[Barbstl]

Good Morning Everyone.

After a rather disturbed sleep from my brain ticking over with worry, calculating finances, panic, stress, more calculating, worries and stress, I acknowledge I need to do something other than just tell myself I can do it alone. I’ve been telling myself that for the past few months and then keep going back to gambling and then hating myself for getting sucked back into the loop.

I’ve hit my limit now! ‘The Fall’ shall we say. I ‘fell‘ last night and now it’s time to get back up. I feel like I have so much negativity for gambling right now I need to run on that fuel! 

So i had dipped back into the gambling cycle and won ￡5000 which I then kept on gambling away thinking I could get a little bit more. I stopped when I had gone to ￡2200 and clicked withdraw. I thought that’s it I need to get some Money. Then thinking i could get some more a day later I gambled a bit more, got my winnings upto ￡3700. Clicked withdraw. So I thought, Right I’ll not go back on until that Money is in my bank And out of the ‘reverse withdrawal’ Danger. Needless to say I went back on and reversed a couple of hundred which just ended up a couple hundred more until I was in a desperate plea of larger bets to chase the losses and I lost it all! 

I just feel now it’s utterley ridiculous that I could actually spin that money away with a few clicks of a button. How when I’m on those slots money doesn’t seem to have any real value. Until I’ve lost it all and realise what that money could have gone towards. 

I am now in more debt from the last few months than I have ever been in my whole life. Loans and credit cards just kept enabling me a way to more gambling. Almost like it was free money! 

I am going to rise from this. Today is day 1 and I just wanted to start my journey. I feel like having somewhere to talk about it will help keep me on track somehow, better than just in my own head. There’s no record to fall back on with just a thought. At least if I can talk about it and write it down, there is support and a memory of how it felt to hit the bottom! 

Firstly I need to take each day as it comes. Night times are the worst time for me. So each hour before bed I don’t gamble will be a successful hour. 1 day at a time. I’m looking forward to getting to 7 days gamble free then will set my next goal.

i get paid in 2 days time! That is going to be the hardest time to get through. Having money in my account (which is actually accounted for elsewhere now to pay off the loans and credit cards ive maxed out) 

Here is to the future! A tremendously skint future for a while but if It’s gamble free it will be the richest (in a clear head and happy life kind of rich)

Wow I feel so much more positive after writing this all down. 

Heres to Day 1! xx

[Steev]

Well done for taking the first step and admitting that you are a problem gambler. Well done for not gambling today.

There are barriers you can put in the way of your gambling. Barring yourself from premises or gambling sites, cutting up credit cards and just carrying the minimum amount of cash you need for day to day living. Handing your finances over to a partner if you are able to. Also keeping yourself busy – no time and no access to money means no betting.

As well as posting on the forum, you can join groups here and one-to-one support is also available. Consider getting more local support, contact helplines – GA, gamcare or talk to your GP re counseling.

It will be difficult, especially in the early days when your brain is still hardwired to gambling. But you are right; a gamble free life will mean a clear head and a happy future. I wish you well.

[Monica1]

Welcome to the forum. You have described very well the cycle we have all been in ie the big win, the reverse withdrawal and losing the lot. Payday and then a scramble to repeat all over again. And the anxiety that follows. Thank you for that and the reminder.
The groups on here are very helpful as well as journaling. The new members group facilitated by Charles is also good for advice. Good luck on your journey to be gamble free. It is so worth it.

[dunc]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you ??

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[Barbstl]

Thankyou for your messages of encouragement and advice. It really means a lot to have someone listen and offer support!

I’m on Day two and haven’t gambled! Today I self excluded on all the sites I’d been using and strangely did not have the desperation to stick one last deposit in and chance it! Currently feeling like I’ve ended a relationship but I know I’m still running on the terrible guilt and angry fumes from Saturday! But I’m still rolling with it and feeling positive and a lot ‘lighter’ can I say for not gambling.

I’m just trying to channel all the negativity I feel towards gambling right now to keep me pushing away from it. It’s almost like at the moment I’m not trying to swim against the tide because I don’t actually want to gamble right now. I want to get away from all that guilt and anger and frustration gambling has brought for me.

Tomorrow is another day and an added challenge of payday! But I’m trying to focus on my budget I’ve laid out and what my money can actually go towards instead of spinning it away!

It’s early days I know but two days is progress and it’s two days I’ve not actually gambled!

