[velvet]

 
 
I wrote my ‘If’ thread back in March and it produced the reward of hearing from some of our fellow travellers who are reading quietly – hi Nik.  I am aware that many read and don’t post for a myriad of reasons. 
SO – I am going to nick in principle an idea that runs in ‘My Journal’. Paul 325 writes every day a thread called ‘Our Daily Pledge’ which many CGs have to adhere to in their fight against the addiction to gamble.
We do not have to make a pledge every day as we are blessed not have found this addiction within us although it has affected all our lives. I thought it might help though in our recoveries if occasionally we penned a one line (or more) as a reminder to ourselves that we need to keep up our strength when we are daunted, afraid or unsure. Perhaps even just to say ‘help’.
I understand only too well that those who have come through this addiction either with or without their CG want to leave this forum behind but I do know that some pop back and read just to see how others are doing.   It is good too to hear ‘I’m doing well’ or ‘I’m making progress’. 
  
I hope that maybe those who read but feel they cannot write, or find reading enough, will join in with just a word or two – preferably polite!
My thought for today:-
I’m doing well. It is raining but I am not going to let it dampen my spirits. I am here for any of you who are having a bad time as a result of living with the addiction to gamble or are recovering from a life troubled by it. I welcome recovering CGs who support us and let us know how they are because we are one community, joined by a common addiction, searching for peace and strength to live without the addiction. Sharing of knowledge and understanding has to help us all.
Velvet x
 

[looby loo]

How lovely Velvet.
My thought for the day:
I must remember how far we have come as a family, and how much better life is now, but when tested, I need to remain strong in my resolves and remember to tell myself ‘I never did anything wrong, other than be a loving parent’.
Much love xWe must look forward and must never look back, we cannot change what has already happened. The future is brighter.Looby Loo

[paul315]

Originally posted by Velvet
… My thought for today …
 

Good morning Velvet,
I am happy that you do read and post often; and I an sure that those who read your thoughts quietly feel the same.
My thought for today is that it is good to know that I am doing well, and the family I left is doing well also; I may not be able to be with them, but knowing that we are both making it is a blessing and being able to help them is some way is far more than making amends – it is love.
God’s speed. Keep up your efforts.Larry"Day Two Is Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will continue to be  gambling free.

[colin in brum]

If a road had no obstacles it probaly wouldn’t be worth going down anyway.

[colin in brum]

Or, on a lighter note, trying to be happy all the time won’t solve all your problems but it’ll **** off enough people to make it worth the effort.

[lily]

I love this idea Velvet, even if you did poach it! My thought for the day would be;
"Refusing to take responsibility for someone else’s addiction doesn’t make you heartless, in fact it could prove to be the ultimate act of love".
Have a great weekend BTW x ?Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.? (Maria Robinson)

[twilight16]

"Refusing to take responsibility for someone else’s addiction doesn’t make you heartless, in fact it could prove to be the ultimate act of love".
I like this quote Lily! In the depths of my soul this is what I truly believe, too. The best thing we can do for an addict is to cut any support for their addiction. This will then help them to see how deep they are in the addiction and how it has or is destroying their lives. I really feel this is the only way.
Thanks,
Twilight

[meglee]

"Thank you.
To those of you who have pushed me, thank you……… Without you I would have fallen.
To those of you who laughed at me, thank you…………. Without you I wouldn’t have cried.
To those of you who just couldn’t love me, thank you……….. Without you I wouldnt have known real love.
To those of you who hurt my feelings, thank you……….. Without you I wouldn’t have felt them.
To those of you who left me lonely, thank you……….. Without you I wouldn’t have discovered myself.
But it is to those of you who thought I couldn’t do it; it is YOU I thank the most, because without you….. I wouldn’t have really tried"
I’ve always loved this quote coz it reminds me that without the hard ***** we endure, we wouldn’t be who we are now! And I’m happy with who I am now! (gratitude!)
Love and light, Meg ****
 "We are each of us angels with only one wing…  we can only fly by embracing each other"

[velvet]

I am off for the weekend to a family gathering,  the first time we have all been together since my CG committed his life to being gamble free and I am looking forward to it with immense pleasure.  I have learned so much.  I  believe that with masks lifted we will enjoy each others company in a new and better way.  I realise it will have memories for him but I know he will cope with them as he has coped with his adversity.  He never seeks praise but today my thought is that I want to say how proud I am of him and all those CGs who change their lives.  To all those who still struggle I would add that the rewards are immeasurable and please never stop trying – there really is a better life.
Velvet x 

[Anonymous]

My thought for today is for you Velvet and your family. Have a wonderful time this weekend.
I would like to thank you for everything you do for people like me who are struggling with the consequences of this addiction. You give us great comfort and hope and I wish the very best of everything for you.
Jilly
***

[movedon]

I agree with Jilly – thanks Velvet for your dedication to Gambling Therapy site & to all at GT as I can say it is truly a place that has helped ground me during weaker moments.
My thought for the day is to continue to focus on the positives the future holds for us & remind myself (when I forget) not to regret the past but as in Meglee’s quote – to accept it is part of our journey in this life & what has made us who we are!
ThanksThere’s always light at the end of the tunnel even if sometimes you have to try really hard to see it!

