[Smee707]

Hi everyone,

After the worst 4 days of my life I think I am ready to tell my story and hopefully get some help to overcome this.

Last week I was looking through my finances and was proud of the ￡33k I had to my name, I’m 24 and was making plans on how to invest this into property and treat myself to holidays.
My addiction however started last Sunday, I used my online poker account, containing ￡6k of winnings, to play blackjack. At first I wont ￡2k and thought I was invincible and then before long I was staring at a balance of ￡0.00.

I didnt even stop to think, I was mindless and wanted to win it all back. I deposited ￡3k from my bank into a different site and lost it within 1 hour. I deposited ￡7k and lost this within 3 hours. It was the worst day of my life, I sat on my bedroom floor, speechless and empty, not knowing what to do. I didnt want anyone to know, I wanted the world to swallow me.

I had to work the next day and I couldnt face talking to people, everytime somebody spoke to me about their weekend or anything I would relate to the ￡10k I had just lost. That evening I finished work early, skipped the gym and decided I would take a shot at winning the ￡10 back. I had ￡7.5k in my account so deposited ￡5k into my account. I was up to ￡7k when the casino turned on me and I lost it all in the space of 30 minutes. This is when it got really bad. I searched my bank accounts and transferred all savings (making interest) into my gambling accounts. Before I knew it it was all gone.

Again I had to face work and I spent the whole day panicking that my accounts are overdrawn. I called the one bank which put a stop to the money coming out and unblocked the account. I transferred this money across the other account making sure all balances were positive.

I sit here today, finally managing to get my head together. I have ￡6000 in an ISA which i need to withdraw to pay rent and stuff and another ￡2000 in my bank. My problem is that every minute of the day I think about what that ￡20k could have done and when I will get that back. I cant bare the reality that it is going to take me years before I have that money and I will not be able to do the things I wanted to.

How do I forget the losses? How do I be happy and sociable again? How do I stop myself gambling away the money once it comes out the ISA?
My life feels completely messed up and I dont want to tell anyone out of shame and embarrassment.

Thank you for reading.

[jansdad]

I remember I once lost $11K in a single session and the next morning was taking subway. Next to me sat 2 young girls and they were discussing their plans for the weekend. They were going to get away from the city to some village a couple of hundred kilometers away and they were discussing how to get there. Finally the decided to go by bus rather than train. Train although more comfortable was about $2 more expensive and they could use that money to buy a couple of beers.

They seemed so happy and fulfilled and I was just numb after losing $11K.

You’ll go crazy if you start thinking what you could have afforded with the money you lost. Don’t do that to yourself. Let it go. That money is gone. You’ll never win it back. What you will do instead, if you try, is lose more. But you already know that.

[p]

Whatever the amounts, compulsive gamblers will eventually lose whatever they win because they put it back in, then by losing it they chase it again, a vicious cycle but one that can be stopped with a real desire to want to leave it in the past. Yes the money is gone, it’s devastating and crippling.. Time is on your side you are young. You can stop now and begin a life of recovery but you’ve gotta want it like nothing on earth and be willing to put as much effort into recovery as you would into gambling.. You can ban from casinos, put blockers online, attend gamblers anonymous, post, read, journal here, talk one on one, join the groups. Get someone to help with control of your money, lower limits, carry little cash, go to counselling. Use everything available to help you on this journey of recovery and discovery.. Hoping to see you more often

P

[I_Maverick]

Hi Smee

Let me just back up what P wrote. It’s gone, let it go before you lose everything else. I am into my day 11 now after gambling almost nonstop for 3 years. I have wrecked my life, my business, my marriage, my health, my sanity. I wish so much I could have stopped 3 years ago when I realised I had a problem. Like an idiot I still wanted to keep playing, I didn’t know what I know now. This is a progressive illness. There is no cure, only stopping. I am slowly having to come to terms with what I have lost – I will never win back not just the money, but the time I have spent, the missed opportunities. I am filled with a deep regret and personal loathing and I am on medication now for clinical depression. I have had the worst start to a year yet.

Let the money go, it doesn’t belong to you now. It belongs to the casino. They will always win. As CGs we can never keep our winnings – and when we lose we chase badly. My last 2 relapses were BJ. I was lucky i finished just above evens, but the rollercaoster made me more ill. I get a huge rush of blood to the head when I play. I start small, 50 buy in, and 3 hours later I am playing for 500 a hand. It’s evil.

I am in a low place at the moment, I would hate to see someone else end up there. Keep posting, go on the help line, get netnanny or gamblock, give your cards and finance to someone you trust, confide in them. STOP GAMBLING or it will get worse. It will eat up your enture humanity.

My thoughts and feelings to you, I hope you can do it now and move on stronger and wiser. No one wins at gambling except the house – cliche but its true.

Good luck my friend.

[Dunc]

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Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you?re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you?re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We?re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you?re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

And on that note….

I?m going to hand you over to our community because I?m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you ??

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[Smee707]

Hey guys,

Thank you all so much for your replies.

Somehow, after 4 days of pain I feel normal again, I’m back at the gym and I can actually talk to people at work again. My head feels in a safe place and I think I can get on with my life.

I know what I’m faced with, I need to stop, I still have enough money to enjoy life. My problem is that I cannot forget that money I lost , I wanted to buy a house and go on holiday.

People I’m around speak about losing ￡30 on a football bet and I can’t bare to tell them my story and how
Lucky they are its only a small amount.

Does anyone have any tips for how to forget about the money, I am convinced to work hard at work and hopefully follow my plans of moving to London. I want to use this lesson to turn my life into what I want it to be. I just think in the back of my mind the ￡20k will always be there and I want it back.

Thanks,

[Smee707]

I was so happy for the past 2 weeks, I hadn’t gambled and had a plan to move to London in May so was saving up money.

Last night, I dont even know why, I opened up the blackjack table again. I wont ￡500 and left, only to come back an hour later and lose everything I have.

I lost the last ￡10k I had to my name, I now dont know how I am going to pay the deposit on the flat in London and feel like my life is pretty much over.

I was so happy for the past 2 weeks, thinking each day that I have gotten over my losses and have stopped gambling. Now I just feel like lifes biggest loser.

[killingit2015]

As others have said, you need to accept the money is gone and you will never get it back. You need to be honest with yourself, admit you have a problem and make sure you are serious about getting help.

You have to understand this is a progressive illness and if not treated, you will go on to lose more over time. I’m 33 now and can tell you from experience that if you were smart enough to save $30k at 24, you can do it again. Over the last 10 years I have lost many times that amount – so let me reiterate how critical it is you get help now. The losses will magnify over time and you will become desensitized to larger amounts – in order to win back larger losses you will gamble more and so the cycle continues until it totally destroys you and leaves you with nothing.

Set yourself a goal, say for the next 12 months. Real goals – e.g. save $10k, look for new ways to build income, invest, start a business, etc, etc. One of the methods I use to help me get past my own losses is to visualize it as an investment that has gone bad. Forgive yourself and admit you made a foolish choice, but then move on. Don’t think about it or it will consume you.

Keep strong. Stick to your goals and in a year or two this will be nothing more than a bad memory.

[Autorius]

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