The longest I have gone without gambling in the last 10 years is 7 months which was about 4 years ago. The last few times I have quit for any length of time (2 + months) I have always started again by being invited to go to the casino with a friend, thinking that I have quit for awhile so I will be able to handle going back to gambling socially. And each time, I have had a good win which of course, gives me that rush and I am right back to square one.
n I have read many theories on treating addictions and I believe that I can’t just reduce my gambling that I need to completely quit any type of gambling.
nAt this point, due to covid, I have no desire to set foot in a casino due to risk, however I now have to deal with the online gambling world that is so huge. I have self-excluded from several, however there is always more waiting and there is 24/7 access. I am trying to figure out the banning software for my phone.
nI have read Allen Carr’s book “The Easy Way to Stop Gambling” and there were some good points that I liked. The idea of attending a GA meeting in person scares me as I worry about running into people due to my profession. Maybe I should consider counselling.
nI haven’t gambled since yesterday morning. I do have money in my account, however I am going to pay my bills tonight and again tomorrow night when I get paid. I handle the bills and my husband works out of town so there is now way I can block access to my money.

Thank you for the feedback!! I?m an introverted person so struggle with group meetings so feel I would do better 1 to 1 counselling vs GA- I would like to work up to going to a GA meeting eventually but I am not ready. I did not gamble yesterday or today. When my pay hits this evening I am going to immediately pay my bills so that I don?t have the opportunity to gamble. I am trying to focus on one hour at a time and right now I just need to get through getting paid and following through with my bills.

When I quit for 7 months, things had gotten really bad… I had hidden everything from my parents and they found out, as well our finances were really bad. I did lots of reading, online support for 7 months and then one moment of driving by where I used to gamble led to me going to spend “just a bit” and soon I was gambling all the time.

i “discovered” online gambling in April- what a nightmare!!! I am more hopeful today about being able to quit. ?this is day #3 of not gambling.

I am struggling not to gamble today. I babysat my baby grandson last night, what was supposed to be 2 hours ended up being overnight so I am tired and not feeling like doing anything. I went on one of the online casinos today and just looked at the different games but didn?t play anything. I will try and find something to distract myself maybe. It?s funny how memory works- my brain always focuses on how it feels to win and skips over how low it feels after losing a lot- I am trying to focus on that.

Today is day 5 of not gambling and I am feeling more positive and feel like I can do this. I have not joined a zoom meeting yet for GA but I clicked on the link and plan to participate tomorrow morning as the weekend is so busy. I have blocked all the online casinos I was gambling on. I have noticed on tv there are way more commercials about online casinos so need to put blocks in place.

These 3 words perfectly summarize how I have been feeling the past few days not gambling… I am on day 6 without gambling.

This is very helpful, thank you!!

I have gone 9 days being GF!! Today is another payday so I am planning ahead to make sure I don?t have access to money for gambling. It is hot here and the long weekend so we are going to the lake.. I?m feeling a lot less anxious and positive about things.. i am looking forward to my life being gamble free!!

Thanks so much!! you as well!! These 11 days have been difficult as I do have money in the bank.. in the past I have always quit when we hit rock bottom and every cent had to go towards living – it was a lot easier not to gamble when I had no money.. i keep reminding myself of the things I will be able to do (like going to the lake) because I am not gambling all our money away.. i need to start group/ individual therapy to d al with why I gamble and get tools in place to stay gamble free

Thanks for the kind words!! I’m on day 14 being Gamble free and feeling a lot more optimistic than I did last week. I feel like I can do this. The lake was amazing and the weather was hot. going forward I know that I need to continue to keep myself busy which takes my mind off gambling. I am still working up the courage to attend a virtual meeting.

Hi Sarah,

Gambling is definitely the worst kind of hell, yet I always go back to it…August is always a tough month for me as the kids are getting ready to go back to school- so there is school supplies to buy, new clothes, shoes, as well 3 of my kids have birthdays in August and September… I find myself thinking I could spend $100 and cash out more to help with everything. I know I am lying to myself as an excuse to gamble and that it is not about the money but those gambling thoughts keep creeping back in.

I am off on holidays this week and am managing to stay gamble free. At the end of this month I go back to work (have been working from home since March) and my kids go back to school (school has also been out since March) so I know September will be a stressful month for me and I need to work on coping strategies to handle stress better instead of ?escaping? to gambling.

