Thanks for your comment hambone, I agree and your right I can’t believe I have been living like that “in the fog”.

Having impulses and revolving thoughts all day. Fog is clearing and I don’t need to gamble, life is good.

Just wanted to let anyone know I have installed a free blocker on all my devices. It’s called Bet Blocker and it’s free and works good.

Day 4 and I don’t need to gamble, things are looking good.

This is my journal and guilt I don’t feel, if you choose to relapse that is your deal.

Out of the red in 2 weeks. Good things coming.

Barriers saved me today, the struggle is real. It feels good to have support from members of this group.

Heartbreaking when we slip. Honesty and facing this addiction head on will help us prevail to lives we deserve.

I’m trying to change my behaviour, getting the split personality feeling of not knowing who I am, there’s a devil on my shoulder.

When I look back long term the numbers are sickening on a graph would be straight down on a 45 degree angle with a few blips up once and while.

This has been going on for 10 years now maybe 3 of those 10 I remained gamble free and I remember how peaceful and normal my life felt. The answer is simple I don’t need to gamble.

It’s fun to share some chuckles even at the worst of times, keeping in mind the reality of how bad this could get if I let it consume me any longer.

Keep up the good fight.

Freedom feels good been living in a false sense of reality for a long time. My future is much more clear now.

One day at a time I’m taking back what is mine.

Really want to gamble bad today but I don’t need to.
Don’t need to bet, Don’t need to chase, Don’t need to win.

I still buy lottery tickets but only spend $10 a week. Gives me the sense of could still hit it big with minimal investment.

There’s a lot I want to do with my life, feeling behind the 8 ball.

Thanks for bringing me back to reality Vera.

No reason to continue this self destructive behaviour.

Thanks IDI.

Feeling sick from gambling for such a long time, the only thing that was going to make it ok was a huge win.

Now I can just leave the past behind on day at a time.

One day at a time

Thanks DJ, wish you all the best as well.

This time is different. I used to worry about when I was able to save money I would relapse go on a binge and blow it all, then feel so low again and have trouble coping.

Now I have a plan in place, once my debt is payed off I’m going to start saving money by locking it in investments where I won’t have access to it. No credit cards, one bank account with a minimal withdraw daily limit.

I have to outsmart compulsive me and learn from past mistakes.

One day at a time.

One day at a time.

I slipped, Day 1.
One day at a time.

Thanks for your comment Steev. I need to make some changes to limit my access to money. Difficult as I don’t have a trusted person to handle my finances for me.

Totally lost all self control. I couldn’t take the thought of not being able to gamble and my behaviour was way worse the last few days than it used to be.

Played black jack and slots, the slots killed me. Hit a jackpot hand pay but that was quickly lost back.

Put myself in about 5k of debt and had a nervous breakdown.

In hangover mode now hope this is the bottom.

I am being honest as this is my safe place. I have accepted the money is gone. I’ve chased and recovered so many times, only leave with change in my pocket. I’m ok just need to find a hobby or something else to do with my time .

Day one accept for lotto tickets gotta have some hope.

I have continued to gamble. I am in a dark place.
I will post a more positive post when I get out of this.

I have placed my last bet, tomorrow is a new day.

I know what needs to be done and I haven’t fully committed to stopping although I know that is what I need to do. I worked tirelessly to get around my barriers paying ludicrous fees and have played on some of the shadiest casinos on the market.

Years ago when I did manage a win and a cash out request it would get rejected do to having uncleared deposits at related casinos.

I have gambled all week obsessing and glued to my screen. I was chasing losses from last weekend. I was up 3k at one point but it wasn’t enough and I lost it all back and then some.

I used to stop and cash out after a big win, now I just raise my bets and continue spinning or switch up to black jack.

Slots are my crack cocaine they have given me an escape from reality for many years. My biggest win was 10k one night I did manage to cash it but lost it back over 2 weeks.

Since then about 7 years ago I have been hooked, some clean time in between, my lifetime losses are now well into 6 figures. Literately every penny I make is used for ammunition to feed the machines.

I am mathematically challenged but after being given that hit of “crack” I have been desensitized. When a bonus round hits, 4 scatters, 5 scatters. big line hits, and coin showers.

The money I lose doesn’t matter when I’m playing because surely I will win it back. I have never been able to hold a win. When I win big I usually lose twice the amount back before reality sets in.

Trouble coping feeling low and depressed and wanting to gamble to escape this. The money doesn’t matter anymore. I just need to survive.

This being said this last week has hurt bad was almost out of debt and now I’m about 10k deep.

Any amount of money lost is a small price to pay for a gamble free life.

I’m trying to understand too. I have stopped now, I can pay off my debt by the end of this year and remain gamble free.

I just wanted to end it with a big win and pay off my debt like it never happened, now looking back I can see I’ve been in that position before and it just makes me greedy and reinforces the gambling behaviour then I lose more back over time.

