[Jonny123987]

I’m 41 years old. I have lost everything AGAIN. I’ve been trying to quit gambling for years. I’ve been gambling since I was 18. I have made some money but mainly lose it. I’ve moved up the ranks at work and finally started making some decent money. I always thought I gambled to make more money and not because I had a problem. As soon as the bigger money started to roll in the bets became bigger. I needed nicer things. I could offset spending with gambling winnings. For a few years I never won or lost more then 3-5 grand. I was always back and forth with that figure. Up 3 grand, down three grand. My bank account started to grow and I had over 60 grand. Then all of a sudden I lost 25 grand in 2 nights. and I was sick. I flipped out and lost my job. I then proceeded to gamble another 30 grand or so in the next month. A month laater I found myself with about 10 grand and in need of a job. I went to gamblers anonymous and realized I need to stop. I did for a few months. I moved to New York for my new job and was loving life. Al of a sudden I started gambling again. Not even sure why. I lost everything in a week. Then had to be homeless for a couple months and saved everything I could and quit gambling for about 4 months. Then I just had another relapse about a month ago and lost everything plus 10k in credit card debt which is pretty much all my credit. I have a check from work sitting here and it seems like nothing compared to what I just lost. I know I have to quit again. But the feeling of despair is frightening and I just don’t know how to accept that I let down everyone and myself again and have nothing and just feel down right horrible. I need to exclude myself from everywhere. Make sure to get gamble blocks in place on my computer and phone and go to meetings again. I know I can’t win the money back even though I have a plan. My plan always gets ruined because I’m a compulsive gambler.

Gees. I can’t believe I did this to myself!

[Dunc]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. ?We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. ?We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. ?The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. ?So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you ??

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and ?terms and conditions so you know how it all works! ???

[Brendan_UT]

Johnny, do you have anyone around you who could help with your situation, such as keeping you accountable and making sure you follow through?

This might seem unrelated, but I have found that when I work out and am active, I feel stronger mentally and more positive. If you have not joined a gym, I recommend that you start.

[vera]

Jonny, if you don’t walk away you will lose and lose and lose.
You hit the nail on the head. CGS NEVER win. If we could walk away we wouldn’t be CGS. Logical when you think it through! So, what’s the point in gambling?
Exercise, i.e. walking certainly helped me to avoid making trips to the casinos. Walking fills many hours. It helps to clear the mind and IT’S FREE!

[charles]

Hi Johnny,

Well done on making the decision to stop again. It sounds like GA helped you before so getting back there will be a good step. Use the support you have here as well and you can be stronger still. Instal those barriers as well of course.

This time when you stop the important thing will be to keep using the support at GA and here to maintain your recovery.

Keep posting.

[lizbeth4]

Hi Johnny, We CG’s never get ahead with gambling. We go deeper in the hole. The only way to get ahead is to stop gambling!! Put all the barriers in place. GA is a good start. Keep posting here!!!! Exercise has helped me too!!! Stay strong. You are not alone!!!

[Jonny123987]

I made the same mistake again. Why do I do the same thing over and over and hate myself for it. Why have I lost everything? Why do I continue to hurt myself and never learn? I’m sick.

[vera]

We keep making the same mistake, Jonny, because we are compulsive gamblers. It is a progressive disease. The side effect is self destruction.
Step One says
„Admit I am powerless over gambling”.
When we fully accept that, we will stop because we know there is no point in continuing. You will know when you are ready to stop.

[charles]

Hi Again Johnny.
You ask a few „Whys?” there. The short answer, as you will have found out from GA, is because you are a Compulsive gambler.

Here are another few questions. Have you got back to GA meetings? What barriers can you put in place, now, before the urges return?

Keep posting, you are already getting some good suggestions, let us know what positive steps you are taking.

[Jonny123987]

I will never gamble again. This weekend was the worst.

I stopped for a few days and then realized that I had fee’s build up that would allow the sportsbook to put $300 into my account. I took that $300 and turned it into $5700 by around 5am in Saturday morning. Then I started betting big thinking I could get it all back. I lost $5700 in an hour once I started being big. Today is day 1 for me. I’m done. I also have hurt my back mysteriously. I can’t push off on my right calf and it scares me too. Gees. I literally have no money or access to any to even eat today. WTF did I just do to myself in thefts 2 months?

[Jonny123987]

Oh and I dropped an additional $2k after r I lost the $5700. I have lost my savings. Maxed out credit cards and am desperate at this point. One credit card let me go $5k over the limit. Not even sure how that happened.

[charles]

Have you now closed that gambling account? Have you now made yourself accountable for your cash? Have you now got back to GA meetings? What other positive steps can you take?

[Jonny123987]

I haven’t done anything accept read posts all night and realize that I am no better and worse then many people on here. I thought I had a handle on this. I thought I was getting better. This relapse is worse then anything I have ever done to myself before. I can’t believe I did this to myself. I have nothing left.

[Jonny123987]

I’m a total loser for doing this to myself. I don’t know how to go on after losing everything. I have gambled for over 20 years. Then straightened my life out. Relapsed once. Saved some back and things were going well. Then I just bet. Then bet again. Then the flood gates opened up. Now I’m lost in depression and debt. I haven’t been in debt like this for many years and am having trouble accepting it. I live alone, have no wife, girlfriend, or kids. My dog looks at me like I’m a total loser too. He seems to see the best in me always even though I’m going through hell.

[charles]

Deep breath Jonny. What’s done is done. It is no suprise that this relapse if the worst yet – it’s a progressive problem.

Now, while you are hurting try and use your pain as a motivation to start doing some of the things that have been talked about here. Start taking some of those positive steps.

[charles]

There is a New Members group running right now. Click on „support groups” and you will be able to connect. Hopefully see you there.

[Jonny123987]

I decided to tell my mom about what I’ve done. She didn’t have anything to say. She’s been there and done that. It definitely didn’t make me feel better.

[Kent20162016]

Hi, Jonny. I feel so sorry for your lost. As a gambler, I found that the most important rule is not chasing lost. That is the most dangerous thing. I didn’t believe that before. But it is true that when you feel bad, you are always unlucky.I tried and proved it so many times. I won some money to big bankroll for 5, 6 months, but I can lose those all in one single hour. What I suggest is to take a long break. According to you debt situation, you really need a long break away from gambling.

[charles]

Hi Jonny, well done on telling your mum. As you say though, it sounds like she has heard it all before?

You have had some good suggestions here and in the group.
It is an old saying, actions speak louder than words. Of the things that have been suggested what are you going to DO to show your mum that you mean it this time?

Keep posting.

[JayKay82]

Hi Johnny. Hope you are doing better. You have to trust yourself to beat placing that first bet. I know I. My heart I cannot gamble again because I am a compulsive gambler. No matter how rationale I think. The longer you stay away the easier it is to stay away.

