where I am at……2 days ago i went to the casino, Friday (a day off from work because it was to cold to work)….Gambled away the cash I brought($300)….went to ATM..took out my maximum for the day ($400) gambled that away… got cash advance ($500) gambled that away and went home sad, depressed and lonely feeling shame and guilt.This was the 3rd weekend in a row that I did the same exact thing, same exact amounts.

I have gambled over the years for entertainment and it was fine until about 1 1/2 years ago…I started going more often and have gone every weekend for the past year(excluding covid shutdown, but I was there the day they re-opened)…..things went well (up and down,balanced out) until last August 2020…I couldn’t lose…I was on a winning streak (I play blackjack and craps)…every weekend I was winning big…..$17,000…..$10,000……$20,000….wow, this was great, finally things were working out the way they were supposed too!!! YAY!!!!…Now I was superman…I was taking more cash with me, making much larger bets…..but instead of winning, I was losing, and losing….Back in October I was up $5,000…should have been considered a good day and go to bed….but nope, superman could win $20,000 again….I kept playing until I lost the $5k and the$3k that I had brought with me…sad, depressed , ashamed….awful..I think this was the time I started to think I may have a problem…

Back to today…..all my winnings are gone ….I have been taking money out of savings (i am debt free since 2009 and have some decent money saved) and using my pay each week to gamble….I have a good job and during the week I don’t struggle with gambling, but then the weekend comes and I want to go to the casino….by mid week my self loathing is going away and I start planning my weekend casino trip…

someone on here wrote…”it is like I get hijacked”…another wrote…”I just want to win so I can keep playing”, I feel this way!

Thanks for reading, I think I might have a problem!
Wally

[Dunc]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you ??
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[wally2021]

So…I didn’t go to the casino yesterday (Saturday) because i was reading here and considering the status of my problem…still feeling mad at myself from Friday’s casino trip….

Today Sunday…I didn’t go to the casino…I fixed my mother’s sink drain, which I have put off for a year or so….so thats good!!

The problem will start about Tuesday….by then it will be ok to take $300 and go to the casino on Saturday after working all week….go and have some fun and I am due to win (this is what I say to myself)…and its nice to have something to look forward to!!!

lets see if I can get through one weekend staying away from the casino!!!???

[jessica0fhryoung]

the last time I was in a casino was a couple of years ago and I didn’t know how to win

[Dark Energy]

hi wally,
to summarize there are few steps that you need to take :
1: create roadblocks: you need to make it almost impossible for you to gamble, as you said now you still feeling the pain from the last gamble and after few days your mind will convince you that you can win and the cycle will continue…
so what you need to do is now at this state of mind think about how to make it impossible for you to gamble. willpower alone will not work so you need external factors that will prevent you from gambling.

for instance, you can ban yourself in the casinos that are near you, don’t keep cash with you, give the financial control to your partner or family member. the money is the drug here if there is money the gambling urges will start. install web blockers on your devices to prevent you from accessing gambling sites.

2: you need a safety net, if you relapsed you should not lose everything you have, if you have savings give the control to a family member. don’t take any loans, close the credit cards, you need to reduce the access to money.

there is a lot to be said but as a start, if you prevent access to the money you will solve 80% of the problem.

hope you all the best.

[wally2021]

Thank you darkenergy!!!

I have always had cash on hand…my entire life….I am not ready to give that up….I am thinking I should contact my debit card bank and put a stop on cash withdrawals and cash advance…I have no credit cards…ok so i will call the bank tomorrow and stop the withdrawal and advance capability…this should keep my relapse exposure to $300.

