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So… where do I start? Hmmm…
I found this forum in late 2021, there were two links on a gambling site, one of them led to GT. Funny enough, isn’t it?
Actually, my gambling history started a “bit” earlier, in January ’21. It all begins with a $3 deposit. The amount you “can afford” to lose, right? Then comes a line of wins and loses, eventually ending with a zero balance. “But I made $20 out of $3!!! Let’s deposit again, surely this cannot go wrong!!!”
It’s frightening me how much money I lost since then. What’s really awful, is the fact that I have no job yet. It’s my 3rd year of university, but I’m still living with my parents. They know nothing about that disgusting side of mine.
I’ve read many stories of people here. Countless posts of hopes, struggles, ups and downs. These helped me a lot at the moments of total despair. Especially kin’s journals.
Lots and lots of times I was crying, screaming, beating myself up with the thoughts of “no more”. Yet, I came back again and again, forgetting all the things happened before. Lately, I’ve had a rather long recovery period since March ’23. It all went to nothing with my another “first” bet three weeks ago. -
Hi asd,
Well done on looking for help.
You have had a gamble free period so the good news is that you know you can stop. The trick is to stay stopped!
Barriers will help, where has your recent gambling been? You can get yourself excluded, if it is online then you can get a blocker for your devices. How have you funded it? Accountability and removing minstant access to funds helps, it means we can no longer act secretly and quickly if we get an urge. Who could help with that?
Most importantly of all is support. If we need it to stop gambli9ng then we should keep using it to help maintain recovery. Whether that is posting here regularly, getting to Gamblers Anonymous meetigns or other support. If we could do it on our own then none of us would be here in the first place.
Keep posting.
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You will be experiencing the fight between two voices in your head.
One tells you “No more gambling”
Another tell you to do it “One more time”
And there will be a tug of war inside your head.Wolf Parable
An elder Apache was teaching his grandchildren about life.
He said to them,”A fight is going on inside me; it is a terrible fight
and it is between two wolves.One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance,
self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, competition, superiority, and ego.The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.
This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person too.”
They thought about it for a minute
and then one child asked his grandfather,
“Which wolf will win?”The old Grandpa simply replied, “The one you feed.
Are you feeding your addiction or your recovery?
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Happy New Year to all visitors and posters in this forum, especially to kin.
I’m staying gamble free since November 16th 2023, ended this year on a relatively good note.
I finished almost all of my university tests of December, from 13th of January my exams will start.
You could say I’m too busy to gamble, in the meantime I just play videogames.
In the new year I want to find a job, that basically has to be my only goal now, but I keep delaying inevitable. -
Hey there, your journey echoes with many of us here. Acknowledging the struggle is a significant step. Remember, recovery is not a linear path, but you’ve shown resilience before. Reach out when you need support; this community is here for you. Let’s build on the progress you’ve made and focus on the steps forward.
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I failed again today. “Finally” unblocked an old account with a certain amount being left there for months about two weeks ago, played with it for 2-3 days before hitting zero balance. Thought I would stop after that? Nah, it just fed my addiction after almost 4 months of staying away from gambling. Eventually, it happened and now I’m here again. The Day One… no, more like Day Zero. What the f***.
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Autobiography of an addict in 5 short chapters
Chapter 1
I walk down the street, there is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in, I am lost, I am hopeless.
It takes forever to find a way out.Chapter 2
I walk down the same street, there is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I dun see it, I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But I believe it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.Chapter 3
I walk down the same street, there is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I can see it is there, I still fall in, it is a habit.
I know where I am. It is my fault.
I get out immediately.Chapter 4
I walk down the same street, there is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.Chapter 5
I walk down another street.
…THE END…
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Hi asd,
The stonecutter may strike a rock 99 times with no apparent effect. Yet with the 100th blow, the rock splits in two.
That doesn’t mean that the first stroke is useless. Success is the result of continuous efforts.
It was not the final blow that did the trick but all that had gone before.Don’t lose heart!
Just because you lost a battle does not mean you lost a war.
You may have to fight the battle more than once to win the war.
Sometimes by losing a battle, you find a new way to win the war.
Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat.Don’t give up on yourself
you will find a way; you can do it.
