[Reidy]

I’m paul and I’m addicted to gambling. 8 years ago I got myself into around 17k in debt, mainly playing roulette. I was obsessed to understand the patterns, writing down all the numbers (57 a4 pages) front and back!! Playing for 6-7 hours straight most night after work. Then I got an IVA debt recovery which I made my final payment Jan this year. I’m now self employed making decent money, but the addiction has returned, this time online slots and a little roulette. I’m now down around 5k and the misses doesn’t know…. yet.This feeling of being so low is horrible, sickening. Gambling addiction is the worst in my opinion. This is my first message since losing ￡500 10mins ago and now just self excluding myself from various sites whilst this feeling is raw. Day 1 starts now at 20.15 1/9/17 Anybody wanting to start with me is more than welcome, I think gambling is going to be a massive problem for a lot of people like me in the future months/ years etc. Too many ways to gamble and the buzz you get cannot be beaten when you hit a slot bonus, or hit a number etc. But in the end of the day you lose more than win. This is the start!

[velvet]

Hello Paul and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you ??

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[i-did-it]

Hi Paul, well done on taking steps to address your addiction. Self excluding and seeking support are very positive steps. It is so easy to slip back into old ways . The addiction tells us we will only lose one tenner and then stop…half an hour later our credit card is maxed out. Keep using support Paul.

[Reidy]

Thanks Jappy /I-did-it…. proper downer this morning but works keeping me from thinking about it. How did you guys do it, and how long have you stopped for?

[i-did-it]

Hi Paul , I have be honest and say while I have had periods of abstinence I have never really done it ! I struggle and I convince myself I can win. It never do – Ido well for a while and then return to the days of hell. I know everything I should do but somehow always convince myself that next time will be different – that I will win , that I will withdraw –

I would advise you attend Charles groups where you will get good advice – it will also help pick you up and give you hope for the future . You will also get advice from members who are doing well in recovery .

I hope this helps Paul – I guess really it depends how much you want recovery .

[Reidy]

Yeah I feel the same as that, I think to myself, right I’m down a grand… I’ll deposit another grand, double up and get extra to gamble with then withdraw the 2 grand back. End up reversing the withdrawal and losing the lot! Then it happens again! The thing that annoys me is that it is possible winning it all back, but greed, bad betting, bad mindset effects my betting. So addictive, and enjoyable but it ruins your live and personality.

[2017shaun]

Delete your online accounts. Do you really want to be giving mr coral a grand. Even ￡10. I was mad for horses but when I deleted my sky account 6 weeks ago, I haven’t even looked at race card. And I choose not to. It’s really as simple as you make it. Bare in mind you choose to gamble, you choose to reverse your withdrawal. Today I will choose not to gamble

[Reidy]

Yeah that’s very true Shaun

I’m not going to gamble today

[Steven187]

I have been gamble free for just over a year (01/09/16) was my last bet. It hasn’t been an easy year. I have someone controlling my finances, which basically means I don’t gamble. I’m happy to have this in place long term, if it means I don’t gamble again. I don’t want to go back to having suicidal thoughts etc due to mounting debt and feeling that there’s no way out. I’m still in debt to the tune of about ￡7000, but feel happy not gambling and I don’t want to go back to that.
All the best with your recovery.

[Reidy]

Congrats for being gamble free for a year Steve, that’s probably the best way to not gambling by having someone looking after your finances… I’ve though about it but I know it will make me more miserable, plus it means telling the misses again after all these years I’ve controlled by addiction. I’m chasing the loss, that’s the only reason I’m having thoughts of gambling again.

[i-did-it]

You know Paul , I am writing this as the person who has never been able to come clean – who has never been able to be honest for all kinds of reasons including the one you mention. I am also the person who is on week one again.
Just something to think about … from someone who is most unqualified to offer you advice but hope you find my posts supportive nonetheless .