[Jonny123987]

Thanks. Today is day 3. Just trying to focus one day at a time on not gambling and not think about the negative. I have given up most of my finances but could still gamble if so choose too. Today I will choose not to again as I know I might win the first bet but will ultimately be unhappy because of it and will lose it on the second third or fourth bet as I can’t stop once I start.

[i-did-it]

How are things going Jonny?

[JayKay82]

Your right Jonny. Its when we think we have it beaten and can control it that it rears its ugly head. Trick is to let it pass and move on with your life.

Hope you are keeping well

[Jonny123987]

Hi everyone,

Thanks for reaching out to me. I’m currently in Central America working. I haven’t gambled since my last relapse which was a bout a month ago. Hope everyone else is doing well. It’s hard to get online so I apologize for the delayed responses.

[icandothis]

Hi Jon, Thanks for the support on my thread. I am sorry to say that the answer is that I am not doing very well. I seem to sabotage myself over and over again. And then I say to myself once again, I can’t believe I did this to myself! Sorry to whine on your thread.
Congratulations on your one month.
I believe we must never stop trying to improve ourselves. And that involves so much more than just quitting gambling. Recovery is much more than that. Take care. And thanks again for asking about me. It is nice of you to ask. This is a difficult time for me, but I have weathered many a storm. I still believe that life is good and can always get better if we focus on what really matters.
I hope your work is going well. I live in the US, and where I live it is very cold. So, Central America sounds nice!

[Jonny123987]

Hey I Can Do this,

What happened? Why are you so down?

I’m still gamble free thank god!

Best,
Jon

[Jonny123987]

Day 35 Gamble free. 1 Day at a time. Some days are easier then others and some are hard. But nothing worth anything should be easy to obtain.

[JayKay82]

Good work Jonny,

Keep it going.

[Jonny123987]

Thanks JayKay. I have very little desire to gamble these days thank god. I obviously wish I had the money I worked so hard for back but unfortunately that will never happen. For now I take it one day at a time and keep putting one foot in front of the next. Day 36 – GAME ON!

[White Tara]

Dear Jonny, congratulations! This is a brand new year for you full of new beginnings. An excellent way to start the year.

[Jonny123987]

Thanks White Tara and everyone else who has been nice to me and taken the time to read and write. I’m still working my job in Belize. I suffered a major set back about a week ago with my back. I think I may have pinched the nerve again and it is finally starting to feel normal. I haven’t gambled which is good and was able to watch the SuperBowl without having any real urge to gamble. Today is the start of day 41. Still upset about my losses. Every paycheck I make for the next few months will completely go to my debt. Hopefully I can continue to get better, will continue to work, and can get myself out of this crazy red hole again and never do this again to myself.

[Jonny123987]

Day 42 Come and gone.

[Jonny123987]

Day 47 today. I had a horrible dream last night. I just feel like I am nothing sometimes. I want to hate myself for what I ‘ve done to myself. But I don’t see how thats going to get me anywhere. I have quit for close to 7 weeks now. That’s 7 paychecks that won’t go towards gambling. My checks got held up in transit so I still need to use them to pay off my debt. I’m still in Central America working until 3/7 then I fly back home. I’ll need to land a job quick and keep going. I’ll make sure to go to Gambling Anonymous one or two times a week. This will be my last time quitting. I’ll never gamble again. I have so much to say but have to get to work. One day at a time. I’m not going to gamble today. Had I never gambled Iwould easily have over 300,000 in the bank and have a much more secure life. Instead I’m worried about my next paycheck after 20 years of hard work.

[Jonny123987]

Day 48.

[vera]

Well done on 48 days
Dreams can play tricks with our minds.
Stick to reality. You won’t gamble today.
I have said „I will never gamble” again ten thousand times. If we keep saying that every day it will come true.
I sometimes c ount the money I should/could have had. It won’t bring it back . Its gone. All we can do, Jon , is resolve not to let any more go astray.
Gambling costs more than money and there are many things in life that no money can buy.
Stay focused. How’s your back?

[Spyrogyro]

Hello Johnny,

It seems my life is similar to yours, except it seems I owe less to banks, about 30kusd but the worst part is that I dont have a job. I quit 8 years and even if Im graduated and worked in many companies, its almost impossible to get a new qualified job nowadays. Im just lost and I dont see any way to get out of gambling, no companies give me a chance go return to work, this is very very bad.

You should be gratefull you have a job so you can see a light in the end of the tunnel…

[Jonny123987]

Hi Vera,

My back is still very sore. My main issue is that I have nerve damage to my entire right leg. I’ve been working hard to gain strength back but it’s been a very slow process. Thank you for asking!

Day 52 gamble free. One day at a time.

[Jonny123987]

57 Days gamble free. I’ve been paying bills back and am grateful for my job. I actually made a pretty good dent in my debt these last 2 months. My job is going to end soon but I’m hopefully going to be hired onto another gig soon.

One day at a time. Thankful.

[Jonny123987]

Day 65. Feeling good about this number. I hate that I gambled my life away but am not going to do that anymore. One day at a time I will not gamble.

[DNcanada]

Hi, I just like to say what a difference the tone is in your posts now from when you first posted. Very positive to hear and great job in not gambling. Keep it up. Wish I could say it was my 65th day of not gambling. Only 1 day right now. I just want to get to 7 days this week for once. Then hopefully 30 days and more. Keep posting. Thanks for your updates

[charles]

Well done on your gamble free time Jonny.

Are you at home now? Have you checked out your local GA meeting yet?

Keep posting and let us know how you are filling your gamble free time.

[Jonny123987]

On day 74. I don’t think about gambling much these days. It’s weird but I just don’t think about it. I do think about how life would have been way more set up had I not lost so much. But all and all I feel better. I had to leave Belize a week early because I got a great job offer with promotion and more money. Unfortunately I jumped to another tax bracket and actually get a little less on my pay checks. A very high class problem I suppose. I’m still about 8 grand in debt. I downed a canoe with my laptop on it. That only cost $2500. Life has been pretty difficult after my surgery. My back aches and my nerve damage seems to not get better. It might have something to do with me not wanting to gamble. But I don’t know I just know I can’t gamble. Yesterday at work the HR department sent out an email to everyone and it said that they have a march madness pool and who wanted to join the pool. I was a little amazed that the company promotes gambling but then realized that’s our society and I clearly am an addict that is in major recovery. Obviously I did not partake. A lady cut in front of me in line the other day. I didn’t get upset but wanted to say something and usually do but for some reason i was curious what she was in a hurry for. She gets to the counter and pulls out a scratched lotto ticket from her pocket. She cut in front of me not for gas or something else but to gamble. She was in the fog and I could see it written all over her. The gambling fog… we all know it so well. She put it on the counter and it was worth $20 she said give me two tens and four fives and put down $20 bucks on the counter and I realized that i felt bad for her and that i too could buy a lotto ticket but I just paid for the sunblock and gas and moved on with my day.