It won’t be easy but it will be worth itWhen life gives you a second chance
Don’t take it for granted
Don’t waste the chance
Don’t repeat the same mistake. -
Hi kin,
Thank you. Today was not a good day but it was better than yesterday. Because I didn’t gamble today.
I’m walking down the same street for about three years now, with varying success. The first time I fell down that hole I didn’t even acknowledge the fact it exists.
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Hi asd,
I am so sorry to hear about your unfortunate incident.
We need help from the professionals to deal with problem in the brain.You are still so young and you have a bright future ahead of you
but you are at risk of losing all your future earning whenever you lose your self-control.Please seek help.
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Hi kin,
Thank you for your support, unfortunately I have no idea where to seek that help. I won’t be able to tell my parents, or any people I know irl about my problem.
What “saves” me now is the fact I do not have a considerable amount of money as I have no job, so I cannot spend my whole monthly salary, for instance. It’s kind of blessing and a curse. I constantly remind myself and am getting reminded by my parents for that reason. My family situation is also rather complicated…
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Gambling Therapy live support is a text-based service that allows you to speak directly with an experienced advisor. Whether you are concerned about your own gambling, or if you are worried about someone else – talking about it can be a relief.
Speaking to an advisor can help you find a new perspective on your situation and can help you take meaningful practical steps forwards.
Gambling Therapy advisors will listen to you without judgement and can talk through any questions you may have about problem gambling. Your advisor can also help you to find local resources such as counselling services or groups if these are available in your area.
Support is provided in any language using automated translation, with native language support offered in many common languages. Just start typing, and an advisor will respond in the same language.
The service is confidential – although other advisors within the Gambling Therapy team will be able to review the conversation in order to provide the best possible service. Visit the privacy policy page for a more detailed explanation on confidentiality and how we handle your data.
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I’m f***ing stupid. Thought I could make it to May without any problems, just because I started to feel a little bit better…
I have no idea. Not a small grain of idea. Why my own brain works maliciously like that.
I have so many things to care about, and yet. It forces me to stay carefree, and then the addiction catches me in the most vulnerable state.
I want to cry. It’s been a long time since I did it last time, for the same reason as now. Why can’t I just stop being so reckless, why can’t I get rid of these awful thoughts.
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Been gambling again today. And the day before. And on 8-9th May a week ago. It’s getting worse and worse. I have no real money, and that’s really good so my losses each time do not exceed $15-20 which is still kinda lot for me though. And it’s not even my own money, I’m getting everything from my parents as allowance.
It’s starting to get sick. I can’t stop wasting my time on games and money on nothing. I’ve been here, two or three years ago when I had suicidal thoughts related to the insane amounts I lost that time. And my mental condition overall was shitty to put it mildly. I don’t want to be there again. Not this time.
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I want to end this nightmare. I just can’t stop ruining my f***ing good for nothing life. I know what I’m getting punished for, honestly. Lack of confidence, procrastination 90% of the time, stupid decisions and losing faith in myself. That’s all symptoms you could say, I’m surely in a bigger trouble than all that put together. I have no real interest in anything but videogames. It may be a stretch, and I have an ability to concentrate on work or study, but I don’t use it very often as I should do. I’m so, so tired of all that shit. I’m at risk of being expelled from university due to tons of academic debts. Not right now, sure, after this summer I’ll have the last chance. If not, three years wasted for nothing. And then the real danger comes. I live in a piece of shit country with conscription. Not only that. There’s ongoing war. If I get drafted I’m dead for sure.
A messy situation don’t you think? I wish I had more abilities to change my life perspectives for at least alright. I’m constantly trying to escape reality by getting into imaginary world. That’s what my parents always told me. I don’t wanna look at this dirty, stinky, garbage reality. It’s painful, and becomes even worse each freaking day. You could say I’m exaggerating. I have no pictures to take from to compare with mine. But that’s what it is for me.
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Yesterday and today it happened again. I wasted my time and money on this disgusting addiction. To think I somehow lived more than half of the year in ’23 without any problem. I don’t know. I just feel myself as a pathetic subhuman being that cannot control its impulses, emotions, bad habits, etc.
