Today’s thought from Hazelden is:

Birds sing after a storm. Why shouldn’t we?
–Rose Kennedy

Some of us have been through an awful lot. We have endured pain and hopelessness. Now we have some choices to make. We can allow our pasts to make us feel bad about ourselves or we can sing after the storm. We can feel proud that we are not giving up, we are not willing to be destroyed.

The past won’t change, and the bad things won’t magically go away. But we can learn to move forward.

We can put the past where it belongs, close enough so we’ll never forget, and far enough away so we don’t give it all of our attention. The sun doesn’t just make rainbows for other people; they’re for us too.

Today let me tell myself that it’s okay to feel good about myself.

You are reading from the book:
Our Best Days by Nancy Hull-Mast

Today’s thought from Hazelden is:

Behind an able man there are always other able men.
–Chinese proverb

Most of us have had a strong desire in our lives to “do it ourselves.” We have had the idea that strength and independence meant we should not rely on or receive help from others. Now, in recovery, we are learning a far more mature and time-honored principle. We find strength to develop to our fullest as members of a community. Maybe we never learned how to ask for help. Perhaps we haven’t learned yet how to accept it. It may still be difficult to express our gratitude for the help that brought us where we are today.

In recovery, we get many lessons about these things. If we are actively growing, we will get help from others and give it too. The rewards of recovery give us ample reasons and opportunities to express our gratitude. We are no longer loners. Now we have a network of friends who truly enjoy and enhance each other’s strength.

Today, I pray for help in learning how to share my strength and to appreciate the strength of others.

You are reading from the book:

Touchstones by Anonymous

Today’s thought from Hazelden is:

Going Easy

Go easy. You may have to push forward, but you don’t have to push so hard. Go in gentleness, go in peace.

Do not be in so much of a hurry. At no day, no hour, no time are you required to do more than you can do in peace. Frantic behaviors and urgency are not the foundation for our new way of life.

Do not be in too much of a hurry to begin. Begin, but do not force the beginning if it is not time. Beginnings will arrive soon enough.

Enjoy and relish middles, the heart of the matter.

Do not be in too much of a hurry to finish. You may be almost done, but enjoy the final moments. Give yourself fully to those moments so that you may give and get all there is.

Let the pace flow naturally. Move forward. Start. Keep moving forward. Do it gently, though. Do it in peace. Cherish each moment.

Today, God, help me focus on a peaceful pace rather than a harried one. I will keep moving forward gently, not frantically. Help me let go of my need to be anxious, upset, and harried. Help me replace it with a need to be at peace and in harmony.

You are reading from the book:

The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

Today’s thought from Hazelden is:

Love involves a willingness to suffer and to be inconvenienced.
–Lewis F. Presnall

The act of loving another broadens our understanding of the human condition and often pinches our egos. Indeed, one of the greatest gifts, though not necessarily cherished, which is granted through loving another, is that we gain humility and thus healthier, smaller egos.

How often do we say the words, “I love you,” and yet resent being detained by our loved ones? How frequently do we expect to get our own way when resolving a conflict? Is the silent treatment a manipulative ploy we commonly rely on when problem solving with a spouse or lover?

Love wears many faces and it means not always getting our own way, or never doubting the other’s sincerity. We aren’t guaranteed happiness forever after, even when we know we’re loved. But what giving and receiving love does promise us is growth, periods of peacefulness, some poignantly painful times, and many chances to demonstrate that another’s well being is a priority, which in turn assures us of our own well being.

You are reading from the book:

Worthy of Love by Karen Casey

Something I never did and somedays I regret it as they have both passed away.

Today’s thought from Hazelden is:

Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes they forgive them.
–Oscar Wilde

The mature person eventually forgives his parents. Any adult can look back and see childhood wrongs and unfairness. Many of us were disappointed by our parents, even neglected or hurt by them. We certainly didn’t get all we wanted or needed. Yet, upon joining the ranks of adults, we become responsible for ourselves. Every situation has limited choices, and we work with what we’ve got. As adults, we realize this is exactly where our parents were when we were children. They, too, were born into an imperfect world and had to do the best they could.

When we can forgive our parents, we are free to accept them as they are, as we might a friend. We can accept them, enjoy the relationship, and forget about collecting old debts. Making peace with them imparts to us the strengths of previous generations and helps us be more at peace with ourselves.

I pray for the maturity and the wisdom to be more forgiving of my parents.

You are reading from the book:

Something I never did and somedays I regret it as they have both passed away.

Today’s thought from Hazelden is:

Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes they forgive them.
–Oscar Wilde

The mature person eventually forgives his parents. Any adult can look back and see childhood wrongs and unfairness. Many of us were disappointed by our parents, even neglected or hurt by them. We certainly didn’t get all we wanted or needed. Yet, upon joining the ranks of adults, we become responsible for ourselves. Every situation has limited choices, and we work with what we’ve got. As adults, we realize this is exactly where our parents were when we were children. They, too, were born into an imperfect world and had to do the best they could.

When we can forgive our parents, we are free to accept them as they are, as we might a friend. We can accept them, enjoy the relationship, and forget about collecting old debts. Making peace with them imparts to us the strengths of previous generations and helps us be more at peace with ourselves.

I pray for the maturity and the wisdom to be more forgiving of my parents.

You are reading from the book:

Today’s thought from Hazelden is:

I always have two lists: things I’m happy about and things I’m not. It’s my choice which list I focus on.
–Anne Arthur

Why do we all too eagerly see the glass as half empty rather than as half full? It need not be a habit that we are stuck with forever. All of us feel helpless at times to change our vision of life. Discouragement and self-pity become comfortable, and we fear that discarding them will leave us vulnerable.

Seeing the glass as half empty is a sign that our attitude is holding us back. Unfortunately, a bad attitude is seductive. It’s as though we find pleasure, perverse though it may be, in feeling sorry for ourselves. Sometimes we even imagine staying in that place forever. It’s then that we need the warmth of loving friends, and it’s no accident that we are surrounded by them in this fellowship.

We may, at first, try to ignore those reaching toward us, but we will soon feel their presence. We can thank God for the inspiration to adjust our attitude.

If I reach out lovingly to someone else today, I will not need a nudge from my Higher Power to adjust my attitude.

You are reading from the book:

A Woman’s Spirit by Karen Casey

Today’s thought from Hazelden is:

You start preparing when you’re thirty for the person you’ll be at eighty.
–Janice Clark

We can’t get away from ourselves, at least not entirely. Who we were at ten and twenty and forty and fifty remain as threads in our tapestries. Many of us shudder because some details of our personal panorama weren’t so very pretty. But that’s the way life is. We are what we are. And yet, we have examples of favorable changes, too. How we were never kept us from becoming who we wanted to be. This truth continues to reign in our lives.

We all know women and men who continue to be enthused about even the tiny happenings in the passing of a day. A bird’s flight from the porch to a nearby tree to feed its young, the laughter of children passing the house on their way home from school, the family reunions, large or small, bring smiles and memories that comfort. Probably we envy those folks, unless we happen to be them already. In either case, imitating others or serving as their role models helps to strengthen our positive responses to life’s details. No matter how old we are, there is still joy to be felt. And there is still time to change and grow.

There is no rule that says I have to be and think and act the same way my whole life. Today is a clean slate. I can be who I want to be.

You are reading from the book:

Keepers of the Wisdom by Karen Casey

Today’s thought from Hazelden is:

—– Your Blessings

—– your many blessings, name them one by one,

—– your many blessings, see what God has done!

–from “—– Your Blessings” by Johnson Oatman Jr.

You are reading from the book:

The 12 Step Prayer Book Volume 2 by Bill P. and Lisa D.

Today’s thought from Hazelden is:

To keep a lamp burning, we have to keep putting oil in it.
–Mother Teresa

Our spiritual nature must be nurtured. Prayer and meditation lovingly kindle the flame that guides us from within. Because we’re human, we often let the flame flicker and perhaps go out. And then we sense the dreaded aloneness. Fortunately, some time away, perhaps even a few moments in quiet communion with God, rekindles the flame.

For most of us, the flame burned low, or not at all, for many years. The flickering we may feel today, or tomorrow, or felt yesterday, will not last, so we may put away our fears. We can listen to the voice of our higher power in others. We can listen, too, as we carry the message. Prayer surrounds us every moment. We can fuel our inner flame with the messages received from others. We can let our spirit spring forth; let it warm our hearts and the hearts of others.

