Hi,
I think it’s the 26th day since my big loss that spurred me to stop! Finding it really tough tho! Yesterday once Spurs beat Man City I just thought ’why didn’t I have a bet on Spurs’ would have won a big chunk of my money lost the other day back! Unfortunately that would have resluted in me putting on a silly stake and obviously it might not have happened! I hate having these thoughts tho! Want to just get over it and not look back!

I really have been struggling to justify my money lost, getting nothing in return! I guess if I don’t gamble for the foreseeable it’s only a small amount over time….I just need to make sure I stick to that.

Felt OK all day until now where it’s really getting to me. Speak tomorrow…

Hi,
Not really thought about my losses today. Not really had the urge to go back to it either which is progress!
Feeling fairly positive and am going to put most of my spare money each month into my current ISA and my new help to buy ISA! This help to buy ISA should make it pretty much impossible to withdraw as you need a solicitor that can only withdraw when u buy a house.
Started to smile again today driving back home from work.
Over time things will be turned around…I just need to stay on track!

Just a quick update before I read in bed for a bit (probably will only get a few pages till I fall asleep).

Have been tempted today! I think my optimism in life is part of my problem. I seem to always think I will be lucky! I convince myself that it will happen. So as a result today when I got back from work I had convinced myself that if I made an account with a online bookies that I hadn’t self excluded from that it would be red and red 2 bets and money would be all back! Whole thing forgotten!

Sadly reality is that I’m usually wrong and it’s usually the opposite to what I convince myself and would be a few months pay checks out of pocket in my niave attempt to win back (chase)!

Anyways I’m gonna read my book which I wish I chose on my terror night where I admitted I had my problem after woods. I chose gambling….NOT TONIGHT!

Hi,
Today marks 1month.

Its a Saturday and I have the rest of the night free but I will be trying very hard not to load up a site and put in my credit card details. I simply don’t have the money anymore to gamble with so would be relying on credit and that really is foolish so let’s not do that!

Been playing golf today which kept me busy, my mind was still on losses though!

I have sorted out my ISA with a direct debit of ￡200 a month now so will have money going straight to a good cause (my future!)

That said I was looking at clinical trials to get my money back! They pay ￡1000 for a few days of your time! Could be a good idea to get some money back and move on but could be a bad thing and ruin my life more than financial shortfalls. Who knows? …

Anyways 1month gone! 11 more to be a year and then over that period my losses can be diveded by 12 and seem way less negative and absurd!

Have a good Saturday night!

Hi,
Thanks for the response Vera by the way.
I think I am so risk averse which is my problem. I know too well about the risks of situations but just brush them right off and say they won’t happen to me! Hense gambling and hence losing!

I have been fighting hard all day but been doing this bad habit! Playing free online roulette to see what would happen if this was for real. I have heard things like this referred to as dry gambling.

I am writing on here to not go online eslewhere. I think I seriously need to consider K9 or something. The issue is tho that we have a family computer too and there would be no point just blocking mine….something for me to think about. Either that or I come clean to my sister with how serious I really think this is and get her to take control of cards and cash!

My head has seemed to be consumed with anxiety stress and anger since my big loss that brought things to light. It feels like I haven’t mentally relaxed for ages! I can be on this forum and Gamcare for hours each night….

Worked out a total of losses and winnings and divided that by 12months as a motivation and then 24months. Works out as a reasonable amount when you do that. Still tho I seem to think gambling is a way to reduce that and roulette and blackjack would be my answer. Deluded or what!?
By not gambling that is the only way to win I tell myself. I am going to try to believe and stick with what I write.

Time for my dinner now which I have probably burnt haha as I needed to vent on here !(especially as this is mainly my dirty little secret, don’t want to trouble my GF anymore with this).

See ya! Good luck everyone.

Hi, this is a copy of my latest post on GamCare. Screw writing it out again similar to put on my diary. Basically yeah I told my mum and the rest is down below. Turns out her ex was a bit of a fan of the fruties…I wont be gambling for her sake as well as mine which is even more motivation to stop my tracks down this proverbial path!

