[Steev]

This follows on from my post – the road to recovery and feels like my journey part 3!

I left off having found my way to GA and knowing I needed to stop. The difficult bit now was to stay stopped. And the difficult bit about writing this is that I am not sure how I stayed stopped, but let me try.

My philosophy was to put as much time and effort into my recovery as I used to put into my gambling. So when I wasn’t working I was either attending a GA meeting or working for GA or I was co-counselling or doing some other course. Needless to say I didn’t have a TV.

I did get more and more involved in GA – and that may have been my downfall – because I had a couple of “slips” after over 3 years gambling free – which meant that I had to give up all the work I was doing for the fellowship. It had been a really big part of my life for several years – but I came to the conclusion that it was no longer working for me and that I needed to try a different path.

As I said in the last part of my story – I had moved to another city and from the off, I decided not to keep my gambling a secret. One of my new friends in the city owned a computer repair shop (a very new thing in the early 90’s) and he agreed to let me have a reconditioned PC virtually free – though he did warn me not to gamble on-line.
(I never did and I never have!)
What I did do on the internet was to make friends around the world – and inevitably one of those friends became more than a friend. It was the start of a long-distance relationship. Very long distance.

I was clear to E from the start as to what I was, a recovering gambler and that didn’t put her off – and she flew out from Brazil to meet me. We had three weeks togetheer and at the end of that time we started to talk about my going over there. That was a dilemma – I was struggling to keep my banger of a car on the road and could hardly afford to see E off at the airport – never mind a ticket to Brazil. But when I kept turning flights down as too expensive – the travel agent managed to find a flight at half the normal price – so off I went to Sao Paulo.

Fast forwards a couple of years and we were getting married in that city and honeymooning in Rio. How did I afford it – I re-mortgaged, extending my mortgage by several years – something that I thought wouldn’t matter in my (then) early 40s but did matter in my late 50s … Even with extending the mortgage and not gambling, finances were not easy. E came to live with me and I had to support her for a few months until she found work, then there were more trips back to see family. The marriage didn’t work out she betrayed my trust and I ended it quite suddenly. That was a point when I seriously thought about gambling. I didn’t gamble.

My thought process was – I have had a wonderful few years in that relationship – there had been no gambling thoughts in all that time. Now that I am hurting, why should I do something that will hurt me more. That sustained me. The other thing that kept me going was that I realised I really cared about myself. Whether it was the counselling or the other work I had done over the years – I came to a conclusion that I really was a nice guy and I didn’t want to go back to someone who would have to sponge money from friends or do more and more desperate things to get money.

Having said that I did find it hard having cash in my pocket – so when I found myself with gambling urges I tended to go into the nearest charity (thrift) shop and buy something – which led to another problem – hoarding, which may have happened because I was trying to fill the gap where my relationship had been.
The next few years weren’t easy. I got very down and had to take time out of work. Eventually I was offered a voluntary severance which I accepted and found myself without paid work for the first time in years. I started to sell the books I had been hoarding and found that I enjoyed that so much that I made the decision to do that full time … but it never paid very well and the debts started to increase – not through gambling, but if I had NOT gambled I would have had a cushion that would have made life so much easier in my later years. Still I persisted with paying my way and not gambling (bar a few slips) and eventually I made the decision to sell my house to pay all my debts off and go travelling. I first had the idea in Brazil, when I was outside a market in Florianopolis and I thought how cool would it be to come here by going East from the UK. That was nearly 20 years ago. Today I am doing that travelling. I am currently in Germany and next month in France. I don’t have a home anywhere but am living out of a suitcase (well 3 suitcases) and loving it. So you see – not a usual story and I can’t say I have “the key to success.” But what I want to say to people is that it IS possible to stop gambling – even when you have been at it for several years. I think what really made the difference was finding out that I really, really care about myself and not wanting to ruin my life for the sake of some small thrills that I got when the reels fell in the right places. I am loving life – and hope to see many more beautiful places before I pop my clogs (as they say in Northern England.) And just for today I will not gamble.

[Monica1]

I think you have summed up well the self care that comes eventually to us In recovery.

[kolberg]

Wow, that’s so inspiring!

[Steev]

So there you have it – I think I am up to date now. Right now – I am writing this in a conference centre in middle Germany, ready to start a week of co-counselling and working on my issues – STILL – after all this time. But I will also get to meet and chill with friends. I may not have as much time as usual to respond to posts – so please bear with me. Hope you are all enjoying a great gambling free time.

[i-did-it]

Hi Steev,
Thank you for taking the time to share your story. It is especially helpful to read how you were tempted to return to gambling after your relationship broke down. I think for most of us there is something more underlying why we feel the need to gamble with our lives and happiness in this way .

It also highlights that this isn’t something outside our control- we can make a decision not to gamble even if we find it really hard to do so .
Enjoy the rest of your time in Germany .

[Gbabyh]

I feel like you are the rock of this forum Steev, and so, it’s nice to read your story and see how you managed to turn your life around for the better. Thank you for all your contributions to this forum and I wish you all the best on your continued journey ??

[Steev]

Thanks Chris – I don’t think I have ever been called a rock before!

[Steev]

I am going to write a series of posts on underlying reasons / problems which caused me to gamble – which I hope will be of use to those struggling to stay stopped.

I thought about posting them on this thread – but I think it might be better to put them in the “recovery tools” part of the forum – which might then get more use. I will keep this thread for my day to day comments.

So the first underlying problem of boredom has been posted. I will now work on some ideas about chasing losses – which I think was the biggest factor in my going back again and again.

[Author]

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