- This topic has 100 atsakym?, 17 dalyvi?, and was last updated prie? 5 metai 11 m?nesi? by .
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Hi GT friends
Its been a while.. its been a long journey.
If i could say some thing to people trying to stop gambling.
No matter how bad things seem, no matter how much that addiction has hold, no matter how you believe you will never stop. It is possible.
If you fall down then get back up. If it takes you one attempt or a hundred, get back up.
It is really really tough some days, but what is tougher is continuing to gamble.
It takes effort, It takes perseverance, It takes courage to keep climbing back up.. be patient with yourself.
I know it seems completely impossible at times.. It is totally possible.
Be kind to yourself make recovery as good as possible. Make recovery a world you want to live in. Fill it with other things, with treats, with rewards, with life.I am P.. I am me.. I am a year gamble free
Keep trying .. never give up on giving up
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Sve?ias
P I’m so proud of you. You’ve shown great guts and perserverence, you and Vera have made what seemed impossible possible. You know how it works though, one day at a time.
Your posts are missed but if you only posted once a year and keep living your life in recovery it’d be great to read again this time next year.
You’re a winner now. No CG is a winner when they’re gambling.
That’s better than fair dinkum p, where I come from we’d say, „That’s bloody champion hinny, well done pet. You’re in fine fettle and akin to Wor Jackie. Broon’s aal Rond!” Not many get the accolade P.
It’ll take a year for you to translate :-).
P. Well done. It must be great I’m not a day counter, but maybe I’ll do the years one day a time of course.
Just remember as well you haven’t reached your destination, just a place along the way.
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…when you stop living a lie!
Gambling creates an illusion which absorbs the CG’s whole life . We live in a false world.
When we smash through our false belief we will wake up in the real world. It may not be a pretty place but it sure tastes better than the hell we leave behind.
I know how hard you have struggled P. We’ve been through thick and thin together.
It is only when we walk in someone else’s shoes that we feel the pinch.
You have been there for me P. You know I’m only a heartbeat away when you need a lift.
Just for today, P!
One day at a time.
Marvelous post! Nobody deserves recovery more. Very well done on ALL your G free days. -
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Thanks for posting to my thread, P.
Listening to gamblers face to face in a group is different but its always great to get a post on GT.
I met lots of distressed people in casinos too. Strange how gamblers pour out their troubles to each other.
When we are in action we are numb not only to others’ pain but also to our own.
I’m glad to see you posting again P.
Stay focused.
Life goes by too fast. -
It’s lovely to see your name on the forum again.
Congratulations on your year….a big WOOOHOOOO!!!!!
I don’t know if life gets any easier when we stop gambling, there’s still life to live and all that comes with it.
But, to be present in the moment, to have a clear head, to be able to think clearly, wow, it’s worth its weight in gold!
To tackle problems head on, to not feel the fear that gambling brings, to feel like a real person again.
Be proud of yourself! You are brilliant!!!!!
Love K xxxx -
Hello. I’m new to this GT. I’ve been addicted for about 13 years. I have a small child now for the first time and desperate to be a proper father. Gambling has a hold on my soul and I just cant give it up. I need help to rid myself of this problem. I sat and I cant stop until its all gone and then I’m depressed.
How did you take the first steps to freedom?
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I’m sorry to hear you are going through a rough patch P. But oh what a nice thing to read! One year gambling free one day at a time. Or as you said, sometimes an hour at a time. That took such courage and strength. If you would have looked at the challenge in big pieces instead of small it would have seemed impossible and overwhelming. Keep using those successful strategies and I know you will get through to a better day. Lots of blessings ahead ??
take care,
Laura -
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Hi P so sorry to read you have been having a difficult time- it. Sounds like you have developed many strategies to cope with bad days . You continue to inspire me -not only because you have successfully controlled this most horrendous addiction, but also because you face each day with courage , always striving to do your best for your family and ever supportive of friends .
When things are bad, you listen , you understand and you give hope – when things are good you cheer us on .
I hope things are getting a little easier for you P.