I am grateful that I was able to stay GF in the last 24 hours.. I received an email yesterday afternoon saying that my ?cooling off? period was over at one of my favourite online casinos, even though I am certain I did a self-exclusion for 5 years.. yesterday was a pay day so a lot of damage could have been done.. there was an online group on here so I went on and got great advice which led to me not gambling and going back in the site when my husband got home to permanently self-exclude.

This weekend ended up being a good weekend. I was able to pay the bills I needed as well as buy some clothes, shoes, and back to school stuff for my kids and a book for myself. Life is so much less stressful without gambling and I will work every day to keep it that way. I am currently working out how to tell friends ?no? when they ask me to go gambling as well as get ideas of other fun things to do instead. I need to be prepared for every situation as otherwise I am super impulsive.

Thank you for that advice Monica. In the past when I have quit I have always ?punished? myself for all the money spent so would not spend anything on myself. I am going to work on doing something for myself every week. I am on day 22, which means I have made it past the 3 week mark!! This week has been extremely busy with work doing an adoption placement and I have another one to do next week. I am very grateful that my gambling has never affected my job directly as I find it very rewarding. Gambling has affected me financially, in my marriage, and time spent with kids. My biggest regret is all the time missed with my kids- which I can never get back. Last night I dreamt about gambling and a few times in the last week I have caught myself visualizing my big wins and the games I was playing. When that happens I have been re-focusing on all the negatives that will happen if I gamble again.

Monica, thank you. I have not gone this long without gambling in almost a year so I am feeling hopeful. This is the only time where I have reached out for help and participated in groups to help stay gamble free. Every other time I have tried to do it on my own and failed. I know this time will be different as I cannot live that life again.
nI need to learn to forgive myself as does my husband as he throws my gambling and the money I have wasted in my face all the time. I don?t know what the future will hold if he can?t get past it.
nCongratulations on 3 years!! What an accomplishment. That gives me so much hope.

Monica, thank you for the information about abstinence vs recovery, that makes so much sense to me. I know at this time I’m not in recovery, I am just abstaining from gambling. I need to work on the issues as to why I started gambling. I feel like I am making small steps towards recovery but at the same time not taking the big ones, like therapy, be it individual or group. I am working towards it though and I feel that I have good barriers in place to stay gamble free. I am now on Day 27.

My husband will definitely not be supportive in recovery- he is more of the “this is your problem deal with it” kind of person. Even when I talk to him about handling bills and payments so that I don’t have access, his response is “I shouldn’t have to do that”.

This weekend was so busy with kid’s birthdays and work stuff. I love being busy as then I don’t even think about gambling. I am still visualizing some of my favorite games and the big wins but not as much. This week will be busy with work and then on Saturday we are having a small burial service for my Grandpa who passed away in March. My parents are also planning a small, immediate family service for my brother who passed away by suicide 24 years ago- they have never been able to bury his ashes and this year they are finally ready. I have committed myself to dealing with the emotions this will bring up and not avoiding/turning to gambling to shut everything out.

That is very helpful as I tend to get very defensive and it turns into a “well remember when you did this…”and we both remind one another of all of our shortcomings. So I will definitely be trying your suggestion.

Work is incredibly busy, I have so much going on. I don’t have a physical job but it is mentally draining. I often wonder if my gambling became an issue as an escape from my job. I worked in child welfare for 16 years. A psychiatrist that I talked to told me that anyone that works in child protection for any length of time is going to have some type of post traumatic issues. When I finally left it took me about 6 months to get physically healthy. I used to come home from work and need to just not think for an hour or so, so gambling at the slots became the perfect escape as I didn’t have to think I could just put my brain on auto pilot.

I am trying to plan ahead for tomorrow evening as I have to go out of town for work for one night. I am excited to stay on my own at a hotel with no kids or husband which hasn?t happened in a long time. However, in the past whenever I have gone to this city for work I have gambled at the casino for hours on end. I am going to plan my night so that I don?t give myself the opportunity to gamble. Perhaps being on my own will allow me to attend an online meeting with no distractions.