I am at the very beginning! I think I can do this without drastic measures…I don’t want to involve my adult children…they know I gamble, but don’t know that it has turned into a problem

so for now..this is my plan to limit my relapse exposure to $300…I guess??? uhg

[wally2021]

so stopping gambling has consumed my mind the last 2 days..I went to bed thinking about how this is a real problem and woke up thinking this is a real problem and I am a bit scared…..

today i will stop the ability to make cash withdrawals and cash advances on my debit card

it is Monday..off to work

[wally2021]

Tuesday…..so I contacted the bank yesterday and shut off ATM withdrawal ability…unfortunately they cant shut off cash advance…I am happy that I made the first step.

not gambling has been consuming my thoughts…I have been a bit sick to my stomach….mad at my self because life is hard enough some times and I had to go and create another problem for myself…

I deposited my pay check yesterday…I kept only$100 cash instead of $300…so another step to limit myself in case of relapse.

I am finally taking action to stop gambling!!! writing here helps me !!

[wally2021]

Wednesday….well my truck had to go to get repaired…so that has taken up my mind….I am feeling very good about NOT gambling this weekend..

It is mid week this is when I start planning my “fun” casino trip for Saturday….(definition of fun at the casino = giving your money away = NOT FUN)…I am thinking about visiting my daughter and granddaughter and starting to read a book I bought a couple weeks ago and watching the superbowl…..NOT gambling!!!YAY

[wally2021]

Thursday…..truck is fixed….not thinking about gambling so much…I am prepared to get through the weekend without gambling!!!!

[wally2021]

Friday….the thoughts of gambling started to creep in on my way home fro work yesterday…I thought I could go to the bank take out $500 and even if I lose it , I will be ok but I am due to win…..these thoughts are bad!!! this is my hard time…going into the weekend….I suffer with boredom and loneliness!! the casino is action packed and fun!! I love the casino!!! AHHHHHHHH!!! I need to find a different hobbie that I really enjoy…I don’t know what

I like the ride to the casino….looking forward to playing and winning….but the ride home is always depressing and sad!! UHG

I just have to get through Saturday and Sunday!!!

[wally2021]

well today is Saturday…I had thoughts of going to the bank on my way home from work to take out some money to gamble (I shut off my ATM withdrawal ability, so I have to go when the bank is open) but I didn’t do it. I can still go this morning until noon….I wish I didn’t have these thoughts.

This is the hard time for me, Saturday and Sunday…nothing to do!!!

When I deposited my check this week I only kept out $100 instead of $300…..$100 isn’t enough for a casino trip, $300 is!!! I think I would be going if I kept out the $300!!!!

I just have to get through this weekend..I need something else to look forward too!! what? i am going to spend some time with my Niece and great nephew today and then later with my little granddaughter!! I am looking forward to that, but it isn’t the same as looking forward to the excitement of the casino!!! AHHHHHHH!!! this is so hard!!!

And of course I got some decent free bet offers from two different casinos via email and regular mail!!!

I don’t want to lose my entire savings…I can’t!!! I need to just stay home!!!

[wally2021]

Ok…its still Saturday…..I made it to the bank before they closed…uhg!! I took out $500…I reasoned with myself that tomorrow….i would be so wanting to go to the casino that I would take a cash advance at a horrible fee…..I am pathetic…I am still hoping I won’t go tomorrow!!! ???? but I am ready …I have the money…so pathetic!!!

I talked my self into it….hijacked….so bad!!!

at my house I am supposed to get 1- 2 inches of snow…no big deal…where the casino is …1 hour 40 minutes away….4-8 inches of snow…this should stop me but I don’t think it will!!! I have got it bad!!!

[wally2021]

well i made it to the bank!! I have $500 +………pathetic

[wally2021]

Sunday…just woke up…the urge isn’t too bad!!! I feel like I can do this…..I think I can resist the urge to gamble!!! I hope I can

[G Rec]

Hi wally2021,

Glad to hear the urge isn’t too bad. Really hoping you can hold in there for the day.

Have you tried any Zoom GA meetings? If you are feeling an urge, you may find them useful to help not act on it, you don’t necessarily even have to speak, just listening to others share may be helpful.

