Hi Crushedsoul, A Warm Welcome to Gambling Therapy
 Having found us you have also found a diverse community who can help and support you on your recovery journey.
 Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and non-judgemental environment and by reading others stories am sure you will see that you are very much not alone in this addiction
 Please click here to see our services page, feel free to use all that this site can offer…
 To chat with others in real time you may wish to make use of the support groups, the ***** of these groups are advertised under "What’s on and When" or
click here to see the weekly group schedule.
 For one to one chat you may want to try the live advice helpline. Click "connect" when these options become available.
 Also to say when you registered we would have sent you an email with an attachment, this attachment will help you navigate the site and find the support you so rightly deserve, alternatively this guide can be downloaded by clicking here.  
Take Care
 The Gambling Therapy Team

Rockbottom is a blessing in disguise! Now you can slowly start your life without gambling. Go to a local Gamblers anonymous meeting! Then 28 days in a clinics if that can be an option. Therapy is the only natural path to a good recovery from this evil behaviour we call compulsive gambling. Keep strong this low is what we have all gone through! It gets better in time! Please talk on here and keeps us up to date!   Adam

Originally posted by Crushedsoul

…  I am scared …
Good afternoon Crushedsoul, my name is Larry and I am a compulsive gambler, my last bet was October 2012. (My screen name is paul315, one I choose over three years ago when starting on my road to recovery, a road that led me out of my ****.)
Welcome to GT, here you will find that you are not alone, others here have shared in your pain, remorse, your losses, and your fear; we have all been scared and have all shared in your ****.  Some like myself have also had thoughts of suicide, but thankfully we recognized these feelings as wrong. We then started addressing them and the reasons behind them; we started working on our recovery and a return to a more normal way of thinking and living.
You came here for help in your gambling problem. You might also need to get some professional help for your suicidal thoughts, and some financial help for better ways to pay of your debts. Debts to a bookie are more complicated that to ones to legitimate creditors, but they too have to be addressed in a better way than adding to the amount by more gambling. You have to pay him, but you may be able to negotiate a better plan while having him cut you off from future bets, one that you will stick to; he wants his money, not your hide, taking your hide come if you don’t pay, not if you no longer make bets. 
The road to recovery requires us to reach out in many different directions, but the most important one is help for you mental state, do that now. As for the financial problems, you say that your would love to just quit but the amount that you own won’t let you; that is far from the truth. The truth of the matter is that your addictive controlled thinking is using the amount you owe as an excuse to continue gambling. The truth of the matter is that more gambling will not allow you to pay off what you owe; it will only add to the debt and give the addiction more power to cause you to chase more looses. The truth of the mater is that when a compulsive gambling stops gambling, the outlay of money is eliminated thereby increasing the income by removing the financial drain that was caused by gambling.
In the movie you subtlety reference, Groundhog Day; the main character did have to relive each gh day over and over. But he learned from his mistakes each time he was subjected to reliving the repeated groundhog days. Each repeated day started with the same things to dread; but in recognizing that he had to face the day anyway, he made changes for the better and stopped doing the wrong things that were making the life he had to live unmanageable. He eventually stopped  waking up to a repeated gh day and you can do the same in real life, but it takes making changes in your life, your thinking and your attitude — without change there will be no change.
Keep coming back here and participating in the services GT offers, look for a live help group in your area such as Gamblers Anonymous, be honest with your best friend and use the help that she can provide — she may be sleeping but you are the one that need to wake up before her help is no longer available, do all you can and use all the help that is available to you so your can combat this addiction.
God’s speed, use your Higher Power to guide and strengthen you.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G's – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all I hope to continue to remain gambling free.

Hi Crushedsoul , Where do we start and finish this never ending soul destroying cycle of compulsive gambling. Rock bottom is mentioned so many,many ***** by people trying to quit a compulsive disorder. I myself have been battling it for so long about 30 years or so. A life time almost some would say. I often think about suicide just the same as you but I am not brave enough to go through with it. The amount of money I have lost and the pain,trouble, heartache and time I have lost to this evil habit I can never get back. I am not an expert on advice but over the last week or so I have opened my eyes a bit more to what gambling has really taken from me and for what ?.I am 46 and recently lost my job, I have no money, just debt, I had to sell almost everything I own,for a fraction of its true cost, just to survive and for what I ask myself. It is certainly not for the pleasure I took from gambling that is for certain. It was only about 2 weeks ago I told my mother who I love dearly but I have caused her so much pain and heartache through my compulsive gambling. That it would be impossible for me give gambling up and this disease would stay with me till the day I die. But over the past few days I have felt a slight change in me that has given me hope that I really do detest gambling. It has taken everything from me and for the only time in my life I feel the desire to fight my gambling habit and not give in to it any more. Whether I am at rock bottom or not I do not know but for the first time I feel a conviction in me that I never had in me before. How long this will last only time will tell. Maybe one day you will reach this point,I hope for your sake it is sooner rather then later before you do lose everything like me !– 2/3/2013 1:32:47 PM: post edited by blueelvis888.– 2/3/2013 3:59:28 PM: post edited by blueelvis888.

