Interesting that I will reply to myself. ??

Just a short clarification: though in my post I appear so strong and like I’ve quit gambling successfully, I’m still vulnerable but my decision to stop gambling is stronger than anything else! I know I can and I simply must succeed in this otherwise I put my life on the line. That is the reason why I joined this forum: to get support and to give support. Sharing is caring! ??

Hi Tony,

Great advice to close my Neteller and Skrill accounts. I know I should do this, my heart tells me I must do it because it will increase my chances to never gamble by x100 times. I used exclusively Neteller in the past 2-3 years of my gambling “career” so that’s the root of all evil! However, I have a Net+ MasterCard and 2 virtual Net cards. I need them in order to pay some online stuff. I have a complicated relationship with Neteller and Skrill haha. Need them to move my money in the cyber space but at the same time I hate them because their primary goal is to be gambling e-wallets.

Long story short, I work and I’m being paid online. I rarely use the banks in my country. Got used to this online money management and movement. I withdraw cash from ATM with my several MasterCards including Neteller’s one.

If I close my Neteller and Skrill accounts I know there will be no going back. It’s a huge decision I really need to think do I want for the rest of my life to not be able to enjoy the benefits of their services. They can be used for other purposes other than deposit to gambling sites, for example like online banks (though they are not that), online shopping, place to keep money in the digital world etc.

If it becomes necessary or I reach a point in my life where I’ll relapse like never before I swear I will close them! The moment I lose my last bet is when I usually go mad and self-exclude myself everywhere. In such moment of madness I will not hesitate at all and will execute permanent termination of my Neteller and Skrill account.

I’m staying gambling free until 2017 (first baby step) and from 2017 until the rest of my life! This is my current plan.

I feel great today! I will not gamble today and it does not bother me at all! I went through post-gambling feelings such as anxiety, depression, anger, regret, misery during September. I did have relapses in September as I mentioned in my post but it was clear in my mind those were the last grasps that gambling had of me in desperate attempt to put me back in the gambling trap. I didn’t allow! And here I am today standing like a warrior who won the battle though it’s still an ongoing war. I feel like a survivor! ??

Working on myself and learning to love myself without gambling. Gambling does not define me. Gambling destroys me. Destroy what destroys you! That’s exactly what I’m doing!

Another day in which I’m not going to gamble yeeees that’s how life is supposed to be: without gambling!!!

Feeling great, motivated, energized, what has happened in the past remains there. I’m burying gambling there!!! I’m 100% aware I can never recoup my gambling losses through gambling, but through hard work I can and I will!!!

The gambling illusion is fading away! There is no such thing as just one last bet, one last spin, one last hand, it never ends there! That’s why I’m letting gambling rest in pieces (yes pieces not peace)!!! I’m crashing this horrible addiction and breaking free, this time forever!

Huge life lesson learned! Took me many years but I’m so glad I’m getting rid of this addiction before the age of 30. I’ve got so much to live for and so many things to achieve. I have my whole 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s and hopefully 70s and 80s in front of me. I’m aware no one lives eternally but I want to live the rest of my life gambling free!

F you gambling industry, from now on you will be getting the middle finger from me! Stupid, stupid, stupid gambling!!! Because of gambling I began to hate my profession and I have such a lovely and lucrative profession. I’m redirecting this hate now in the right direction: towards gambling!!! It’s over! Knowledge and information can’t be defeated! Once you understand how the gambling illusion works you can never be fooled again! Gambling is one huge illusion!! Huuuuuuuuuge!!!

1) My girlfriend knows about my struggles. She knows I’m a sick gambler. Been with her for 5+ years and out of those 5+ years she knows about my problem since the 2nd year we were together. I never tried to hide my addiction from her! Back then I didn’t know I was a sick addict, now I know and that’s my strongest weapon! Many times I would place a bet and go out with her and check the score of the game all the time on my mobile phone = ruined night! We’ve fought many times and she threatened to leave me but she never did because she said she trusts in me that I can beat this addiction. Unfortunately she is clueless and has no idea how this addiction works. It’s not that easy as she thinks! I remember one time I tried to introduce her to the world of gambling but she never fell for it. However, she did place a few bets while being with me which I find interesting haha . Anyway I like that she is a non-gambler because in a relationship between 2 gamblers it is extremely difficult to quit gambling. I’m the gambler in this relationship and on my way to become happy non-gambler again, like I used 13-14 years ago when I was a kid!!!!!!!

2) Yes that’s a very good idea. My gf wanted to control my finances 1 and a half year ago because she was seeing that I was suffering and losing money. I told her I can do this on my own. Of course didn’t do it because I wanted to gambleeeeee and become professional sports bettor! From this perspective and all I went through this year I realize I was mesmerized by the gambling illusion! Not anymore. 2016 is the decisive year where I made huge progress like never before, realized I have a problem, came clean to myself and my gf and now I’m in recovery. Still vulnerable due to recent relapses (each with less and less effect on me because my brain is getting into the right frame which is the non-gambling one!).