[jessica0fhryoung]

this is a very common occurrence
I don’t understand how to deal with account closure

[wally2021]

Thank You G Rec!!

I did it!! I made it the entire weekend without gambling!!! the problem is that I don’t have anything to do and I am really bored….where I live winter is really cold and snowy….don’t know what to do to fill my free time void on the weekends????? I know sitting around the house watching TV and reading isn’t going to last very long…ugh!!! this past weekend I had my 3 year old granddaughter over, so that was nice!!!

I just need to figure out what to do with my weekends???hmmmmm

[G Rec]

Hi Wally,

Well done on getting through the weekend.

I think the problem of not knowing how to fill free time, and being bored is very common for us compuslive gamblers when we stop, and this is then magnified during covid/lockdowns.

There is a good tool linked over in Recovery Tools that has some ideas/suggestions for finding new hoppies, you can select a filter for only activities you can do at home.

[wally2021]

Thank you G rec…I will check it out..

Wednesday…I have been having thoughts of going to the casino on Saturday……then I say no to myself ..no.. and try to think of how good I felt last weekend, when i didn’t go and lose money!!!

I have to try and think of something else to look forward too…thats part of the problem as well….having something to look forward too!!!

[wally2021]

Hi Kin….thank you for the question……YES!!!!! I just found out last night that my granddaughter will be coming over saturday afternoon!!! that is great news… I am still not out of the woods…my mind is wrestling with gambling for saturday morning…this is how it has been for me…i plan for gambling throughout the week…I am still thinking pf gambling and also how nice it is to still have the money i earned at work last week….my mind still tells me that i should have a win soon!!! yet, I have lost every weekend for the last 4 months…..I know the odds are the same every time I gamble…the odds say the casino will win…but yet I still have a desire to gamble…

[velvet]

Hi Wally

You have done well recognising your danger times. Do you have friends or relatives that could support you by helping to fill these difficult periods? Make plans for the weekends rather than waiting and hoping for the best. Maybe you could share your plans for this next weekend. Having just written that, I see you have plans with your granddaughter and that is great.

Money is not the drug Wally, ‘the gamble’ is the drug and money is the means to get that drug. You have started a journal here which is great; now look for the pattern; the point at which you got on the roller-coaster and then found you couldn’t get off. Recognising the cycle that is hurting you can go a long way to breaking it.

Use all the support you can get. We offer it on this site with our Helpline and groups, there is GA and there are Zoom meeting. I would not be writing to you if I didn’t know that you can take control of your problem and have the most wonderful gamble-free life.

Determination and courage can change things for the better. Being in control, rather than being controlled, must be better, not only for your today but for your future.

I wish you well

Velvet

• ? ??? velvet? ?? 3 ?, 9 ? ?? ??????.
• ? ??? velvet? ?? 3 ?, 9 ? ?? ??????.

[wally2021]

I gambled Saturday…I feel shame and guilt…..even though I won money…i feel like that just fuels the fire..I feel as much shame as if I had lost!!!

I think the worst thing is that i used my debit card for a cash advance…I promised myself that i wouldn’t and i did it anyway…I left my card in my vehicle…but I marched right out and got it and went back inside…I was hoping that leaving it in my vehicle would give me time to think and not use it for cash….it didn’t work…luckily i have the money to pay it …but what about next time….I have to NOT HAVE A NEXT TIME….I have to not use my debit card when i relapse…ok maybe I should leave it home…thats what i will do…even though i may need gas or something…I will leave the card home….or maybe I won’t gamble??? but if I do I am leaving my card home..

this is a tough problem…gambling addiction is tough

[wally2021]

Thursday…I am thinking that i will gamble on Saturday…..maybe i am still in denial and not in recovery???

[Dunc]

Wally, the fact your being open and honest is great, I guess the question Id ask is “Why would you be planning and not doing” someone in denial would simply gamble, you haven’t

Try listing a few pros and cons of gambling on Saturday

• ? ??? Dunc? ?? 3 ?, 9 ? ?? ??????.