Here’s to Day 3! Xx

[Barbstl]

Day three has come and gone and I’ve just realised this morning I had no urge or even spared a thought to gambling last night! And it was payday too!
I think because I literally have no spare money now i don’t feel like just putting a little deposit on (which is usually what leads into the bigger deposits). So as desperate as I felt to chase the losses before now after all the negative feelings and literally having nothing left to gamble with I think it’s given me the platform I needed to deal with this.
It’s hard to not gamble when things are going well so when all the wins kept happening i still had in the back of my mind that I would win it all back. Until I did and then gambled it away again!
I know at the moment it feels quite easy because I still feel so negative towards it all and I feel like I have a plan. Which I suppose is why I’m keeping a journal here so I can remind myself what it was like if I do feel the gambling demon return.
I have had the ‘Thats enough, I won’t do it again’ phases before and within a few weeks started all over again. But they weren’t such big losses before and Financially I hadn’t stretched myself as much to chase it all. But when I think this time the thousands of pounds I’d easily spun away in literally one night was just ridiculous! The difference keeping those big wins would have made! But I also think if I had kept the big wins, how long would it have been before I got sucked back into the cycle of trying to win more again so I probably would have wasted it anyway and eventually got deeper and deeper!

Onto Day four and many more….

[Steev]

Well done on day four and for letting us know of your progress. It is not easy in the early days to be persistent in not gambling and only needs a moment of madness to undo everything. I hope you have support at hand when needed. Take care …

[Barbstl]

Seven Days Here We Are!

So seven days clear today! It feels like such a stepping stone to make it this far. Still feeling positive.
This time feels much better than any previous attempts to quit. Instead of wanting to gamble again to chase the losses I’m more focused on working hard to rebuild everything. I think accepting it’s not going to happen over night or even a few weeks or months has given me the acceptance to start from now and focus on a long term plan rather than a quick fix.

Let’s make the next seven days…

Slow and steady xx

[Steev]

Well done on your 7 days . You are right it is quite a milestone and proves that you can have a gambling free life.

The new life that you are going to lead will mean you having to let go of the old one. One of the aspects of the old one is this constant wish to get back what we have lost. I still sometimes regret my losses and I have been gamble free for almost as long as I was gambling!

So good to hear that you have a long term plan – it is great to make plans and scary to carry them out (as I am finding at the moment!) But exciting as well. I wish you well.

[vera]

…is the biggest scam on earth…it’s like holding a juicy bone in front of a dog and saying “Don’t lick!”
But we have a better chance than the dog with the juicy bone,Barbs. We have support, advice, options, recovery tools and memories.
The best tip I can give you as a newbie, is “postpone the next bet”. A guy called Lee gave me that advice the very first time I posted here.
I’m an old-timer now. I’ve had my ups and downs .I have walked away empty handed often enough to know that gambling is NOT fun. I have spent too many sleepless nights adding, subtracting, counting back, waiting for payday, only to press replay each time.
I have lost too much and money is by far the least of my losses. When you lose your pride/dignity/friends/family, indeed your very soul, it’s time to wake up!
These days, I concentrate on the plans to re build like you mentioned. Restoring our self esteem, our health and our finances is very rewarding.
I knew in my head from the getgo that compulsive gamblers never win…my bank statements and a six figure loss over the “fun” years are clear evidence of that , but it was only when I heard a member in GA saying at a meeting “There is NO point in gambling because , as CGs we will NEVER WIN that it sunk to a different level and every time I think of gambling now, I say “whats the point. I will NEVER EVER win”.
We have had our “fun”.
Just for today I have exchanged my misery for peace.
Gambling is no longer part of my life.
I wish you well in recovery.

[Tracy m]

Good evening after just completing the first part of my recovery with the Gordon moody association I feel so much more at peace , I do not want to go back to that nightmare, just reading and mindfulness and with the help of this site We Can Do this xxx

[Tracy m]

Good evening after just completing the first part of my recovery with the Gordon moody association I feel so much more at peace , I do not want to go back to that nightmare, just reading and mindfulness and with the help of this site We Can Do this xxx

[Barbstl]

19 Days gamble free! So I’d be lying if I said I hadnt had any thoughts about gambling. But I’ve not had a major urge so just forgot about it and focused on why I started this gamble free journey. I don’t ever want to go back to that negative point.

Ive been invited out to Bingo tonight but politely declined. I did contemplate it, thinking I could just go along play some bingo, ignore the slots (which were my downfall). But ive come too far to chance anything right now. And I don’t want to risk that urge when I get home to just stick a little bit somewhere online and then fall back into that false sense of expecting a win – no matter how big or small it will still start that slippery slope.

I just feel so much more positive and ‘lighter’ without all the dread and desperation gambling brought for me. I still have a long way to go to sort out all the debt but with a clear head and trying to set realistic goals I feel that it is positively possible. And even though it’s only been a few weeks really it feels like that horrible gambling point was a lifetime ago! Still going gamble free ??

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