Thank you for your posts. Charles, thanks for checking in. I honestly haven’t done much in the way of recovery accept not gamble. I used to go to gamble anonymous but really it’s don’t have the time with work. Thankfully I just don’t want to gamble anymore and have been strong enough to stay away. I think i relapsed 5 or 6 times easy in the last 9-12 months but this is the strongest I’ve felt yet. I will go to a ga meeting when the time permits. I have to run to work now.

I hope anyone reading isn’t gambling and is slowly getting things back in order. Peace to all.

[Jonny123987]

Dmcanada did you make a week? I hope so but also know it’s ok if you didn’t. This stuff only works when we set goals and know we can’t gamble. If gambling was going to work and make us happy we wouldn’t be seeking help because life is so bad.

[Jonny123987]

Today is day 81. Still a long way from out of the debt hole. One day at a time. It sure takes a long time to try to get back what was lost in such a short time. It’s nice to not have gambled on 80 days but annoying to have lost so much when I did gamble.

[Jonny123987]

Day 100 gamble free. Very happy to not have gamble for 100 days. Life hasn’t changed financially that much but my ecveryday life seems a bit more manageable. I don’t even know what’s going on in the sports world. I heard the final four the other day and was like… I guess it was just March madness. Weird how sports have taken a back seat when i don’t gamble. I used to think I liked them but now am not so sure.

[Jonny123987]

Day 100 gamble free. Very happy to not have gamble for 100 days. Life hasn’t changed financially that much but my ecveryday life seems a bit more manageable. I don’t even know what’s going on in the sports world. I heard the final four the other day and was like… I guess it was just March madness. Weird how sports have taken a back seat when i don’t gamble. I used to think I liked them but now am not so sure.

[Jonny123987]

Day 163.

[kathryn]

Hi Jonny,
Congratulations on your gamble free time!
I read the above post where you said you aren’t doing anything in terms of recovery except not gambling.
Has that changed?
I guess, like anything painful, as time goes on we forget the pain, it lessens in time so I suppose what I want to say is that maybe, while you’re in a better head space its time to put some barriers up. This addiction can rear its head at any time, making sure your barriers are up ensure that if you do get an urge, you are protected.
In saying that, we all work differently, what works for some doesn’t work for others.
Again, congratulations……
Take care, K xx

[Jonny123987]

Day 175. I was just doing some banking and realized that I’m officially in the positive. Not by a lot by a few hundred to a grand. I have more cash than I owe on credit cards. I want to say I’m happy but I’m still just annoyed I let this happen. I’m not going to let it continue and that’s one of the reasons I keep coming back to this site. I read others stories, their pain, their frustrations, their worry. Read mine again. It reminds me how real and debilitating this disease is. That it never goes away. It might get a little easier with time but it is always inside burning. It took me down…. It took my life away and almost killed me. It still takes.

Screw gambling!!!! and what it does to you if you become addicted. I’m moving forward! It just took me half a year of very hard work to get out of this debt from my last relapse. The 3 relapses before that cost me $40,000 of savings. The big fall before that at close to $60,000 of savings. Before that over 20 years of daily sports and casino gambling which I’m guessing cost me in the range of $300,000. Total guesstimated loss is around $425,000. I guess 175 days gamble free pales in comparison to those stats. This is the longest I’ve ever not gambled for since I was 18 years old. All my relapses happened within 2 months of trying to quit. I feel much more determined this time around.

I’m happy that I have found some peace though. I still stress all the losses but am grateful to be working and on the road back. I took back control of my finances a couple months ago. My mom was super helpful but tit was extremely hard to have her manage my money. Her support is what I really need and some self control which I’ve been doing ok with. I’ve been thinking about the next stages of my financial life (besides the personal stuff) more and more. IRA accounts, stocks, mutual funds, bonds, property, business ownership, idea cultivating, donating, helping others, etc. I’m 41 years old and don’t have many chances left at having a life I can be proud of.

No one knows loneliness like a gambler. It leaves in its wake lost confidence, ambition, empathy, friendliness, compassion, caring, etc, and leaves us as a selfish, hurtful, untrustworthy, hateful, vindictive, manipulative shell of a person. Finding our ways back from that while dealing with the shit storm of personal, family, friends, business debts and loss of years and years of savings is crippling for any human to deal with no matter what their socioeconomic, religious, racial, or cultural backgrounds are.

Gambling is affecting people in horrible ways all over the world. Only the super rich benefit from all of us hurting like this. The system and game isn’t developed for us to win. No matter how good we are the house will always win for the greater portion of us. A select few can prosper in the gambling industry that try to prosper off gaming. Self control is the key to everything. Last night I had a shot of tequila. I didn’t need more. I didn’t want more. I didn’t have to have more. But I do with gambling. For me I can control drinking and therefore is ok in moderation just like any bad habit or something you might do a few times a year.

I’m not trying to teach anyone on this site anything. I’m just writing my feelings down for the moment so that I can read them again in another time of need.

I hope you all the best and hope all of our recoveries keep going well. Onward and upward fellow compulsive gamblers.

Much love and peace.

Jonny

[Jonny123987]

Hi Kathryn,

Thanks for taking the time to read my post. And thanks for saying congrats. It hasn’t been easy but I’m proud to say today is day 175 without gambling on anything including any friendly bets. ??

Question – Unfortunately I haven’t been doing more in my recovery accept for not gambling. I have been to GA over 30 times in the past. I did buy gamble block for my computer and phone but never actually installed it for some silly reason. I did give my finances completely over to my mom for a few months while I was in the thick of it. I cancelled a few credit cards and worked with my mom to put my complete financial picture out there in the open to someone that I cared a lot about what they thought about me.

As much as I appreciate having a system in place to not gamble I ultimately believe that one has to have self control in order to beat any addiction. Having someone say have blocks in place for urges is understandable but not going to stop anyone who is set on doing something. We all know this. If I was an alcoholic am I not supposed to go shopping at any store that has alcohol in it? Should I go to every store in the world and let them know I can have the alcohol there or is it on me not buy that alcohol and drink it. I think it is and stick to my guns on that. No matter what barriers I have in place or have had in place I can always figure out a way to hurt myself with gambling. The only truth is is that I need to not let that happen. I can either do it or not. It’s that simple. Interesting how not doing something harmful is so hard to do. ??

Very best,
Jon

[kathryn]

I understand your point.
Whatever works for you.
I know, for myself, that my gambling increased as the years went on. Sure, I stopped for a little while, but always went back. I would hate to see anyone go through what I did if there was a way to avoid it. That’s all.
Take care, K

[Idra21]

You are not alone.we will cure.we must do this.we need to rake the control again

[JayKay82]

Well done Jonny. I think we are somewhere on the same timeline in recovery. I am glad to hear you are doing so well. Like me you know you can never look back. Anyway, congrads on your progress, and i do believe things get easier every bump you pass.

Take care

[Jonny123987]

Day 182 – No gambling for me. Thanks everyone for saying hello and wishing me well. I hope you all are not gambling with me. ??