Treat yourself with the same kindness you show all of us . -
Hi P, it is encouraging to see that you are finding ways to cope with bad days. That is what I’m trying to do. It’s had to deal with our raw emotions. But through it all your kindness shows. You always give me encouragement, hope. It’s those supportive words that have got me through some hard times. Thank you P. I hope your day is going well. Take care.
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how are you getting on with your „List”, P?
I have a mental to-do-list (just for today)
There are only 3 things on it. I made the list two hours ago but didn’t start to put it into action yet.
I feel as if someone has removed my main battery and injected me with a strong anaesthetic all in one go. -
Brilliant post, P!
Life is a waiting game. We can live it to the full by surrendering and admitting our powerlessness over the many mysteries we encounter on or journey.
Being aware of your feelings/moods/thoughts, instead of burying them in unhealthy outlets has given you a Freedom that no money can buy.
Gambling can control us, ONLY if we place that first bet.
One day at a time, P.
Just for today!
You have come a long way. Thanks for your constant support. -
Hi P, I hope you are ok.
It sounds like you might need to ring your doctor if you are not feeling quite yourself – I think that is what your post is saying .
I completely get what you are saying about progression.
Here was a time I would have been devastated if I lost a few hundred – now it can be thousands and I still keep gambling – and it just doesn’t feel like a lot .
I’m sorry I nodded off during the group last night (pain killers).
I hope you are feeling better and feel more yourself . -
Hi P,
Gambling has a way of completely changes us. It does happen at a chemical level in our brains. Our brains release a chemical when we are gambling. It actually releases more of the chemical right before a loss. I call it the rush that action brings. If you look at the rush as the way you look at a drink I think it helps understand our gambling disease better. Some people can have that rush and not want another and another or to get a bigger rush. But an alcoholic does similar to the gambler. When taking that drink or rush it helps us forget or push to the back of our heads the real reason we can’t control the amount of that rush thats healthy. Which in turn leads us down the same spiral that any other disease/addiction will. With gambling it costs us confidence, self worth, self control, friendships, trust, time, money, health, family, etc. Just like the alcoholic we can’t stop until we’re destroyed. I hope we can all remember this when we have the urge to feel the rush and not feel the pain. Remember feeling the pain and dealing with it is the healthy thing to do. Not place a bet or have a drink.
I wish you well P in your fight for your life back.
Jon -
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Hope you are having a good day today P! Maybe doc had some answers for you when you seen him. I believe I read in some literature some where that it can take up to two years of abstinence from gambling for the chemicals in our brains to finally even back out. And I’m sure there are some changes that are permanent. Such a the crossed the line state of mind. When we go back it’s always instantly across the line. Our brain never goes back to being a non CG brain. That’s how I feel anyway. I’ve relapsed hard before ?? I don’t drive anywhere right now so seeing as my family and friends know about my past nobody is going to take me to a casino! I wouldn’t want to ask. I’m seeing a surgeon this week to find out more about what can be done for me. In the meantime it’s medication and physio and rest. Stay strong P. You have done amazingly well and worked so hard for your recovery. You deserve it! Take care, Laura
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Sve?ias
It just underlines that not one of us is ever cured.
Its not fun for us, and it’s never going to be „just this once”.
You’ve struggled and faught this and you’re a winner now, I’m proud of you and very very pleased that you said NO!
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Great post P- we have a lot to be grateful for and no matter what anxieties we face they are far les when we are not gambling .
Well done on your self awareness to realise that the wine had weakened your defences and planning how to avoid getting in that situation again.
So glad you are posting again P- maybe u will be in the groups tonight? -
Sve?ias
I think the point is you had to get it out, you had say it, you had to read it back.
I get every word of it.
You’re getting really good at making the right choice. I don’t think you can comprehend exactley how happy I am to see it.
Acceptance is a hard thing to master, and I think its something we all have to learn. You’re right it just can’t be taught.
Have a good day P.
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Sve?ias
Good for you P. That all makes great sense.
I am so pleased to hear you’re getting through this.