Thank you enough! It ended up being a good trip- it was nice to eat out where I wanted and watch what I wanted on tv- which never happens with 4 kids and a husband!! I have made it through my trip away as well as my grandpa?s burial without gambling. I am on day 33 and feeling good. Today I had a lot of thoughts about how fun it would be to just gamble a little bit but I have been down that road to many times. Looking ahead to my second month of being gambling free I want to start counselling, continue to read addiction therapy books, as well as continue to post on here and take part in groups.

I really appreciate the feedback!! I have been feeling pretty good about everything, I think I?m on day 37. I find myself starting to do more ?normal? things that I used to do before gambling took over my life. I do think I am struggling with depression right now but I feel it is more situational due to COVID and stopping gambling. Tonight has been a bit of a struggle as I am getting my ?justifying gambling? thoughts… so far I have been able to talk myself through them and I know there are two outcomes- I will either win or lose… if I lose I will keep playing to win back the money.. if I win I will cash out and enjoy my little ?high? but then get the ?I can win again itch?. Either way I will come out on the losing end. I will not gamble today.

I?m so glad that I am still gamble free! This past weekend was tough and I was able to make it through and also reflect on some of my triggers. I have two weeks of holidays and have been loving having time to myself to read- I am on my 3rd book since Friday.

Thanks Enough! I have always loved reading so it has become one of my main go-tos when I feel like gambling.

I am on day 48 of being gamble free and feel like it?s getting easier.. I know I still have lots of work to do on myself and supports to get in place to ensure I don?t gamble again but am making progress every day.

My kids start school this week and these past few weeks have been so much less stressful than this time of year typically is as I had the money to buy their new clothes, shoes, and supplies… in past years I would be broke due to gambling and have to borrow money to get the essentials. It is honestly such a relief to not be gambling and I am starting to feel a lot more happy with life.

I am on day 51- which is a great feeling- I didn?t think I would make it this far.
nI have still been getting emails from 3 online casinos. I was able to self- exclude from one yesterday and am still working on how to self-exclude permanently from the other two as it obviously didn?t work when I did it in July.
nI made myself a vision board of what I want to accomplish in the next 7 years- I did it on my phone with a photo editing app and made it my background so that I have a constant reminder of what I can easily achieve if I stay gamble free.

Thanks Steev! I am finding it very helpful and anytime I am feeling a little low or thinking about gambling I will look at my board and take a few minutes to re-focus on my goals.

I am a reader and I am finding it so helpful to read threads on here. Everyone’s personal journey, their struggles, and inspirational thoughts on this forum are so invaluable to me and part of the reason I have remained gambling free for almost 2 months.

Today marks day 60!!! I am proud of myself for making it this far. I am being careful not to let my guard down. For the last few days I have made jokes about going to the casino and I know from past experience that those casino ?jokes? trigger me. I am not thinking about gambling as much as I was last month and haven?t been playing back my past big wins. Working on getting to the root of why I became a compulsive gambler.

Thank you kin! Yes I agree, I don’t know how many times I have quit in the past for a period of time and then talked myself into thinking “this time will be different, this time I will gamble in moderation” but it will never work as I will always be a compulsive gambler. I can never gamble again

I have not gambled since July 21 which is such a big accomplishment for me. I am working towards recovery whereas in the past when I quit it was always about abstaining from gambling without putting supports in place. Every day I feel more and more confident in my ability to stay gamble free. I know I still have a ton of work to do on myself but I am no longer feeling the desperation and preoccupation with gambling that I felt after I decided I needed to stop.
nKin?s thread has been so helpful to me in his posts about how once you are a compulsive gambler you can never gamble responsibly. I believe this 100% and know from past experience that this is how I have always justified gambling again (?I had my timeout and my brain is good, I can spend $60 and then walk away?). Because I am a compulsive gambler, I will never be able to just walk away from gambling a little bit.

I haven?t been posting every day, but have been coming on this site at least once a day to read posts which I have found so helpful. I have not had a lot of gambling urges and it is not on my mind as much as it was last month. I am continuing to put blocks in place to stay gamble free and will be starting counselling in October. With being gamble free I am realizing that my marriage is not healthy- there is a lot of blame coming my way (which I take responsibility for) but I can?t continue to be reminded of my mistakes every day.. I guess time will tell if we can move past it.