It all cuts off, little by little, that tiny bit of hope I had at some point, and still have, but it becomes nothing more quickly than slowly. I wish, I really wish it didn’t come to this. But our wishes, you know, they aren’t real. Actions need to be taken for them to come true. And in this case, these actions have never been so obvious. Just stop betting. Pretend you have never done that. Tear up that dirty page of your life away from the book. Start improving yourself.
I want to cry. Again.
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I’m very close now to the conditions I was back then, at the time I seriously considered suicide. I don’t want to think about it. I want to threw these goddamn thoughts away. They are awful and unreasonable. Nobody including me would ever benefit from that. This addiction has been killing me mentally for so long, and I need to cut it off me. But I can’t. What to do? I don’t know. It’s fucking impossible. It’s no use. I have no escape ways. I’m done.
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Hey asdfghost,
Sorry to hear you’re struggling, but I have some positive news for you. First off, you can’t be drafted if you’re under 25 years old (I believe you are). Second and most importantly, as long as you’re a university student, you are exempt from mobilization. After your Bachelor’s degree, you can pursue a Master’s degree, so if you’re in your third year of university, you can relax for at least three more years.
So, your biggest fight now is against gambling. I believe you can succeed, but you definitely need new strategies, bro. Here’s a suggestion, and you can take it or leave it: If your parents send you $20 at a time and you end up gambling it, try buying a few books with that money instead. Order them in advance so you spend the money before you have a chance to gamble. As a result, you’ll have a few books to read and no money to gamble. Anna Lembke’s book “Dopamine Nation” would be a great read.
Stay strong!
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Hi asdfghost
You can turn things around. Try and keep your mind off gambling, as soon as a little urge comes along do something else quick – even if it is taking a cold shower.
Put up good barriers like gamban on whatever devices you may use, self exclude from any casinos etc.
Just take things hour by hour then day by day. It soon mounts up.
Sounds like you are young? You can save a lot more of wasted time and money if you can quit right now.
Best wishes -
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Shitty day today. Lost a lot of time to you know what.
First time didn’t lose any money. As if it’s something to be glad about.
I’m a disgusting unhuman being. Installed old ass betting app on my phone even though I’ve blocked my account in another, almost two weeks ago.
I’ve deleted it now. I can’t recover my nerves and time. I can’t get back lost opportunities through the years of addiction,
can’t repair broken mental health, can’t live my life as if I’ve never placed a bet.
I want to cry. -
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I don’t want to write it, because of the deepest shame.
But I should. I should write it down here every time it happens.So I gambled again. Was it a sudden impulse or inevitable desire? It does not really matter after all.
I consider myself a deeply sick in the head human, and I cannot help but feel this sickness is gonna be with me forever, my whole life.
It is a pretty terrible disease.
How can I deal with it?To kin,
Like many times before, your words told me exactly what would happen to me, and I ended up in the same pit again.
Am I not teachable? There’s been years of doing the same thing. Failing every time.
I need to reconsider my so-called strategy or whatever I’m just using to avoid gambling because it seems like nothing works at all.
There’s not even a little light of hope in the end of this damn tunnel. Only misery, disgust and suffering.
I appreciate you writing something here in my thread, trying to give an advice.
I know it’s no use before I take a step myself. Nothing will happen before I do it myself.
And honestly, it needs to be done as fast as possible, otherwise… at some point I will end up in a pit so deep, that I won’t have any option such that I still have right now. -
Glad to see the site being fixed.
Unfortunately, I slipped again. I’m writing this today, 19th June, at 12:35 am.
I managed to stay away from gambling for barely 3 days. That is pathetic.
I should be ashamed of myself for being so reckless. So dumb and careless.
That’s insane how I cannot control myself no matter what. IT JUST MAKES NO SENSE.
I cannot explain it to myself at all. There’s no logic involved. Pure idiocy.
I would give anything to cure from this sickness. Give me a break.
I’m feeling so ashamed in front of anyone who reads this.This place slowly becomes more and more quiet and abandoned, there’s hardly any activity here.
That feels awful. No more groups, even though I’ve had a chance to take part in them last year, I haven’t even tried… and then they closed, after many and many years of existing.
No more online services such as “GT live support”, nothing left here working but forums.
And they are dying too. Spam attacks, occasional breakdowns. And less and less activity with each passing day.