How many times have you/we/all of us just felt doomed like we just could never do it.
Of course it’s always just for today, but when the thoughts come, adjusting that to „just for the next hour” is far more effective.
Do you still bake?
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P, It sounds like you are thinking things through and are being positive and are in the present moment. Life can really be difficult sometimes, with its ups and downs. I guess we need to learn how to ride those waves without gambling. Things are always changing. Gambling only makes our lives more difficult! Take care P. You are doing great.
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Great post P- I really recognise how you describe all those runs to the bank – the promises we make ourselves and our inability to keep them.
When in action running up debt just seems so unimportant .
To be honest it really only matters once all avenues to money are exhausted – then panic sets in.We are not going back there ever P- well at least not for today .
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P, the only time I get an „urge”. I prefer to call it a thought/desire, is when the „addiction” knows it can get satisfaction.
I think you will understand that?
The analogy I use is „if I stop putting a saucer of milk on the doorstep , the stray cat will go elsewhere looking for a feed”.
On a hopeful note, my six figure debt is now down to four figures and my Fund has flipped to 5 figures
but,
really the money is secondary………….. -
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P, I was thinking the same things. My daily walking exercise has hit a wall. I’ve made excuses not to, even though I know how much better I feel afterwards. That needs to change this morning. I’ve seemed to dwell on negative things recently. Outside forces that I can’t change. I told my youngest daughter in a conversation yesterday that I just want to be happy. Be gone negative thoughts!!!! P, we deserve these things for ourselves. We need to be kind to ourselves. We deserve it!!
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Hi p
I like reading your posts because they so eloquently describe the torture and horrors of this awful addiction. So thank you for that. I like your description of raindrops of recovery turning into a gigantic waterfall. I feel that I am experiencing only the trickles right now. Life for me is merely existence. I wish I could be the person I was pregambling but I am not there yet. -
Hi, today I feel a little happier and clearer because I had a good pep talk with idi yesterday and someone from GA rang me last night for a chat. I feel able to clear my bedroom and do some washing today plus look at my daily goals to see what I want to achieve today. That is not to say I will feel the same tomorrow. I have lived in recovery now for 76 days and I know how the emotional state can swing from one space to another, and it frequently does. And you are right, things definitely weren’t great when I started gambling, but I had money and a job I liked. There were also many things not right with my life that I did not,know what to do about and had no one to help express or gather my thoughts on. I didn’t even know some of the things that were not right and only now, this year have I seen some of these things. And it is all very new, this recovery business, This is where sites like this are great and GA is too. To do a lot of cleaning is very therapeutic. I am starting this today but have been unable to do even this locked in depression. It is one day at a time. I have now had 3 good days out of 77 and 2 of them have been in the last week, So the good days will become more frequent. Every day is a bad day when we gamble because we are just running away, something I am all too famiiar with in this life.
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Hi P,
Sounds like you understand exactly whats going on with you. Seems like you’ve done some real reflection and see the rush and action for what they are… A way to escape the everyday stress and all the stress of a long life in a hard world. That release coupled with compulsiveness creates a monster. Throw a little money into the mix and you’ve got a dangerous concoction.
I don’t have any great advise about how to feel better besides all the stuff everyone writes on here. Exercise, yoga, diet, TM, breathing techniques, walks, etc.
You get it. No setter what… Just don’t gamble ever again. It adds up to disaster every time.
I like reading your posts. Keep up the good work and keep on staying strong. Things always get better with time. -
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Good morning for me P, late at night for you.
I’m so happy you are treading away in the waves and not succumbing to the urges. I remember us discussing all the different ways we could come up with to keep you put even if it was for just another hour. I will never forget our laugh over suggestion you throw all pants but your pajamas in the washer so you’d have nothing to wear out to gamble. I’m really proud that you’ve got this time and the chance for the urges to calm somewhat. You fought tooth and nail for this.
