[housedd]

Hello everyone.(again)
I am compulsive gambler and iv been that for 6 years straight now.Tried to quit many times but i always found excuses to go back to casino and hit that play big button.Yesterday after 1 week being gamble free i relapsed.I lost 400 euros in 30 mins.During this short period of being gamble free i felt a bit better,i occupied my mind with other things.But i guees it was not enough,or im just a weak person.
I was walking to my girlfriends place because we had to organize some stuff around new year.I brought 400 e with me for shoping.I stoped at gas station to buy some cigarrets then in corner of my eye i saw a new opened casino.Something in me just flaped.I just said to myself that i will just lose 50 eu and thats is,not more.Point is i shouldnt go there in first place but i did anyway.I found excuse in my head,its just another small bet,why not.Ofc everything turned bad.I went in,lost 50 in 3 mins,then lost 350 in next half an hour.That moment when i lost everything i just stood up took glass of water and threw it into the machine.Bartender came and asked me to stay with him,because casino doesnt have any security and i managed to quickly ran away.I got into my car and drove home,i didnt go to my girfriends place because i didnt know what to say about money,i just said that i need to finish some private stuff and that i would come later.I got home,i went to my room,and started crying,screaming into pillow,asking myself why i did it again.This happend fourth time since i tried to quit and every time gets worse.I feel so useless and ashamed,i developed deppresion since i started.And scariest thing is doesnt even matter if i win,most of the time i will leave all my winnings in casino.Iv been chasing the rush whole time.I know deep inside that i need to stop or my life will never be normal,but right now i just dont see how i can and everything seems lost and is getting worse everyday.Im scared to tell my girlfriend because of her reaction,she didnt deserve this nor my family.
I just thought that i will feel better writing this and to be honest i do.I read a lot of topics and i know that im not the only one here.

[charles]

Hi and welcome back,

You can stop gambling, words, promises, even intentions rarely work on ther own though – it’s actions that count.

Actions like getting yourself officially excluded from that casino and any others local to you. Actions like restricting our easy, unaccountable access to funds with which to gamble.

Actions like getting to support = whether that is here, places like Gamblers Anonymous, counselling or anything else. Then continuing to use that support, not just when we have lost and are hurting but to maintain recovery.

Keep posting and let us know what positive actions you are taking.

[housedd]

Hi,thanks for your response.
I excluded myself from 4 casinos today,also i installed block software on my phone for gambling sites,i really do now have strong dedication to stop because when i remmeber my life before i started to gamble i realize that i had many things that made me happy,and that i really didnt need to go to casino to feel alive.I dealt with many loses in life this is just another hard thing that i need to fight.I know i have the power.
I know that i can be happy again.

[Cruising247]

Hello,
and welcome to the site. I have been on and off for some years now.
This is my day 1 again.
I also learned a while back, it’s not about the win with me either; because even when I win, I still leave broke.
I enjoy the play, but when I leave I always leave angry at myself, depressed, embarrassed and feeling like a loser. I know that I am better than that person, so I plan to start living that way.
I have been given another day to get it right, and that’s what I plan to do.
Good luck on your journey.

[housedd]

Hello Cruising 247.
Thanks for warm welcome.
I totaly feel you,even if we know inside our head that playing is bad we will justify it with some stupid reason,just to play and feed this urge.And when we leave there is void inside,feeling angry,depressed and that whole world is against us.
Im on my sixth day now,im thinking about gambling 2 or 3 times per day,for now i cant get it out of my head completely and i know it will take a lot of time to heal myself.But i didnt gamble.
Thanks for your response,and i wish you much luck on this journey.

[Don14765]

Housedd:
Congratulations on burning yourself from 4 casinos:)
I two, had to ban myself from my local casino…
Someone told me something once about one year ago and I truly believe it he asked me “do you think that the casino is in business to make you rich?“

Any slot machine technician will tell you that the machines are random and that there is no set time they will pay off? Although it’s funny how I put in $600 equal to about $450 of your euro dollars, and I don’t win? I think those machines are rigged to take your money for sure…

Yes, it will take time for you to retrain your brain to not give into those thoughts, I was told by an old sponsor many years ago that you absolutely cannot stop the thoughts coming into your head…. but what you can do is choose to not listen to those thoughts and eventually it becomes easier to not obey those thoughts as time goes on….

[housedd]

Hi Don
Thank you!That was the only way to try to stop this madness,there was no other way to be honest.I tried to stay gamble free on my own without any action but didnt work.Right now i have these exclusions we will se what happens.I will try my best of course.Right now my thought are my biggest enemy,im trying to be busy and just think of anything that isnt gambling,literaly anything that brings me joy.
About gambling bussines
I always kinda knew it was rigged their way,but we all know it right,and we still go there and spend our money,or deposit online,doesnt really matter.I think gambling bussines is most evil legal thing that exists and cannot be taken down because of how much money it generates.Considering this, it is very hard to fight it for people with addiction like us.You see ads on every corner,on every website that you go even if you dont want to.I really dont know any gambler who has its limits,most of them just dont want to admit that they have a problem,others are trying to fight it but with no luck.I guess at the end just matters how one takes on situation.
Btw DON,how are you standing right now,are you gamble free,or you just started this journey?
Much love.

• Esta resposta foi modificada 1 ano, 10 meses atrás por housedd.

[Autor]

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