Hi Eileen, I’m glad you have decided to take the leap and post, not easy I know!
I always believed I sabotaged myself over and over……reality was that I have an addiction and like any sickness I have to take my medicine. This forum is my medicine, exclusion is my medicine, reaching out for help is my medicine.
I wanted to talk to you about exclusion. Yes, it’s embarrassing, people KNOW, I was scared to death to do it but I knew if I didn’t then my life was over. I was dying of this addiction. So, I did it. I enquired on what I needed to do and just did it and while exclusion isn’t for everyone it is definitely for me. It was instant relief and in 5 1/2 years I have had 1 slip up, in between excluding! It’s worth considering, it changed my life.
You don’t have to think long term in fighting this addiction, just today, just this hour, just this minute if you have to. Don’t worry about what might happen in a month, just get through the now.
Im not sure what a biweekly loan is….doesn’t sound too good though, does your husband know about your gambling?
Eileen, you should be proud that you have started a thread here, it’s a big step. Please use the helpline and forum as much as you need, I used to write down every thought in my head. You will get so much support. I hope to hear more from you. Welcome , it’s not an easy road we walk but we walk it together and pick each other up when we stumble.
Love, K x

Hi Eileen, Welcome to Gambling Therapy. I know you can do this. You will never bore us. We understand only too well what you are going through. I could really relate to those blackouts. I recently looked at our bank statement. I knew I had spent a lot of money, but I was still surprised to see just how much. I honestly don’t remember going to the ATM that many times and taking out that much money! So hard to face the truth. Today, I fell back into my usual pattern of not liking myself and then followed it up with a bit of self-pity. But I didn’t gamble. I am glad you didn’t gamble today either. Tomorrow will be a better day because of that simple, but not always easy choice!

Eileen
Your story is so similar and am struggling with the same as many here are. I know how hard it is for you. I gambled today and felt so much remorse. am numb at first and it doesn’t hit me until it is all over. I have a stack of ATM’s for eighteen months and drained every thing I have. I don’t even go to the grocery store anymore. I pray you will feel better tomorrow and keep coming back here. I have to do more reading and understanding myself. This is a great place to start.

Tiki

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Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you?re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you?re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We?re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you?re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

And on that note….

I?m going to hand you over to our community because I?m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you ??

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

Hi Eileen,
I giggled to myself when you talked about boring anyone here…..I have been using this site for over 5 years and the first 4 saw me post every thought that came into my head (seriously!)
I am happy to read that you and your husband are doing this together….United we stand! It will get harder, like giving birth we are programmed to forget the pain! You need to keep reminding yourself why you are here…keep,remembering! This addiction will take any small thought and turn it into 1 massive urge. Perhaps you and your husband can have a back up plan for when one or both of you gets the urge to gamble…….planning helps, keeping busy helps, set yourselves small goals, a date night, the movies, a tub of delicious ice cream to share….small steps, one day at a time.
Take care, love K xx

Hi Eileen,
Sundays, I found was a trigger day for me too. The freeplay was a trigger as well. I tried throwing them in the trash without looking, but I usually dug them out anyway! Then, we asked our kids to get the mail and toss anything out that came from the casino, but they were unreliable. I marked the emails as spam, but then I would check the spam folder. Since you are trying to do this without excluding, I thought I would mention these things as it did help sometimes. I went on and on this way for years. I think it can be done, it’s just I did not have the willpower on my own. Until I excluded, the longest I ever went is about two months. Today is two months since I excluded. I no longer get mail or email from the casino. Noone knows we did this except my family and a few choice friends. So far, it hasn’t come up at work as a destination for a party or event.
If that should happen, I think I willclaim a stomach bug or something! Lol
Actually quitting made my emotions very labile for the first month, but they seem to be evening out now. I still have urges and still want to go, but that ban was the best thing I have done to help me quit. I wish you all the best and prayers for your recovery.

Hi Eileen,

You said something about not wanting to self exclude as people at work might see it as a weakness? Why would they need to know?

I’m in a group at the moment and for the next two hours so if you are still online maybe come in for a chat.