I had this one casino I found that my blocking software missed. I liked it very much had good payouts and instant withdrawals with no verification. I’m about even on this one I will add it to my block list today. I as well disabled my payment system (crypto currency) by adding a 2FA code then deleting it off my list.

I can walk away now just a lesson learned, expensive but how many times do I need to do this.

It’s about day 3 from my last bet on video slots. I suffered a heavy loss while I was lost in the fog again.

Blocks are in place, I still have access to large amounts of money on my line of credit, unfortunately I am living on this now after the juggling my finances.

Even feeling the gambling hang over. Was going to buy a new laptop so I could start gambling again. Thought I could play with a budget and know when I’m at my peak to make a cash out like I used to. Or take 10k put it on one hand of black jack or red or black on roulette. Walk away win or lose. Addiction will do this to me every day and I have a choice, today I made the right choice.

I can just stop gambling now and walk away a winner every day, looking for another job to help pass time and pay down some debts.

One day at at time.

I relapsed again and lost 2k on Sept. 11. I was just convinced I was going to win, so many dead spins.

Then it was like a switch went off in my head. Stop throwing money away and stop the bleeding. I tried really hard to win big and it wasn’t meant to be.

I have stopped the insanity now, just feeling a bit low on the financial loss but this can be recovered over time.

No more, I’m done.

Give it 21 days at least to break the cycle of addiction. We are on the wrong end, the casinos will get it all if we let them.
The house edge will always win.

One day at a time.

Been on a 3 month binge, found the trap door in rock bottom.
Hopefully I’ll stick around and can be supportive to other members. Got some serious therapy and financial things to figure out but I’m ok. Been on this coaster for 10 years just on a dip. Hopefully I’ll have a day one tomorrow.

My story and my struggle.
n
nI have been gambling for 10 years on and off.
n
nOver the past year I have been gambling almost daily online playing slots and casino table games.
n
nI have tried to stop. I was on a 3 month upswing.
nI have now lost everthing, I am bankrupt.
n
nOnly when I run out of money do I have time to look back and see the trail of devastation.
n
nI now see the only way to move forward is to stop gambling.
nI need to stop now and stop forever.
n
nIts easy for me to say I only have a gambling problem when I lose, thats how I feel but here I am trying to claw my way out of the fog again.

I needed money to survive
ngot a pay day loan-
nLost the money gambling.
nI needed money to survive
nsold anything I had of value-
nLost the money gambling.
nCourt, fraud, bannkrupt. Why-
nLost the money gambling.
nI had all the money I needed to survive but I
nLost the money gambling.
n
nI don’t like gambling I am fine without it.
nI don’t understand why I do this to myself
nit makes me feel pathetic and worthless
njust a degenerate gambler with nothing left to lose.
n
nI have been here before when things were not so bad
nI was in the beginning stages of what I now know is called patholigcal gambling it is an illness a progressive illness that has progressed to my new rock bottom.
n
nI lost my last $70 yesterday I feel depressed and anxious and today I did not gamble.
nOne day at a time I am going to escape the fog.

I put blocking software on my laptop.
nGot my paycheck and decided to try to log into online casino to check if blocking software is working.
nThe blocking software failed I lost $780 gambling kept thinking my luck has to change but I need to change and stop gambling for good.
n
nThank you for posting on my thread Rdy4Chng. If you can somhow limit you access to money that would help.
nI am taking baby steps so I can at least limit the damage.
nThe rate I’ve been going I just lose all money as soon as I get it. Luck has been horrible over last 2 months.
nAll I need to do is stop and life will be fine and go back to normal.
n One day at a time the fog has cleared I can see the path to freedom. I choose to stop and escape this madness for good.
n

I am walking the path to freedom. I don’t have money so I can’t gamble but I will again and this is where I will be tested by the devil on my shoulder.
n
nThe path is clear and can not be tempted by the forbidden fruit.
nThis is pure insanity to make money give it away then be broke and desperate over and over and over again.
n
nI have too much to live for and I deserve a happy life without the worries of money or gambling.

My analogy of the path to freedom and escaping the slavery of gambling-
n
nSometimes in my life I hit rock bottoms they can get worse over time. It is during these moments I can see clearly a glimpse of where I need to go , a direction to travel, a brief break in the fog , a silver lining so to speak.
n
nSo now I’m on the path, I know I’m heading in the right direction but I am also well aware that this is not an easy journey. I will be challenged and tempted along the way.
n
nAlthough sometimes I feel I have to make this journey alone. There is help along the way, I find healthy food and water. This is amazing to me I never appreciated having a small amount of money or something to eat or drink it is humbling to enjoy the small things in life I used to take for granted.
n
nAs I walk the path I can not see where I am going I only know
nit is the right direction I have to keep going this way and I wont be lost in the fog anymore. I can accept where I have been and know where I am going.