Thank you for this encouraging post Kin. this is very helpful for me. I really Hope we can work past this, as my husband and I have been together for 22 years.

I haven’t posted on my thread for a few days, however I do come on the site several times a day to read and occasionally comment on other’s threads. I have not been having many urges to gamble. I was able to buy myself some new clothes this past weekend (although I have been working from home for the last 7 months so who knows when I will get the chance to wear them). It is nice to have extras again- which would not be possible if I was still gambling.

Kathryn, Thank you so much for your post!! I have read through your past few threads, as well as many others, which I have found so helpful as I can relate to so much of what you and others are saying. It is inspiring for me to see people still posting on here that have been gamble free for several years so thank you for taking the time to come back and share that it is possible to have a gamble free life. It is also helpful to know that life’s problems do not magically go away once we quit gambling. I am hopeful that I will be able to work things out with my husband. At times, I get quite resentful as i have quit gambling while he continues to smoke and buy a case of beer every weekend. I know that my gambling was much more destructive than his “bad habits”? – I have decided to put aside the same amount he spends on smokes and beer and spend it on myself or save it. Otherwise, I know my resentment will continue to grow and i will end up gambling just to “show him”.

I will be gamble free for 3 months on the 21st. This is exciting for me as i have only gone this long without gambling one other time in the last several years- when I quit gambling for seven or eight months. I am continuing to recognize my triggers. Last night, I babysat my grandson while my daughter and her boyfriend went to the casino. I was happy that I didn’t have any desire to go with them.?

I am now at 91 days gf, which is the longest I have gone since 2016 (which was after things got really bad for me as a result of gambling-definitely my rock bottom). I am excited to keep going in the right direction however need motivation to continue on my recovery process. I have been telling myself that I am going to get individual counselling, which is covered by my private health insurance, since July. I have been telling myself that I am going to take part in a GA meeting on Zoom since July. To date, I have only taken part in one group on here in August. I read lots of the threads on here, try to write regularly, read lots of articles online that discuss problem gambling, as well as a few self-help books around addictions/gambling. As well, I have banned myself on the online sites I was using. This is more than I have ever done before so I am proud of myself for getting as far as I have.
nMy goal for the next month is to get counselling set up and try at least one zoom meeting.

Thank you for the encouragement! i don’t know if a group type meeting will be my thing but I have committed to myself to try 1 meeting. I was cleaning up my email which I haven’t done for months and it makes me sad to see how much money I was wasting online gambling…there was one night that I deposited 32 times in a 3-4 hour period- what a waste and I know that night was not my worst night. It felt good to delete those reminders of gambling. Every once in awhile I will think about games I liked to play but I am able to occupy my mind on other things. I have been organizing my digital pictures. I have my albums done up to 2009- with 4 kids 11 years of pictures to organize on the computer is a huge undertaking. i am working on photo books for each year- kind of a highlight- rather than printing each photo out.

100 days feels like such a big accomplishment for me. I have not stayed gamble free for this long for a long time. I have not seen drastic improvements in my life but definitely feeling much happier than I was 100 days ago- I?m not feeling guilty all the time, my bills are paid, I have made small dents in my debt, my credit score has improved, I?m able to buy ?extras?, and I am learning to respect money again.
I do still feel depressed at times when I think of all the time I have wasted gambling but overall am feeling optimistic about the future. I can concentrate better and actually have the patience to help my son with his grade 7 math homework. I can?t wait to see where I am in another 100 days!!

Thanks for that!! Congratulations to you as well- I think we stopped at around the same time… I am looking forward to reaching the 4 month milestone next week. I am 112 days gamble free and really feel that gambling is taking up much less space in my life and in my head. There are days when it doesn’t cross my mind. The symbols from slots that I played used to be very vivid in my thoughts and would play over and over at random, now I have to put in effort to remember them.?

I was really struggling with attending a GA meeting because I felt that that was what I was “supposed to do”. After doing a ton of reading I have decided that it is not a support that would be helpful for me.? My recovery includes continuing journalling on here as often as possible, as well I have been using alot of online CBT tools and workbooks, and am focusing on individualized counselling. I have been reading alot of books and my next goal is to start re-learning to play piano. My 11 month old grandson fills up much of my time as well.?

