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I have lost everything you can imagine, all because of my relationship with gambling…
I started gambling at a very young age and been in and out of gambling for years but the last 3 years I have become uncontrollable… and now lost it all – family, friends and love for life.The most important thing to me is family and I’m so confused, they have all left, friends included,,,, I’m waiting to go to GM and this is the only place I have left to keep my sanity intact….
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Hello Paul and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you ??
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
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Yesterday , i closed my online account that has cost me thousands. THIS IS A START!… i want to tell you this as i start to change my life around – this is the biggest and worst gamble for my – its made my life hell, made me choose it rather than choose socialising with my friends and family and destroyed all what i had – I had no intentions of wanting to close this as i wanted to get my 106,300 back – but that was never going to happen – its done and its not coming back – SOD YOU DEMON , you lost this one….. next is the banning of the bookies – thanks for the help Charles!
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its tough and its upsetting to know that I have ruined my life.! A very difficult time today and this weekend, with no money, no food and no fags but I am going to fight , the time keeps running and will continue to run. Soon the weekend will be over and another week starts but the session with Charles and Vera today cheered my belief that I CAN DO THIS… its not easy , its hard and depressing at times , in fact I have been really down but I must continue to fight and I must continue to beat my demon and not give up…. joining the sessions has helped me ….
I am now going to think of a name for my big demon – personalise this evil , so I can tell it to go to hell – I think this will help me for when I do have money and the urge to gamble will play on my mind…
thank you gambling therapy
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Hi Paul , it’s hard when we have to face the consequences but you will get through it . You are sounding strong and determined . Make sure you have every conceivable barrier in place so that when u do come into money it is impossible for you to gamble .
Anyone you could borrow a bit of food from? Getting hungry will lower your mood – try to reach out and ask for helpYou will make it you know
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the weekend is nearly over and I have food in my belly thanks to a friend! and a roll up to calm me…
I am learning! – I am going to fight my demon but I am really struggling with this time wait and what it is doing to me…I have read a few messages and the main one I thinking about is at the moment I do not love myself but I want too.
I want to change my mindset and I want to love myself again …
I wrote to my daughter again this weekend – I have made a plan to write to her every week – I made a valentine poem for her – to remind me of what life is worth living for – I walked for an hour this evening- not a very happy time – emotional as they say but the clock still runs and I must learn to love myself again…. -
a hard day but one that I found strange and hard – I was trying to pass the day – a bike ride into a local town – get my 1.20 out of the bank and maybe get something to eat – it was late in the day – got some hot cross buns for 20p – that was great – I cycled back a different route and for some reason I passed by my catholic church – I parked up and locked the bike – I wanted to pray – its was 6.15 – I didn’t know this – I am not a regular to church but there was a mass going to start – I noticed the altar boys getting ready – I thought I would wait! – I would join the mass….
it was a different kind of mass 0- a mass for Saint Anthony – it was the “Novena to Saint Anthony” – this miraculous saint grants everything, no matter how difficult and before the termination of the nine Tuesdays…. starting with today….
I prayed for help – I hope he can listen to my pain, difficulties and give me strength…
Strange I went in there today… God can help..x
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God DOES help those who try to help themselves, Paul . I could relate many similar stories, testimonies of Divine intervention, but I mostly I stay silent because people have different beliefs and opinions on who their Higher Power is. Personally, I KNOW my Higher Power and He sure knows me .
Today we were clearing out old tea chests from the garage where my husband has stored them for years for a friend who moved back to the UK and whose wife died about twenty years ago. He has to make a decision on what to do with these things-mainly books. We came across her bible and I flicked through the pages and what do you think fell out…a Picture of St Anthony!! Yes, Tuesday is St Anthony’s Day. I have a friend who attends the Nine Tuesday devotions. She has had a lot of prayers answered.
It is only when we really need Him, that we turn to God. We move away. He remains in the one place. Waiting.
Now you know for certain that you are not alone. -
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First time i ever went to get aide – a food bank – had to cycle 3 miles to get there but was so worth it – they were such lovely people – it made me cry – but i got some things to last a few days – they don’t do ciggys so i will have to think about giving up on that one
PS… thank you my fellow CG’s – you wont know how much your words do help me…x
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” St Anthony, i resort to thy protection and aid. As proof of my affection and faith, i offer this light which shall burn every Tuesday. Comfort me in my difficulties and through the lodging in the House of my Saviour intercede for me and my family so that we may always hold God in our hearts and be provided for in our necessities.
I beseech thee St. Anthony to have infinite pity in regard to the favour I ask thee ( mention favour). Please help me overcome all difficulties I now leave at thy feet”.I do not know why but when i left church yesterday evening i took the “novena to Saint Anthony” with me, they had lots of copies and thought i would want to say it again – i want to put this on here to remind me ! – and if anyone wants to know! – there is hope – WE can CHANGE OUR LIFE…
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Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.