Told my Mum & its so much better!
Hi,
Told my Mum about 1hour or so ago. We were on a similar topic joking about doing clinical trilas randomley enough haha on our own downstairs and she said ”you cant seriously need the money that much” as I mentioned I may be a bit tight for holidays this year. Then I said ”I need to tell you something” and were off.
At first when she found out the figure it was a lot to her but when I said it was 1month ago now and I had been living with the thought and justified it in a uncountable number of ways she started to understand and see the postives in not only me telling her but my bad experience. Basically to cut a long story short if i dont try to think I can win it back I do win!
I hope she doesnt tell my dad tho, I did say dont tell him. He will go ape about that sort of money. Especially as he is my boss and pays my wages and wouldnt want me ******””ng it away like that! Plus he has never really been into the gambling scene so wont understand. Especially not the readily availibilty and uncontrolled unsensitive way online stuff is. Its just numbers on a screen like everyone says, no mates or authority figures that could potentially step in and worst of all no warning or check message saying something along the lines of ”are you freaking nuts that ￡500 deposit will make it ￡1000 in the last 10mins depoisted” and then when you lose that you put ￡200 more in and still nothing!!!! Hey ho its my mistake my balls up no one else to blame. Wasnt even showing off to any guys or chicks like hey look at me ￡600 on black check out how swag and cool I am! I was just sat on the end of my bed cursing and throwing things and hoping my 28y old sister didnt wake up and come see me in the angry delluded state I had gotten into….she is in 11k of credit card debt by the way. An equally as dangerous thing as gambling. The belief that you can afford those le-bouton high heels at ￡550 and the fur coat and designer shades to match!
Anyways back to me, I have actually accepted now that they have won! C0RAL & Bloody William CUNTING ****** FACE Hill has won! And I am ok with it! I really am. No more thoughts of chasing and definetly no actually chasing! Whenever I am tempted I will read this and say I am not tempted and I am not a hypocrite and will not gamble myself. (If I do gambe I wont be placing the bets will leave that to responsible people like my dad or something if I have that hunch on someone in the golf or something) We shalll see…..
Anyways they have won & I dont want another day like today doing what I have heard as ”Dry Gambling” in this case I was playing free roullete seeing how many times I would win and how many times I would lose this imaginary stake of ￡1000 that I could have used from my credit card. It was 50% 50% which really didnt help so I came on here instead and burnt my dinner as a result haha!
Ok this is a long one but hopefully wont be using this site quite as much now I feel progress…..
Im sure my names been popping up too much for you guys liking. I also feel kind of stupid seen as it is a small amount compared to some. But im sure everyone starts at a small amount once and if they dont catch it or get drawin in one too many times it goes pete tong..
Good luck & thanks for all the fish!
Reddy! & I am Reddy to move on! (strong aroma of cheese their! haha!!)

Hi,
Just checking in!
Feeling better things are looking up a little bit! The way to keep it like that Is definitely to avoid the gamble!

I’m hopefully getting my old job back at the bar working a night a week! Within a year I should have losses back or near enough back in an honest John type way!
If I do hit that year and save the money maybe i will do something with the money that I should have done instead of gambling it away! From March I’m gonna be totally clean! Cut out lotto tickets and avoid scratchcards! Try and go the full 365! If I don’t make that it will be because of the masters in April! Betting on that is sort of tradition but we will see!

Anyways now I have a way to re-coup my **** up I feel a bit better and in 1 yrs time I may be able to say I learnt a lot from that whole experience! Plus my value for money should increase as I would have had to work hard for 1 year to get what I pissed away in a matter of hours.
Gonna be counting the days again from March 1st! That’s when I begins for real!
Night

Hi,
From Friday 26th Feb I’ve started this gamble free 365 day journey! No lotto and no anything! I’ve not been online gambling or at the bookies since January 20/21st so been getting on ok without that but wasn’t technically fully gamble free as must have bought half a dozen lotto tickets at least!
Don’t want to swap one addiction for another!
Got a trial shift at this bar near me next week I hope because then I can do extra work that will allow me to get my money back. This feels like getting my money back and it will help me stop thinking about all the things I could have done with the lost money. My GF says i shouldn’t put myself out to get this money back and I should just save up my current jobs money but if I work 2 jobs the money from job 2 is progress money and its money I wouldn’t have been earning if it wasn’t for this cock up as motivation so it’s not gonna be money I would have had anyways. If that makes sense!
The whole thing about realising you have a problem is
A-stopping
B-justifying it (life lesson)
C-fixing it! Having plans in place

From feeling positive last night it’s now negative! Went to this restaurant where I had that job opportunity and they didn’t seem able to offer me any hours during the week after 5 on a Monday to Thursday when I’m free!
All I wanted to do then was go to the Mark Jarvis local bookies and try and win something on the roullete FOBT as obviously trying to be honest isn’t working! 2 opportunities for extra work and both have bailed on me now! I was actually feeling like I was making progress with finances and now I’m back to square 1 feeling like shit! The only positive is that I haven’t gambled anything yet….
Oh and guess what my lotto / euromillions from earlier in the week didn’t even win anything so no help there either! So pissed off!! I just want a way to make me feel like I am making progress and to help me with money I’ve wasted on this bollocks!
WARNING BIG RANT ABOVE …..

Thanks for the words Vera. definitely will look into GA just to see how people move on from the past.

On day 8 completely free now that I’ve stopped all forms of gambling. Been way over a month since my big cock up!

Keeping my chin up on the 2nd job front. Tried a petrol station but nothing….Will keep trying. When I have the belief that I will be the job my mood is much impreoved. I’m just looking forward to hopefully a year or just over a year where I have a good amount of money saved up that covers or is over gambling losses. This figure would be all as a result of hard work which would be all the more rewarding! I will be making sure if I get there I do something worthwhile with what I’ve saved for a change!