[Reidy]

Yeah I’ve had a bad day today, gambled again. There was a site I remembered that I had not self excluded from… lost ￡100. Lasted 2 days so back to square one again… could of redeposited but didn’t and self excluded again which is good I guess

[2017shaun]

You have to forget about losses and start new I’m afraid. I held onto my losses for a while. Constantly chasing… It turned out I was chasing something so bad I’d eventually doubled, trippeld my original lose. Now I’m in way to deep. Not even knowing what I was doing, overruled by gambling.
The times I have kicked myself are the ones to remember. Feeling that lowe. Ashamed of myself. The amount of plans I had to change last minute because I gambled my money away.
But you told me you went going to gamble yesterday yett you found „a site you forgot about” and deposited 100 pound.
Your only lying to your self reidy. Digging a deeper hole than you are already in.
If you want to change. Then do it.
It’s easy to type on here how sad you are. How foolish you’ve been. How angry or how stupid you have been.
I hope you wake up and smell the coffee.Your doing this lad nobody else.
Today I will choose not to gamble

[Reidy]

I know shaun, your right. Glad your being straight with me, I need that. Yesterday proved to me that I’m lying to myself and shouldn’t be writing on here if I’m not 100% committed. Everything I get a urge to gamble I’ll come on here and read people’s stories…. thanks for the kick up the arse mate. Will stop and be stronger now!!

[Steven187]

I think you are getting some good advice, but the reality (as you are fully aware), is that it’s only you who can sort it.
I don’t think any of this is easy, but its definitely simple.

I’ve lost ￡90,000 in less than a year. ￡70,000 was savings and ￡20,000 in winnings. I attended GA for a while and was told that the amount I’ve lost doesn’t matter, I’ll try and remember that the next time I go to buy a house! I understand the logic that the money is gone either way.

From a financial aspect, gambling makes loads of sense right now, but it would be a disaster. I’ll carry the scars of what I’ve gone through forever, but the reality, which is more important than any amount of money, is that I’ve came out the other side. In order to stop gambling, I had to admit that I was addicted. It was only after being honest with myself and eventually my family that I could address the problem and deal with it.

Everyone will deal with it in a different way and you have to find what’s right for you and go with that. I found GA really helpful to begin with, but was a bit cliquey and in the end not really for me.

You talk about chasing losses. You know if you get level, you’ll gamble again, so why bother? Keep your money, the bookies have enough!

Keep on doing what works for you and it’ll all work out.

[Reidy]

Last night I confessed, and she took it well. Although she doesn’t understand gambling addiction she understood I was in a bad way. So she is looking after my finances now… ordered a new bank card so I can’t sign up to any sites. She’s gonna have that card too. This is the only way to completely stop, and I do feel better now but at the same time a little lost knowing I won’t be gambling again. Thanks everyone who has wrote to me and given advise, this has helped me to be honest and realise gambling for a person who has an addictive personality will never stop even when winning.

[vera]

Well done on telling your wife, Paul. It is a huge step. When I first told my husband I was gambling, he didn’t listen. The next time I told him and for years after, it was solely to put him on a guilt trip for not listening the first time. I used that as an excuse to blame him for continuation of my behaviour.
The point I’m making, Paul, is that „non CGs” don’t get it! How could they understand the madness that we put ourselves through?
For that reason I would suggest you stick to the people who do understand to get real support.
The person holding your cards and monitoring the finance is only the „middle man”.
You need recovering CGs in your life right now who will show you a bit of tough love. The real support comes in hard reality. Any CG who joins a support group looking to have his/her ego stroked is in the wrong shop! The truth sometimes hurts , Paul but it will set you free.
Yes, it will feel as if some great loss has taken place when you stop gambling. Don’t be surprised if you go through all the stages of grief-shock, disbelief, anger, blame, shame etc.
Eventually you will become reconciled to the fact that as much as you think you loved gambling, it will ALWAYS be followed by grief , loss and misery and you can’t have the „drug” without the „hangover”.
CGs NEVER win!
So for all us „high flyers” here in GT , it’s time to kiss the „good life” goodbye and man up to the real world!
YOU ARE ONLY STARTING ,Paul.
I suggest you study Step One on the 12 Steps as set out in the GA Handbook.
I read something P wrote last night.
„Every loss was chased ; every win was lost!”
That sums it all up, Paul.
Best wishes for a long and fruitful recovery and a simple life, one day at a time!

[Autorius]

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