Mental health issues , especially ones that touch us our whole lives, are tough. If we were walking around with an obvious difficult physical ailment we get sympathy. Not so with mental health issues as there is nothing to see. People think you can shake it off. I hope you continue to get the support you need. Sunny days ahead!
When we talk about how we want to be our pre-gambling selves, I guess most of us think of all the positive things, the good qualities, that we had. Now the trick is to try and find the good things within us again but losing some of the bad things that helped our addiction to develop in the first place. Oh and not to mention all the bad qualities we can newly develop because of the addiction. Gotta work on losing those too!
GA helps a lot with that part of recovery. It frames some of the problems we have for discussion and support from others who have been to hell and back and maybe also have some insight.
One of the toughest things to do is look at a piece of advice we don’t like, and determine whether we don’t like it because it hit a nerve, such as it is valid when we do some self searching, or is it a bunch of gobble d gook, and it’s fair to ignore it. I remember an expression. Take the best and leave the rest. As soon as I’m up for a meeting I will be going.Hope you are reading this in the am and had yourself a good night. Enjoy your cuppa!
Laura -
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Hi P,
I hope the light is shining brightly for you today .
I so want to hug you and help you through the hard times so please take an online hug .I hope the medication is helping – you should be immensely proud of your achievement in not gambling, especially when it would be easy to take the escape for a few hours .
You are such a good person, and such a lifeline for many of us when we are struggling . I want to offer you a solution but of course I don’t have one except to remind you that you have been here before and things always get better .
I hope this happens soon for you my dear friend . -
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keep hanging in there sweet P, like you say it can take a while for the meds to kick in. I’ve been looking for you in group of and on, hoping to catch you. Middle of the night for you now. Know there is someone half way round the world thinking of you and praying things get brighter. Well done not gambling!
take care,
Laura -
Hey kiddo!
Look at you, more than a year clean!
Laurie mentioned that you were asking about some of the old timers. Well I am still around.
I had to put down one of my cats today. Not fun but it had to be done.
I am a grandma now. Baby is 9 months. He’s a beautiful boy. Dark hair, blue eyes. He is a good boy too! My daughter is living with me. Tight quarter’s and she can be a real brat but life on life’s terms.
Well enough about me.
So glad to see you doing do well.
Take care, bettie. -
Hi P, I’m so sorry that you are struggling. Just keep up the good work being gamble free! It is hard when you have no support around you. Always remember that you always have support here!!!!! My pre-gambling self was obviously not a happy camper or I wouldn’t have gambled. I’ve done a lot of counseling for family issues, marital issues and for my depression and anxiety. I stopped when things were better but I never really got to the core of my issues. Your posts make me realize that even though I can refrain from gambling, I haven’t dealt with the real causes. I need to go deeper. Thanks P. You are always so insightful!!! Take care of yourself!!!
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Dear P,
Good job on your progress!
I would like to share with you about my weakness and learning experience.
In the past:
How many times did I choose to do the right thing because it made me feel good.
How many times did I choose to do the wrong thing because it made me feel good.
Today;
In recovery, I learnt to do thing because it was the right thing to do, not because it made me feel good. For example, work, exercise, providing for the family.
In recovery, I choose not to do things that make me feel good because it was the wrong thing to do. For example: take alcohol, gambling, drug, overeat -
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Sve?ias
Brilliant supportive post on L’s thread P.
Everything you say is spot on. Such a huge difference in your posts these days P. I hope some of the newer gt users can find some of your old threads to see how much you struggled for years, what a transformation.
I am so happy for you.
And although you have the issues with your meds at the minute, you still have your head screwed on.
G’day.
(And what the heck is a dinkum?)
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How right you are, P.
The root of gambling addiction is complex.
Very intricate. We may never know why we gambled. Indeed, when I questioned my „madness” the answer was „why not?”
I thought that people who didn’t gamble weren’t living.
When we are „in the throes” we try to apply rational thought to irrational behaviour.
Now, I say „it doesn’t matter why I gambled”.
All we need to focus on TODAY, P is how to avoid the next bet.
easy when you know how and we do know how! Thank God we know how to protect ourselves from the hell that gambling will always be to every CG.