[MrExon]

Hi Jonny,

I loved reading your story. I can relate on so many scales – I also blame myself for having lost savings, and having lost every single paycheck I’ve earned. I know I will probably need help to get over that and to learn to stop blaming myself. Maybe you need the same? In almost every post of yours you blame yourself – you are doing so well! You are half a year gamble free. I just worry that dwelling on the fact you could be richer in life could possibly make you relapse, and I would hate to see that. Please don’t take offense to that, you are doing so well but by reading your story and seeing you blame yourself over and over again it worries me. I personally know that no matter how much time goes by I will always blame myself, therefore I am hoping I will get help to cope with that.

I am 27 days gamble free and am on the waiting list to go to gordon moody. Never been happier.

Stay strong and well done for getting your life back on track. Proud of you fellow ex-addict!

Take care,

MrExon

[charles]

Well done on your gamble free time Jonny. Mr Exon, welcome to the Forum and well done on getting help at Gordon Moody. Maybe scroll down to the bottom of the forum and click on New Topic, you can start your own thread and get support here as well. My own opinion is – no such thing as an „ex addict.” I am an addict who is choosing not to act on his addiction. Keep posting both.

[Marymelody]

I have truly enjoyed reading your posts. I am really rooting for you! You are doing so well and seem to have your head screwed on right! Years ago I went through a program to quit smoking. It was called SmokEnders. They repeated ad nauseam „One Will Hurt.” „One Will Hurt ” I have always remembered that and it seems the same is true for gambling. Five years from now, one time could blow everything. I believe it has to be a lifelong commitment to never gambling again. I am truly happy for you and how I wish my husband had your strength. He seems to prefer gambling over a happy marriage. Keep up the good work, Jonny.

[MrExon]

Hi Charles.

Thanks for the support. I will at some point start writing my own story, but it’s not something I want to force myself into – rather I hope it comes naturally.

I agree with you on the ex-addict front. I should’ve explained myself in a different way! I think that who’s an addict once is always an addict, but you either let the addiction eat you up inside, or you learn to live with it. By ex-addict I actually meant „gamble free person”.

I’m disappointed to hear that you know you are an addict but you choose not to act on it. What’s the reason behind this?

Hope all is well everyone. I will be 4 weeks gamble free today. Wow the time has flown by…

MrExon

[Twnmum]

I just came off a three day gambling binge. I have lost over 100k in the last two years. I’m so depressed that I can’t even look at myself in the mirror. My husband passed away two years ago and left me with some life insurance that was to take care of me and I have proceeded to gamble it all away. I feel as though I have disrespected him and his love for me. My family is not aware of what I have done and I don’t know if I have the strength or courage to tell them.
I have spent the past two days reading posts on this forum. The stories are sad yet so similar. I am going to my first GA meeting tonight. I have also been thinking of self excluding at the casinos that I go to. I am afraid that if I walk into the casino to self exclude I will begin gambling again.
I hope to get some help and support here. Thanks

[MrExon]

Hi Twnmum,

All I can say is that I’m sorry for your loss. It’s clearly been a hard time for you, and gambling looks like it’s been your way of escaping the truth.

Did you have a gambling problem before your husband passed away?

I’m 4 weeks clean today and all I can say is it DOES get better. I’m 21 years old and I’ve been gambling since I was 18. I never gambled as much as your or others have done, because I couldn’t get my hands on that amount of money, otherwise I’m sure I would have.

I have to say that the first 72 hours are the hardest. You have it so stuck into your daily routine that you almost feel ill and empty as what you used to do for 10 hours a day you no longer can. You don’t know what to do with your time and it is VERY hard.
Then once you get past the 2 week barrier (I call it this because it takes 2 weeks to get into or out of a habbit), it becomes a lot easier. You only think about it when it randomly pops into your head, and that’s maybe a couple of times a day. I barely even think about it anymore, and when I do, the thought goes within almost seconds.

The hardest bit by far for me hasn’t been stopping gambling, it’s been facing up to the problems that made me gamble. I used to escape them by gambling, and now that I’m gamble free (for the time being and hopefully forever), you realise I realise that I’ve been almost „dead” for years. I got paid, I gambled it in 3 days, then I worked and slept til my next pay day. Month after month after month. I didn’t live. At all.

I’m sure your story is different but will have similarities. All I can say to you is that I feel happy again. It feels so good and the sense of accomplishment is indescribable. I’ve never been so proud of anything in my life.

It IS possible. It DOES feel better. And you know what? It’s EASIER than you think it is.

I wish you the best of luck. Stay strong, stay positive.

MrExon

[vera]

Welcome to both, but it would be far easier to get support if you start your own thread. It confuses things, otherwise.

Twnmum: I’m very sorry to hear you lost your husband two years ago and „to add insult to injury”you are now losing his insurance . That is not uncommon, sadly. When a spouse passes on, the remaining partner goes though stages of grief which cause us to act in ways that are often out of character. Have you had bereavement counselling? This could shed some light on why you gambled madly, like you did, causing further loss and pain.
For now, though, the first thing you need to do is STOP gambling.
Cut your losses and walk away. It is extremely difficult but if you are self excluded (banned) from all local casinos it is a start.
If you go in to the casino to ban, bring NO money with you and maybe take a friend along , you will not gamble.
We need to draw a line under our past actions and start anew.
The first and most difficult thing you need to realize is that you will never get your money back. Secondly, you need to accept that you are totally powerless over gambling. Thirdly, accept that it is a progressive illness that doesn’t ever go away.
Good luck with your first GA meeting.
I would suggest you stay back after the meeting and ask to speak to a member who will give you a few helpful tips and phone number that you can contact if you feel like gambling tomorrow.
Well done on coming here to GT.

Mr Exon,
You are very young. Your life will be far better off without gambling. It IS possible to stop and stay stopped one day at a time.
Keep posting.

[vera]

Jonny,
There is only one thing worse than blaming yourself and that is when we blame others. I know people who do and I often blamed others too. „If only he/she had/hadn’t/said/done this or that”….not uncommon. I even met people who blamed the machines in the casinos. „If only these machines weren’t rigged, I could play like a normal person.”
Bottom line, Jon, we are to blame. We did it. We gave into our base instincts. We refused to listen. We screwed up. Over and out. That being said, we don’y need to crucify ourselves forever. What we need to do is CHANGE.
Change our actions. Change our habits. Change our mindset,
The rest will follow.
One day at a time.
You are doing brilliantly.
I’m not doing too badly myself!
Let’s give each other a clap on the back.

[MrExon]

Hi Vera,

Thanks for your support.

Hope all is going well for you.

MrExon

[charles]

Hi Mr Exon, Just to clarify. I have a gambling addiction and choose not to act on it – by that I meant I choose not to gamble ?? I like recovery

[MrExon]

Wow!

Ok that took me by surprise. I understand what you mean now. Glad to here you are gamble free too.