15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. ~ Hebrew 4:15
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I am trying to learn about how I can stop and what it means to stop – reading messages on this site really helps and I am learning about what it means to stop – I read the below in a number of journals and liked it so much that I want to remind myself…. TO STOP =
It means that you love yourself enough to deal with life on life’s terms
It means you had the courage, strength and faith to find a path to a better way of living
It means that you can live a life without gambling and its better, much better….
It means you don’t want to throw away Love
It means your mindset has changed….
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I have enabled and I have been enabled all because of my desire to gamble….
the only way I must change is to acknowledge what I don’t want to do and do what I need to do
the only way to change is to learn from people that have already changed and listen to how they made that change – if you don’t then you wont change”I need to act, not say, ACT –
1- online sites closed
2- tomorrow I will ban myself from local bookiesI CAN DO IT…
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last week was one of my toughest week’s and I buried myself , rolled up into a ball and felt despair at what I had done with my life – I went to church again on Tuesday, found the courage to speak with the priest and asked if I could have some time with him, he said come back tomorrow!
I did, I did not get the answers I was looking for! I know that I am not going to find it in church – I know that I have another path, albeit with God , with Jesus and with our Virgin Mary… I was upset with the priest, his lack of time for me was depressing , particularly that his excuse was he needed to do his financial books – how ironic! for me that was ironic!!.. God works in mysterious ways but I will never lose the faith in him.I was also told I would have to wait till April to go onto GMA. That was a thought I found hard to take but there was light – the light came from this site and talking with Monique – on Wednesday – she helped me, she enabled me to have patience, to accept my path is a long one, a hard one, a path that I needed to take step by step….
this week on Tuesday I received a call – a place at GMA became available and would I like to take it starting Monday 6th March – I said YES, definitely -> I want to change my life around, I want to make a better life, I want to enjoy the times with my daughter that I don’t at the moment because of my demon…. I need to think of me first, get this gambling horror out and put to bed and then I can concentrate on making things right with my lovely daughter…
I am very excited, I have been making preparations for Monday – I will make the most of the very fortunate opportunity – I will listen and learn – I WANT to have a GAMBLE FREE LIFE…. and I know it will take a lot of hard work – this is a horrible addiction, we all have to work really hard at this but this site has really helped me…
Love to all of you for helping me these last few weeks, thank you for your support, advice and just being there— you have saved me… even people I have not spoken to , reading their messages tell me I am not alone in this nightmare – I will come back in 14 weeks, I will change my life around and I will become a gamble free person… I know that GMA is not a cure but I need help, tools to put my demon to sleep and keep him sleeping forever…
Thank you Charles and Monique for all your Group hosting – they are and were excellent – you are a credit to this site and to helping CG’s like me….
Thank you my friends – May God be with you all and help us all …
Paul -
Paul, I am so delighted to hear you will be going to GMA on Monday. I prayed that your place would come up soon.
You have born your “cross” with dignity , despite the hard times. In my experience , Paul very few “professionals” understand gambling problems. I did meet 3 priests in the course of my gambling “career” who “got it”. One told me to go to GA and gave me an address to write to him if I wanted further help, another said “Pray to St Camillus , he was a gambler”, the other asked had I enough money to get me through that Easter and told me where I could go for financial help . I was totally broke that Easter and at a low point . He was very compassionate.I think it all depends on their own experiences of life, whether its a priest, doctor, teacher or whoever. The people who understand us most are fellow CGs.
As you know Paul it will not be easy to undo years of damage in 14 weeks but this is you CHANCE. Your blessing! I know you won’t waste it.
I want you to know you will be in my thoughts and prayers every day during your time in GMA.
It is never too late to start again. Take it one day at a time Paul. You will meet great friends in GMA.
You are not alone! -
Your priest can suck on it!
Sorry to those I offfend, but I mean it!
God, Mary, Joseph…the baby Jesus (notice the capitalization..I do that to square my odds…isn’t that totally expected)), they can’t/won’t/don’t exist/teaching is we need to learn; not my concern. My concern is a very concrete, ingrained, impulsive, compulsive condition, which I not only HAVE to confront, but now…finally understand why I want to.
I also have bank coming, April 1st. Fool’s day.
I won’t be a fool because those days are over. I no longer want to walk off the stage; the lonely, defeated walk of shame to my car in the parking lot of the casino, knowing I’ll spend the next days, months and much MORE years regretting who I have become.
No. Today is a new day.
I’m so lucky to have money coming. As you. I won’t squander it though, this time. I appreciate now that funds are not a right, but a blessing. Mine will go to pay off debts I’ve acquired.
I am blessed. I have been granted that which I don’t deserve just because I was granted the opportunity to work hard and reap the benefits. But so have others; worked hard just to survive, but weren’t granted my position/blessed life (I can still call it that, gratefully).
Be good to yourself, my friend, as will I. There is life after gambling. The ones who committed suicide didn’t feel hope. I want to feel hope because suicide would be too easy…for me. Not so much for those who need me.
Congats! Don’t **** yourself over. I’ll be watching how you handle this balloon payment.
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Your priest can suck on it!
Sorry to those I offfend, but I mean it!