We each have a friend whose flame may be flickering today. I will help my friend and thus myself. A steady flame can rekindle one that’s flickering.

You are reading from the book:

Each Day a New Beginning by Karen Casey

Today’s thought from Hazelden is:

Noble deeds and hot baths are the best cures for depression.
–Dodie Smith

When we change our lives, we give up old patterns. Some of these old patterns, as harmful as they may have been, were like our best friends. We could turn to them for comfort and escape. After giving them up, and after the first elated feelings of liberation, we may also have to deal with depression and grief of loss.

What should we remember at these times? First of all, depression has a beginning, and it has an end. In the midst of it, we may feel that nothing will ever look good again. That is not so. The loss of energy, the dark mood, the hopelessness – all will pass and we will regain our vitality and joy of life. Second, it helps to stay active. Physical activity is one of the best medicines for a depressed mood: vigorous walks, physical labor, or a good workout at the gym. Another kind of activity is helping others, reaching out to those in need of companionship and a helping hand. It is surprising how good it feels to make a difference in another person’s life. The third thing we can do is stop our negative thoughts. We can simply interrupt a train of thought in the same way we might interrupt a conversation and change the subject. Finally, we can take comfort in the faith that our Higher Power will provide what we need in the long run.

Today I will take good care of my mental well-being.

You are reading from the book:

Wisdom to Know by Anonymous

Today’s thought from Hazelden is:

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
–Reinhold Niebuhr

Some things I cannot change: my age, who my relatives are, my eye color, my height, my childhood experiences, my inborn talents, my nature, someone else’s abuse of alcohol or other drugs, whether the sun will shine, my job history, what I will inherit, how my parents feel, yesterday’s lost opportunities, how long I will live, who forgives me, how my parents treated me, how much I am loved, the past.

Some things I can change: the youthfulness of my spirit, who my friends are, my hair color, my weight, my adult experiences, my achievements, my character, my reaction to someone else’s use of alcohol or other drugs, whether my eyes will shine, my job possibilities, what I will bequeath, how I feel, my ability to act on today’s opportunities, how well I will live, whom I forgive, how I treat my own children, how much I love, the future.

I thank God for my growing ability to choose.

You are reading from the book:

Days of Healing, Days of Joy by Earnie Larsen and Carol Larsen Hegarty

Today’s thought from Hazelden is:

Should everybody like me?

When people say they are people-pleasers, they’re acknowledging that it’s a problem.

It’s a problem because it reflects a desire to have everybody’s acceptance and approval – to be universally liked. But from what we know about human relationships, this is not possible. No matter how hard we work to be pleasant and likeable, some people may still detest us for reasons we cannot understand. When that happens, we should not blame ourselves or step up our efforts to win them over. Our best course is to be cordial to them and to avoid giving offense in any way.

If our own behavior is mature and reasonable, even the people who don’t like us will at least respect us. That may be the best we can hope for, and it is certainly far better than shameless people pleasing. In the end, people-pleasers don’t please anybody and, as a famous comedian notes about himself, they “get no respect.”

I’ll try hard to be pleasant and cordial to everyone I meet today. If some people do not respond in the same way, I’ll accept this without feeling hurt or betrayed.

You are reading from the book:

Walk in Dry Places by Mel B.

Today’s thought from Hazelden is:

Even though I can’t solve your problems, I will be there as your sounding board whenever you need me.
–Sandra K. Lamberson

The prize we each have been given is our ability to offer full and interested attention to people seeking our counsel. And seldom does a day pass that we aren’t given the opportunity to listen, to nurture, to offer hope where it’s been dashed.

We are not separate, one from another. Interdependence is our blessing; however, we fail to recognize it at our crucial crossroads. Alone we ponder. Around us, others, too, are often suffering in silence. These Steps that guide our lives push us to break the silence. The secrets we keep, keep us from the health we deserve.

Our emotional well-being is enhanced each time we share ourselves – our stories or our attentive ears. We need to be a part of someone else’s pain and growth in order to make use of the pain that we have grown beyond. Pain has its purpose in our lives. And in the lives of our friends, too. It’s our connection to one another, the bridge that closes the gap.

We dread our pain. We hate the suffering our friends must withstand. But each of us gains when we accept these challenges as our invitations for growth and closeness to others.

Secrets keep us sick. I will listen and share and be well.

You are reading from the book:

Each Day a New Beginning by Karen Casey

Today’s thought from Hazelden is:

Reflection for the Day

I know today that getting active means trying to live the suggested Steps of the Program to the best of my ability. It means striving for some degree of honesty, first with myself, then with others. It means activity directed inward, to enable me to see myself and my relationship with my Higher Power more clearly. As I get active, outside and inside myself, so shall I grow in the Program. Do I let others do all the work at meetings? Do I carry my share?

Today I Pray

May I realize that “letting go and letting God” does not mean that I do not have to put any effort into the Program. It is up to me to work the Twelve Steps, to learn what may be an entirely new thing with me – honesty. May I differentiate between activity for activity’s sake – busy-work to keep me from thinking – and the thoughtful activity, which helps me to grow.

Today I Will Remember

“Letting God” means letting God show us how.

You are reading from the book:

A Day at a Time (Softcover) by Anonymous

Today’s thought from Hazelden is:

He who helps a friend in woe is like a fur coat in the snow.
–Russian Proverb

We came in from a very hard life when we came into recovery, kind of like coming in from a blizzard in Siberia! The old life was dangerous, cold, and lonely, and it forced us to use all our energy just to survive. Sooner or later it would have killed us. We were definitely in woe.

Someone – a family member, a friend, a boss, a probation officer – offered us a chance to get sober. That person saved our life, as surely as if he or she walked out into a blizzard and wrapped around us like a fur coat. Thanks to our Higher Power, we accepted the help this time.

In the future we will have the chance to help others who are still out there freezing in the blizzard of addiction. We can offer them the kind of help that saved our life. We can’t make them accept our help though. We just keep it handy, like a fur coat, in case they reach out to accept it.

Prayer For The Day

Higher Power I am willing to help another addict. I will be ready when You put someone in front of me.

Today’s Action

Is there an alcoholic or an addict in my life I wish I could help? I realize that my example is the best way to show them recovery. I will talk with my sponsor about this person and how I am best able to help him or her today.

You are reading from the book:

God Grant Me… by Anonymous

Today’s thought from Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

Anticipate the good so that you may enjoy it.
–Ethiopian Proverb

Newcomer

I’m getting closer to 90 days – I’m in the 80s now. I’m excited. It’s a miracle that I’ve been able to stay in recovery without interruption for this long. But I feel worried, too – or maybe I’m scared. I don’t know what I’m feeling!

Sponsor

“Anniversary anxiety” is something many of us experience in recovery. For the preceding days or weeks, we’re aware of the upcoming anniversary and its implications. We may anticipate speaking at a meeting or celebrating with recovering friends. Will we measure up to their expectation? To our own?

Perhaps we’ve been sharing our day count and enjoying the applause. As we approach 90 days, we may be afraid we’ll become “invisible” at meetings. Depending on local program and group customs, we may be eligible to chair meetings. Are we going to have to handle more responsibilities than we feel ready for? The day of the anniversary itself, and the days following it, may be a setup for feeling as if we’ve graduated or won an athletic event. We may be afraid that recovery will disappoint us, once the cheering dies down.

It helps to know that this phenomenon is a common one. If you’re experiencing it, one of the best antidotes is to share your concerns, both at meetings and with a sponsor. We’ve been there.

Today, I use the same tools of recovery that worked in the very beginning: meetings, sharing, reading recovery literature, and prayer. They work.

You are reading from the book:

If You Want What We Have by Joan Larkin

Today’s thought from Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

Sincere love is not born of possessiveness but of necessary space and distance.
–Melanie Gainsley

Dimestore romance novels and the passion frequently portrayed in movies invite us to mimic behavior that’s seldom in our best interests. Focusing attention too narrowly on another person stifles our personal growth, without which we die, as does the relationship, in time.

Real love means we will celebrate one another’s avenue to fulfillment, feeling joy when our paths are parallel, trusting the growth process when our directions seem at cross-purposes. We’ll know that, whatever our destination, we’ll each be in the right place at the right time truly free to love one another – not forced because we’ve been trapped in a binding relationship mistakenly defined as love.

But where are our role models for healthy love? Few of us have been privy to them. And yet, we can discover responsible, loving behavior for ourselves if we’ll risk honesty about our personal goals, our fears, our dreams, and allow our loved ones the same honest openness.