It’s heartbreaking to witness. I’ve had and still have such a great respect for people who kept this place alive for an insanely long time.
From the moderators to regular visitors and posters.
I want the forum to stay. Three or four days ago, when it broke, I’ve had such terrible thoughts that it all just ended like that.
Now, even though it’s available again I can’t help but think we’re close to an end.
Maybe I’m exaggerating. Dunc or someone else from moderation team could correct me. I wish I’m wrong. -
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9 days have passed since my last bet. I managed to stay away and not gamble.
I passed my last exam five days ago. I was exaggerating honestly when I said about “tons” of my academic debts in uni.
I finished pretty much everything, expect one subject that consists only of “laboratory tasks” aka labs, and not require an exam or even a test. I’m gonna finish it off in September.
Today I came to job interview for internship for first time in my life. I can’t say I did well, neither messed up. The results will come soon in a span of one week.Have I cleaned myself from the mud that I’ve got into while betting again? Yes.
Have I cured myself from the deeply placed disease called addiction? No, and it seems I will never properly do that.
To live in constant fear and anxiety, to suffer from these compulsive thoughts from time to time, or even every passing moment.
A destiny of an addict, truly dreadful.I still have a light of hope. That I wake up some day. And tell myself: this is it. This is the end. You’re free.
No more addiction. No more struggles and beating yourself up. No more suicidal thoughts. No more fear, no more freaking gambling.
It’s okay to have a dream sometimes. -
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I wish I had no real reason to write here. I wish.
Here we go again. I fell for the bait of “freebets”, you know these?
They want you to deposit a small amount like $5 to get a “freebet” which is a virtual number that you can bet and if you win, you’ll have the profit (not including the amount of “freebet”) on your record.
Yesterday, or well, two days ago I downloaded a new betting app, and they gave away that stuff to me.
And I managed to keep it. The amount I won. Not for long.
Today, presumably because I did a cashout operation, they sent me another “deal” which was a “freebet” that equals to the amount you deposit.
You can think ahead what has happened next.
Yes, I lost everything again. That’s not a rocket science. That’s freaking gambling. It always ends the same. ALWAYS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Why can’t I understand matter that simple? Why, why, why, why?
Why I have to keep coming back and hurt myself, not being able to stop, always rushing with my brainless, empty head, into void.
Into places I will never come back from. Even to the place I’m being right now. Let alone these wet dreams of “full recovery” and such.I’m very angry at myself now. I’m not afraid. But I’m really depressed at the same time, and that feeling seems to overtake my anger.
No. Just no. I need to remind myself every day. Not today. You don’t bet today.
Imagine how pathetic that sounds for a normal person to read. -
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Hi all,
Stop when you can and when the lost are low. When you grow older you can have a period without gambling but then be carefull…
This is an adcit for life!! Stop and dont bet a 1eur… because then the roalercoster will start and you will continue. And when older you have more money, and when loosing you will want to recover. Credit is very easy to obtain
I’m fighting this fight and losing allways on the last years and now with debts larger than 75k. Its not blocking the websites because there’s allways one that’s not blocked!
Allways in my mind is the stupid that I’m and how life it would be without that debt. I’m allways praing to get luck a clearer my debt… to be clear of this gambling problem.
Yesterday was again my last fight… and it could be the 3rd time that i need to tell my wife, and she has been so supportive that this disappointing is making me even more sad and stupid… I dont know if she can take it!
Just want to share my experience and you’re young so be very afraid with this adict and seek help, friends, family and doctor’s
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Hey, my beloved GT Forums. Today I’ve gambled again. For no reason at all. Last time it happened ten days ago.
I lost about $40 this August for nothing. My parents, even though they don’t know about my addiction, finally made a good move. They stopped giving me money.
My mother wanted me to find a job, any kind of, like food/pizza delivery. I’m 20, still student, don’t have a job. That’s a shame. I think so too.
I tried only once. I came to job interview, they said I can use my own bicycle for delivery. Its back wheel was broken that time. After I went to repair it and came to pizzeria again,
the other man said you cannot use your own, you need to lease our electric bike for $60-70 per month. So funny. I gambled away my left money after that. It’s been ten days.
I haven’t come to any other place yet. I should do it. My mother with my younger siblings are going out of town almost till September. She left me $50.
