[Steven187]

I’ve been gambling in a harmful way for around 6 months.
I’ve lost around ￡50,000 through gambling I football matches through my phone and have another ￡15,000 on credit cards.
I’ve been trying not to gamble and go through spells where I’m not, but seem to get dragged back in. I realise this behaviour is destructive, yet I still do it.
My girlfriend or family do not understand. They see it as-stop gambling. I’ve not found it that simple or easy. I’ve been chasing losses, been up and then lost more. I’ve gone through suicidal thoughts, but I’m thankfully over that for now.
I had decent savings, which are all gone and I now find myself in debt.

[Adam26]

Having lost all my savings too I can say it is very difficult to let go. You’re going to need to accept that your money is gone and you’ll never see it again. I can only tell you that it will get easier with every passing day. Easier, but it’s never easy. You have to be strong my friend. I was in your position over a year ago. ￡20,000 savings gone! My wages every week gone! But after just over 1 year and 9 weeks, I can say I’ve not gambled a day and have managed to save just under 9 grand back. Trust me. It will feel better earning your money back than winning it. Winnings are just losses in waiting. Good luck bud.

[Steven187]

Def easier said than done.
Do you have any advice for stopping completely?
Now at the point I’m worrying about paying back credit cards and loans, so will be no saving for a while.

[Adam26]

I can’t say for certain. What will help you. For me as an individual, I find a day tally really helps me aim for goals. I’ve gone 1 year, 9 weeks and 3 days today. Adding to that helps to keep me responsible. It’s the longest I’ve gone in my gambling life so I want to keep it going as long as possible.

[Steven187]

I’ll attempt to take it one day at a time.
I have no money to gamble now and my credit rating is now f*cked due to debt built up through credit cards and loans, so might be an easy decision.

[charles]

<

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you?re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you?re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We?re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you?re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

And on that note….

I?m going to hand you over to our community because I?m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you ??

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[vera]

Hi Steven!
I see you are asking for advice about “stopping completely”.
Then, I read on another thread that you had managed to acquire another 2k on another credit card.
Not judging. Just sayin’!
So maybe for a start stop taking new credit cards.
Stopping gambling is real easy.
I stopped hundreds of times.
Staying stopped is really difficult.
That’s why CGs need help/support/barriers.
I went to extreme measures to gamble. Travelled miles in all weather. Borrowed against all the odds. Manipulated people, organizations (banks, credit unions, loan companies etc) to give me loans beyond all belief. Now its payback time. And I can tell you it hurts!
It seemed so harmless getting 2/3/4 k here and there but when the zeros are added on and we find ourselves looking at 6 figure sums, reality sets in and the pressure rises.
My advice to you , Steven is not to stop completely. Yet! Just stop borrowing money for now. If you say you’re broke , then you can’t/won’t gamble.
Next step is to tie up your next salary cheque before that vanishes too and I can tell you without a doubt that it will.
Can you get a friend/family member to take over the control of your finances COMPLETELY?
CGS cannot handle money.
At this stage you can only see money as ammunition for gambling. Of course your rational mind will say otherwise but as soon as that money hits your account you will swing into action. I did it for years that’s how I know. I even took high interest loans which involved agents coming to my home with cash.( very stressful!) As soon as the paper work would be filled in, the cash was handed over. It took about 3 days to arrange these transactions.(more stress). During that time I would psych myself up . Swearing to God that as soon as I got the cash I would go straight to the bank but as soon as the money was laid before me the wheels of the car would barely touch the road and ten/twelve hours later I would be on my way home, penniless , crying “why did I do it AGAIN”
The reason we lose everything, Steven is because we are compulsive gamblers and compulsive gambler never win.
So before you attempt to “stop completely” instil that into your brain.
“CGs never win”
CGs NEVER win”
CGS N E V E R ever win”
When you “get” that, you will stop gambling, completely!

[Steven187]

Thanks for your post.
Yes, I did endeavour to stop and I also received delivery of another credit card on wed, maxed it out and lost it all.
Part of the issue here is that we kid ourselves.
I am going to put money into my girlfriends Acc each month and endeavour to stop one day at a time.

[charles]

Hi Steven, good idea on having your money in your g/f’s account. Is she aware of the problem? If you asked her for a lump of money will she ask you what it is for? It will still be your money of course, to spend on buying/doing things, but an element of accountability helps.

