[Romana]

Hi everyone,

I open this topic to know if it happened to you to analyze the way the gambler in your life placed bets.

I am still in a phase where I am looking to understand the addiction, probably trying to find explanations for an irrational activity…

I am analyzing the way my ex gambles and few things caught my attention :

— He is able to stop working to gamble. He plays cards since he open his eyes till he fells asleep which is around 18 hours a day. He still can manage to do that while working with some «mandatory» breaks in order to really work probably.

— After binge gambling for days like these (5 days in a row), it looks like he looses on purpose. He cashes out winning bets and place the money on a loosing one with an earlier result. He abandons card games and do not focus on the games to win.

Globally, he wins money on cards (slowly) that he looses on sport bets (terribly fast). It is amazing how much he can earn on cards when he wants to. He blow it up in an hour on some obscure sports bet.

For an outsider, it looks as if he internally wished the money to end so that the spiral stops for a while. Or maybe punishing himself for gambling for so long.

Of course this phase remains one day and he is back to «normal» the next day.

Have you paid attention to that?

Food for thought,
Romana

[velvet]

Hi Romana

All food for thought is good is this forum. I will think about what you have said and come back to you

As Ever

Velvet

[Dark Energy]

Hi Romana
I noticed this in myself, my analysis is that it is a self-defense mechanism that the brain uses to survive. if you try to stop breathing you can do it for a minute or two then the unconscious brain will take control and force you to open your mouth and breath.

what I notice is after 2 to 3 weeks of trading «gambling» that involves many sleepless nights, ignoring all the aspects of your life: your work, health, family … everything will get the 2nd priority and the first priority will be to trade «gamble». after 2 to 3 weeks period I will be mentally and physically exhausted, I will have a lot of work pressure and the only way my brain sees as the solution to relieve this stress and pressure is to lose it all. I could win for few weeks and then in one day, I lose it all because of reckless over-leverage trades that will cost me all my winning and my capital.

no matter if you can Win occasionally, the game is about the long run, the casinos are betting on the long run, they don’t care about the result of this particular coin flip, they bet that for a million coin flip the result will be almost 50% win 50%
and if they take more than what they pay it is a guaranteed win situation for them the odds in their favour. simply it is a losing game for the gambler whether he is an addict or not.

[charles]

Hi Romana, I wouldn’t say I ever lost deliberately but what I did do sometimes was increase my stakes to speed up whatever the outcome was going to be. This of course was usually losing. It was the only way I could pull myself away and go home and get to bed!!

[velvet]

Hi Romana

I have brought my thread entitled ‘The F&F Cycle’ up to the top for you – I hope it helps you to understand more.

Most compulsive male gamblers, I have known, gambled for fun with their friends, often when they were quite young. Unfortunately, for them, addiction was to be their unwelcome outcome and when the fun stopped the gamble became their raison d’être.

Your boyfriend is lucky to have had you in his life. Your strength and determination will hopefully stay in a corner of his mind so that when he decides enough is enough, he will know that support if available and where to go for it.

I suspect you boyfriend’s work ethic is that he needs money to gamble, if he loses his job he will lost the means to indulge his gambling.

I’m not sure what happened in the last 10 minutes of the group on Tuesday. I was still ‘talking’ and I think you and M were too but your words did not appears.

Keep asking questions.

Velvet

[velvet]

Hi Romana
Herewith as promised –

‘I am addiction’

I start in small subtle promising many things,
I promise you enjoyment and pleasure beyond your wildest dreams,
I deliver guilt and despair more horrible than your worst nightmare,
I promise you power and courage,
I give you feelings of powerlessness & hopelessness,
I will force you to live in fear always,
I promise you relief and escape from all your daily problems,
I create for you greater problems than you ever imagined,
I promise you many friends but
I allow you only isolation.
I promise happiness but
I create much sorrow.
I will steal from you your dignity your families,your friends,your children.your homes,.your spirit & your life……. Love, freedom & happiness are impossible in my presence.
So NEVER UNDERESTIMATE ME
I am devious & manipulating,
I have no preferences as to who I pick as my victim, rich or poor, young or old, black ,white, yellow or red.
I have killed men, women and children,
I have no conscience.
So if you have met me, always be aware if you think you can beat me… that I will never be gone from your life and all will be well again.
NEVER FORGET that I will always be there, waiting in the dark shadows, just around the corner.
I am very patient and I will laugh in your face if I can lure you into my evil world of hell on earth again.

This is a hard to read for F&F but maybe your boyfriend could read it. Please don’t let it cause you worry. As promised, I raise my glass you – Happy birthday Romana, you will be ok

As Ever

Velvet

[uncontrolled back]

These words are all so very true. I hope this finds you well Velvet. Continue doing this great work. You are very special to many people and are so valued with you positivity and unrelenting efforts to support everyone.

[velvet]

Hi Uncontrolled

Once met, never forgotten, I have wondered how you were. I have so far gone back between pages 180 and 216 to find you again but to no avail – yet.
I can’t talk to you on Romana’s thread but I would love to have an update. I will be looking for you.

As Ever

Velvet

[soglinant]

It’s commendable that you are taking the time to analyze and understand your ex’s gambling addiction. Addiction can be difficult to grasp, especially when it seems irrational.

[catherinewilliam]

Ожидание модерации

[maverick.]

Hi Romana,

As a compulsive gambler I would never set out to lose on purpose however I now know I would always lose because I can never stop, while I actively gamble I cannot stop gambling and because of that I can never win and will always lose because I am a compulsive gambler.

Really wish you my very best in life and to your family, hope you have or can get things going back in the right direction.

Take care

Maverick

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