I have noticed alot of my friends have started creating facebook pages to playing bingo for money. Bingo has never been something that I played or had a problem with but I am staying away from it as I know it would take one small win at bingo for me to be wanting more.?

Thank you for the encouragement maverick!! I really am slacking on logging in here and posting. I have been working from home since March and feel somewhat closed in. My mood fluctuates from one week to the next.. I am grateful that I have employment but also anxious for life to go back to some kind of normal. With all the restrictions due to COVID increases it is going to be a long winter so counselling remains importan.?

i have stayed gamble free and for the most part have no desire to gamble. I have noticed many friends/family on Facebook sending me invites to their private pages where they have bingos for money. I am staying away from those pages as I know how quickly that could turn into a gateway to online slots or going to the casino. I can’t go back to gambling – it has already stolen way too much from me. I feel like my husband is starting to trust me again- when he talks about how when I was gambling it was the worst time in his life I am able to feel guilt and remorse for the effect my choices have had on others instead of getting defensive- ?this isn’t something I have really been able to do when I was actively gambling as gambling made me a very selfish person.

Yesterday I gambled online. I would love to believe it took me by surprise, but I think it has been building for awhile. I have been spending a lot of time alone usually on my phone, sometimes reading. I have been down and very negative- I can’t seem to stop complaining. I had been thinking about gambling for a bit, usually just random thoughts and rather than acknowledge how I was feeling and getting support I moved on. I am an expert at avoidance and procrastination. Nothing eventful happened yesterday to trigger me, I was really tired so had planned to go to bed early. I went on facebook and there was friends posting for bingo games so I played 3 games and “almost” won the last two. From there I decided that I would win if I tried online slots and there went the next five hours. I have been stressed about money as my husband hasn’t been working since the beginning of November so I told myself that this was an easy way to make money. Which I know isn’t true because we had enough money for our monthly bills and Christmas. I am so disgusted with myself for going so long and then messing it up. I am determined to get on track immediately. I have unfollowed all of the bingo groups that my friends added me on facebook. I have closed the online account I used last night to gamble. I am going to set limits on my phone as I spend way to much time on it.

Kin, thank you so much for replying to my post with your helpful advice and information , it was so helpful! I have been having troubles logging on and posting on here – but your words gave me so much insight that has kept from me gambling. It has been been 4 days since I gambled and I know that I don’t want to have the horrible feelings of guilt and regret that come after gambling ever again. I like my life when I’m not gambling although I have to work through my issues of depression/negativity. I was talking to a friend the other day and I was telling her how I just can’t stop complaining about everything. I don’t want to live like that and need to work at being more positive. I am working at putting more barriers in place as I am obviously not strong enough to fight my gambling urges still.

This is such a busy time of year and I have not had time to post in awhile. Christmas was much less stressful this year as I haven’t been gambling. My youngest son is now 12 so Christmas is alot different than when all 4 of my kids were young and excited for Santa to come. This year, we had to wake the kids up to open presents. It was still great- Christmas has always been my favorite time of year. I have been GF for 28 days now, and have only gambled the one time when I slipped on November 30. When I look at the big picture- in the last 160 days I have been gamble free for 159 of them. It is important that I stay accountable to myself by continuing to post and work on the issues that led me to gamble.

I am back to day 1. I wish I could take back the last few weeks- I have gambled on 4 occasions. I need to get back on track and make the changes I need to make- I know I can do it. My husband doesn’t know I have been gambling so I will start by coming clean to him tomorrow.

Thank you Kin, I read your message earlier and really wanted to think about this because it is such an important question. 1) I need to have better barriers in place and 2) not get complacent about recovery. It doesn’t matter how much time passes, I need to keep barriers in place. It is almost like being hijacked when I get the urge to gamble and I talk myself into it. If I had barriers then it would force me to slow down. I did a lot of damage yesterday and I know I can’t gamble for fun, which is what my thought process was yesterday and the other days.

Kin, your questions and feedback are so valuable to me, thank you again.

I haven’t posted in awhile and am struggling to get back on track. I have made some big gains including installing Gamban on my phone as well as an app to help me track my progress in stopping. What a relief it was to know that I can’t accesss gambling websites. I have let my husband know about my recent relapses and am restricting my access to money.