‘See you later in a group, P.
In the meantime…deep breaths. You’re doing fine. Just like me. Rolling with the punches!! -
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Hi P,
You are a remarkable person- even when you feel really low you continue to provide support for everyone else on here .
I have needed a lot of support recently as I find myself in early Recovery – sometimes I feel angry , sometimes sad, always anxious but you see through that without judgement and recognise that we are all just working through the strong emotions we have hidden from for so long .It is great to read you are seeing rays of light. -I hope today is a wonderful bright day for you .
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Hi P ,
Great post – I like how you describe how we change just like the seasons and how it’s unstoppable- I guess it’s kinda like getting old – we can disguise it with fillers and Botox but we cannot stop the process.
I don’t feel like posting at the moment – it’s strange the way it goes in phases .
Well done on managing those whispers . -
Nothing will equal the side effects of gambling. P.
Drug side effects scare me but as you say we need to weigh up the benefits against the discomfort of side effects.With gambling there are NO benefits.
Oh, yes we believe there are when we are „in action”.
Lies, lies and more lies.
Today we see through the falsehoods.
Nothing ever changes in the Gambling World.
Today we face reality and whatever change it brings. -
Sve?ias
Nice to read such a positive post P. You have done well these last few weeks am pleased the meds are starting to work at last.
Patience is indeed a virtue.
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Your hopes and dreams are finally being realized, P.
You have been through many trials and have born them with humility and dignity.
I am so happy for you P.
You know gambling would have put a huge spanner in the works and no medication would take effect when the brain chemicals are being messed up in the pokies.
Thank God you are getting a reprieve.
Enjoy each hour of each day.
Keep it simple! -
I’ve been missing you in group P! We usually manage to bump into each other for coffee but not for quite a while. And for some reason I have been missing your posts too ??
I am so thrilled to see you feeling a little better. I’ve dealt with depression long before I was a CG. I understand a lot of what you say, just maybe not to the extent you’ve dealt with this time. But I had dark days in which I cried and cried and cried and was not capable of much at all. You must be so proud of yourself to have not given in to gambling. Maybe you get urges when you feel better because you equate feeling good and gambling in your mind? Never know I guess.
Your summer must be coming? Your happy time of year. The days here are getting so short. Dark by 5pm and stays that way til almost 7 the next morning. Dreary.
Hope you are enjoying your day. I’m so glad you’ve had Vera and IDI to help you along your journey. I remember Alice, and all the names you mentioned the other day, on someone’s thread. And there were a whole lot more. We can only hope that they have gone on to live a full gamble free life and not returned to a life of gambling. I don’t think it could ever be healthy for us again.
take care sweet P
Laura
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Well done. I am so glad you are feeling calm and peaceful. That is all we can strive for and I am pleased that you are feeling it. It has been a hard journey p,for you and all of us who get caught in this awful addiction. Starting to come back to life is wonderful I know exactly what you mean. I am still on the journey of fighting for my life back.
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Sve?ias
you might feel crap p, but you are not crap. you are a lovely capable person..I’m so proud of you, i really am.
yes its worth it p…you cant feel as bad now as you used to, surely?
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Sve?ias
Are you still taking your meds?
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What’s the matter? I am somehow getting used to feeling emotional overwhelm one day and balanced the next. Not that you can ever really get used to it. A bit,like a rollercoaster. And I personally don’t like rollercoasters. I would like to feel inner peace at all times. Post how you are p and what is going on for you.
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Dear P,
You are worth it!
Psalm 69:6
Everyone is like a pot that carries life. But not everyone carries a presence that blesses others. Religion tries to force people to follow laws to make them perfect, like pots without cracks. But if a light is put within a flawless pot and then covered, no one is able to see the light inside the pot. Perfect pots are not able to reveal internal light to illumine the way for others.
God chooses to shine through imperfect, cracked pots.
People are blessed when their cracked pots let the light of God shine through.