You are reading from the book:

Worthy of Love by Karen Casey

Today’s thought from Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

Worry and Stress

“I’m learning it’s what I do with my today that counts,” said one group member. “I can make this a day to remember or a day to regret just by the kinds of thoughts I have about it.

“Let me explain what happened to make me realize this,” he continued. “Two days ago, I woke up grumbling about my sorry lot in life. My divorce, my bills, and a recent argument with a close friend haunted me. Throughout the whole day I nursed my woes and convinced myself that this was just another rotten day. And do you know what? That’s exactly what it turned out to be! Nothing went right. I even had a second argument with another friend who called to cheer me up.

“Yesterday, I overheard someone say that a person is made or unmade by what he thinks. I thought about this for a while and decided to try it out today. Instead of greeting the day with my usual, ‘Good God, morning!’ I consciously said, ‘Good morning, God!’ with the expectation that it would be a good day. And that’s what it’s been. I even called my two friends to apologize for my previous terrible mood, and I had a warm and friendly conversation with them both!”

TODAY I will lift up my thoughts. In expecting nothing but good to come to me, that is exactly what I will receive.

You are reading from the book:

The Reflecting Pond by Liane Cordes

Today’s thought from Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

Worry and Stress

“I’m learning it’s what I do with my today that counts,” said one group member. “I can make this a day to remember or a day to regret just by the kinds of thoughts I have about it.

“Let me explain what happened to make me realize this,” he continued. “Two days ago, I woke up grumbling about my sorry lot in life. My divorce, my bills, and a recent argument with a close friend haunted me. Throughout the whole day I nursed my woes and convinced myself that this was just another rotten day. And do you know what? That’s exactly what it turned out to be! Nothing went right. I even had a second argument with another friend who called to cheer me up.

“Yesterday, I overheard someone say that a person is made or unmade by what he thinks. I thought about this for a while and decided to try it out today. Instead of greeting the day with my usual, ‘Good God, morning!’ I consciously said, ‘Good morning, God!’ with the expectation that it would be a good day. And that’s what it’s been. I even called my two friends to apologize for my previous terrible mood, and I had a warm and friendly conversation with them both!”

TODAY I will lift up my thoughts. In expecting nothing but good to come to me, that is exactly what I will receive.

You are reading from the book:

The Reflecting Pond by Liane Cordes

Today’s thought from Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

The best place to find a helping hand is at the end of your own arm.
–Swedish proverb

During our illness, we hurt others. We hurt ourselves. We messed up a lot. So, a lot of us come into recovery not trusting ourselves very much. The truth is, as addicts, we couldn’t be trusted.

But in recovery, we can be trusted again. We can again live and love ourselves. We do this by finding our spiritual center. This is the place inside of us where our Higher Power lives. We turn our will and our lives over to this spiritual center. We do as our spiritual center tells us. And from our spiritual center, we’ll find our values. We’ll live better lives. We’ll come to trust ourselves again.

Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, thank you for helping me believe in myself again. I’ll treat myself with love and kindness. I know You want me to.

Action for the Day

Today, I’ll list four ways I couldn’t be trusted during my addiction. I’ll also list four ways I can now be trusted.

You are reading from the book:

Keep It Simple by Anonymous

Today’s thought from Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

All of my life I been like a doubled up fist… poundin’, smashin’, drivin’ – now I’m going to loosen these doubled up hands and touch things easy with them.
–Tennessee Williams

Everyone has many sides. Some sides are highly developed and other sides aren’t at all. We need not fear turning to a new side and exploring it. This recovery program has enabled us to pursue sides of ourselves that were closed before. When we were lost in our narrow world of codependency and addiction, we had fewer options. Now we have far greater access to our strength and our self-esteem, and we find new parts of ourselves.

Many of us have found relationships, which were never possible before, job choices we would never have had, and the pleasure of greater involvement in life. It is reassuring to see that we don’t always have to give up one side of ourselves to add new ones.

Thanks to God for the many options opening up to me in this renewed life.

You are reading from the book:

Touchstones by Anonymous

Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

Will Power – Our willingness to be used by a Higher Power.
–Alcoholics Anonymous

How many times have you wanted something very badly, only to realize at a later date that having it would have been a major disaster? Often we pursue a certain want or desire when the Universe has something entirely different planned – something, which is for our higher good.

For years, Ann wanted to run her own daycare center. An opportunity arose for her to buy a local business, but the deal fell through at the last minute. Bitterly disappointed, she could not understand why her heart’s desire was denied her. Then one day, she and her husband found out about a business that was for sale in a city where they had always wanted to live. Within weeks, they bought the business and moved to their new location. Ann gave thanks that the first opportunity did not work out.

From our earthly vantage point, we can’t always see the big picture. We are like mice running in an open field, sensing what is in front of our noses. Only from the perspective of the eagle can the entire landscape be viewed.

Fortunately, there is a part of yourself that can see like the eagle. You can turn over your life and your plans to that higher vision, and then say with assurance, “It’s all God’s work. It’s all in God’s hands. And I am at peace with this.”

You are reading from the book:

Listening to Your Inner Voice by Douglas Bloch

Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

I am only one, but still I am one.
I cannot do everything, but still I can do something;
And because I cannot do everything
I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.
–Edward Everett Hale

We once heard someone say, “Knowing doesn’t keep you sober, doing does.” We got the point. Our actions, not strictly our knowledge, will help us stay sober. Recovery is a program of action, of doing something that will contribute to our recovery today.

All the knowledge in the world won’t help us recover if we don’t use what we’ve learned. Like good intentions, knowledge is only the beginning. Next, we must do – and not do – the things we’ve learned will help us make progress in recovery.

It’s up to us to put the Steps to work in our lives today. We are responsible for eating right and exercising, going to meetings, finding a Higher Power, and praying or meditating to continually strengthen our spiritual lives.

Knowing what we must do is a good first step. Putting that knowledge into action, one day at a time, will bring us the joys of real recovery and a new life.

Today I pray that, through Your power, I have what I need to take action for my recovery.

You are reading from the book:

Body, Mind, and Spirit by Anonymous

Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

Love one another, but make not a bond of love.
–Kahlil Gibran

Love doesn’t demand; love compromises. It doesn’t possess; it frees. Love doesn’t gloat; it praises. Love makes friends of strangers. It softens our rough edges and strengthens our assets. Knowing we’re loved inspires us and invites forth our best effort. Offering our love humbles us and cultivates an inner joy.

Never, in the name of love, should we direct another person’s life, but instead let’s celebrate the choices made by someone dear, even when they run counter to our own desires. We are each blessed with a destiny, unique and necessary to the others in our lives. We must be allowed to travel our paths to fulfillment.

Let’s free one another and know real love.

You are reading from the book:

Worthy of Love by Karen Casey

Today’s thought from Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

Fear is only an illusion. It is the illusion that creates the feeling of separateness – the false sense of isolation that exists only in your imagination.
–Jeraldine Sounders

We are only alone in our minds. In reality, we are each contributing necessary parts offering completion to the wholeness of the universe. Our very existence guarantees our equality, which, when fully understood, eases our fears. We have no reason to fear one another’s presence, or to fear new situations when we realize that all of us are on equal footing. No one’s talents are of greater value than our own, and each of us is talented in ways exactly appropriate to our circumstances.

Freedom from fear is a decision we can choose to make at any time. We can simply give it up and replace it with our understanding of equality with all persons. Taking responsibility for our fear, or our freedom from it, is the first step to a perspective promising healthier emotional development.

If I am fearful today, it’s because I have forgotten the reality of my existence. I am equal to all the people in my world, and we are necessary to one another.

You are reading from the book:

The Promise of a New Day by Karen Casey and Martha Vanceburg

Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

Keep your recovery First to make it Last.
–Anonymous

We all encounter places, people, and times of the year which trigger memories of our old lifestyle, pleasant or painful events. Holidays and family gatherings may be especially stressful times for us.

There have always been a lot of expectations associated with holidays. Many of us may feel pressured to fulfill those expectations. We need to remember that it is a naturally stressful time and we may feel more nervous than usual. We can avoid forcing moods or events on ourselves or those around us.

In recovery, we are given tips that have helped many members during the holidays. We plan extra Program activities and keep our phone list handy. We skip any slippery occasions that make us uneasy. We attend special Program events. We take a fellow member with us to a possibly slippery party if we feel uncomfortable going alone.

When I keep my recovery Number One in my mind, the holidays, with the help of my friends, will be enjoyable and less stressful.