3) Yes, identify your triggers, they can be countless!! I’ll give you several examples: every time I would argue with my gf (not necessarily due to gambling) I will decide to “punish” her and gamble but in reality I was punishing myself and escaping from her madness caused by pms haha. Gambling was my heal, foolishly I thought. Reality was, gambling was my worst enemy!!! Can see that now, couldn’t back then!
Another example: work stress & asshole clients! :)) This resulted in me firing several “bullets” on live roulette and live blackjack. Later a few bullets on sports betting until the gambling drug overrode the stress feeling.
Third example: seeing some people from the past I didn’t want to see and would rather crack their skull! ?? This would result a few hours later in sports bets and live roulette.

As you see, triggers have no limits! They can be of any nature! This is how to recognize triggers: whenever something happens and you decide “I’m gonna go gamble now!” after that or urges to gamble appear after some incident or situation that’s your trigger. Triggers can also be: bad mood, anger, anxiety, boredom etc. When I recognize a trigger I say to myself “OK, what just happened was a trigger, but I’m a non-gambler now and won’t gamble!” or “This right now is my trigger. I’m smarter now, I know I have a gambling problem, I understand the gambling illusion and won’t fall for this trick for the 1000th time!!!”. Simply put, use positive approach and positive mindset. However, don’t force yourself not to gamble (exactly the opposite will happen = you will gamble), you must not gamble because you really don’t want to! Also do a reality check: if something has ended 1000 times with the same outcome, it will surely end the same way the 1001st time. I’m referring to that moment when you begin to chase losses or simply run into bad streak and lose everything! It’s just a matter of time before this happens! Could take a few minutes, a few hours, a few days, 1 week, 2 weeks, 1 month, 6 months, several years but it is going to happen for sure!

I hope I helped you with my thoughts and answers! ??

Btw I’m doing good and keep getting stronger and stronger. Have some money but won’t gamble. Don’t have any desire & more important I don’t want to! Time to get my s*it together and become the strong person I used to be! Time to take back control of my life!!!!!! I’m motivated as crazy and see the light at the end of the tunnel after gambling literally ever day this year until end of August. Minor relapses in September as part of the addiction fighting back, so far clean in October and to continue like this until 2017 and from there until the rest of my life!!

No one needs gambling in life! No one! Not even for fun and excitement! We don’t need 1 little shot of heroine for fun and excitement, do we? Then the same is valid for gambling – we don’t need it at all!!!!!!!

After this weekend I will be officially gambling free for 1 week! Nice achievement, the first days and first week are always crucial! It was a bit emotional week, at moments I was feeling tired, sleepy, lethargic, unmotivated, sad. I’d call this post-gambling depression. Managed to remain stable and not to use gambling as the promised cure by the devil. Instead I withdrew the money that I had on my card, put them in my pocket so there is no chance that I can gamble online. Gonna do the same with next paycheck.

The battle is real but it’s not that agonizing because the darkest period is behind me. However, my brain still needs period of non-gambling in order to sort himself out and balance the chemicals. Just a little bit more and I know I’ll reach that point where there won’t be even a theoretical chance for relapse since I’ll be too strong to give in.

How do you do Vera? ?? Yes I remember I replied to your journal and shared the Al Pacino’s motivational speech from one of his movies. Nice if the speech inspired you!

I would not classify myself as a CG but as a problem gambler definitely. I know when to stop before it’s really really too late but still I allow gambling to do a big damage to me before I stop.

Right now I’m doing good I hope I continue like this. This is my 2nd week gambling free, my emotions are back I’m feeling like a human being again! Last week I was feeling literally numb i.e. feeling nothing. I’m glad to feel alive again. I feel like my brain chemistry got balanced and I’m ready to start enjoying the life like a non-gambler person! With this being said surviving the first week without gambling is crucial! Then it keeps getting better and better and easier and easier. Let me know if you agree on this with me! ??

New weekend is coming I believe this will be the decisive weekend. If I stay gambling free the upcoming weekend my confidence will skyrocket and I will definitely remain gambling free till the end of the year (part 1 of my gambling free mission). Part 2 is from 2017 on.

No worries I will keep posting at least once or twice every week until 2017. I will post in 2017 as well but these 3 months until 2017 are crucial for me. I know I fucked up this year pretty much but it doesn’t have to end as it started – with gambling! 9 months of uncontrolled gambling with end result huge lesson and altered perception about gambling for life + 3 months gambling free = good ending of the year! I think it was my destiny to happen like this. 1 year of gambling hell in exchange for life lesson and gambling free for the rest of my life. Sounds like a good deal to me I took it! ??