Hope all is well.

MrExon

[Jonny123987]

Day 188 with control over not doing something that is harmful to my well being.

I’m in the fight for my life. I recognize it. If I give in my life is over again. While I gambled I was breathing and had a pulse but I wasn’t living. Everyday I remind myself that I am an addict and know what I can’t do. Everyday I remind myself right after that it’s ok…. And I’m ok…. and it’s going to be ok… and take a deep breath and continue on. People are flawed. We make mistakes. We’re human. I’m human. I need to stop comparing myself to others that I see as perfect or living a life that I want. I just need to keep working hard one day at a time. Focus on making this day the best day ever. Focus on helping myself and being good to others. Focus on all positive things.

I agree with Charles and Vera to start your own threads. It’s helpful for a number of reasons. You don’t have to say much. Just explain how you’re feeling.

Vera – Thanks for saying hello and wishing me well. I’m glad to hear you’re doing so great as well. It’s amazing how much clearer things can get when we get out of the fog. Thank you for your much appreciated advise. I definitely look to you for support and guidance through the mercy waters of addiction and recovery. I suggest everyone of us listen to Charles and Vera. I will continue to work on myself Vera, and strive to put the pain of this more behind me. But as you know it’s difficult to forget such a huge loss of love, trust, time, and wealth. I agree with you that living one day at a time and not worrying about yesterday or tomorrow is smart. Just think about how you’re going to live the best day you can today. ??

TwnMum – Hi… I’m very grateful that you trusted me enough to reach out and express what you’re going through. I don’t think many people can truly understand or empathize with the pain you must be feeling. I’m really proud of you that you’re seeking advise and help from this forum and community of fellow compulsive gamblers. The advise that the others gave is sound advise. Please listen to everyone. I know it’s hard and definitely feels nearly impossible. But you can do it. Did you screw up? Yes. Does it mean you’re a horrible person? NO. Does it mean you need some work? Yes. The fact that you have reached out means you are close… if not ready to begin the transformation back to your life. We all have different ways to grieve. We all go must suffer through major personal losses. I agree that gambling is a way to forget painful events. Loose yourself in the action…. Then something crazy happens from the action… We loose money… we lose time…. we lose self respect…. we lose friends…. we lose family…. we lose ourselves to it…. and probably least important we lose money. But ultimately – WE LOSE! Once we lose it we convince ourselves that we have to have it back. We have to get it back. So we start chasing. and you know what? It feels good because we forget the losses, we forget the pain, we’re feeling good for a few hours, but boom, then we aren’t. And it’s not only back but it’s worse this time. This is a cycle for all of us until we’re completely broke and null and void to everyone and everything including ourselves. But there is a chance for all of us. We have to stop immediately. We have to choose life and not gambling. We have to let go of all the yesterdays and all the money and everything else and just want to enjoy today.

Questions:
1. Did you go to GA? If so, how was it? Did you relate to some of the folks there? Was it therapeutic?
2. Do you have twins?
3. What are your games of choice when gambling? You said you went on a binge? How so? Online? At a casino?
4. How are your finances? Can you pay your bills this month? How bad is your debt?
5. Is your family usually supportive of each other? Are they the most important people in your life?

Mr Exon – Thank you for taking the time to visit me and wish me well and offer some insight. It’s truly appreciated. I’m glad to hear that you’re gamble free for a month. That’s really awesome man. Keep up the good work! In response to your suggestion I will do my best to stop blaming myself so much. I think maybe it’s been part of my process. I have been trying to accept my loses in a safer and more constructive way lately. I’d be the last person to tell anyone what to do. I merely make suggestions like you are. I say do whatever works for you to stay away from gambling. If you’ve made it 27 days doing it your way then keep it up. Make it to 47, then 62, then 84, and so on with that method. The key for you and me is not gambling for today. Talk soon brother and lets not do that crap together.

Charles – You are a man that I’ve sparred with on this sight once or twice. The truth about you Charles is you are a great person who cares about others. You give it to us straight and and I’m grateful. I always welcome your advise and appreciate your help.

MaryMelody – Hi MaryMelody, Thanks for reaching out and reading my story. It’s nice to have someone rooting for you in a positive way. ?? I’ve been trying my best to remain strong and fight for my life. I’m very sorry to hear that you and your husband are suffering through the grip of the disease. It’s scary how powerful it can be. Some/most can’t see their way out with help. I certainly had a lot of help and still come to this site daily and am grateful for the daily emails that stand as a reminder that I am sick. I might not be throwing up. But I am sick and always will be. And it’s ok. I’ve gambled a fortune away and it’s going to be ok. This is my journey. And yes I blame myself for making these bad choices. I’m no genius but I don;t see anyone else around to blame. I accept that and am proud of my acceptance. It hurts. Sure. But I own it. Unfortunately the grips of gambling are so bad that your husband will most likely choose gambling before love. It’s that powerful. I don’t know the answer accept that I do know the power of gambling. Your husband will need to stop for the sake of his own life. Once he does that he might be ready to love another person again. Until he can love himself and not compulsively gamble while hurting the ones that love him he can’t truly love another. I’m sorry to say that but I do believe it.

[MrExon]

Hi Jonny,

Hope you’re well and gamble free! Keep it going mate.

7 weeks gamble free tomorrow for me. Flown by!

Take care.

MrExon

[Jonny123987]

Good work Mr Exon. 7 weeks is a major accomplishment.

I’m on day 207 I’m pretty sure. Things definitely get easier when not gambling from a financial standpoint. The pain also lessons. But man I still feel the burn of it all.

[MrExon]

Hey Jonny,

Good to hear you’re doing well, and almost 7 months gamble free! Just remember that you’ve put many years into this, so it’s gonna take many years to get you out of it. It’s a slow and steady procedure, but we’re on the UP now, when gambling you’re ALWAYS on the DOWN. Remember that.

If you’re feeling down about being financially worser off than you would’ve been had you never gambled, remember that in life there are things you can change and things you can’t. Don’t dwell on the past, because it will ruin your future. Every day is a new beginning. Plan. Save. Travel. Love. Enjoy. Smile. Laugh. Have fun. LIVE.

Chin up, screw gambling, and enjoy that gamble free life! Never forget what it was like being in the bottomless pit. I certainly never want to go back.

Take care.

MrExon

[MrExon]

Sorry, just wanted to add this link in: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5ci6pWeleg

It’s a clip from Trainspotting T2. „Choose life”. It was originally from Trainspotting, but I prefer the updated version.
It makes me reflect on my choices in life. Choose gambling is just yet another bad choice I want to avoid. Don’t you choose it.

[Jonny123987]

Day 214 – Hey Exon – I hope you’re doing well. Thanks for the advise and sharing. I always appreciate hearing everyones thoughts. Good luck to everyone who is reading this stuff and trying to quit. You can do it. ??

[MrExon]

Hey Jonny,

I’m not too bad, how are you getting on? No problem, it’s great to have the support from everyone, and the least I can do I give my support back.