Choose to be a glory filled, cracked pot rather than an empty, pretty vessel. -
In life, many things is uncertain and unpredictable. Like a ship sailing in the sea, sometime it goes a little off course due to strong winds or currents, this is like the living problems we face everyday, it can sometime throw us off our balance, it is perfectly ok to drift from time to time.
It is not the end of the world, but what is more important is the awareness and the ability to recognize and “catch oneself” before it is too late, the willingness to change, refocus and continue to head in the right direction. -
Sve?ias
P you do know how it works.
Its awful when you cant find it in yourself to post.
I hope things start picking up for you shortly P.
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Hi P
All of this is worth it – and deep down you know that.
If I asked you am I worth it – I know your response would be to say of course I am …
And so are you …
And so is recoveryIf I wanted to give up what would you say… ?
Please say the same to P.This is a difficult time for you P but you know it will pass.
Keep strong my dear friend. -
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Hey P,
sorry we haven’t connected in a while. Opposite sides of the world sometimes makes it harder.You were always one of the toughest people that I have met here. No one truly knows what you are going through as it is your own unique experience. Doesn’t seem fair that feeling better makes it harder for you to keep going. I hope you are able to get more support through this phase. Thinking of you. (((( P ))))
Laura -
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Good to hear from you P! You made it through the latest rough patch. The picture is no worse as you didn’t give in to the urges. I’ll be at the next group that starts in 45 minutes. I’m usually a few minutes late because it’s supper time for me! Maybe I’ll catch you then if you are still around. Stay strong!
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Hi P,
Great post . You have had crazy urges but unlike me you abstained .
When I slipped I didn’t even have urges – just the opportunity unexpectedly arose and I went into automatic pilot .
I was worried to tell you as I was aware you were having strong urges – but in retrospect I underestimated your strength .
You have shown great determination in the face of such strong urges . Well done my friend! Keep sharing – your posts make so much sense. -
A great description of gambling and recovery. I think only CGs know the excruciating pain you speak of P. I was in that level of pain gambling and in recovery. Wanting my situation to change and it doesn’t, just gets worse. And you are right, Life and time is passing gby and I sit in my room and cant do anything about it, just wait for a turn of the tide. Stuck on a desert island. Well done p for that description, it was humbling and poignant to read. The groups are not opening this evening. There is a glitch in the works somewhere.
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A great description of gambling and recovery. I think only CGs know the excruciating pain you speak of P. I was in that level of pain gambling and in recovery. Wanting my situation to change and it doesn’t, just gets worse. And you are right, Life and time is passing gby and I sit in my room and cant do anything about it, just wait for a turn of the tide. Stuck on a desert island. Well done p for that description, it was humbling and poignant to read. The groups are not opening this evening. There is a glitch in the works somewhere.
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Hi p ,
I can’t access groups either and I so miss the chat –
The groups are what I really get most from on GT.
You can explain yourself if people misquote or misinterpret what you are saying.
People have to tell it as it is and not spend time overthink ing things .
I am glad you are feeling better – it is interesting that I also find three urges at worse when I am happy or relieved .I had a chat with Monica the other night – we talked a lot about the „forbidden” stuff – losses, wins etc – and it did more for my urges than any amount of barriers , honesty , counting days etc – They just disappeared – I think it highlighted the silliness of gambling – it made gambling seem less like a forbidden fruit when I could talk about it.
Made me think maybe it’s the shame that holds us in the addiction – or perhaps the secrecy –
It might not be helpful for others – you know what’s right for you at this stage P.
Just stay strong and keep posting ! -
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Sve?ias
Just woke up P. It was like the old days seeing all your posts.
Thanks for your post, you’re right. It’s been a bumpy ride so far, but honestly P however tough it’s been or will be going forward through life it’s got to be preferable to the old days.
Keep on trucking P.
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I have been missing you as well P. I hope you are doing ok and that ever is all right in your world. Getting close to Christmas. Were you able to get out and do a little shopping? I’ve been meaning to bump your thread up but IDI is on the job! Thinking of you. Drops us a line to let us know ho things are.
Laura -
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