You are reading from the book:

Easy Does It by Anonymous

Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

To practice five things under all circumstances constitutes perfect virtue; these five are gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness, and kindness.
–Confucius

Some of us were raised to decline generosity – to argue over who pays the restaurant bill, not to accept money for helping someone out, not to accept food or drink at someone’s home. Some of these beliefs have strong cultural ties. Others are just a fear of imposing. We don’t want to be a bother.

Generosity is a two-way street. It’s just as important for someone to be generous as it is to accept the offerings. Most of us like to be generous. When we’re being genuine, from the heart, with no strings attached, being generous makes us feel good — it makes us feel great. We have no reason to deny others that feeling (unless, of course, there are strings attached). In fact, our own generosity is probably just coming back to us.

Today I will allow others the opportunity to be generous.

You are reading from the book:

Letting Go of Debt by Karen Casanova

Good Morning Folks

Just want to wish you and your family a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.As tough as my first Christmas without my son is going to be my family and I will try to stay strong and think about the many past great Christmas Days we had with him.

God Bless

Ken

Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

… [To] take something from yourself, to give to another, that is humane and gentle and never takes away as much comfort as it brings again.
–Thomas More

We take different kinds of pleasure in giving. Perhaps the purest is the gift to a child so young it doesn’t really know who the gift came from; the pure joy that the teddy bear or pull-toy produces is our regard, unmixed by any expectation of return.

When children get older, we want something back from them: gratitude, respect. The gift is less pure. When lovers exchange gifts, their pleasure is often tinged with anxiety: Did I give more than I got? Did I get more than I gave? Or with power: He’ll always remember where he got that shirt; she owes me something for the fur jacket.

To friends and relations our gifts reflect many things: our appreciation of their lives, our shared memories, our prosperity. We tend to give in a spirit of self-expression.

Perhaps the closest we can come to a pure gift is an anonymous one; a gift of volunteer work, of blood, or a contribution to a charity. Such a gift which can never be acknowledged or returned by those it comforts can heal our spirits when they are wearied by too much ego.

The gift of myself can be a gift to myself.

You are reading from the book:

The Promise of a New Day by Karen Casey and Martha Vanceburg

Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

Has it been a year of growth?

As any year draws to a close, we should reflect on how we have grown in sobriety. We should also identify changes during the year that enabled us to overcome bad habits and to move closer to better patterns of living.

Though we never are guaranteed favorable outcomes, we should always remember that sobriety is its own best reward. We want a full life, of course, but it must begin with a decision to seek and to maintain sobriety at all costs.

We find that with sobriety, lots of other problems seem to solve themselves. Even if they don’t, we have the tools to move forward and to achieve goals that always eluded us while we were drinking. Every year in sobriety is a year of growth.

I’ll be conscious today of recent improvements I’ve made in my life and all my affairs. With sobriety, these improvements will go on for a lifetime.

You are reading from the book:

Walk in Dry Places by Mel B.

Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

Being less than perfect.

It was not a perfect year. But is there ever a perfect year? Being clean and sober does not purport or offer perfection. It gives us a chance to strive for progress. When we keep our Higher Power in our thoughts and actions, we come closer to perfection all the time.

Despite the disappointments of our complex lives, we are finally beginning to learn how to live. We are finally making progress.

Am I content to be less than perfect?

Higher Power, I pray that I may continue to strive for progress and be satisfied to be an imperfect human.

You are reading from the book:

Day by Day – Second Edition by Anonymous

Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

The new is but the old come true; each sunrise sees a new year born.
–Helen Hunt Jackson

We know that a totally new life can begin on any day of a year, at any hour of the day, or at any moment of an hour. That new life began the moment we decided to surrender and admit to powerlessness over a substance or an impulse. It began when we accepted the fact that we needed help and could receive it simply by asking.

Many of us used to choose New Year’s Day as a time for making good resolutions and swearing off bad habits. When we failed, we simply shrugged and said, “Maybe I can start tomorrow, next week – or next New Year’s Day.” We were always going to “turn over a new leaf.”

Now, in recovery, we no longer depend on doing it all alone. We know we can stay abstinent only by sharing with fellow members.

Let me remember, each day in recovery is another milestone. I no longer have to use a calendar.

You are reading from the book:

Easy Does It by Anonymous

Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

The new is but the old come true; each sunrise sees a new year born.
–Helen Hunt Jackson

We know that a totally new life can begin on any day of a year, at any hour of the day, or at any moment of an hour. That new life began the moment we decided to surrender and admit to powerlessness over a substance or an impulse. It began when we accepted the fact that we needed help and could receive it simply by asking.

Many of us used to choose New Year’s Day as a time for making good resolutions and swearing off bad habits. When we failed, we simply shrugged and said, “Maybe I can start tomorrow, next week – or next New Year’s Day.” We were always going to “turn over a new leaf.”

Now, in recovery, we no longer depend on doing it all alone. We know we can stay abstinent only by sharing with fellow members.

Let me remember, each day in recovery is another milestone. I no longer have to use a calendar.

You are reading from the book:

Easy Does It by Anonymous

Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

Let Go and Let God.
–Twelve Step slogan

Some days we might ask ourselves, Is it worth it? We feel alone. No one seems to care. Life seems hard. Recovery seems hard.

This is when we need to slow down and take a look at what’s going on. We’re feeling this way because we’re off our recovery path. We may be back into wanting people to see things our way, or do things our way. We want control.

Remember, all problems are not our problems. All work is not our work. We can’t have everything the way we want it. But we can do our part and let go of the rest. Then we can feel better.

Prayer for the Day
Higher Power, help me remember my only work today is to do Your will for me. It is not my job to be You.

Action for the Day
I’ll talk with my sponsor or a program friend today. I’ll talk about how to deal with things that seem to pull me down.

You are reading from the book:

Keep It Simple by Anonymous

Wish you a happy & healthy 2015

Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

Life is for enjoying. It is not a race to see how much you can get done.
–Jill Clark

Before we quit using alcohol and other drugs, we wasted precious hours, days, maybe years. Consequently, we feel we must make up for lost time. We make promises and commitments we don’t have the time or the energy to fulfill. This is a normal response to hindsight. After all, we missed many wonderful opportunities when our focus was on getting and staying high.

Making up for the past is different from making the most of each twenty-four hours. It’s not how much we accomplish in life but how we treat others along the way that counts. We can accomplish our daily tasks while being kind to other people. But choosing the latter as the more important action will bring a far greater sense of well-being than succeeding at “moving mountains.”

I will get done everything I really need to do today if I focus on being kind to the women and men who cross my path.

You are reading from the book:

A Woman’s Spirit by Karen Casey

Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

A controller doesn’t trust his/her ability to live through the pain and chaos of life. There is no life without pain just as there is no art without submitting to chaos.
–Rita Mae Brown

It is very hard for most of us to see how controlling we are. We may feel uptight or careful, but we haven’t seen it as controlling ourselves or controlling how people respond to us. We may be worried about a loved one’s behavior or safety, but not realize our hovering over that person is a controlling activity. We may be keenly aware of other people’s controlling behavior with us, but unaware we have equaled their control by monitoring them and trying to change their behavior.

What a moment of spiritual adventure it is to risk living through the pain! When we do not seek an escape or a quick fix but have patience with the process, new possibilities often do develop. We can only let go of our control – or turn it over to our Higher Power. And we will do it and forget, taking control back within minutes or within an hour. Then we let go again.

Today, I will submit to the insecurity of a changing universe and have faith that I can live through the process and grow.

You are reading from the book:

Touchstones by Anonymous

Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

God does not require that we be successful, only that we be faithful.
–Mother Teresa

It is probable we have never equated success with faith. Being successful meant accomplishing worthy goals and receiving the expected praise. We may have even considered that relying on faith to help us was a cop out. Fortunately, so much about how we interpret life has changed since joining this journey through recovery.

In Step Three we learn that God wants us to have faith. We are coming to see, in fact, that acting as if we have faith begins to feel like faith. Coming to believe that God’s only expectation is that we turn within for guidance makes every circumstance far less threatening.

Practicing faith promises that we will begin to feel successful in all our experiences because we are walking through them peacefully, trusting fully that God is at hand. Believing in God, being truly faithful, can be the greatest success of our lives.

I can be faith-filled today if I turn my life and my will over to the care of God. I will remind myself of this every time I get in the “driver’s seat.”