Does she know aboput your debts/credit cards? It is important that she does or of course it will be hard to maintain debt repayments if she is looking after your money for you. Trying to keep debts hidden can in itself send people gambling.

Are your debts manageable? If not then you can get some expert, free advice at either the Citizens Advice Bureau or Stepchange.

Keep posting.

[lizbeth4]

Hi Steven, I told myself again and again that this time was going to be the last gambling binge. I maxed out cards and took personal loans. I kept thinking that one day I would hit the big one and pay everything off. That doesn’t happen. Believe me, it took a lot longer to pay off the debt than it did for me to make them. If your Girlfriend knows about your problem with gambling and your debts than it would be good for her to hold on to your money. We have to stop fooling ourselves before we can get serious about recovery. It’s not a easy journey but you can do it with support and hard work. Don’t give up!

[Steven187]

A lot of the debt is on credit cards that have a 0% interest offer for 24 months, so will endeavour to pay as much back as I can through that. My girlfriend (looking like being ex girlfriend soon) knows about the gambling and debt. I have no money to gamble at the moment, so will not be gambling for the foreseeable. Attempting to take it a day at a time and keep occupied with other things.

I kept my issues with gambling/debt caused by gambling to myself for a long time and eventually told my girlfriend and family. Felt like a weight hand been lifted in doing this, but I’ve still lost a lot of money after telling them.
The difficulty is that I don’t think people understand, unless they’ve been in a similar situation. It’s been an odd few months-I’m doing well in work and enjoy my job, studying part time and enjoy the course and then there’s the gambling. It was kept a secret. Difficult when people don’t know. With other addictions, other aspects of your life may suffer, but gambling had no impact on work or college. It has become an issue in my relationship, but that may turn out to be another cost.

Charles, Lizbeth – thanks for posting.

[vera]

I agree, Steven. Non CGs don’t understand . How could they possibly get inside the mind of a CG with all the distorted thinking, all the irrational plans and the plethora of mixed emotions.
That’s why this Site has a Family and Friends Forum. And GA has the “sister” group called Gamanon, to support and inform non CGs (our “victims”) about strategies they can use to protect themselves from the fall out of gambling.
Maybe your parents/girlfriend would benefit from checking out these groups.
You rightly pointed out Steven, that we can fool ourselves.
We also become expert at fooling others!

[Steven187]

Good afternoon.
After a couple more (expensive) lapses, I’m concentrating daily on not gambling. I’m trying to look at the fact that gambling has brought nothing but negativity to my life and that it will take me years to pay off what I owe. I still plan to talk to some sort of counsellor/therapist through my doctor and will arrange this in the coming weeks. I want to try and get a better understanding of why I acted the way I did with my compulsive gambling. Taking a step back, I’ve drank heavily, dabbled in drugs for a period and now gambled to excess and lost huge amounts of money-perhaps the ‘addictive’ part of my personality has always been there and always will, but it’s being aware of that and trying to control it maybe. Having experienced suicidak thoughts many times through gambling, I’m grateful that I’ve stopped…hopefully forever and can move on with my life.

[theone12221]

Hey Steven,

Stopping gambling, on face value, seems so easy. Yet we all know that it’s literally one of the hardest addictions to get over. One does not simply say “yep, I will stop forever” and just go cold turkey forever. The losses drag us back in. The damage done by gambling drag us back in. This is one of the most vicious cycles and absolutely can destroy a person psychologically. This is why you must self- exclude and install gambling blockers if you play online. You should also hand over your finances completely. Finally, dont play the victim card, when you gamble you’re basically saying you’re not ready to give up yet. You still think you can beat gambling. Man up and actually take proactive steps to stop, rather than just believing after a loss that you will stop and hoping that you will stop. You are the one in control of your own actions, and you need to truly believe that.

Ask yourself, are you really ready to stop? Or are you still not ready to give it in yet. Only you can answer that question. Someone once told me “some people want to stop gambling, but most people actually just want to stop losing.” It took a long time for me to switch from my delusion of “stop losing” to the realization that I actually want and need to stop gambling. I hope you can get there sooner rather than later. Good luck.