I already lost $10 of them to gambling. I’m a pathetic piece of scum. Can you imagine an adult who cannot earn for himself. It’s a bad joke. -
On Friday evening my mom sent me $30 to buy products until the end of month. I’ve spent 1/3 of that amount in supermarket. Five minutes ago I’ve lost the remaining money I had to gambling. I want to kill myself.
I’ve never ever said to my parents about my addiction. It started even before they got divorced. A lot of time had passed since then. My life was never truly satisfying. My only so-called joy was the form of escapism called videogames. You can say I’m young, haven’t seen anything. That I have a whole life ahead of me. I don’t want to live a life like that. Constant mental suffering and, to save at least some of the nerve cells, escaping reality. And then gambling, a mental illness that keeps destroying them all the same, and, as a result, destroys my life.
I have no perspective ahead of me. Born in a shithole country sanctioned to hell, with a fear of conscription. Even if I find a job, that would be stuff I mentioned like delivery-whatever with little-to-no pay, not enough even for renting a room. Not to mention going abroad, like, I can dream all day and night, it’s not gonna happen. I was born here and will die here. A pathetic fate.
I’m at the fourth year of university. What do you think I study? Computer f**king science. I wanted to be a programmer. Jokes on my seven-years ago self, a little child that wanted to be a “cool-hacker”. Not quite like that, but you get the point. My father has paid for programming courses for three years. I liked them. All the time and money my parents spent on me. All their love they put into me. Was it all for nothing? Isn’t that crazy?
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Hi!
I hope you’re doing ok. I read 90% of your posts. I don’t have a lot of advice, but what I can say is.. get a grip over this now while you’re in your early 20s.
Tell your parents, go to GA meetings- online or in person, get some help. Install gamban. Self exclude. There is no shame in asking for it. I promise you your parents are there to help you.
Join a gym- everytime you feel the urge go work out. OR go for a run!
This can and will ruin the rest of your life.
Make some hard decisions now.Read up about how gambling changes the brain, and work on reprogramming it. Put the effort u do into gambling to work on yourself. Best investment!
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Listen, being male or female has nothing to do with this.
We have trained our brain to literally crave a dopamine hit. To the point it gets us to gamble, even though we know it’s a bad idea.
Our brains are powerful and we live out lives 90% subconsciously! So it’s time we all wake up, take control – realize these facts and start re-programming our brains.Tell your parents. Ask for help. Reach out to online GA meetings. Don’t let this be the beginning of a sad 30 year story – because it will… and you’ll come back to this moment and regret not doing this.
Reach out for help. Change your perspective. Start reading up, start being more conscious and your life will change. All of our lives will change.
I’m committed to this not being the story of my life. You can make that choice too.
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4 days. Free from money and gambling. I can do it. No betting in September.
My first ever job’s starting soon. I’m going to be a tutor for 9th graders preparing them for informatics exams. It’s gonna be a part-time, and I won’t be earning much. Still, will be the first money that I’ll make myself. I cannot gamble anymore. No more bets.
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Hi iamhere,
I’ve had an idea before. I swore to myself that at the moment I will have a significant amount of money that I have earned on my own, I’d hand it over to my father, at the same time telling him about my years-long gambling problem. Then, maybe after some time, I’d discuss it with my mother as well. That way I could show my parents that I have acquired the patience to earn and save, and not spend.
I don’t know if that’ll work at all. Right now, I cannot tell them anything as the consequences will be immediate and ultimate. I’ll lose my family relationship completely, once and for all. Not that it’s really good at the moment, however the risk to destroy it entirely is too big. As for that idea, it does not guarantee me anything either, but at least gives me some reasoning to explain the situation to them.
Or I can just spend it all on everyday snacks, buy myself a piece of clothes, shoes or a new backpack cause my current one is torn in many places and has a broken zipper. My glasses are also quite close to breaking, they are expensive though. The problem is that without them I effectively won’t be able to look at the computer screen from the distance greater than about 20cm which is sad.
Someone here before suggested me to buy some kind of psychology book. My father is a doctor, he’s a cardio surgeon, but he also studied psychology on his own. Maybe I should ask for his advice. My options are limited though, as I have already said. If I confess now, it’ll be all over sadly.