You are reading from the book:

A Woman’s Spirit by Karen Casey

Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

If you do not express your own original ideas, if you do not listen to your own being, you will have betrayed yourself.
–Rollo May

Those of us who go around trying to be right and do everything right are likely to betray ourselves. We stifle our impulses and control our intuition because we can’t be certain that we are correct. As a spiritual exercise, we could stop now and listen to our inner selves and state our own ideas. What comes out may break the illusion of perfection and free us to proceed with life.

We all have original ideas if we just notice them. What images come to mind while listening to music? What do our dreams tell us? New insights sometimes come by physical activity. Conversation with a friend can help lead us to our wisdom. Our growing strength in recovery requires that we listen to our own messages and then take some risks to express them.

Today, I will take risks by stating my ideas. I will stand up for myself by listening to my intuition.

You are reading from the book:

Touchstones by Anonymous

Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

Recovery is civil war, but it is a war that can be won.
–Sister Imelda

How often do we hear people say, “Sure, I know it’s the right thing to do – but it’s easier said than done!” But “it,” whatever “it” is for each of us, is actually easier done than not done. As hard as it is to turn our will and our behavior toward recovery, failing to recover is much harder. Ultimately, any price we pay for recovery is far less than the cost of giving up everything we’ve gained.

Some of us have a very difficult time making phone calls. Others are scared to death of speaking at meetings, talking to strangers, or admitting that we have feelings. But the alternative has simply been too painful. Whatever we have to do is worth it. The payoff is immense. How many of us, when we did attend that meeting that frightened us, felt an enormous surge of self-confidence and happiness? How often, when we have stood our ground and found it did not kill us, have we felt that we could lick the world? The payoff is that we learn to like ourselves more, and that is as good as it gets.

I will make sure today that I am not forgetting the benefits of recovery and only considering the price of recovery.

You are reading from the book:

Days of Healing, Days of Joy by Earnie Larsen and Carol Larsen Hegarty

Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

You love me so much; you want to put me in your pocket. And I should die there smothered.
–D. H. Lawrence

Adult children often try to control people to keep them from moving away. To ensure that we won’t be left alone, we might smother-love them with everything we have.

Of course, we become obsessed with the person we’re trying to control. But even worse, this caretaking behavior eventually leads us to become more addicted to the problem than to the person. We become good at solving other people’s problems and wiping away their tears; that’s our skill. And that’s why we so often end up attracting and being attracted to people who have monumental personal problems.

Oftentimes, our very hanging on guarantees the relationship will fail. When we try to control those we love we stand the chance of crippling our loved ones and ourselves. We must first aim for being healthy ourselves – only then can we learn to be part of a healthy relationship.

Today, I will let my loved ones face their own problems. I can love these people without fixing them.

You are reading from the book:

Days of Healing, Days of Joy by Earnie Larsen and Carol Larsen Hegarty

Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

When we are feeling unloved and depressed and empty inside, finding someone to give us love is not really the solution.
–Gerald G. Jampolsky, M.D.

Each of us wants to be significant to someone else. And we are – we’re significant to all the lives we’re touching at this very moment.

The emptiness we sometimes feel is a good reminder that the women and men in our lives need our attention. Too much self-focus fosters our feelings of loneliness, and then with desperation we look to others to fill us up. The paradox is that we heal ourselves while offering our attention to another who is, by design, on our path.

It is not by chance our lives are intertwined. Loving someone today will heal two wounds, ours and theirs.

You are reading from the book:

Worthy of Love by Karen Casey

Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

The human brain forgets ninety percent of what goes on.
–Jan Milner

There were two women who shared a house and raised their daughters, two toddlers, together. Then one of the women got transferred to another city and moved with her daughter.

Ten years later, they had a reunion. The mothers asked their kids what they remembered about living together. Did they remember all the books? No. Did they remember a mom in the kitchen every morning, fixing eggs and toast? No.

What they remembered was playing in the pink bathtub for hours, pulling the pink shower curtain shut for privacy. And the morning the mothers sneaked in, turned off the lights, threw plastic cups and spoons over the curtain and cried, “It’s raining spoons!” They laughed and laughed.

We are lucky in this life – our minds think laughter is what’s worth remembering.

What laughter from yesterday can I remember today?

You are reading from the book:

Today’s Gift by Anonymous

Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

There is no right way to pray.

Prayer is not a requirement of Twelve Step programs like Al-Anon. In fact, the program has no requirements. It has only suggestions that if followed will change how we see our experiences. This, in turn, mysteriously changes our very experiences. One suggestion is that we seek, through prayer and meditation, to know God and God’s will for us.

The idea of prayer scares some of us initially. It seems religious. However, we learn from other people, if we’re open to their words, that the program is not religious but spiritual. This means that we can expect help from a Power who wants to safeguard our lives. All we have to do is let that Power in, using any method that feels comfortable. Kneeling to pray isn’t for everyone. Having friendly casual “chats” appeals to some. Others seek knowledge of God in a bird’s song or a flower’s blossom. Whatever is comfortable is not only adequate but appropriate.

Praying in our own special way becomes a wonderful habit. It protects us all day long, giving us strength every time we need it.

I will relish my moments with God today. They will help me in every circumstance. I’m never alone as long as I remember God.

You are reading from the book:

A Life of My Own by Karen Casey

Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

Slow Down and Live

Many of us rush through our days as well as rush through our meals. Often we let ourselves get so busy that we do not enjoy what we are doing or what we are eating. We swallow life in great gulps instead of savoring it moment by moment.

Hurry and busyness are forms of self-will. Deluded by an exaggerated sense of our own importance, we deem it crucial to perform all tasks and activities according to our personal schedule. Impatient with traffic tie-ups, other people’s slowness, or unavoidable delays, we make ourselves tense and miserable by our refusal to accept life as it comes.

Time spent each day in quiet meditation can give us glimpses of God’s timelessness. We see that our schedule is not that important after all, when measured against eternity. As the presence of God seeps into our consciousness, we relax into the fullness and peace of each moment. Trusting our Higher Power to order our lives, we can slow down and enjoy God’s gifts.

May I exchange hurry and busyness for Your peace.

You are reading from the book:

Food for Thought by Elisabeth L.

Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

What a man thinks of himself, that is which determines, or rather indicates, his fate.
–Henry David Thoreau

Let us think of ourselves as made of dust, and allow us to be as proud of it as if it were true. For dust is everywhere. We see it in solemn rooms streaked by sun, dancing like fine angels in a cathedral light. It is the stuff of life. And it drifts down on fancy tables where the richest people eat. It cannot be denied a place. And it returns time and time again like the seasons. It is one of the wonders of the world. And when no one sees or cares, it finds a secret corner in which to keep a solitary peace. It intends no harm. We find it at home on old leather books, the ones that preserve our noblest thoughts. And from where we stand, it seems that even the stars are made of it.

When we feel low, unworthy, or useless, let’s remember that these feelings are only a small but important part of us, that even great things are made of small parts and that we, as whole beings, are always greater than the sum of these parts.

You are reading from the book:

Today’s Gift by Anonymous

?Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

Make yourself at home.

It was night, only a few months after I’d begun my skydiving adventure. It was too cold to stay in my tent; I had rented a cabin near the drop zone. Now I’d come back to hang out for a while, before retiring for the night.

One of the skydivers I’d met recently was sitting in a lawn chair, under the tarped area between the rows of trailers that had been turned into team rooms and student training areas. The evening lights had been turned on. He was wrapped up in a sleeping bag, reading a book under the hazy glow. He was one of the full-time skydivers, who had been attracted to the gypsy lifestyle of the skydiving community as much as the sport itself.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“I’m in my living room, reading a book,” he replied. “Do you like the view of the backyard?” he asked, making a gesture toward the rolling hills that cascaded gently in the background. “That’s my patio,” he said, pointing to a small area just around the corner. “The morning sun hits there. It’s a warm place to sit and eat breakfast. Sometimes I sleep in that tent,” he said, pointing off to the side.” And sometimes I take my sleeping bag and curl up under the stars in the landing area, over there.”

I looked around, almost envious of his freedom.

Sometimes, we get so busy and involved creating a “home” for ourselves that we create a structure that’s too safe, limiting, and confined. We forget about our real home, the planet earth. It’s good to sleep indoors. It’s nice to make ourselves comfortable in our home. But don’t let your cozy nest become a locked, confining box.

Stretch your arms, Push the lid off the box. Get out into the world. Walk around. Move about. See the hills, the lakes, the forests, the mountains peaks, the valleys, the rivers.

See how big your world can be. See how connected everything is. See how connected you are, too – to all that is. Make yourself comfortable, wherever you are. Make yourself a home and be at home in the world.