[wally2021]

Thank you Dunc!! I appreciate the feedback and encouragement!! I will try and do that

[josh]

You can do it man, I’m new to this board but really rooting for you.

It’s strange. I’ve never gambled a cent, am an extreme saver, hate debt etc…… but I have a body image disorder. I see so many of the same behaviors, but at least this one doesn’t have $ problems. I guess we all have our vices. I know its not easy, but stay strong and try and remember – it’s just $. We all have bills, some bigger than others but there’s nobody here who doesn’t have them.

In time you’ll beat this – I really do believe that. But if I’ve learned anything reading these stories this disease is always there, lurking.. waiting for you to slip up and believe its lies. From what I’ve read/seen, this is the worst addiction there is… including hard street drugs. I hope science some day has answers for you..

[wally2021]

Sunday morning…I gambled yesterday….and I feel horrible….I lost too much money….I have to stop….why is this so difficult….

I have to stop, thats it..i have too!!!!

[josh]

It’s OK man, it’s OK to slip.

Today is a new day, day #1 of your CG addiction going BYE BYE. Think of all the pain, guilt and shame its caused you. How much better off you’d be today if you never discovered gambling. THEN resolve that YOU are in control and calling the shots – not the disease.

I know you want to stop, can see it in your posts. And I believe you can.. Just find people you can go to/tell when the urge hits, who can be strong for you… until you are strong enough on your own. It will be a lifelong battle, but it’s you or the disease.

The two just can’t co-exist…

[wally2021]

Thanks Josh…..I feel strong today….I have stopped and I will stay gamble free!! I have to and I can

[wally2021]

Time to save the money I work hard for all week at my job…I am not going to give it to the casino anymore!!! I will spend more time with my adult kids and my little granddaughter and when I have nothing to do…its ok to be bored once in a while….I am not going to the casino!!!

[G Rec]

Hi wally,

Sorry to hear that you had a slip at the weekend and went gambling, I am also sorry to report that I had a bad slip yesterday and am back to 1-day gamble-free.

Like you, I am working hard to try to prevent this from happening again. Here’s hoping (and working towards) us both staying Gamble Free , and hitting some Gamble Free milestones together.

[wally2021]

Hi G Rec,

Thank you for sharing that with me!!

Sorry you had a relapse as well.

We can overcome…it is nice to know that i am not alone….

I am with you brother!!!

[wally2021]

Friday… i guess the urge to gamble will always be there, even though I know it is such a waste of my hard earned money…..I am not going to gamble this weekend!!

as i read the comment I just wrote…I think…I have to not gamble ever…not just this weekend but never again!!!!

Weekends are my tough time….to much time on my hands and not enough to do….I am spending some time with my granddaughter on Saturday, which is great!!!

One day at a time..

[G Rec]

Hi wally,

God to hear that you had a chance to spend some time with your granddaughter on Saturday, I hope that went well, and that you managed to remain gamble free as well.

[wally2021]

Thank you G Rec…
I had a great time with my granddaughter!!

Unfortunately, I did gamble….this is an awful addiction….NO MORE!! i don’t even have fun gambling ….I felt strong and then all of a sudden I went and gambled, like I said before…its like I get hijacked….this has got to stop…

I did tell someone, finally…my Mother, I talked to her yesterday, I felt better after I talked to her….I am hoping that having accountability will help me stop gambling…I have to stop, I don’t even want to gamble.

I have to fill my weekend time with hobbies or something else to look forward to.

I think I will talk to my Daughter about it this week, she is like my best friend.She is so smart, I am so proud of her…I hate to bother her with this and I am ashamed, but I know she will help me with encouragement and I will spend more time with them on the weekends….

[wally2021]

Tuesday,,,
the last 2 Saturdays I lost 2 months pay gambling…. this fact alone should be enough to stop anyone from gambling again!!! but it is not enough!!!