God, Mary, Joseph…the baby Jesus (notice the capitalization..I do that to square my odds…isn’t that totally expected)), they can’t/won’t/don’t exist/teaching is we need to learn; not my concern. My concern is a very concrete, ingrained, impulsive, compulsive condition, which I not only HAVE to confront, but now…finally understand why I want to.
I also have bank coming, April 1st. Fool’s day.
I won’t be a fool because those days are over. I no longer want to walk off the stage; the lonely, defeated walk of shame to my car in the parking lot of the casino, knowing I’ll spend the next days, months and much MORE years regretting who I have become.
No. Today is a new day.
I’m so lucky to have money coming. As you. I won’t squander it though, this time. I appreciate now that funds are not a right, but a blessing. Mine will go to pay off debts I’ve acquired.
I am blessed. I have been granted that which I don’t deserve just because I was granted the opportunity to work hard and reap the benefits. But so have others; worked hard just to survive, but weren’t granted my position/blessed life (I can still call it that, gratefully).
Be good to yourself, my friend, as will I. There is life after gambling. The ones who committed suicide didn’t feel hope. I want to feel hope because suicide would be too easy…for me. Not so much for those who need me.
Congats! Don’t **** yourself over. I’ll be watching how you handle this balloon payment.
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I have been home a week and about to go back today for the start of my 6 week half-way recovery… what a 14 weeks I have had – yes, lots of downs, lots of things I needed to address – family mot importantly, friends, daughter, ex – yes there was a long list – people I had hurt, given pain too but the building blocks are there for me to rebuild and rebuild what I had damaged… and then of course straightening out my finances…
its hard, tough at times but they know what they are doing – all the staff are there to help us… and I am reborn – I am going to be able to lead a gamble free life if I continue to learn from the tools given to me, if I don’t become complacent and if I make the right choices in my life- “life is choices” – we don’t need to gamble…
THANK YOU GMA… xxxx
ANYONE wanting to change their life around should definitely apply to go to the GMA residential course and it can happen if you focus and want it change… -
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Hi Paul
What a terrific, positive post.
I know the programme is tough but it works provided those who enter it are determined and you sure sound like you are on your way to a gamble-free life.
My CG went through the programme about 11 years ago and I didn’t know what to expect from him when he had completed the project – I was terrified of upsetting something I felt was so fragile. I asked him to help me so that I didn’t make mistakes and he did.
I think that when you use those building blocks there are things put into place that were never there before so the finished project is better than anybody could imagine. I hope you will keep posting, keep making the right choices and recognise complacency for what it is – a beguiling temptress who will only bring you misery.
I too thank GMA every day of my life
I wish you well with the rest of your journey and look forward to hearing your progress.
Velvet -
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Delighted to hear things went well for you Paul. I prayed for you every day. St Anthony guides us in the right direction if we don’t stand in His way!
Most of the mistakes we make in Life are because we want to do things “our way”. For a CG , that’s leads to total disaster as you know.
Are you in a “Halfway House” now Paul? -
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Hi, to all of you that replied to my last update – Thank you, thank you, thank you…
I have now left GMA half way house, as I am on the road to full-time employment… it was a little quicker than i anticipated but I need to take this opportunity… I wish that I took a little more time, the half way house is there for a reason.
so onward and upwards… life is choices and I am so much happier being gamble free… -
Hi Paul
The half way house is there for a reason but you can manage perfectly well with the tools you have been given to live a wonderful gamble-free life.
I suggest that you keep posting and using the groups including the ex-resident’s group so that you can talk to others who are in your position for as long as you want to do so.
Full-time employment is not to be sneezed at and it is up to you now to keep control of your addiction and enjoy the fruits of your labour.
Your post is positive and great to read but beware complacency – I look forward to seeing you go from strength to strength.
Velvet -
Today, I was offered employment full-time.,, I start in a week. I feel excited and happy that I have been given a chance to change my life….Now the hard work will begin…
Its a new start, a start where I can become a great Dad to my princess. I was taught “life is choices” we make. I can lead a gamble free life if I put in place the preparations…and its really important to put in place, make the plans and prepare for changes as I move forward. Two main things I need to do now… set up a new bank account in preparation for my salary and my friend ( already agreed) to look after this and secondly, to start to rebuild my social life… My job offers me 50% discounted gym membership, that is the first thing done.
I do understand as a recovering gambler, I need to replace my gambling with social events and its not just about work. I have re-read my journal tonight and I have acknowledged where I was 6 months ago and where I am now… I have the ability to change but I need to keep the change going…
Life is the choices we make…. I choose gamble free….
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Nothing can replace the positivity I get from this site… every gambler or recovery gambler is enabled with positive thoughts on how we can become gamble free….
I will continue to post and will try to join the ex-residents group but it is at an awkward time of day when I will be at work… shame there is not an evening one!
I will also be aware of complacency- this is a very important part of my recovery…
thanks.. -
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Hi Vera, thanks for your post…
I started work on the 10th – 3 days in and going strong… travel is a bit long each way but the goal is to get back into full time work and its becoming easier???all good… and glad to read about your saving still going strong.. I plan to do something similar… going to go on the support group now…
speak soon
Paul -
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