[Steven187]

Thanks for your post.
I realise there’s only one winner and it isn’t the compulsive gambler. I won a lot of money, but I’ve lost more.
I still check sites for inplay football scores (this is where I was betting for the most part) and at times I’m tempted to put a bet on, but I can’t for several reasons. I’ve self excluded from every site I’ve used and don’t have the finances to gamble. Yes, there are always other sites and probably other ways to get finance, but I haven’t tried these yet and hopefully won’t.
I’m not naive enough to think I can just flick a switch and stop gambling immediately, but I think enough is enough. I’m determined to stop, whilst being fully aware it won’t be easy. The money is gone, but I have a roof over my head and a plan to pay off my debts etc. I still think the difficulty is than your average person/non compulsive gambler does not understand fully. This website and the people posting has been a big help to me, so thank you.

[theone12221]

Nice work on the self-exclusion! Definitely be careful with other sites though. I started off on poker and ended up playing casino games and even sportsbetting sites which I never even really liked/touched before. Addiction can do that to you. Make sure you’ve got a back up plan in place in case these sorts of temptations occur. That could be proactive self-exclusion as soon as you get any urges, blocking software or having someone else handle your finances/monitor them. Finally keep posting regularly here and know that you’re not alone in this battle. You can do it!

[Steven187]

All seems so straight forward and I suppose it is. I just wish I’d never started gambling in such a destructive way.

[theone12221]

It is straightforward but extremely difficult to stick to. It does get better over time and you just need to work out your own triggers and learn to deal with them.

[charles]

Hi Steven,

One thing with this addiction… it’s sneaky!!

“…..I’m not naive enough to think I can just flick a switch and stop gambling immediately……”

That sounds very much like the addiction setting you up for your next bet.

Actually, yes you can stop straight away. A blocker for your PC, proper accountability, just carrying the cash you need, using support, getting to GA meetings etc etc. Those are the things that will help you stop gambling and also the actions that might help rebuild trust etc with yoru girlfriend.

People can slip, they can learn from those slips, or not, but gambling again is not inevitable. Don’t listen to your addiction if it tries to tell you that it is.

Keep posting.

[Steven187]

Thanks for your post.

I wasn’t wanting to come across by saying it was easy to stop.
Everyone is different. I have friends who gamble, but they weren’t putting thousands on games of football, as I was. For a period, I was putting bets on first thing in the morning and last thing before going to sleep and anything inbetween. This would happen daily for weeks. I would lose and then be up and the cycle continued. I realised it was an issue, but wasn’t ready to admit I had a problem at that point. My savings are all gone, winnings are all gone and I now have huge debts on credit cards. Maybe this is the wake up call I need. I couldn’t sustain what I was doing on a number of levels, I will hopefully get through this a better person. I think we learn about ourselves continually and this will be another lesson learned.

[theone12221]

Sometimes we gotta lose it all before we can finally reevaluate our lives and put a stop to our self-destructive ways.

[Steven187]

You may be right. I’m interested in what makes us go down that destructive path though or do you think that addictive trait is there from birth?

[theone12221]

That’s a tough one to answer but like with most things psychological I believe it is a combination of genetics and upbringing/life experiences/circumstances. We’re obviously genetically predisposed to potentially fall victim to a gambling but it still took the right set of circumstances to bring it out in us (for me, the widespread availability of online gambling, some stressful life events, coupled with the feeling of boredom/isolation I had when I first moved into an apartment I bought to live by myself). But for me it was always in me, I had already started losong back in my university days and kinda knew I had a problem then, but didn’t address it, and online gambling was the catalyst for bringing my addiction into full light. I think we humans often turn towarda self-defeating behaviours when we’re feeling down or other negative emotions. Gambling just so happens to be our poison of choice. Greed (imability to accept losses/always want to win more), a need for risk/excitement that comes from gambling (perhaps our lives are otherwise too mundane), impulsive risk taking/decision making and stubbornness (unwillingness to give up to gamblimg/accept our losses) may contribute towards this.

[Steven187]

I think the online aspect plays a big part.
There’s no chance I would have walked into a bookies and put on some of the bets I was placing online-the highest being ￡13,000 on a single.

Either way, think tomorrow will be a week since my last bet, so heading in the right direction.

