[Nomore12]

Here with my story. First of all sorry for the language.
Thinking what the people are doing to be away from gambling… being away from internet not talking about to anyone about casino games sports betting maybe having another hobbies not to think about gambling… for me none of them was an option and still not option.. cause i am working in that business. Online casino… I have been working in this business for 10 years and ruining my life for 5 years.. at the end having 100 k euros debts
It had started very well for me to work here.. but by seeing big winners it started taking place in my mind slowly.. as i said it was really small.. small stakes small winnings not thinking abkut it.created beautiful family and had 2 beautiful kids. Earning really good money and having fun… bought an apartment started saving money… everything was wonderful.. then decided to sell apartment and move to bigger house.. it would be same price if sold apartment with a price that we bought.. it went much better and we made really good money on selling and had a really good balabce on bank accounts. Then the s..t started. Started playing suddenly. Had 5 k euros in savings… went up to 7 down to 3 upto 6 down to 3 then in a night all gone.. felt really bad but it would be really easy to save that amount again. But i thought i could win again.. of course it didnt go how i expected. Down to 30 k euros in 2 years. One day i was really lucky and had the chance of life. Won 30 k euros and paid all debts and put the savings back.. bought a a long and nice holiday… but somehow i started playing again (i didnt know that you lose when you win then). -5 -20 -40 -50 then down to -70 k euros. I was betting really big stakes and loses of course.. after losing paycheck in a night i decided to tell my wife about the problem. I told her everything..she was angry upset and disappointed ofcourse. She was thinking to take kids and leave me but she knew that it wouldnt be any better for me.. she decided to stay and help me. Financal and mentaly.. i promised her not to play anymore. With a bank credit we made really good payment plan and we could have fun with rest of our salaries after paying all bills every month. Started well but took only 2 weeks to be away from slots… started again.. even worse.. took money from kids saving account slowly. Started with 50 euros and again up and down… then i spent all their money. Ruined my kids future… Too many lies about everything.. i had no idea what i was becoming.. asking money from my parents friends even bosses. But didnt tell the truth of course. One day my wife noticed their accounts and ask me about it. I had another lie for that. My life became a lie. Took credits from bank and played again and again.. played everywhere.. in the bus in a playing ground or in a market while shopping.. it conqured my life..it is f..n too easy to have credit in my country. Only a text message can be enough to get 1000 euros credit in a minute. Paying back is really difficult because of the interests. It can be up to 300 % somtimes. But fortunatelly had no problem with paying those credits but debts were increasing insanely… one day i stole money from my wifes saving account. And it was the end of this lie.she noticed and ask me what i did with the money. I just said that i was going to put back the day after. And i had only one day to make 5000 euros and give her and continue lieying. You know what.. i tried to do it. I found another credit with 2000 euros to pay back in2 months and high interest. played with that money ans lost.. had no other chance than the telling the truth.. i told her everything again.. this was much harder for our marriage. She was again so close to leave me. But one last time gave me a chance to stop it. Its been 17 days with no gambling now. I have to do it for her for my kids.

[finding_laura]

Hi No More, I am glad that you have found this forum. I don’t know how we can fool ourselves so badly, all to satisfy our need to gamble. We never get back what we lose. And if by some miracle we win what we’ve lost and can square things up it won’t remain. The same madness drives us back again. And we will play til we lose it all.
You are very lucky that your wife is willing to give you another chance to clean up your problem. Have you been able to access addictions counseling of any kind? Not sure where you are from and what is available there. Look over the resource section here. Maybe talk to the people on that chat line. Sometimes email counseling or telephone counseling can be arranged. You need to start developing tools and supports. Also, you should no longer have access to the money. Nobodies including your own. You’ve proven over and and over again that you can be trusted with money. Let your wife take over control of the funds. Or take care of it together. No more secrets. It takes a long time before we can have a responsible relationship with money.
Keep posting, I think your original post got lost in a lot of traffic on the forum.
take care,
Laura

[Nomore12]

Thank you for reply. Yes i am thinking to keep posting. Talking to and reading people who understand me makes me feel much better. Havent had any counseling yet. Never been in any group threapy either… Dont know if i can. I mean if i m enough brave to do it.

And about the control of money.. yes she is doing it.

i will not fail again..
I am too tired to live everything again.
Too tired of losing paycheck in an hour
Too tired of waking up middle of the night by thinking what i have done
Too tired of going to work without sleeping.
Too tired of begging money from friends
Too tired of liying
Too tired of hiding all my feelings
Too tired of pretending to be strong
Too tired of doing them over and over again

And Tired of being jealous of friends who are having the same or maybe less salary but having much better lives.

I am done. I have too many shity things to say about f..n gambling.

Trying not to think about how much i lost and what i could do with that money.. cant believe what i did but have to forget about them. Must create new life. Starting from minus..

[Nomore12]

365 gambling free days.
No relapses no urges..
Feeling well. Living responsible and happy. Living the present time..
Did i forget the loses ? No. I will never forget them.
But i have accepted them. I will never go after them. It was a foolish and expensive hobby and its over.
I have a life to plan.

[DanielleCH]

Congrats to you! I would have been a year with no gambling this Jan 2nd, but I had a slip up recently. I am now 2 1/2 months of no gambling. It’s a wonderful feeling, I’m very happy for you.

[Monica1]

Delighted to hear of your achievement. Very well done!

[inenpre]

Congratulations, dear. This is a really outstanding achievement.

[ihasl]

Very interesting story!

[Amber_Disfordone]

Congratulations on such a nice period of abstinence!! So true about the losses… better to accept but never forget!! I hope to find the amount of success you have found! I too have had multiple chances from my family and I believe this is my last one. My rock bottom. My time to turn inward and figure out how to make a permanent positive trajectory for me and my family. God bless and help us all.

[Cruising247]

Congratulations!!!
I am so looking forward to saying 365 days gamble Free.
Praying your continued success.??

[Nomore12]

Hi everyone!
Here again!
But this time just to say hi.
Have nothing to do with gambling since my first post here. So GF for almost 6 years. If I can do it you guys can definetely do it.
Wishing you the best!

[Autor]

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