Accountability and keeping busy with other interests (reading, spending time with my kids, my antique toy collecting, helping others) and staying strong, these will help me stay gamble free!!!!

[wally2021]

Tuesday, continued

i am home from work due to cold weather….this would “normally” be a casino day….i am not going to the casino today, I think mainly because I told my mother about my problem 2 days ago…and I don’t want to let her down….

The urge to gamble is strong today, because i have the day off from work…

[G Rec]

Hi wally,

Glad to hear that you had a good time with your granddaughter, but sorry to hear about the recent gambling.

On the + side, you are still here posting, and continuing to take positive steps to help get gamble free. Telling your mother is a nice step for adding accountability, and you can already see it helping with it being a motivation to not want to let her down despite the urges.

Soon after I first joined this forum, one of the most useful things I found was making a list of ways in which I could make myself more accountable, and barriers I could put in place to make it more difficult to gamble. I also try to regularly review the list to see what items are working well and if any new ones can be added.

Given that you have the day off work and your current motivation to stay gamble-free is strong, perhaps you could give something like that a go.

Some examples of things to consider

• Telling one or more other people about what you are going through
• Reducing or removing access to funds
• Providing someone else with visibility of money that you spend. There are a number of ways to do this one such as allowing someone else to see bank statements, keeping a spreadsheet tracking all spend and where it goes, etc.
• Getting excluded from any Casinos that are in your area.

These are just some examples, but hopefully, they might help with this. I look forward to following your list if you do decide to give this activity a go, and feel like sharing once you are ready.

[wally2021]

Thank You G Rec,
your input is very helpful!! I appreciate it!!!

Friday….so the weekend starts tomorrow…..my difficult time… I am going to fight through the urges…I just can’t waste anymore money.

I have planned a few things to get done but will still have some down time…I just have to take one day at a time, I can beat this!!

[G Rec]

Good to hear that you have some things planned for the weekend, I try to do likewise to keep downtime/temptation time to a minimum. Really hoping with can both stick with it and be here on Monday with our gamble free days increased, and ready to start another week in a good place.

[wally2021]

Saturday….

Thanks G Rec….ya lets both get through the weekend!!!

I have found that when my urges get bad, and I really want to go to the casino, I avoid this site!!! but here I am fighting through!!!

[G Rec]

Hi wally,

Good to see you fighting through, I find coming on here can be a big help whenever I get an urge. I hope the weekend went ok for you.

[wally2021]

Hey G Rec,

Tuesday……update…I DID NOT GAMBLE THIS WEEKEND!!!! and it makes me feel good!!!! oh ya, the urges were there, but I made it through the weekend!!!

[G Rec]

Hi wally.

I am very glad to hear that you did not gamble this weekend. That is great going especially considering that you had real urges.

I hope this week goes as well for you, I look forward to reading further updates.

[wally2021]

well today is Saturday…having urges to gamble…..hmmmmm…..don’t know if I can fight through or not

[josh]

Don’t do it!

[wally2021]

Monday…well i went and gambled…..lost …but i left my card home so the damage was small….uhg

two things I learned this time
1. I feel bad about myself after, just for going to the casino
2. I will never win…… because i keep playing even when i am up and should walk away

I can’t gamble like a normal person and I have to face that fact

I felt really good last weekend because i did NOT gamble

[G Rec]

Hi Wally,

Sorry to hear that you gambled at the weekend, but good to see you back here continuing to address your recovery, and that there were some things learned in the process, I can associate with both of the points you mentioned very much, especially 2).

It sounds like most or maybe all of your gambling is done at a casino that is near you. Is canceling your membership there, and asking the Casino to exclude you so as to remove one of your main gambling spots something you have considered?

[Dolly]

Hi Wally! I’m an addict, how can we cure this disease? I have things to hope for, buy, dream for? I cannot change my addiction, but I can control it. What are we going to do?
Dolly

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