As I walk the path to freedom I am distracted by a snake
nthe snake tries to lead me off course promising fun excitement and money.
n
nI think about this, this is my trigger and I have been fooled before by the snake before. I decide to continue and ignore the snake.
n
nThere will be many snakes on my journey some more clever than this one. When I have identified my trigger or urge I will stay on the right path, the path to freedom picking up behavior coping strategies along the way.
n
n
n

On my journey on the path to freedom I meet a clever snake.
nHe tells me he knows of a new betting strategy one that will make me money, and I won’t have to tell any one that I gamble or that I made money from it.
n
nThe snake is convincing I think about this and it could be a major blow to my escape from the slavery of gambling or I could just go with the snake gamble and make money.
n
nNow I have to make a decision. This is my trigger to gamble and will lead me to more devastation. So I decide this snake can’t just simply be ignored. I kill the snake and eat it and continue on my journey.

Yes lets do this I am posting regularly to keep my mind from fogging. It is hard right now money is tight and boredom is another trigger that I am working on I know that over time we can change our behavior to be doing more healthy things than gambling.

I was tempted and the urge to gamble overpowered me, I was helpless I picture lighting money on fire or flushing it down the toilet.
n
nA small voice inside me be it a snake, the devil, or the giddy rebellious teenage compulsive gambler. I am powerless and I almost got trapped in the fog again I need to stay on the path to freedom one day at a time.

Understanding my emotions, ego and my triggers to gamble is important for me to stay on the path to recovery.
n
nMy last trigger was boredom and loneliness plus the devil on my shoulder telling me I would win.
n
nBoredom needs to be replaced with other activities if nothing else just going out for a walk or exercising this is also a healthy way to cope and relive stress.
n
nStress is also a trigger after committing financial suicide. The financial stress is very real and can cause intense urges to gamble as I was seeing gambling the only way to fix my financial problems. The financial problems that were caused by gambling. This has only made things worse digging the hole deeper the cycle continued. Being caught in the vortex or sucked back into the fog where the compulsive gambling behavior is fed the mind is clouded and the path to freedom is blocked.
n
nAdmitting the problem and the relapse has helped me get back on track one day at a time.

I have daily temptations to gamble. Think of how I can gamble, where to get money to gamble and type of gambling I want to do.
n
nThis happens multiple times a day. First I distract myself and keep busy doing something else. After sometime the urge or temptation slowly goes away. After all I now know I want to stop gambling or at least losing.
n
nI have no access to money if I did I could lose it all quickly.
nWhen I get paid, I pay my bills and take the rest in cash, carry a small amount for daily expenses and give the rest to a trusted person to hold for me.
n
nIf I leave myself vulnerable to my addiction it will have devastating consequences. I picture my family, It harms me and it harms them. There is no reason to live this way, life is good and I continue on the path to freedom one day at a time.

I have continued to gamble.
I got on a lucky run which enabled me binge for a while.
Feeling invincible I have now went broke again.
I’m ok, need to turn things around one day at a time.

If nothing changes then nothing changes.
I reached my all time low and decided I needed to make a change.
I thought about suicide but I can not do that.

All I had to do was ask for help.
I admitted I had a problem and now I am getting the help I needed.
This means there is a long road ahead but now I have a plan
and I wont have the added stress that gambling causes.

In my mind this was the toughest decision I ever had to make
like I was giving up my chance at financial freedom.
Now I can see the opposite is true I will now have the freedom I deserve.

One day at a time

My story and my success.
I have been gamble free for 2 weeks.

How did I do it?

1. Barriers- No access to money.
No access to gambling.
Keeping busy with non gambling activities.

Why gambling doesn’t work.
You will not win with gambling due to the house edge.
Yes you can be lucky in the short term but over time
if you continue to gamble it will be a loss.

I have multiple times had 5 figure scores in one night.
Every time I was powerless, a compulsive gambler with money
is like a kid in a candy store. The money gets lost back faster
and by this point might as well be a tokens in a game
you will stop when at zero.

My attitude has improved. I am being held accountable for
my actions and have my finances being handled for me.

If you are a gambler looking for help this is what it takes.
You need to be honest with your family and you can get the help you need.
If you don’t have access to money you can’t lose it.

One day at a time.

Hi Kin, yes all is well as it can be.
The fog has cleared but reality has set in.
I’ve been a bit depressed but I am hopeful for the future.
One day at a time

Reality is good.
I’m out on good behavior and plan to keep it that way.
One Day At A Time

6 weeks gamble free.
Was it easy? No.
As long as I had access to money I continued to gamble.
I would not stop and I was blinded by my addiction.

The first few weeks were filled with anxiety and depression.
Most of the time I miss the action of gambling and the escape it gave me from reality.
My financial situation is slowly starting to recover.

I gave up access to my finances this holds me accountable for my actions.
I am getting one on one counseling to help me understand what an addiction to gambling is
how it is triggered by my ego and coping with my emotions.

One day at a time.

So yes I did relapse again. Had to come clean and get help again.
Gave up control of finances. Have been about 9 months gamble free.
Getting gambling addiction counselling.
Still have to pay off past debts but life is better gamble free.
One day at a time.