Stay strong my friend.

MrExon

[MilkTrayMan]

„f you’re feeling down about being financially worser off than you would’ve been had you never gambled”

This is something I struggled with quite a bit… But you have to come to see it in a different way as you said.

I look at it this way, in order to become stronger, better – more intelligent people.. we need to make mistakes in life. People who have never struggled or suffered in life tend to be miserable, people who have suffered and come out the other side are well adjusted.

I look at this debt as a mortgage on happiness – You can’t enjoy the good times without having been through the bad.. Debt is a scar you can heal.

[MrExon]

Hi Milk,

I couldn’t agree more. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

Mistakes at the time are horrible, especially mistakes with big repercussions. As time passes though, you almost appreciate making those mistakes, as it makes you into a stronger and better person. At this current time, I hate the fact that I’ve become a gambling addict, but I’m sure that in the future I will look back on these days and think „don’t worry mate, you’ve got over it, and you’re a much better person because of it”.

The debt is a bummer, but fortunately I’m young (21) and couldn’t get myself into THAT much debt. I couldn’t get a big loan or a mortgage, and that’s what saved my ass – my age. I was about 5k in debt but I’ve managed to pay it off slowly but surely. I should be debt free in a months time!

Take care, and stay gamble free!

MrExon

[Jonny123987]

Day 220. Hope everyone is feeling great today!

[Anonimas]

Its a bullseye. (Probably before your time Mr Exon).

Great clip.

Choose life. What’s the alternative.

[MrExon]

Bullseye? That darts game show?

Well you could not choose life but that would suck.

MrExon

[Jonny123987]

Day 228

[Jonny123987]

Day 236 – I’ve been feeling a little off these last few days. This is a tricky disease. Maybe a GA meeting is a good idea.

[Jonny123987]

Day 261 – Wanted to gamble bad yesterday for some reason. I didn’t though which is good. I don’t need the money so I’m not sure why the urge was so strong.

[vera]

How do you feel today Jon?
Most CGs will want to gamble every now and then. It comes with the territory.
The urge is strong because we are CGs. Non CGs don’t get gambling urges. Many CGs don’t get urges either.

When my need to gamble became greater than my need to win, the urges began to subside.

Can you figure that out? Food for thought!

[Jonny123987]

Day 269 – Things are always improving. Not gambling is the only answer. I miss the rush for sure but not enough to derail everything I’ve worked so hard for. Not again…

[Jonny123987]

Day 279 – I invest nearly 50% of every check I take in at the moment. I’m living as cheap as possible. I have some basic urges. Some days the urges seem to be stronger than other days. That’s when I’m not having things change… I noticed the other day I got a call about my job ending. This is pretty normal in my industry. I work freelance so jobs come and go. Of course it was a tough pill to swallow but the odd thing was that I felt the urge to gamble more at that moment or a few minutes later. When emotionally hurt I just want to say screw it… and when I say screw it that somehow means gambling. I know I want that rush. The rush will make it feel better. Winning some cash would make it feel better…. It’s bullcrap. Gambling and the rush are a lie. They are satan sitting on my shoulder saying look at that… it will make you feel good. He’s a lier. He’s a hater. He’s wrong. Day 279.

[Jonny123987]

This is a repost:
I had over $100,000 just siting in an account and it wasn’t enough… It was never enough to do what I really wanted to do…. Which was stop hurting inside.

Whats more important I ask myself often. Money or pain. Money or love. Money or …..blank… Money is an a-hole! Money doesn’t make you feel good. Money doesn’t make the person you are. I also don’t really think I totally gambled for money. I think I gambled because I loved the rush. People on here generally always talk about the money. The money this, the money that, oh what if I had the money…. I do it all the time too. But what about the fact that we all love the rush… The action… We’re all junkies and we only want to see the affects of the money. When the loss of money is just the result of getting the rush. Similar to track marks and bad skin on a heroin addict. We love the rush. The rush puts us in a gamblers fog. The fog is hard to see out of. In that fog we find the worst of ourselves possible. Somehow it protects us while taking everything from us. It sheilds us from the hurt and fear. It’s all bullcrap. It’s not the money. It’s the rush… By taming the rush the money starts to fall into place.

[Jonny123987]

Day 284 – Thanks for all the support on here everyone.

[i-did-it]

Hi johny,
I’m never quite sure which thread to reply on but well done on your gamble free time

[Jonny123987]

Day 288 – For some reason I wanted to gamble again. I don’t need the money. I’m out of work again so maybe I’m. just bored and lonely. I know most of my triggers so I didn’t place any wagers and let the feeling go. I’d really like to get to a year. It’s helpful to read on hear about others replapes and to read my relapses over and over so I can remember that one bet means the end of anything good.

[Jonny123987]

Day 292 – Wow, day 300 is right around the corner. It’s weird to have had a major habit and problem for so many years that I justified as ok in my head and to others. Then all of a sudden realizing that it has ruined my life. Truth being told thats an excuse. Gambling was a result of my weakness, insecurity, lack of self confidence, lack of self esteem, my need to want to feel bigger, earn faster, and ultimately not have to work for additional wealth. I believed that having money would bring happiness when it won’t. Also, not gambling won’t bring me happiness either. Not gambling eliminates a ton of other stresses but doesn’t just make me happy all of a sudden especially when dealing with all the repercussions of 20 years of gambling and making poor decisions. Often times it takes just as long to tear something down as it takes to build it back up.
Basically what I’m getting at is that gambling isn’t the problem. I am. If I can sort out and fix some of the issues I’m facing then I would choose not to gamble. Living a life out of control while being weak but wanting material things has lead me down an odd place.

[Anonimas]

Probably one of the most sensible posts I’ve ever read on this forum.

I agree whole-heartedly gambling is not the problem. It is a consequence of our own individual lifestyles and choices.

Of course the gambling had its own consequences which effect our lifestyles and this in turn leads to us making poor choices yet again.

[vera]

Gambling is only the tip of a melting iceberg, Jon.
It does not have the power to make us happy.
Dropping our attachment to gambling lets us find the happiness that we had deep down inside us all along.
Addiction is blind.
Awareness is clear sighted.
300 days away from the chaos that gambling causes makes us aware of Life’s reality, one day at a time.

[i-did-it]

Hi Johnny , I agree with Geordie – that is a great post – I can also identify with the impatience for wealth rather than plodding away at it .
Since I attended. My first GA meeting I read post In a new way – it is helpful when I can clearly see „the steps” in action – you honesty about the reasons behind you gambling is very refreshing .
Well done on your almost 300 days Johnny .

[Jonny123987]

Day 294 – Thanks I did it, Vera, and Geordie. I appreciate the kind words and am glad to be making strides with this disease. Been having a tough couple of days. But that’s okay. I’m moving away fro another 2 months for a new job which is fun, exciting, and scary. I hope my back and calf muscle can handle it. They seem to be getting better and better by the month. Thanks everyone! Talk soon.