[theone12221]

Yep, online definitely was the big one for me. Just the ease of depositing (casino is IN my house 24/7), the ability to just drop up to 10k in one deposit, the fast gameplay compared to in a real casino. The money doesn’t even feel real until you realize what you’ve done sitting at a 0 balance. The long waiting times for ID verification and withdrawals (with easy cancellation of withdrawals) all combine to make it an absolute bottomless money pit for us problem gamblers. I feel like most younger people nowadays get addicted to online gambling, and these same people may never have had an addiction if they were born say 30 years earlier.

[Steven187]

I don’t really think the companies do enough with regards to exclusion. They should be more proactive, but they want your money, so if there’s a pattern of compulsive gambling they know they have you. In my opinion, this behaviour should trigger them excluding you, even temporarily. This would have maybe given us a chance to think and try and change our behaviour. Both parties (the compulsive gambler and the online company) are aware there’s a problem. Sadly, only one is benefitting from it.

[theone12221]

I totally get it there should be stricter regulations in place. I do feel it has gotten a bit better recently (eg. Multiple responsible gambling tools such as deposit limits, play time limits, exclusion from certain games), but of course no online casino will proactively help us. One casino did self-exclude me though against my will as I was asking about their process for self-exclusion and told them I had a gambling problem. Best thing that ever happened to me as I was able to withdraw 23k or so from that online casino.

Anyway I think thats all besides the point. There are many many bad things for us that are easily available and we as adults must take responsibility for our own actions. Nobody forced us to gamble. Nobody forced us to gamble more than we could afford to lose. Playing the victim card will only make us try to shift the blame and I’ve been guilty of this in the past…I found this type lf mindset is detrimental to our recovery. We must realize that we ARE in control of our actions and we CAN stop gambling. The money lost is gone and it’s up to us to ensure that we don’t lose another dollar to this industry.

[theone12221]

Just a quck point I’ll note that responsible gambling protocols varied greatly across websites. Some websites would not care if you lose 6 figures whilst others would start questioning you once they see you escalate from losing a few hundred rapidly into the thousands. However I understand that it’s not their duty to be our parents. They are providing a service for our entertainment (for a price) and whilst the odds are in their favour, it is not up to them to decide who is a casual gambler or who is a compulsive gambler. Losing a few hundred might be devasting to a person on welfare who compulsively gambles. On the other hand, losing a few grand or even more might be a drop in the ocean for a gambling “whale” – eg. A millionaire just splashing around for fun. The casino cannot and is not obliged to differentiate between the two. A good casino will however allow the setting of deposit limits, time limits, and setting restrictions on game type. They should also allow flushing (making withdrawals non-reversible), fast withdrawals and self-exclusion upon request. Ultimately though, these tools are mainly beneficial for non-problem gamblers (sounds conter-intuitive I know) since the real CGs will either raise the limits again even after setting them or simply move to another casino. I know in my madness I would call the bank to raise my limits or even unblock my cards after the bank put them on hold due to high deposits. I also switched casinos after one of them did not allow me to gamble any more. No amount of responsible gambling can stop a problem gambler, we’ll always find a way to keep playing, until we’re all out of money. The only way to win is to not play at all.

[theone12221]

Jusr checking to see how you’re doing mate. It’s been just over 2 weeks since you started this thread. Hope you’re coping well.

[vera]

Steven, do you really think the Gaming Industry is interested in helping CGs reform our gambling habits? I think they just want our money! lol!
Focusing on the injustice of the Industry could prevent us from facing the real problem.
For me, I chose to gamble. Certainly, the availability of casinos and the ploys they use to suck gamblers in further, enabled me to self destruct, but now that we know that we are compulsive gamblers, it is up to each individual to concentrate on seeking the help that will enable us to not gamble today.
The Gaming Industry is not our problem.
Compulsive gambling is!

[Steven187]

Of course they aren’t interested.
Perhaps they should be tho. It was 100% down to me, I’m fine with that, but someone gambling on the hour every hour regularly isn’t normal and that should be flagged up.
You wouldn’t serve an alcoholic more booze. Why should this be any different?

[vera]

I asked that question many times, Steven.
The only conclusion I came to , is that they show “token” concern in the form of Free Counselling, Gamaware programmes etc. That gets them off the hook and lulls the unfortunate donors (us!)into a false security.