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Hi ??
Well I hope your fear is enough to keep you from gambling again. . Cause if not, I am sure they will find out, especially if they’re giving you the money to fund it. So, maybe that’ll be enough to curve the addiction for you. ????
Ohhh those are some great ideas. How much are those things where you live – the backpack and glasses?
You’re so young, and this really is something you can beat. There are thousands of people who have beat their gambling addiction, we are capable of being one of those people too ??
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Hi,
Yeah, that might as well happen. Good thing that neither of them is going to give me money “for nothing” anymore, and I think that’s the right idea. I need to earn myself. Even if I won’t be able to find a decent job, I need to work at least somewhere to buy things that I need without begging for money each and every time. I live with my mother and two of my younger siblings. She won’t kick me out of the home, of course, but I’m starting to feel more and more unwell living here.
You know, my ultimate dream (and goal… kind of) is to leave this country and build my life from the zero somewhere else. Not that I’ve really lived a life yet, I haven’t even worked. I’m losing my time playing games every day. Because of the apathy, I can’t get myself to learn the subject of my profession. University courses, 90% of them, aren’t giving me any useful information that I would need to become a good specialist. For that reason, I need to self-study, but I have no motivation for that. That’s a vicious circle.
Backpack and glasses is not a big deal. I asked my mother if she could give me the money for new glasses as it’s an accessory that I cannot live without, sadly. She said yes. Three or four of my previous backpacks have been broken because I was carrying lot of weighty things there like my laptop and books, plus 2L bottles. I’d need a durable one, maybe not a “hiking” one but close to that.
My gambling addiction is probably just one piece of the whole puzzle of mental diseases that I have. I wouldn’t know for real. I’ve never been diagnosed with anything like that, never checked myself either. There was a time my parents, while they were still together, wanted to go with me to psychologist. But I strongly opposed that. I don’t believe there are any good ones here. My younger sister has been having regular sessions this year, her problems looked severe but now she’s pretty cheerful. Though I have close-to-no belief any of that will work on me.
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Soooo, the first day seemed to be the big, fat failure.
Only one student came out of three, I gave him the test, he did great, we talked through the exam for 1.5 hours.
Now I received a message from my tutoring center that he won’t be attending because “the tutor said he’s already too good”. Great.
And now we don’t even have a group so the next day is skipped already. Also I didn’t get anything for the first “lesson”, it was supposed to be “trial”, nobody said that to me before it finished.
I know I made a mistake, should’ve either said to the student that he’s alright but needs to study more, or suggest advanced training besides the exam preparation.
Still, that feels awful as for the first so-to-say “work experience”. Meh. -
Hey you!
Sounds like the first day turned out just fine! You had one kid, and you were honest with him. You have to keep your humanity in place – you said he did great. Why would you have wanted to tell him he was “just alright” – to guarantee you’ll make money? That’s not how you’ll build your success. Your first day, someone showed up! Others will too, and there will be kids that come that need the help that you can give ??
Just keep doing the work. Make an IG page. Start posting some tutoring stuff on there. You got this!
Chin up ??
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Hi,
Thank you for your words, my parents said pretty much the same to me. I’ve also had a talk with my own tutor who studied with me at the time I was a kid. He said it’s better to find people on your own, without companies help. At first you need to advertise but as the time passes, if the students’ parents are happy with your work, they’ll suggest you to their contacts, and it goes on and on from there. Wise words.
I need to think it through.
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Hey, GT Forums!
I’m doing pretty much alright currently. Just finished working on a report for a short task in my university’s course. That subject feels really interesting, in comparison to almost everything I’ve done before. It feels refreshing to learn about.
Today is my… 38th day of not gambling. It’s kinda unreal. I managed to stay away from the swamp for a whole month. One may say that I’m happy, in a way. Nothing was truly satisfying to this point. I want to continue, though. I won’t place a single bet in October, too. In fact, I won’t even try. I did it once, I can do it twice.
I had my birthday a few days ago, I’m 21 now. My parents gave me awesome presents. It’s funny to me how little I need to enjoy the moment I’m being in.
Looking from the broader view, I couldn’t find a job still. My father decided to help me a bit by paying to me for math tutoring my little brother. But that won’t do anymore really soon.
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