[Jonny123987]

Day 297 – I’m grateful for many things.

[Jonny123987]

Day 315

[Jonny123987]

When I started this thread I hadn’t hurt my back yet. That seems like a lifetime ago… Wow. To think I though I was desperate then… I had life by the balls so to say when I wrote this on 10/31. I could still walk normally and was on top of the world minus being a down and out degenerate gambling junkie…

[Jonny123987]

Day 322 – What a glorious day tomorrow is going to be.

[Jonny123987]

Day 359

[Johnny B]

Congrats Jonny
I hope your holidays are fruitful. I like your post and can also relate. I went an entire american football season without watching one game in its entirety….because I have no action on it, I have no interest in it. I am very proud of your story, and the down times where you did not give in to the gambling. I am currently a month or two away from being debt free. I will have very little in the way of assets, however, I will not owe anything other than my car note (which is a very modest monthly payment). I have never been this close before, because there was always a $2000-$5000 blow up right around the corner, and three different times in a row I got close, then far, away again.
Not this time…. I got this. Your words are very encouraging!

Johnny B

[Jonny123987]

Not sure what my ****** is anymore. It’s over a year. Glad my story could help you out a little.

Best

[vera]

Well done Jonny.
Whether we c ount the days or not , it’s still one day at a time and every day c ounts!

[i-did-it]

Hi Johnny,
Well done on your gamble free time …it’s going to be a great new year for you.

[3raser]

hey Jonny, you will have hit the year mark now, massive congratulations and i hope you have had a decent Christmas.

[Jonny123987]

Thanks Everyone. Johnny B sounds like you are doing great! Happy to report no gambling for me.

[TayCuddie]

Well done Jonny, this is very inspirational to read! Today was the day I decided to call it quits, very similar to you in tons of ways. In the last 2 weeks I’ve lost around $2,500usd on sports betting. I have been an avid gambler for the last 10 years. I remember being 18 years old and being in a casino for my 2nd time ever. I was betting .75 cents a spin and hit a jackpot for $1,800. Since that day it’s been all down hill. Sure I get on hot streaks where I win 10-15 thousand dollars in a 2 day span, but overall I can’t begin to imagine how much I am down total. Luckily, I have a really well paying job, but of course have nothing to show for it. This makes my debt pretty minimal, but savings close to none. I don’t know how many times I’ve said „I’m done, I’m never gambling again” just to prove myself wrong over and over again. I have never reached out for help before because I never thought I needed it… But, I am out of answers at this point. It’s truly inspiring to see how far you have come. Tomorrow will be day 1 for me, one day at a time, I guess… We will see how things go.

Take Care – Taylor.

[charles]

Hi Taycuddle and welcome, thanks for the comment on my poem!

You can get a lot of support here, if you scroll down to the bottom of the My Journal Forum and click on „New Topic” you can start your own thread. You will get a lot of feedback and support and all of it will then be focussed in one place. I look forward to reading it.

[finding_laura]

Hey Jonny, good to see you are still gamble free in the new year. Keep it up ?? Laura

[Jonny123987]

Hi Everyone, I hope you’re all doing well. I am still gamble free which is great. I did give a colleague a couple bucks to buy a group of us into the 400mm lottery a week or two ago. I do consider it gambling but was more for fun and a chance to win 400mm. ?? I was also able to watch a couple football games over the last few weeks and not have even had one feeling of wanting to gamble. I know gambling will always be there but it really doesn’t;t cross my mind much any more. I did feel like coming in here and talking after reading Taylors nice note to me and the rest of your kind notes.
Hey Taylor, Thanks for posting on my thread. You can beat this disease. It really can be done and you can have your life back. If you read my posts than you know what I think needs to be done. Please keep me posted on your progress.
Be well all. I think my last gamble day was 12/27/2016.

[Jonny123987]

Last gambled on 12/27/2016. Hope you are staying strong and gamble free.

Best,
Jon

[Monica1]

Good to hear from you always. Well done on your gf time.

[i-did-it]

Great update Jonnhy .
So glad things are going well.

[i_quit]

Indeed, I accept since yesterday that I am powerless to gambling. I simply admit it, couldn’t do it for long as I was so convinced myself I could control it one day but no way, I am simply powerless and will do together with all of you prevent gambling returning in our lives.

[Jonny123987]

Hi Everyone – Just wanted to heck in and say hello. I haven’t gambled since 2016 which is pretty amazing. My back and leg are not back 100% but that is just something I’ll have to live with. I’ve been working steady which is good. I’ve saved a bunch which is also nice but I still always worry about money. How are you all doing?

[Jonny123987]

Things are still looking good on this end. Hope you all are doing great.

[Johnny B]

I wanted to comment so you do not feel lost in the shuffle. Success needs to be celebrated!. You are doing an awesome job and should be proud. I am a little over 4 months gamble free myself. Do I miss it? I do. It crosses my mind a lot, but I think of the promises I have made to myself and others, and I don’t want to fee the shame of letting me and others down. So for today, I will not gamble… Hopefully I can manage as long as you have!!
Johnny B

[Jonny123987]

Thank you very much for commenting Johnny B. 4 months is great! That’s a long time.
What do you miss about it? What crosses your mind about gambling? Do you watch a game and pick the score? Do you think of the money you can win? or potentially lost by not gambling? Do you miss the rush of it? What is it exactly do you think?
I believe in both of us Johnny. We can both never gamble again if we choose to. :). Looking forward to reading your response.

[Monica1]

It’s good to see you posting again. Very well done on maintaining your gamble free time.

[i-did-it]

Hi Johnny
Well done on your gamble free time – you have really turned your life around , and have helped so many others on the way .

I have had a free 2018 but to be honest my barriers have saved me more than my will power – that’s just me I guess !

I cannot wait until I can write a post like yours

Great to hear from you !

[Johnny B]

I miss the rush and the potential that today might be „the day”.  Then it sets in that even if I had a good day, I would follow it up with many bad days to offset it, and then be losing again.  I don’t find myself interested in sports anymore as I don’t have any skin in the game.  I only watch baseball whic is my favorite sport.  Te positives I have gained far outweigh the though of the rush of playing again. I have had several „emergency” needs for extra money lately (mostly car repairs) but I have finally found myself in a position where I can pay for those myself without maxing out a card or asking for helf from family.

In my mind, the pride has begun to swell to a point that I do not want to let myself down, not to mention others vested in my success.  I am a good man, I happened to forget that along the way, and hated who I was.  So today I will not gamble.  Until 4 months ago I never tried to truly quit, because I never realized the extent of my problem.  I always thought I could be in control.  I have proven I cannot.  

Good luck.. stay strong!!