Originally posted by crushedsoul
 … i am in a state of uncomparable depression … I am a ticking time ****

Crushed, please look for help for you in heading in a different direction. Use the help lines found in the link for  befriender   at the upper right side of this page, or just go directly to the page for the US here: https://www.befrienders.org/helplines/helplines.asp?c2=USA, select your State and city and make a call. There will be a list of phone numbers for a few support locations for you area, call and visit one of them. You can also directly call the National Hotline at 1-800-SUICIDE (7842433). Or call your doctor, a loved one, or minister; do something.
We do not know you that well, but we all care. We are you, we have been able to more forward and so can you.
Make the call.
Larry
Thanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all I hope to continue to remain gambling free.– 2/3/2013 3:50:11 PM: post edited by paul315.

***** my friend,
Listen carefully to the words of BlusElvis above. If we continue, there is a guaranteed outcome and you know it !!!!!
Believe me when I say I know what your going through. DO NOT CHASE THE LOSSES. I have been doing that and probably many others on this site for years and years. Simple outcome and same outcome every single time. MORE MISERY, SUFFERING and UTTER DESPAIR. seek out any help you can get. There are terrific people on this website you can reach out to. Just stretch out your hand .
I know it appears to you that your situation is hopeless, but it never is. I bet (no pun intended) that 2 years ago, you felt these same feeling and then ignored them and bet again and again and again. If you could get those 2 years back, can you imaging how much better you would feel. INFINITELY. This is how you could feel in 2 years from now if you stop.
This is what I am going to do. Yes, I too am in dire straits at the moment, believe me, I’ve been to prison !!!!!! But you can fulfil a better destination for yourself. be strong fight

Hey Crushedsoul, Maybe to feel rock bottom first you have to lose everything you own. It is just a thought !.I have had a long time to reminisce on the past on what I have done,who I have hurt,what I would have and where I would be if I had not had this gambling addiction. I think being a gambling addict, we all think that we are the worst gambler alive,in the worst position possible,have lost the most money and there is no way out. So what do we do continue to gamble which is the very thing that put us in that position in the first place. My own personal problem with gambling has been long and has taken so much from me that words cannot describe how I feel.
It is no shame in not being in a position to buy a house do not feel bad about it. If you really want to have a future and be able to buy your dream house one day .One thing has to stop is GAMBLING.
After many ,many years gambling and with nothing to show for my existence and work because of gambling .I have to start from the bottom again .I have no money,I have no job, I have just moved back with my parents at 46, the first time in 29 years I have no car this is all because of gambling. I am so determined to kick this habit that this time I cannot fail.

Originally posted by crushedsoul
…  I put my golf clubs on ebay- I don’t think I’ll be needing them anymore …

Good morning Crushed,
I was a relief to see a post from you after your last one; another member recently posted about a revelation that they had after getting past a crises where they thought everything was lost and life was not worth living, I believe their words were "God’s not through with me yet".  Hang in there.
You had to put your golfs clubs up for sell, but it is not golf that you will not be needing anymore, it is your gambling that you do not need. Most have had to sell things to either support our addiction or recoup some from its consequences, but this is one of the characteristics and "last" resorts that compulsive gamblers face; it’s par for the course. It relates to one of the questions in the GA 20 Questions about being a CG: "11 – Have you ever sold anything to finance gambling?".  Gamblers Anonymous uses common sense and ask the right questions to help us through hard ***** and to get back to the person we are meant to be, to get past the point of not letting God complete us; and if not God in the Biblical meaning, it is our Higher Power that guides our will and molds our lives until completion. Consider looking for help in a GA meeting near you, use this Club House of recovery to get yourself together and then go out and finish the last nine holes of your life, play out your game, not the one controlled by your addiction.
God’s speed. Stay strong. Keep posting, keep holding on.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G's – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all I hope to continue to remain gambling free.

Crushed Soul,
You can make it through this rough time – my thoughts are with you

Hey Crushed,
Hope this helps….
Ive been where you have been, even to a deeper level financially. Ive lost $1,000,000+ to gambling in 30 years. I once lost $16,000 in one week to an illegal bookie with NO money to pay him. As you know, this doesnt go over well and dont know to what level of organized crime your bookie is involved, but mine was VERY connected. To the point when I manned up to my mistake, I had to get in a Lincoln with 2 VERY scary men in the back seat strapping guns. I confessed that I screwed up bad but made a strong point that I was a man and not running from my mistake and wanted to make it right. They werent happy and I got yelled/cursed at alot initially, but in the end they even said they respected me doing "the right thing" and set up a weekly payment plan. Their "collection man" (he was 6′ 6" and probably 350+ pounds) came to my job every Friday to collect $200 from me. About a year and a half later, I made my last payment, and shook the guys hand and said "I hope I NEVER see you again". He replied "I hope I NEVER see you again either, but I respect you for repaying your debt and being a man". So, bottom line I read you have a large debt with a bookie. Its up to you how you want to handle it, but like they told me it’s not like the movies where they kill people over a gamble debt, they just want to be paid". Id man up and tell them that you have an addiction (they are used to it, most of their clients are CG’s) and want to end the nightmare. Request a permanant cutoff from any future action and set up a weekly payment plan. Just some advice from one who used to bet dimes on many games weekly. You can also try GA (which i have done) but honestly what has really changed my life and was more effective is going to a gambling addiction specialist for therapy. You will come to find out that there’s an underlying emotional pain that is driving you to gamble in a compulsive/extreme nature. Trust me, it works but at the same time its not easy. Then again, there’s no greater feeling than not feeling the urge to gamble anymore and not feeling worthless/******/depressed/suicidal. Wish you all the best, and if anything else I hope this helps in the simple fact that yoy arent alone in what you have done, there’s other CG’s out there that have walked the same painful walk. Let today be the day where you say "I done torturing myself and I deserve to be happy". One day at a time at first, and set simple goals maybe make your first goal to not gamble for 30 days. Looking forward to reading how you are doing, keep us all posted on your progress.