[velvet]

 
My thought for the day is that we can make the light at the end of the tunnel brighter if we persevere in our recoveries, stay positive and don’t look back. I had a terrific weekend with not one single little word or action out of place, apart from my black Labrador celebrating her first birthday by diving into my son-in-laws sacred pond from whence there has been no sighting of the ancient goldfish since. A well the exception proves the rule!
 

[buckle]

Hi V,,
You are so telepathic!! Yes I do still read daily! Still same old same old with me. Have just spent 3 weeks with Hubbie, longest time in more than 2 years and it was strange!There was no way I was putting his washing away like his mother does and the pile of ironing stayed on the floor until he needed to repack it!! He has now returned to MILs. I know after that time that trust is definitely that ***** to be worked on. Having been so hurt and **** to for so long I am finding it difficult to regain this and am constantly questioning, looking for evidence – you know how it is. Any ideas would be gratefully received as I am at a bit of a loss.
N XX

[velvet]

 
Hi Dear Nik
In view of your post my thought for today must be for those who read and seldom post but for whom I care very much and hope that this forum brings support and happiness.
I haven’t brought your thread back up because I’m not sure you want it.  You have raised a question though for which I have 1 million and 1 things to say – well what did you expect?  (I also never exaggerate!). Unfortunately I am off to Skye on Friday for 2 weeks and so my time is limited.
I would imagine you have major trust problems with MIL as well. I think we expect our own *** to help but she has given sanctuary to a man who, in my view, should have been pushed out to come to terms with his addiction and control it for the sake of his wife from the very beginning.
I hope that your post gets picked up because I know at least one person who will offer thoughts and understanding. 
Is Hubbie still gambling on Saturdays in the belief he can do it responsibly?    Certainly as long as that continues I think trust will remain an issue because it can easily become full blown again as his head will be in gamble **** at least once a week. Dry gambling is just as bad because the traits are the same and I know you cannot live with them.
I will try and write again before I go but I am pushed and I am so sorry. You are right though telepathy is my secret weapon and I know that you will still be reading when I get back. Why not pop into the group on Monday night – we have a new facilitator and she is top class and I understand that cyber cocktails will be poured non-stop which is great because there are no headaches afterwards.
I will speak soon but in the meantime it was great to see you pop up
Loads of Love
V ************************
 

[annie]

My thought for today is how great it is that Velvet is still here, helping so many.  It is over 2 years since I first ‘met’ you and I wonder how many desperate people you have helped since.
All is good in my world and I am intending to put in a longer post very soon.
Much Love
Annie x

[velvet]

Dear Annie
I was just going to sign off when I saw your name.  It is so good to hear from you and especially to hear that all is good in your world.
I think about you often and miss you.  I will hold you to that longer post and look forward to reading it when I come back from my holidays (and of course all the posts you put on other threads ****) 
Loads of Love as Ever
V ****************************xxx

[velvet]

 
I would like to add to a point made by Jenny in a post to Sosad that the forums are not a means of communication between CG and non-CG loved ones and it is for this reason I always suggest that non-CGs do not read their loved ones thread.   What is wanted more than anything is for a loved one to go into a true recovery, how they do it and who they do it with, is immaterial. 
CGs tell lies.  CGs in early recovery will still have residual problems with truth but other CGs know that.   It is my belief we should allow the CG loved one to obtain their recovery any way that works and if we have not fully entered our recovery then we could, probably unwittingly, give subliminal messages.
In my opinion when F&F are in recovery they have a duty of care to the CG who seeks their recovery.   Yes this forum is F&F – but if F&F are seeking their recovery and are aware, as many members have been over the years that their CG can/does read what they have written – then I feel their posts should become more circumspect.  I believe this happens naturally when F&F are truly working their ‘own’ recovery.   We do have closed groups where it is possible to shoot more from the hip but they are facilitated and therefore any wounds that are opened can hopefully be closed before the end of the session.
My thoughts are, as ever, open to constructive critisism or questioning.
V

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