[HingleMcCringleberry]

Hello,

The journals I have been reading have been insightful and calming, but everytime I come back to my own situation I feel like I am on the verge of a panic attack.

Everyone in my life knows that I like to gamble.They believe/treat it as a quark of sorts, and a lot of them like to remind me how lucky I am. I’ve seen big wins in casinos with a number of friends/family, and I’d imagine like most, they’ve never been there for the even bigger losses. No one in my life right now really knows how bad the problem has grown, and in all honesty I want to stop. I had more satisfaction from the week or so I went without gambling last week than I did this week, yet I face the realization every time I stop that I am deeply in debt, and that a big win is the only thing that can save me.

Will all that being said, I’m reaching out because I don’t know what to do. Like so many others, I am the light-hearted, funny, always-positive friend that people count on,and I don’t want to let anyone in my life down. I know everyone has their demons, but in the past I’ve felt like I can cope better with mine than most of those that I hold close, so I choose to put their problems first (potentially as a distraction from my own). 

I am a newlywed as of a few months ago, and although she’s asked about gambling in the past, I have always told her its not an issue.I’ve told the same to my parents, her parents, etc. and at this point I feel cornered. I feel like one of the biggest things I’ve learned is that the biggest offense that loved ones take is the lying….and I’ve lied to everyone.

And that’s where I want advice. I feel exhausted with gambling at this moment. I want to do other things, enjoy what else life has to offer. Yet I have come back to it time and time again because I have no other way to make up the amount of money I owe, and I don’t know how to tell all those close to me (esp. my wife) the truth.

I have no delusions by the way that although I feel like I’m over it now, that there won’t be many a time in the future where it will be a constant and conscience effort to resist. I just have the feeling now and I want to capitalize and start recovering.  

Any advice or story is welcome. Thanks in advance.

Hingle

[kin]

People aspire to be a doctor, lawyer or engineer. No one in the world ask to be an addict.

No one understand what an addict need to face to get well better than another recovering addict.

Every baby step progress we made gives our love one and us hope for the future.

It is easy to stop every single time , but the real challenge remain in staying stop.

Best wishes

Kin

[i-did-it]

Hi Hingle,

I so understand where you are coming from.
I always believed the big win would come along and save the day.
It did come along but I want sure when to stop ,
So I lost a little ,
Tried to win it back
Lost some more
Tried to win it back
Ended up with nothing
.

Like you I have often had big wins — because I gambled big stakes .
Like you I always lost the lot .

I am
Now gamble free and yes I will be paying debts for a lot of years (I set up repayment plans with all my creditors ) but for the first time in years I have money to do things I want to do.

The big win is the myth that keeps us in action.
When we can let go of our losses and realise they are never coming back -because if we were capable of keeping them we would not be in this mess — then we can start to build a future that is free from all this shame , worry and pain.

We will not get rich quick — but we will be comfortable and live a life that’s easier .

Good luck

[Johnny B]

Your story reminds me of me to a «T»…. I would suggest you get in front of this with your new wife. I too am «newly» married. For the first year my wife was aware I gambled, but never to the extent… Then the debts were not able to be hidden anymore, and the truth came out… I almost lost my best friend and soulmate because I was lying to her for the first year of our marriage.
We sought counseling, which was incredibly important, because it was the only way she could see my issue through a non judgemental eye. The counseling worked once I allowed it to. I have been 4 months gamble free. She understands, as much as she can, and I am working on getting better every day…
It just takes the effort, and the thoughts of not gambling one day at a time.

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