God, help me relax and make myself at home in your bountiful world.

You are reading from the book:

More Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

Letting go is a decision.

The obsession to pressure other people to see things our way keeps us agitated. In contrast, the wisdom to understand that every person’s view has validity, at least for that person, is a gift we receive from working the Twelve Steps. Our daily assignment, then, is to be patient and listen so that we may learn this lesson from women and men who have walked this path already, women and men who have come to understand that letting go of others and their addictions promises relief from the obsession that troubles each of us.

Look around. All of us have tried to force solutions that didn’t fit. And we drove ourselves crazy trying to control the behavior of others, certain that “doing it our way” was not only reasonable, but right. Our past sometimes may appear to be a series of failures. But our present experience can be peaceful, hopeful, and successful. It’s our decision to let go. A small decision that we can make many times today, every day.

“Let go” are tiny words with huge rewards. If I want to, I can give up my attempts to control someone today. Peace will be my reward.

You are reading from the book:

A Life of My Own by Karen Casey

Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

Moving Forward

Time past is gone forever, and we can never go back to it. Even our disease progresses forward. We cannot expect to control it by a return to measures which may have worked for a time in the past. Those methods eventually failed, and trying them again will only bring us to the same point of failure.

The only way to avoid repetitious failure is to move forward creatively as our Higher Power leads us. Each day is a new creation, and each day brings new lessons and opportunities. We build on what is past, but we do not need to repeat it.

Moving forward involves risking what is unknown. The old, familiar rut, depressing as it is, is a known quantity. Moving out of it requires that we have courage and that we trust in One who knows and cares. To move on, we must act. Insights do not produce growth until they are accompanied by specific actions.

May I risk new actions as You lead me forward.

You are reading from the book:

Food for Thought by Elisabeth L.

Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

Accepting Every Task

Dear God,

Help me find the strength to be effective and accept responsibility. I am asking you for the strength I need each day. You have proven in countless lives that for every day I live, You will give me that necessary power.

I must face every challenge that comes to me during the day sure that You will give me the strength to face it. I pray that I may accept every task as a challenge. I know I cannot wholly fail if You are with me.

Adapted from Twenty-Four Hours a Day, September 29

You are reading from the book:

The 12 Step Prayer Book Volume 2 by Bill P. and Lisa D.

Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

Where is God?

AA members have always had a difficult time explaining the “God business.” We didn’t want to be considered religious, but at the same time we’ve always believed some contact with a Higher Power is necessary for real personal growth.

There’s nothing wrong – for our purposes – in simply visualizing God as a Higher Power that has always been within us and around us. “Before they call, I will answer,” goes an old saying, and that was true even in our darkest days. Many of us can look back to realize that a certain force was moving us toward recovery long before we knew we needed any recovery. Many of us also believe that a Higher Power helped bring AA into being and move it along to become a worldwide force for good.

But God works in ways that can seem to come from chance or coincidence. Quite often, we’ll find that little events had far-reaching results in our lives. When we review how such things happened, we should not conclude that this happens only to certain “special” people. All human beings are part of God’s creation and can avail themselves of guidance and direction. The more serious problem is that guidance and direction are sometimes ignored or rejected.

I’ll go about my affairs today with the knowledge that my Higher Power is making the important decisions in my life. I’ll come out about where God wants me to be.

You are reading from the book:

Walk in Dry Places by Mel B.

Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

When a, man leaves off believing in imaginary property, then only will he make use of his true property.
–Leo Tolstoy

The original meaning of property is “belonging to the self.” In this sense, land, houses, money, paintings, jewels, cars cannot be our property; they are all things, and we enjoy using them, but they have nothing to do with our selves.

What then is our true property? It’s our moral and spiritual qualities; our capacity for love, our commitment to honesty. These are what make a difference in who we are. The difference between a lie and the truth is vastly greater than the difference between a bicycle and a Mercedes. When we appreciate this distinction, we can begin to develop our spiritual selves.

We all know that things can’t make us happy; only a loving heart and a clear conscience can do that. Yet often we act as though the piling up of things was important in itself. A little reflection can restore our balance and return our imaginary property to its true place in our lives.

True property is what nothing can take away from me.

You are reading from the book:

The Promise of a New Day by Karen Casey and Martha Vanceburg

Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

Nothing is so bad that relapse won’t make it worse.
–Anonymous

The stories we hear in meetings often shock us. It seems hard to believe that some members could have harmed themselves in such ways. We hear about arrests, bankruptcies, loss of family and home, lost jobs, violence, jail, physical injury – the list goes on. Most of us said to ourselves, “I never was that bad. Maybe I don’t really belong here.”

Our sponsors and fellow members quickly straightened us out. We were comparing our histories with other members. We were told to identify with the stories, not compare. Some of us had been lucky that worse things hadn’t happened to us while we were using. We were reminded those things hadn’t happened to us “yet.” If we relapsed, the “yets” were waiting.

Today I’ll remember to identify, not compare. I don’t want to relapse and go through THE YETS.

You are reading from the book:

Easy Does It by Anonymous

Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

We pray for “courage to change the things we can.” Change requires giving up familiar old ways to try something new. Even though the old ways brought us pain, they were known. Changing them for new ones feels risky; it could lead to pleasure . . . or to even more pain.

But if we don’t try, we’ll never know whether we can handle a new job, go back to school, work out a new relationship, or breathe new life into an old one. To try something new, we have to be willing to take risks and be vulnerable. We have to accept the responsibility and the consequences if our venture does not proceed as we had hoped it would.

Perhaps our addiction was a way of avoiding risk. Rather than take the chance of failing at something we wanted to do or being rejected by someone to whom we offered our friendship, we focused on our addiction. Are we ready, now, to take risks for something we really want?

Today, I can take a small risk in the interest of enriching my life.

You are reading from the book:

Inner Harvest by Elisabeth L.

Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

Love “bears all things” and “endures all things.” These words say all there is to be said; nothing can be added to them. For we are in the deepest sense the victims and the instruments of cosmogonic “love.”
–Carl Jung

Those of us who’ve fallen in love can never forget the tender adoration of and the seeming perfection of our beloved, nor the complete abandon we felt. Later, when familiarity cleared our vision, we began trying to control the relationship and, of course, our beloved.

To bind them to our will, we wrap our loved ones in ribbons of care and concern. Or, if we are the least bit insecure, we become restrictive and possessive. Yet, as we experience the love of those who are helping us find our way – in recovery and, through them, to the love of God – we come to understand that love must be free. God’s love does not insist on fidelity, good taste, or common sense. Why then should we demand more of those we love?

No person is my private possession, no behavior the price of my love.

You are reading from the book:

In God’s Care by Karen Casey

Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

Attitudes and Limitations

“My greatest limitations,” a member said, “are in my mind. Until I came to this group, I wasn’t even aware that many of the negative circumstances in my life were the direct result of my distorted attitudes.

“I brought myself a lot of unnecessary misery by thinking it was my responsibility to manage and direct other people’s lives. I believed it was solely up to me to make everyone else happy and secure. So I continually placed everyone else’s needs first until I didn’t know who I was or what I needed for my own happiness and comfort. It’s exhausting and insane to try to second-guess everyone. Not only that, it doesn’t give me or anyone else credit for being able to think, feel, or act for himself.”

Today I will not manage or direct other people’s lives, nor will I expect any other human being to fill my inner emptiness. I have the dignity, resources, and responsibility to fulfill my own life just as others have theirs. I will find my own sources of comfort, joy, and peace no matter what others do with their lives and free choices.

You are reading from the book:

The Reflecting Pond by Liane Cordes

Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

The way to love anything is to realize it might be lost.
–G. K. Chesterton

Every day we take so much for granted. But we can count certain blessings: a roof over our head, food, clothing, family and friend, freedom, a Higher Power we trust. These things are special. Thinking about them wakes up our happiness. Our recovery program shows us how to be happy. We just have to remember to do what it tells us!

Step Ten helps us wake up our happiness. Each evening, as we think about our day, we can give thanks for the things we love; our recovery, our health, and the special people in our lives. If we spend part of our day thinking about these important areas, we won’t lose them.

Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, help me make the most of my blessings today.

Action for the Day

Today, I’ll tell five people I love that I’m glad to have them in my life. And I’ll tell each of them one reason why.