Since I posted last, I have gambled twice.. one being on my daughter’s laptop and the other “with” my husband.. somehow I talked him into a “fun” evening of online gambling and it would be “just for fun” (which it wasn’t, he fell asleep and I stayed up all night). It makes me so sad how manipulative gambling makes me and the position I put my friends/family in- I did apologize to him for this and I know I have to earn back trust.

I have been gamble free for 10 days and am feeling focused on staying gamble free. I need to get through this next week.

Thank you sunny. So far I am doing well. I still have Gamban on my phone and my husband is holding me accountable with our joint account. I am on Day 13 and have been keeping myself busy with reading, walking, working, and spending time with my 1 year old grandson. I have not gone to a casino or gambled in person in 13 months.. I am still kicking myself for ever trying online gambling so just need to continue putting blocks in place so I don’t have the opportunity to even log in to an online casino. It drives me crazy how many advertisements there is on tv for online casinos… before COVID I don’t remember seeing any..

This weekend was tough as I really had a lot of urges to gamble, I kept playing different scenarios in my head of how I could gamble. I was able to talk myself out of it by reasoning that even if I were to win, I would just play more and then end up further behind financially or if I lost I would keep losing. My brain tries to tell me that this time I will be able to play just a little bit for fun just like everyone else, but I am getting stronger at reminding myself that for me there is never going to be a little bit of gambling for fun. Having barriers to make it more difficult to gamble is really helping. I read 2 books over the weekend to occupy my mind and spent time outside. On Saturday and Sunday morning when I woke up I initially had the extreme feelings of guilt that I usually get after I gamble, so it was a great surprise to remember that I hadn’t gambled. I am glad I was able to make it through. On my gambling app it provides me with a notification every day with an inspirational quote, today’s is “Nothing will work unless you do” (Maya Angelou). I am on day 17.

Thank you kin. I spent a lot of time yesterday re-reading about relapse and the 1st two stages definitely fit in with how I was feeling on the weekend.. I am feeling much better today. I know that the pros of gambling are very small and short term and the cons could fill pages… this is the longest I have ever gone of holding myself accountable and trying to stay gamble free so I am proud of myself for that. I also find my point of view has changed from a “victim” of gambling to taking responsibility for my actions and the effects it has had on others. I have lost many friendships as a result of borrowing and not paying back when I said I would. Most importantly my family has suffered as a result of my selfishness. I can’t turn back time, but I can make sure they don’t suffer anymore.

The last week has not gone well for me. I have been caught up in a horrible cycle of online gambling and I haven’t been able to stop. I installed Gamban but cancelled it after a month as the VPN was slowing down my phone- or so I told myself. Because I was paying for it by the month I was able to cancel my subscription. I don’t know where to go from here, I just feel like I shouldn’t even bother trying to quit gambling. When I wasn’t gambling I was reading 3 books a week and now I can’t even read a few pages without losing focus and feeling like I should gamble. I haven’t gambled since yesterday (technically it was about 5am this morning when my last binge ended).

Kin,
I am doing well, thank you for checking in with me. The post you posted on murr’s page about gamblers anonymous was very helpful so thank you for that.
I have not been gamble free since I last posted but I really do feel like I have made huge gains in learning to work on my emotions and not suppress them as well as figuring out my triggers for why I gamble. I have been gamble free for the last few days, which does not sound like a lot but I am working on it one day at a time. Despite my recent gambling, I feel like I am in a much better place emotionally than I was when I was gamble free for 5 months. I am working on getting barriers in place again and connecting with gamblers anonymous meetings. I hate this addiction.

It has been over a month since I last posted and it has only been in the last 4 days that I have gotten back on track. I was doing quite well and then a few weeks ago my mother in law passed away. I have realized just how easily I am triggered to gamble- any negative emotion at all and I want to gamble to forget about it. I cannot continue like this though and need to stop making excuses as to why I “should” gamble. It has made me so conniving- like my thought process is always justifying why I deserve to gamble. Today I watched a tik tok video where a mental health therapist was listing the top 5 devastating addictions in his experience. 5. Opiates 4. Crack cocaine 3. Crystal meth 2. GAMBLING and 1. Anorexia. He explains that gambling wreaks havoc on your brain’s reward system, has the lowest rates of recovery, the worst consequences he has ever seen including utter financial ruin and damaged relationships and has the highest suicide rate of any addiction. He says the worst, most common, and insidious form of gambling is slot machines at it targets our reward systems with “laser-like precision. If there is a devil he created slot machines”. This blew me away and really gave me the kick in the butt that I need to start taking this seriously and put all my efforts into putting the road blocks I need.

