We moved to Las Vegas about 2 years ago and we actually live in a high-rise on the strip. Casinos and restaurants surrounding us in every direction. Prior to moving to Vegas my husband enjoyed the entertainment of on-line sports betting and cruise ship casinos. These were seasonal and vacationing activities and I never noticed that he gambled more than we could afford to lose.
My first indication that there might be an issue with my husband’s weekly visits (sometimes daily visits) to the casinos is how he would behave when he returned home. He had this odd shine/glint to his eyes like he is was on some drug that made him high, and he insisted on re-living the night giving me a play by play recap of his losses and wins. I shrugged this off as maybe he had drank more than normal while at the casino. Then, covid lockdowns occurred and my husband’s business was shuttered for 7 months and our income was drastically reduced. In hindsight I believe that our disposable income was gone but his gambling habits did not change. Even through this he was able to hide the spending damages. Slowly he began to tell me that finances were tight, and we needed to cut back. He purposely made me believe that our financial difficulties were residual effects from the covid economy. I happily agreed to cut back and save as much money as I possible could. I even quit going to my hair stylist for my blonde highlights and instead went to a “beauty school” to have trainees color my hair..with disastrous results! Then came the day that I received a certified letter from the IRS in my name saying that if I did not pay $19,000 right away they would levy our belongings & property. I showed it to my husband who to my surprise was already aware of it. He had been getting notices from IRS for months because he was the primary account holder. So, for the first time in years I logged on to my husband’s business account and our checking account. Imagine my shock as I was sitting there with badly chemical damaged hair from going to a beauty school trainee to save money when I saw that my husband had spent over $15,000 in the last 35 days at the casino across the street. I went back month after month seeing the same activity. Suddenly memories flooded over me of dates and times my husband had told me to “conserve” money and these dates and times coincided with his casino visits. He wasn’t going to the casino losing hundreds of dollars, he was losing the same amount EVERY month that he could have easily paid off the $19,000 we owed the IRS.
Oh but it got worse. Thousands and thousands of dollars in past due credit card balances! Business credit cards he needs for his company’s expenses.
Needless to say I had a firm strong talk with him and insisted we immediately begin marriage counseling to address his gambling and the trust I lost in him from the gaslighting, misinformation and lies.
During our first marriage counseling session he told our therapist that he does not believe he has a gambling problem. And if he does he can “fix it” on his own without help.
That was this Thursday, today is Saturday. I just checked our banking account and since Thursday he has already withdrawn another $4,111.00 from our checking account direct deposit into his casino account.
Unbelievable!!
He was at the gym this morning when I discovered the casino transferred and when he walked back in I showed him the screen of my laptop and told him to pack his bags to leave. I told him if he can afford to lose over $4,000 the last few days in a casino he can afford to live in a hotel.
He became very defensive, angry. Why did he have to leave his “own home” he demanded? I told him because I am in alcohol recovery and having to interact with him right now is putting my sobriety at risk.
Prior to leaving the house he wrote me a card which says he has “always” tried to be a good husband and he is “sorry” he has failed. He said he will “miss” me and our fur-babies..BUT no where in the note did he mention getting help for his CG. (Even though our therapist recommended on our FIRST, and only session so far that he needs to seek professional help.)
Tonight I still feel myself vibrating from the anger and adrenaline necessary to make him leave the house. Concerned about what our future holds now that I have drawn a line in the sand. And deeply sad that gambling is more important to my husband than our finances, peaceful home and my sobriety & well-being. Good news, I have not drank because of this..however I am relying heavily on my Buddhist recovery meetings and friends.
Thank you in advance for any suggestions and support you can share.