Johnny B

[Jonboy28]

I can’t stop
I put everyone second
I’m selfish
Now spending over disposal
Spent holiday money and got to explain that to partner.
I fear losing her
Fear losing my son (lives with ex wife)
I’m selfish n have no control at times.
It’s scares me and makes me feel sick!
I work for a bookies and I’m paid well but I’m stuck between leaving once finding alternative employment and knowing with few qualifications I’m not going to better what I’ve got.
This is my problem with gambling, y can’t I b happy with what I’ve got.
I have a wonderful son, beautiful girlfriend n well paid job!

[Jonny123987]

Hi Everyone,
Thank you for writing on my post. I’ve been pretty busy working and trying to live. ??
I haven’t gambled and don’t think about it much these days. The other day I did see a lotto ticket and thought for a second that would be fun…. But that was about it. It’s been a tough time of things lately as I’ve lost someone I really cared about and looked up too.
Hi I Did it, Jonboy, Johnny B, and Monica – I hope you are all doing well. I understand the feelings that you are having Jonboy. I have felt it myself many times.
I wish I could say that once we stop gambling everything gets better… The thing is, it does get better from the stand point that you don’t have the gamble hanging over you every minute… You don’t have that stress. But it doesn’t;t change the rest of things that drove you to gamble. We have to figure out a positive way to deal with that reason.
I should start writing on here again. Be well all. Let me see if I can write something on my other post.

[finding_laura]

Hi Johnny, good to hear you are doing so well. Really! I’ve been catching up on your threads and when you look at the first entry on both posts and fast forward to your last one it is a miraculous transformation ?? It would be great to have you posting here again. Helping others is a great way to stay connected to your recovery. I had five and a half years in but just got too disconnected from „recovery”. No meetings other than picking up my chip for a couple years. Not connecting here. Feeling like I wasn’t CG enough to feel part of the membership. If that isn’t stupid when I think about it! Because once I stopped paying attention the CG returned. Nearly a year in. Feeling like I’m grounded in my recovery this time and I’m reaping some rewards. I came in to some money a while back and it actually went where it was supposed to go. Keep your eye on the prize and stay connected. Congratulations and well well done Johnny on your continued gamble free time. And thanks for the mother’s day wishes on your other post. Hard to believe it is almost the end of May. Take care,
Laura

[Monica1]

On reaching day 300 today, I have read back through my posts and just wanted to say thank you for your support very early on. It was yourself, idi and Vera that replied and supported me most plus Laura after a bit. Today I am Ok, I have problems still but I am Ok.

[finding_laura]

Hey Johnny! Just checking in to see how you are doing? It’s a good sign when we are too busy with life to gamble. Stay connected to your recovery. It helps to remind us of the story we were living. Hope you are enjoying summer. Take care, Laura

[Jonny123987]

Thanks Laura. Appreciate your kind words. I’m still gamble free and thankful. End of Dec 2016 was when I last gambled.

I hoed you are doing fantastic.

[finding_laura]

Hey Johnny, that is pretty amazing stuff. I am doing pretty good after my surgery and no gambling for me either so that IS fantastic. Looking forward to a bit more R&R before going back to work. I’m feeling pretty thankful as well. Good to hear from you!

[i-did-it]

Well done Johnny That’s a great achievement and I’m sure life feels pretty different nowadays . It was great to see you posting .

[Jonny123987]

Checking in. I wrote on my other feed bout thought ‘d update this feed to the top of the forum page as think their is valuable experience in here that someone might be able to read and use to help them. I’m a recovering gambling addict that just passed his 2 year mark on recovery. If you want to read my story I think. it can benefit you. I was just like you are now and did find a way to quit. day 1 starts now!

Best,
Jon

[Meghna83]

Hi jon

your story is truly inspirational and i am so happy that you reached your two year mark in January. How are things for you now?

can I ask you how you managed to stop thinking about past losses? That is my biggest weakness and trigger.

thank you for sharing your story 

[Jonny123987]

Hi Meghna83,

How are you doing? Thank you for reading my story. I hope it was helpful. I’m doing well, thanks for asking. Just dealing with normal life problems and trying to stay busy with work. Today is June 28th, 2019. I quit gambling December 27th, 2016. Seems not that long ago but I guess it has been some time. It’s been roughly 2.5 years since I left placed a bet. That’s pretty cool.

To answer your question… I had to come to grips with the fact that the money was gone. That is was never coming back. That no plan I had, no system, no winning streak, etc., was ever going to get that back. I had to look deep within and realize that maybe the losses were the price I had to pay to learn the lesson I had been taught. Some lessons unfortunately cost us a lot sometimes. I realized that people make mistakes in business, in marriage, with health, etc., and those mistakes can cost money. My gambling addiction came with a huge cost, maybe the cost of that is greater than the money lost. I had one choice. My life, the chase, and getting out of the fog, or death. I had only one choice. To get out of my way. Stop placing wagers. And I did. Is it still hard. Not as much but I literally just passed a casino on a drive to a family vacation and had a small urge. That urge will never be gone. But my mind is strong. If I place a bet than all is lost.

Be well and keep me posted on your recovery.

[Meghna83]

Thank you for your reply and sharing your experience 

i hope I am able to move forward as you have. 

ehat You said about the loss and paying the price for things that go wrong in life made sense to me and i Feel more comfortable imagining I lost the money on property , healthcare or a divorce rather than gambling.

I will definitely keep you posted about my journey

??

[Meghna83]

Hi Jonny,

Today is my 67th gf day and I must say I feel like a different person. I am in a different place and never want to invite gambling back into my life.

How are things with you?

I look forward to the day that I am 2.5 years gf.

I do not wish to be complacent for fear of g creeping up on me. I can’t afford to gamble again. I hAve now accepted my losses and am so much happier in my life without gambling

Take care

[Jonny123987]

Hi Meghan, Thats amazing – Thank you very much for sharing your triumph with me. Woot! Kudos to you!

I’m doing well. I have more money saved now than ever before in my life. So not gambling does actually pay off and I’m a true testament that if you can quit gambling you can turn things around.

Sure do II still have those feelings and thoughts. Yes. But now I’m able to change that thought up and think about something else. Like ice cream or something better than gambling. ??

I haven’t gambled since Dec 27th 2016. Seems like a while ago now. I still have the urge now and then. But I realize that I’ll loose everything in my life if I place bet one.

I’m glad you accepted your losses. That was by far the hardest part of quitting for me. That and figuring out what to do with myself… It turns out that I’m not that into sports unless I’m playing or gambling on them. Its nice to not have to always e thinking about gambling. I remember when I couldn’t stop thinking about gambling 24/7. I don’t want that back in my life and know no one should live like that.

[Jonny123987]

Quitting gambling was the hardest thing I have ever had to do from a mental standpoint. I’ve had to learn how to walk twice due to injury and surgery and gambling seemed harder to quit than to walk. I gambled everyday really for over 20 years. I played with millions and millions of dollars in the amounts and amounts of bets. I loved to wager. I loved the high. I loved the plans I could come up with that would save me. I that shit was the answer to all my problems when the answer was right there always.

[Autorius]

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