Still no look on this job hunt for job 2 but still no bets which is good! Don’t even want to anymore!
At the moment I feel like I can move on when I have this job and not look back but I guess I can only judge that in a years time.
Hope everyone’s good

A good evening this has turned out to be! Well a good day to be fair. Was raining outside like mad and for the first time in a few weeks I was in the office catching up and not on a site somewhere in the uk! And the best bit I’ve got that extra income to cover losses sorted!

My current job heard about me talking about needing extra work so offered me overtime at least 1 night a week in the office catching up with outstanding work at 4 hours ￡30! That x4 gets me my required amount if I give it time!

Feeling better after this and now I’m ready and able to move on and not think about chasing losses. My enjoyment regarding gambling has gone as a result of what it has done to me and made me feel over these last 2 months!
I’m going to sleep happy for a change!

Thanks Vera,
This and gam care are great places to be. They bring it home to you that gambling is not needed in your life and as soon as you can get that straight the better! Patience is something I’m working on for sure.
Might even go to a GA meeting in the next few weeks just to help me not go back to anything. Hope your good Vera and thanks for following my ramble.

A mixed day today. Been in the office at least. Not tomorrow though…
Happy at points and looking forward to starting overtime hopefully this week but still constantly thinking about what a fool I’ve been!
I have been moody this weekend too with my girlfriend which is annoying me and I feel bad now I think back on it. I was taking out on her the fact that I’m tight for holidays this year due to my stupid flutter.
But in time I can move on financially at least if I work on staying away from this situation. I’m determined to have saved through this year to be not worrying about next years plans when it comes around. Also set myself the goal to have a house / apartment by 25. That’s realistic if I carry on my isa to get my deposit! Anyways time to watch the football. Hope everyone is sweet and G Free!

Way too many casinos in the uk! Been driving around all day today and seen 3grovenor casinos! Gotta admit i still find it hard at the moment to not go in their and hope it’s my luck day! If i went into even a high street bookies I don’t think I could resist at the moment. The best thing I can do is not let myself get into that situation and stay out on the street and pretty much mentally put my fingers up to them!
Anyways Day 19 pretty much done completely free.
I will hit this year and I will make back what I’ve lost in a positive way.

Not much to say really….
Away with work again on my own but at least I’m busy.
Been to the gym again tonight I go 3 times a week at the minute. The gym makes me think through my losses a lot to my annoyance. Don’t know why it does but I’m there doing weights and just running through my head over and over. Mainly about wasted cash ￡! No clue why this is and must have been doing that every time since 20/1/2016 when I got my realisation of what I was DOING!

Night people. Hope everyone is good!

Thanks for the above advice. Really is good to hear. Definitely going to look to do the casino exclusion. As I go all round the country if I did it for a chain it would help massively. Then it would be 1 more barrier. The thing with casinos is from the outside they look like good fun and glamorous which I’ve learnt they are not!

Started overtime and enjoying it in a weird way. In the office on my own lets me be really productive and I can listen to whatever music I want which is a bonus!
Just dawning on me how much work was involved in regaining the amount lost! Kind of demoralising but in a years time it will be all ok if I stick at it.
Have a good weekend !

Hi,
Not been on here for a while. Don’t believe my last post was 22 it’s day 43 now. Feeling better about lots of stuff but my main big loss still plays on my mind and especially how much of a collosal waste of money it all was! I hope I can honestly say it was just a phase but I guess the fear of it not being is why I’m on here.

I’m currently addressing some self confidence issues that have come to light. They are not a direct result of gambling but the gambling didn’t really help. Basically I’m trying to look at things in a new more positive way and say ”he’ll yeah I can do what they are doing, I can do it too and just as well”. Part of that mindset is ”trying” for a new career. I skipped the uni part so may go down the military route. Self confidence is what has put me off before, the thought of being with large groups of other competing guys and proving myself. Anyway scree that and I’m going to give it a go. If I get through selections great and if not at least I can say I tried and I will be able to fall back on my already good job I have at least.

Overtime is going decent, I will have ￡200 at the end of the month I hope. Only another ￡1000 to go to make up what I lost in a few hours. #IDIOT! Anyways it will all add up and I can use it for what it was supposed to be for in 2017 if all stays well.

Sorry I don’t post on other diaries as much on here, I am always on GamCare so don’t get much chance with this site but I do like coming on for my diary posts. Cheers people

Hi Vera,
Thanks for the post. Was nice to see the email and note that someone wanted to wish me well.

Yep still G free and on 87 days. Got 2x separate 1 week holidays abroad to look forward to in June & July!

Still with my current job but enjoying it a lot more now and getting lots more responsibility as the months go by. I guess thats because they are seeing im pretty capable.

Loss still plays on my mind but by pay day next week I will have ￡300 worked back!
Hope your well!

R