In summary: I’m feeling good, my gambling scars are healing, my full focus now is work, I sleep like a baby (no more staying late in the night until last game for the day is finished) and I’m learning to enjoy my free time even to feel bored at times because that’s part of life. Everything in life is better than gambling!

Thanks Vera and everyone else for following my story. It’s a story where 1 individual is fighting back and proving to the world (I hope) that yes, gambling addiction can be defeated, gambling free life can be lead and it is perfectly fine to watch sports without having an urge to bet or feeling obliged to place a bet because that’s not my job! No one’s job should be to bet and gamble!

Fully agreed with your last sentence: “Awareness is the key.” I would add letting the past go as well. What’s been in the past remains there and it can’t be changed but what can be changed is the future and the very present moment we live. Sure I will not forget or ignore my gambling past but will let it to rest in peace!!!

Here are my thoughts on sports betting: it can be done! Haha this is contrary to all I’ve said so far but still I won’t delude myself into thinking sports betting is the way I should take in my life!

What I mean by it can be done is that any experienced sports bettor more or less is in position to double his/her bankroll but the problem is we never stop there. We gamble till we really win so big that we start to realize wow this is a hell of a lot money or till the balance becomes $0.00! In 98% of the cases it’s the latter!

I’m 100% sure that if I have really big bankroll like $100,000 by betting professionally 1 bet = 1%-3% of my bankroll within 1 season which lasts 9 months (in football(soccer)) I can turn that $100,000 into $200,000. In fact it could only take me a few month and not full season. I know it’s doable because in 90% of the cases I manage to at least double or go x5 of my deposit before things start to spiral out of control due to losing streak and attitude “heck, it’s not a lot of money anyway I’ll bet more aggressively and recoup my losses or simply die like a hero”.

I’ve tried to bet professionally and indeed I managed to come out as a winner (even on losing streaks I would remain super cool and calm) but the thing is it’s not worth it if the bankroll is small like it was in mine case and I assume in majority cases. You can’t turn $100 or $1,000 into $100,000 and that’s exactly what we sports bettors want hence that’s why we always lose in the end! To earn a living from sports betting you need savings of $150,000 to live comfortably, pay bills etc. have a plan B in case betting career fails + $50,000 bankroll exclusively for betting. In such instances I’m gonna make it lol. Now we come to the 1 million dollar question: is it going to be worth it in the end? Gambling is a lonely profession. Bankroll swings are surely going to cause some stress, the social life is going to be affected, I don’t think any wife would like to have a gambler for husband, constant lies about our profession (even winning bettors are reluctant to admit to others they are professional gamblers because they know they’ll get judged by people).

In the grand scheme of things there are more reasons not to do sports betting for a living than to do it! Anyone who is in position to have a bankroll of $50,000 or $100,000 for sports betting is probably doing good in life and does not need to gamble!!! Such amount of money can be invested in much smarter and less riskier business though everything in life is a risk more or less!

Anyway, I’m not talking myself nor you or anyone else into giving a shot at sports betting! I’m giving reasonable reasons why we fail – because we want too much! It is not necessarily greed but an illusional desire to deposit small and win huge. Basically we bet with money we can’t afford to lose. Scared money never win in sports betting!!!

Here is my awesome philosophy regarding sports betting: give me a bankroll of $500,000 and I’ll turn it into $1,000,000, put me on a bankroll of $10,000 and I will 100% fail to turn it into $510,000 although in both cases the profit is +$500,000. The reason for this is simple: money loves money. The math is also very simple: from half a million to 1 million you need to win x2 of your bankroll, from $10K to $510K you need to win x51 of your bankroll.

It may seem like I’m still delusional and like I don’t want to learn the lesson lol but it’s not like that at all! Bookmakers are vulnerable when it comes to sports betting. They can’t control or fix any game, they do take a good beating on some games!

“The sportsbook doesn’t beat you. It just gives you the opportunity to beat yourself.” I love this quote it is 100% true! ??

Anyway I can write volumes on the subject of sports betting, just dare to challenge me. ??

For now I’m staying with clear and sharp mind: all bets are off for me for indefinite time!!! If I ever return to sports betting I’ll post in this journal.

I do realize even if I’m successful in sports betting it will not give me the life I will get by simply being a non-gambler! That’s one reason plus all bets to stay off for a very long time, preferably for life!

Quick update that everything is going good on my end. I’m going through week #2 of being gambling free, I’m busy and focused on work, I do have a bit of free time which I enjoy the right way without gambling!

I have no urges, no desire to bet, no more illusion “just one more time”. That’s good I guess! Do have the money to bet though but I know all it takes is 1 bet and I’ll get sucked in again regardless if the bet wins or loses. The cycle has been broken for now and I’m glad about that!!!

See you in a few days or next week. War on gambling continues, first battles are always nice to be won as well as all upcoming ones!

A manmade illusion can be defeated 100%. And since gambling is an illusion there you go the answer: you can beat the addiction, the urges, the desire and everything else related to gambling.