1. It’s inspiring to hear you speak of the enjoyment you have found in traveling.  Thx. for sharing.

I tried chat tonight but no one was available.  I’d like to try the topic meeting next week if the time works for me.  

I look forward to finding, creating,  discovering and remembering the joys of life.  odaat bonnie

Hi, What a power packed post/reply.  I will remember your line , „sustained longevity and support will help to tackle the oppressive beast within!”.  Yes.   All the best.  I’ll read some of your posts., I see that you have a diary here.  odaat Bonnie

For me, as I walk /live out this new territory of having nearly 6 months from my slot machine addiciton, I’m feeling and remember more. Everything that’s ever hurt me, everything that happened in my life without resolution, all my choices that could have been better etc. etc. I say, OKAY. Strip it away, strip away the barriors, strip away the bandaids of the deeply hidden hurts of the past. Show me my life raw and real so I can have a chance to deal honestly with everything. None of theses things have killed me. This new territory is a landscape I must walk, there is no other choice. To turn around and go back to the fake comfort of self destructive ways is to choose death… a slow death of spirit which I’ve now walked away from and started anew. But, this territory is full of the real deal. Prayer and healing energetic practices are my aid and so are resources where others are also choosing not to turn around and run back to the broken arms of addiction. Bonnie

Going to coda meetings and tapping into literature helps me somewhat, with the old family issues and current relationship stuff. Also helps to sift through the decades of my life. tara

I can not restrain my wild impulsive risk taking freedom seeking self. How can I channel some of this into pursuits and pleasures which do not involve relapse? Restraint does not work for me because I want to break out / break away. damn this is hard. Then there is the sensible me , the healer, the reserved personality, the frugal minded gal. This is a crazy opposition. I can not polarize to either side. Got to find the center . Inner resolve is like a firm foundation and restraint is the wild horse. I’m trying to feel the inner resolve. Bonnie

I was feeling emersed within the restraint of urges this am and to be honest for weeks now. They come and go. This morning I wrote in this journal and then I pulled myself together and went for a walk into town. When I go for a walk or a short bike ride I sometimes have no intent other than to get out of the house and breath. Today when I arrived home I felt a stronger resolve. My breathing is deeper. My head is not spinning. I’m just gong to have to work through many days such as this for a long time. omg. Just the way it is. Bonnie

It’s very healing and helpful to get understanding, not just about compulsive gambling problems in general but about the specific ways it shows up for different people. It feels like a god send when I get exactly the understanding of a certain detail that I need. Yesterdaay I received understanding about how, when some of us l, like myself, have turned into binge gamblers through trying to recover for years on end. I tried to recover and greatly lessened my gambling and ability to even go to near by casinos because I self excluded. But I would travel and have a blow out after a few months or a month went by. sometimes I would not stop there but would have a relapse period where I gambled once a week for a periord of time … either or. What the point is is that my pattern was stopping for 2 weeks to 4 months many times over… so my body and brain programed strongly to this pattern. Now at six months I’m dealing with my brain not knowing this new territory and sometimes screaming at me in withdrawal because it misses the chemical rush ( I guess). I received some understanding about this pattern. At least I know that it is not uncommon and that yes, it is realistically hard to break this binge cycle. I don’t feel alone . This is good. b62