[kathryn]

  Well, here i go again, another attempt at quitting gambling.  I dont know how many times i have tried to stop… too many to count.  But this time is different, im not at rock bottom yet and im determined not to get there.  Ive been there, and i know how horrible it is.   I have 3 children who depend on me and i dont understand how my mind tells me that gambling is more important than they are. 
I am feeling out of control, my life is consumed by gambling, any sound on the tv that reminds me of the music of a machine, a picture that reminds me of a poker machine.  The sick feeling i have in my stomach.
Heres where the problem lies… I dont know how to live/cope without that sick feeling in my stomach.  Im so used to it that im lost when its not there.  The fear of going to the letterbox.  The fear of my husband finding out.  He knows im a compulsive gambler and i think when things are going right, thats when i gamble.  I dont know if i like the drama, the secrets, the lies, but i do know that my life doesnt feel right unless i feel sick to my stomach.
That sounds absolutely insane.  I think i may be going insane.  Why am i trying to ruin everything.  I lost it once before, the house, the respect of my family and friends.  I dont want to be like this anymore.  I just want to be a normal, happy person. 
This is my day 1.  Its time.
 

[Anoniem]

I’ve been absent from the forum for a long while and was just going through some old threads.

I found this one, you’ve come a long way since then. Fair Dinkum sport.

Ive started watchin prisoner (cell block h) from the start during my absence from the forum and always think of you and p when I watch it. lol. Ive learnt a few new words too, once upon a time I reckon you thought you had bucklees chance of getting into recovery, look at you now.

Nice one sport!

Geordie

[kathryn]

Wow Geordie,
I didn’t even remember this thread!!!! Amazing, its almost 5 years to the day that I posted that!!! It did take me a little longer to finally take that step but im so glad I did. I don’t seem to be any richer than I was back then….in monetary terms of course, but my life is so much better, im living…..something I did not know how to do.
As for Prisoner…..ugh, Geordie, that is about the worst show you could watch to learn about Australia, talk about bogans!!!! (is that a new one for you??) LOL
Take care friend, I miss you and our lovely chats….once I get my computer fixed (im at work at the mo) ill be round a bit more…..life seems to have taken over, I remember Harry saying that one day I wouldn’t need the forum so much, I was horrified, as if that would ever happen??? And as always, Harry was right. It wasn’t a conscious thing, it just kinda happened. Not to say that I don’t think of GT each and every day, everyone on this site has contributed to my…..I don’t want to say recovery, ill say journey. I know I have to work every day of my life to fight this addiction. Im committed to doing that. Ok, must go, work beckons……
Love to you Geordie, and all my friends here,
K xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Auteur]

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