Hi Dolly, I hear you- this addiction is so horrible. Over the years I have made half-hearted attempts to quit gambling but never really stuck with it. For the last year, I have continued trying even when I have relapsed. Even though it has only been a few weeks since the last time I gambled- I feel further ahead than I did when I quit for five months. I am open with my husband about my addiction and I have also been open with two close friends about my addiction. This is huge for me as I have never admitted to anyone else that my gambling is an addiction and not just a “spend a little too much once in awhile, but I have it under control”. I continue to read and look for support. I am learning to have patience and take it one day at a time. I have switched my bank account so that I am not able to use my bank card for online purchases- which includes online casinos. I have closed all of my online accounts. This sounds silly- but I don’t leave my house alone if I have my bankcard. Either my husband or one of my kids comes along. I know how quickly the compulsion to gamble can come and I am putting as many roadblocks as possible in place. I hope to hear from you soon. I apologize for not responding sooner but my 2nd oldest graduates Grade 12 this week so we have been busy!!

It has been awhile since I posted. I have been doing well and have stayed gamble free for the last 3 months. Working on catching up on debt slowly and learning to be patient with how long it takes as one of my impulses to gamble is the feeling that I will win big, pay off my debt, and get a fresh start. I am trying to be less obsessed about money, learning to pay my bills on time, and looking forward to the near future when my debt will be paid. Even though I haven’t posted in awhile I come on here often to read posts which I find so helpful as well as some other resources. I’m working hard on identifying my feelings and getting a plan in place for when I feel overwhelmed and stressed as that is a big trigger for me.

It has been awhile since I last posted. I wish I could say that I haven’t gambled at all but this would be a lie. I did well until October- gambled a bit- stopped until after Christmas and then have been gambling every week or so since January. My addiction said I could keep it under control and I told myself that I had learned to control it and had I could be a “gambling for fun person”. But I know I can’t and it is only a meter of time before it is completely out of control. I have taken steps to keep myself away from gambling and be accountable.

Losing it slowly, thanks so much for your post. I have learned the need to let my guilt/anger/remorse go after a relapse and focus on what I can do better and what blocks I can put in place to prevent myself from gambling. I do allow myself to feel those feelings and how low I am in that moment and vow to not put myself in that spot by gambling again. 99% of the time I don’t want to gamble, it’s that 1% that does so much damage. I need to figure out how to have more blocks in place to get over those urges to gamble during that time. I really do feel like I go 7 steps forward and then 6 steps back each time I stop gambling for a time and then slip, however I am still 1 step ahead and I need to appreciate those small gains and keep working towards staying gamble-free.

Charles, yes I 100% agree. I need to stop making excuses and stay focused on keeping supports in place ongoing. I have been able to quit for months at a time and because I don’t continue to access those supports I relapse. I was recently reading about the “Swiss cheese model” for protective barriers against covid and it reminded me of the numerous supports I need to stay gamble free. Alone each Swiss cheese slice (barrier to not gamble)has holes in it to allow you to gamble but when you pile numerous cheese slices (barriers) together those holes get covered making it difficult to act on those gambling urges. I will stay gamble free.

I am continuing to stay gamble free and am on day 16 but life has been crazy. My husbands dad recently passed away- his mom only died months ago so it’s all been a shock and there is much to do in cleaning out their home and planning for the funeral. Gambling would be so easy right now and would take my stress away for a short time. But that relief would be very temporary.

Kin, this all helpful information that I was not aware of. I am going to do further reading on the 3 stages of relapse so thank you for that suggestion. It is very helpful. For me, the biggest triggers would be anxiety, worried, and boredom but I can relate to all of the feelings you have listed. I read a quote today that really stuck with me “The victim mindset dilutes human potential. By not accepting personal responsibility for our circumstances, we greatly reduce our power to change them.” Steve Maraboli. This is so important for me and something I need to work on.