Good morning Crushedsoul. I think we’ve all been at that point where dying seemed like the only way we could stop the gambling destruction…I know I have.  If you are still gambling doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be posting. As Paul wrote about this site "supportive and non-judgemental environment" Nobody will judge whether you are still gambling or not. All you’ll find here is support and encouragement.  In the beginning of my recovery, I had to block all access to cash.  That meant giving up my debit card, stopping check cashing privelages at the casinos making sure I didn’t have cash on me during the weekends.  The first few weekends I took a sleep aid and slept through most of the weekends so I didn’t have to face the urges.  I’ve had a few binges along the way but my recovery progressed because I kept posting, reading and wanting to do whatever it took to break the gambling cycle.  Your life is important, the need to gamble is overwhelming, do whatever you can to block your gambling (throw your computer, cell phone out the window on the freeway) so you can enjoy the life you’re meant to have.  I think the hardest part, in the beginning, is we want to stop the pain and loss so desperately but we don’t want to give up our ****** because we’re so addicted.  William, Paul and BlueElvis are very smart men so listen to their words. You’re in my prayers…not sure if you believe in a Higher Power but I know I wouldn’t be where I am now but for the Grace of God so hope you don’t mind. Sherry/Neva

Hi Crushedsoul, I am sorry you are in so much pain.  We all have been there.  We have all, like you, wanted the pain of gambling to go away, but not the gambling.  You continue this parade of destruction, but in the meantime, the parade of life is passing you by.  You say that these last 2 years have been the worst of your life, but during that time you had your best friend with you.  Gambling is the problem.  it is what is standing between you and a healthy relationship.  Please, for your sake, reach somewhere deep within yourself and find the desire to quit this terrible disease.   First find the desire to help yourself.  then you will do what it takes to find a doctor.  There is a light at the end of the tunnel, but you have to want to see it.  I am saying this to you because I posted for a long time before I had any desire to change.  I only wanted the pain to stop from the poor decisions I was making, instead of trying to stop making the poor decisions that were causing me pain.  Please give recovery a try. 

Hi Crushedsoul, I am not a gambler but watched my husband going down the slippery slope you are on for many years. I read that you are trying to get help of some kind and a therapist is a good idea if you cannot attend a GA meeting for some reason. I don’t know where you live in the US but check if your state has a council on problem gambling. Most states do and it is a great resource for cgs and their family members. They have helplines you can call when you feel that the addiction is too much for you, as I’m sure it is. The councils usually also have lists of GA meetings in your area and therapists that are certified as gambling counselors. It is often a waste of time to start seeing a therapist that is not specialized in the treatment of gambling addiction, as I found out the hard way. You mentioned in some of your posts that you wish to be dead at ***** and that you don’t want your parents to know about your gambling. As a mother I just want to ****** you that NOTHING can be so bad that you are not able to deal with it when it comes to your child. I am sure your parents will choose to help and support you rather then lose you! There is a life after gambling and you are worth it!!!!!!

Hi Crushedsoul and welcome back!
I check almost daily to see if you came back, and am happy you did. Thanks for the kind words on 6 months gamble free, Im proud of them. I see by your last post that you are still suffering severely from your gambling addiction, and im sorry to hear it. The good news is there’s HOPE and TREATMENT for your disease. I have a wonderful counselor who specializes in gambling addiction and is AMAZING (she really "gets it" since she is a CG herself). I have been seeing here for 6 months now, and the difference she has made cant be overstated. I see you are also from the USA as i am. I would be happy to send you her contact info, she does live skype sessions which work very well for me, as well as live 1 on 1 in  upstate New York. Im very confident you talking to her would change your life, like it did mine. It took me a LONG time to find the right person to treat me, I spents countless days searching the internet for treatment. If you want to set up a consultation with her, contact me via email and Ill send you her contact info. Im 100% confident that if you do and begin to treat the underlying reasons that drive you to gamble compulsively, you can be free of this addiction and find inner peace again. Personally i found it FAR more effective than GA. Feel free to email me at [email protected] and Ill send you her info as well as a few youtube links for you to watch of her. Until then, I hope you find the self clarity in that you deserve to be happy and hopefully you will soon decide to take on this horrible addiction with some help. Its the most important decision I ever made. Hope to hear from you soon, hang in there. Recovery IS possible if you WANT it ??