You are reading from the book:

Keep It Simple by Anonymous

Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

Anyone can get sober . . .
The trick is to stay and to live sober.
–Living Sober

Newcomer

At one meeting someone mentioned having had a slip. He had been back in recovery for three days. No one criticized him; in fact, everyone applauded. To be honest, it makes me think about seeing what it would be like to have a few drinks or a drug again, just for a day or a weekend.

Sponsor

Over the years, I’ve watched people come and go in recovery. I’ve been grateful to the people who relapsed and were lucky enough to come back and share their experience. They taught me a lot by talking about how their disease had continued progressing even when they weren’t active in it, and about how much more quickly their misery had returned this time. I’m grateful to them for having had the slip for me; now I don’t have to risk it. There’s a danger in going back out to experiment with controlled using; few who leave ever make it back. This is a life threatening disease. People like us, who depend on using an addictive substance, can die from it. We understand the seriousness of our addictions and have no need to test recovery by trying to use “safely.”

Today, I want life – all of it. I embrace my recovery; I stick close to those who know how to stay stopped.

You are reading from the book:

If You Want What We Have by Joan Larkin

thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

Despair is the absolute extreme of self-love. It is reached when a man deliberately turns his back on all help from anyone else in order to taste the rotten luxury of knowing himself to be lost.
–Thomas Merton

The surest way to unhappiness is to concentrate only on ourselves. Nothing will bring on despair quicker than thinking only of our own concerns. Extreme self-centeredness brings alienation from God, from our friends, and loved ones.

The surest remedy is to pray, not for our own comfort, but for God to bless someone else. If self-centeredness is contributing to our unhappiness, focusing some attention on others is the way out. We always get help for the blues by offering a hand to another or accepting a hand ourselves.

I can avoid despair by looking beyond myself.

You are reading from the book:

In God’s Care by Karen Casey

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Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

Seeking strength from others prevents us from finding our own strength.
–Georgette Vickstrom

The principles of this program, the friends we have made here, sponsors, and the contact we have with an ever-available Higher Power afford us valuable strength. However, it’s important that we develop our own strength to complement what we look for in others.

Using the tools acquired in this program is a good beginning for cultivating personal strength. It’s like growing a garden. We need to tend it daily, nurturing it, discarding the unproductive behaviors like weeds. When we do, we’ll discover that the seedlings we’re planting at every meeting are taking root and developing blossoms that signal positive growth.

I will be painstaking in nurturing my growth today. My strength will be there when I need it.

You are reading from the book:

A Woman’s Spirit by Karen Casey

Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

Happiness is not a destination. It is a method of life.
–Burton Hillis

The start of a new month is a natural time to take a look at our lives. Are we happy most days? Do we know how to be happy?

We can choose to be happy, no matter what happened in our past or what is going on around us now. But being happy doesn’t come naturally to a lot of us. We didn’t like ourselves, or our lives, before.

But things are different now. Thanks to our recovery, we are clean and sober and learning to be happy. Being happy starts with the changes in us – being willing to work the steps, to go to any lengths, and deciding to be happy. Today we feel good about ourselves and our lives. We trust that our Higher Power is guiding us to a better life, day by day.

Today help me choose happiness by being grateful for life.

You are reading from the book:

Our Best Days by Nancy Hull-Mast

Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

No man is more cheated than the selfish man.
–Henry Ward Beecher

When we’re selfish, we close off the channels of exchange with others. Not only are we grabbing and holding all the goods or attention we can get, but we are denying others the possibility of sharing with us in the benefits. We may be selfish in material goods, but there are many other ways too. Some of us expect our spouses to meet our needs while we make little effort to meet theirs. Some of us discover our selfishness as we drive, refusing to yield a position to another car or getting furious if we lose a place in heavy traffic.

By contrast, our generosity and welcoming responses nourish the spirit within us and create a good environment for our growth. Sometimes giving does not come easily We have a more generous spirit when we are in touch with our ultimate vulnerability. All of life is fragile, and we need each other to have a good life. We can truly hold on to nothing but ourselves. Giving what we can of our time, our energy, and our goods, helps create the kind of world we want to live in.

Today, I will look for ways to be generous with those with whom I share this world.

You are reading from the book:

Touchstones by Anonymous

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Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

In life, the difficult periods are the best periods to gain experience and shore up determination. As a result, my mental status is much improved because of them.
–The Dalai Lama

Life is a process of meeting and solving problems. Solving problems is a way that we test and develop our spiritual muscle. Think of outstanding people such as Abraham Lincoln, Mahatma Gandhi, and Helen Keller. Lincoln faced the problem of a divided country; Gandhi, an oppressed India; Keller, her personal handicaps. In rising to meet their vision, courage, fortitude, and compassion, they became great – not in spite of, but because of their problems.

Problems often come to us in the form of crisis. The Chinese glyph for the word crisis contains two symbols; one means danger and the other opportunity. When an obstacle is before you, use it to create a beneficial result. As with Lincoln, Gandhi, and Keller, let your problems bring out your greatness.

Rather than pray for a life that is problem-free, ask for one that is solution-full. Instead of requesting that God remove the mountain before you, seek the strength to climb it. Remember that the best students always get the toughest problems. Love the problems you have, and their priceless gifts will be yours.

You are reading from the book:

Listening to Your Inner Voice by Douglas Bloch

Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

Recovery is about more than walking away. Sometimes it means learning to stay and deal. It’s about building and maintaining relationships that work.
–Beyond Codependency

Problems and conflicts are parts of life and relationships – with friends, family, loved ones, and at work. Problem solving and conflict negotiation are skills we can acquire and improve with time.

Not being willing to tackle and solve problems in relationships leads to unresolved feelings of anger and victimization, terminated relationships, unresolved problems, and power plays that intensify the problem and waste time and energy.

Not being willing to face and solve problems means we may run into that problem again.

Some problems with people cannot be worked out in mutually satisfactory ways. Sometimes the problem is a boundary issue we have, and there is not room to negotiate. In that case, we need to clearly understand what we want and need and what our bottom line is.

Some problems with people, though, can be worked out, worked through, and satisfactorily negotiated. To negotiate problems, we must be willing to identify the problem, let go of blame and shame, and focus on possible creative solutions. To successfully negotiate and solve problems in relationships, we must have a sense of our bottom line and our boundary issues, so we don’t waste time trying to negotiate non-negotiable issues.

We need to learn to identify what both people really want and need and the different possibilities for working that out. We can learn to be flexible without being too flexible.

Today, I will be open to negotiating conflicts I have with people. I will strive for balance without being too submissive or too demanding. I will strive for appropriate flexibility in my problem solving efforts.

You are reading from the book:

The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

Monday February 16th

Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

The shy man usually finds that he has been shy without cause and that, in practice, no one takes the slightest notice of him.
–Robert Lynd

We sometimes feel self-conscious in front of others. It may be that we’ve just gotten braces or a new haircut and we’re afraid everyone will stare at us. We stop smiling and talk with our heads bowed. Many people have worn braces and many more will. We need not be ashamed just because we feel different. By beginning to smile again we will see how many people really didn’t notice our braces, or our haircuts, or anything but what they see inside us.

All we need to do is lift our heads and smile. We will be amazed to find how little even our best friends notice about the externals, the things that don’t really matter. Who we are is far more noticeable and far more important than what we look like. A smile at shy times helps us accept ourselves as others do.

You are reading from the book:

Today’s Gift by Anonymous

Tuesday February 17th

Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

…we live several lives in one lifetime.

Waking up from a terrifying dream, we first sigh with deep relief, “Thank God it was just a dream.” After we have made a big mistake in real life we long for the chance to undo it. We do not get to undo those moments, but life is still full of second chances . . . and third and fourth chances. The big question is. Do we learn from our experiences?

In some ways, we live several lives in one lifetime and we have several phases in one relationship. Today is a new day, and it presents all the possibilities of a new beginning. We have learned from the past. As painful and difficult as our experiences were, we can feel stronger today because we have learned from them. Injustice and fateful accidents can befall anyone. Yet many difficult times never need to be repeated. Today we can be grateful for another day with all the new opportunities it brings.

Name one way you are different today because of what you have learned from your experience.

You are reading from the book:

The More We Find In Each Other by Merle Fossum and Mavis Fossum

Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

Acceptance frees us.

Conflict can result from trying to change a person or situation that we don’t like. And conflict causes stress and agitation, both of which limit our lives. They steal our ability to be open to opportunities for growth and change.

Why is it so hard to accept situations we don’t like? Twelve Step programs tell us it’s because of our ego. We feel diminished when others don’t agree with our plan or our opinion. Our self-worth is tied to other people’s reactions.

But we can change. We can let the success stories we hear in this program inspire us to let others be. We will discover how much better we feel when we’re not on the battlefield with our friends and loved ones.

I don’t have to have conflict with other people today. I can let others be themselves and do what feels right to them. I’ll feel more at ease too.

You are reading from the book:

A Life of My Own by Karen Casey

Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

God Is Here

The Power, which restores us to sanity, is not something remote and abstract, which we must search for by reading books and performing great feats. Our Higher Power is with us constantly and is involved in the minute details of every day. We do not have to wait and work to become acceptable to God. God accepts us now, just as we are.

What gets in the way of our awareness of God is self. If we are narrowly focused on the concerns of ego and self-will, we ignore the presence of a Higher Power. Then we become weak and confused in our aloneness.

To be aware of the presence of God in our lives every day, all we need is the willingness to be open. We find that God is indeed “closer than breathing and nearer than hands and feet.” What we may have spent years searching for or denying turns out to be the ground of our existence and the Power that sustains us every minute.

Increase my awareness of You, I pray.

You are reading from the book:

Food for Thought by Elisabeth L.

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Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

Reflection for the Day

Among the many gifts that we are offered in The Program is the gift of freedom. Paradoxically, however, the gift of freedom is not without a price tag; freedom can only be achieved by paying the price called acceptance. Similarly, if we can surrender to God’s guidance, it will cost us our self-will, that “commodity” so precious to those of us who have always thought we could and should run the show. Is my freedom today worth the price tag of acceptance?

Today I Pray

May God teach me acceptance – the ability to accept the things I cannot change. God also grant me courage to change those things I can. God help me to accept the illness of my addiction and give me the courage to change my addictive behavior.

Today I Will Remember

Accept the addiction. Change the behavior.

You are reading from the book:

A Day at a Time (Softcover) by Anonymous

Thanks Charles
I am doing ok. Have my good days my bad days and my
good/bad days. This coming Wednesday will be tough as
it would have been my son’s 27th Birthday. We are going
to visit his grave so not sure what to expect emotional wise.

Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

Make yourself at home.

It was night, only a few months after I’d begun my skydiving adventure.One of the other skydivers was sitting in a lawn chair. The evening lights had been turned on and he was wrapped up in a sleeping bag, reading a book under the hazy glow. He was one of the full-time skydivers, who had been attracted to the gypsy lifestyle of the skydiving community as much as the sport itself.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“I’m in my living room, reading a book,” he replied. “Do you like the view of the backyard?” he asked, making a gesture toward the rolling hills that cascaded gently in the background. “Sometimes I take my sleeping bag and curl up under the stars in the landing area over there.”

I looked around, almost envious of his freedom.

Sometimes, we get so busy and involved creating a home for ourselves that we create a structure that’s too safe, limiting, and confined. We forget about our real home, the planet earth. It’s good to sleep indoors. It’s nice to make ourselves comfortable in our home. But don’t let your cozy nest become a locked, confining box.

Stretch your arms. Push the lid off the box. Get out into the world. Walk around. Move about. See how connected everything is. See how connected you are, too, to all that is. Make yourself comfortable, wherever you are. Make yourself a home and be at home in the world.

God, help me relax and make myself at home in your bountiful world.

You are reading from the book:

More Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

Don’t take storms personally.

Somewhere out in the Pacific, a storm brewed and swirled and thrashed and died without ever touching the land. Three days, later, under a clear blue sky, the storm surge reached the California coast near Los Angeles. The sea threw rocks at my house, and the waves stacked up and crashed down against the pilings of the foundation. Farther up the street, the ocean ate the back porch of two houses. All night the shoreline trembled and shook from the power of the sea.

The next morning the tide pulled back, the swells calmed, and the sky stayed blue. I walked down the beach, impressed at the way the ocean had littered it with huge chunks of driftwood and rocks. Then I walked back upstairs and drank my morning coffee.

Sometimes storms aren’t about us.

Sometimes, friends or loved ones will attack us for no apparent reason. They’ll fuss, fume, and snap at us. When we ask them why, they’ll say, “Oh I’m sorry. I had a bad day at work.” But we still feel hurt and upset.

Hold people accountable for their behavior. Don’t let people treat you badly. But don’t take the storms in their lives personally. These storms may have nothing to do with you.

Seek shelter if necessary. Get away from hurt friends until they have time to calm down; then approach when it’s safe. If the storm isn’t about you, there’s nothing you need to do. Would you try to stop the ocean waves by standing in the surf with your arms outstretched?

God, help me not to take the storms in the lives of my friends and loved ones too personally.

You are reading from the book:

More Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

Happiness is a decision.

We came into this program desperate for help and perhaps solace too. We were more painful than most. Seeing all the smiles and hearing the laughter of the women and men at the meetings convinced us we were right! Fortunately, we have stuck around long enough to understand where their smiles and laughter are coming from.

The Twelve Steps are suggestions for living one day at a time. When we let the Steps guide our thinking and our actions, we discover that life doesn’t have to be painful. Thinking and acting are fully in our control. Staying close to the program can bring us happiness.

I will set a good example for someone else today. I will be living proof of the maxim “Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

You are reading from the book:

A Life of My Own by Karen Casey

Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

The Power of Love

Love is the best motivation. When we are plugged in to our Higher Power, we are plugged in to love. It flows through us like a current, energizing our sluggish hearts and minds.

As we work the Steps of this program, we are given increased ability to love. By turning over our lives and our wills, we become receptive to the love which surrounds and sustains us. By taking inventory and being ready to have our character defects removed, we are able to get rid of old ways of thinking and acting which have been blocking out love.

We cannot produce love for others by ourselves, but we can receive it from our Higher Power. We can even receive love for people we don’t particularly like.

Love gives energy for action and directs its course. May I grow in love.

You are reading from the book:

Food for Thought by Elisabeth L.

Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

Trouble is a part of life, and if you don’t share it, you don’t give the person who loves you a chance to love you enough.
–Dinah Shore

Just as gravity keeps us grounded and connected to the earth, our fellowship keeps us bound to sobriety. The fellowship available to us in our Twelve Step program keeps us in reality. A problem pondered in isolation seems immense; the same problem shared by those who truly understand is manageable. We need other people from the moment we are born. We need to be included, to feel we’re a part of something larger than ourselves. Our spirits hunger for contact from others, and thirst for a relationship with God.

Our fellowship is there, a warm, friendly, and accepting family. Our Higher Power loves us. We are not alone, no matter where we travel, no matter how large our problems seem at the moment. Our joys are doubled and our sadness diminished through the sharing of our hearts.

Today help me listen carefully and give as well as take so I may fully experience this gift of fellowship.

You are reading from the book:

Body, Mind, and Spirit by Anonymous

Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

Love doesn’t just sit there like a stone: it has to be made, like bread, remade all the time, made new.
–Ursula K. Le Guin

Everyone could use a new batch of love every day. Way too often, we forget to make a new batch. Then we end up eating hard, old, crumbly stuff that doesn’t even taste good. We forget to talk with the people we love. We tell ourselves that they should “know” we love them, even if we haven’t called to connect with them for a long time. So we expect them to live off hard, old, dry crumbs too!

But baking a fresh batch of love is a lot easier than baking bread. All we have to do is make a phone call, write a letter or an email, or stop by our mom’s house. We need to deliver the message that the people we love are important. What could be easier or more rewarding?

Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, help me remember that love is a verb – something I do, not something that can be given once and stored forever. Help me be active in loving the important people in my life.

Today’s Action

I will make it a point to make a fresh batch of love today and deliver it – in person or in a phone call, email, or letter.

You are reading from the book:

God Grant Me… by Anonymous

Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:

The first skill needed for the Inner Game is called “letting it happen.” This means gradually building a trust in the innate ability of your body to learn and to perform.
–W. Timothy Gallwey

A strange and intriguing mystery confronts us in the Twelve Steps. We are mending our ways; we are becoming accountable; we are striving to do what is right, yet we are learning to let go. This seems like a contradiction of logic, but it leads us to a spiritual awakening.

We are becoming like the accomplished tennis player who has practiced diligently to develop every detail of his skill. Yet when he is playing the game, he cannot focus on control. He must get his ego out of the way and let himself go. It is in letting go that he rises to his highest level of fulfillment. Today we will do what we must. We can make the choices we are faced with. Then we allow ourselves to be carried along by our Higher Power to complete and fulfill the process.

I will look for opportunities to let it happen today.

You are reading from the book:

Touchstones by Anonymous