The only satisfaction we can get is to deprive the sleazy fatcats of our hard earned cash, from now on.
I used to be VERY angry.
The feeling has subsided now.
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference”!

[Steven187]

The bottom line is they do the bare minimum. There’s probably a legal requirement to have a nod to the various agencies who help problem gamblers. I remember being asked a series of questions on one site to try and determine if I was a problem gambler. My deposits/withdrawals and bets provided the answer. The amount I was betting was also a giveaway. The highest bet I had placed prior to Aug/Sep last year was ￡150, the highest I’ve placed to date is ￡13,000. They make it difficult enough to withdraw winnings due to security checks/proving identity etc, so why are there no questions asked when you deposit/gamble large amounts?

I’m not overlooking the fact I have/had a problem, but perhaps these sites should have more of a duty of care.
I’m clearly not alone in my experience/behaviour, so the same thing will happen again to others.

[Steven187]

I have no anger or resentment. What’s happened has happened and I’m dealing with it. This site has and will continue to be a big help, so thank you all who have posted.
I really wouldn’t like what happened to me, to happen to others. The sad fact is that it will though.

[theone12221]

I think we can all agree that some of the “tactics” used by certain online casinos are unethical, such as delaying withdrawals and making it very difficult/repeatedly asking for ID docs. Obviously these delay tactics are to draw us in and lose it all. Unfortunately like you mentioned, the industry only does its bare minimum generally. Thankfully we have websites such as this one and gamcare.

But its like with everything the main factor is our self-control. Even if an alcoholic gets kicked out (thats mostly for the safety of OTHERS), he can go to any liquor store and spend/buy as much as he wants. I know we play mostly online but a real casino slot machine cannot differentiate between who is feeding the machine money. Bottom line, we gotta take responsibility for our actions and deal with the expected consequences. There are countless things which are “unfair” or “too tempting but destructive” in this life and once we learn to implement self-control over our emotions, we can get back on track.

[theone12221]

I do note that I have noticed an improvement in responsible gambling for online sites recently (perhaps due to stricter legislation) such as deposit limits, gaming limits/time limits and flushing/quick withdrawals. Also I’ve noticed some sites even limit the max you can deposit per day (eg. 1k on a credit card per day). I never saw these before. I do hope the industry continues to be more heavily regulated to help prevent problem gambling even if it won’t apply to me, like you said I wouldn’t want other people (especially younger naive online gamblers” destroying their lives to this horrible affiction.

[Steven187]

My last bet was Wed 4th May. I’m still checking betting sites regularly for scores etc and thinking what I would have put on. I realise this is unhealthy, even though I’m not putting any bets on – partly due to self exclusion and also having no money to gamble with. I’ve had a bit of a rude awakening due to the obscene amounts I’ve lost/wasted and have nothing (other than debt) to show for it. It’s taken a period of not gambling to realise how much my mood was affected by my compulsive gambling. I’m feeling good about not gambling, but the debt I owe is acting as a different pressure/burden. I get a few thousand next week. Suppose my plan is to pay off one credit card and see where I am after that. The irony of the situation is that I had really good savings prior to gambling and didn’t particularly need the money and I’m now in a in a position where I would love to have my savings back and the winnings in the bank. I think I will have to look for more hours at work in order to meet my credit card repayments etc.

[vera]

Dry gambling sets us up for another session of “the real thing” Steven. For years, I went through phases of being broke/banned, which prevented me from gambling but it was there, at the back of my mind waiting to pounce on the next lump of money that came my way, then I would pretend to be surprised when I found myself back to square one, penniless again.
If you are really intent on holding on to the few thousand that you are due, I would suggest giving it to a reliable person to hold for you or put it somewhere that you cannot have any access to it i.e a Savings account that requires notice. This can be done online which means you don’t have to see the money. In desperation, after a substantial loss last year, I set up such an account. It will take a LONG time to restore what I lost as I am also paying off huge gambling debt which almost totally depletes my income and will continue to do so for approx. 3/4 years.
That’s the legacy from gambling Steven. My story. Your’s could be similar or it could be very different if you follow the advice given on GT. I ignored it and did it my way for years. Now the time has come to face the consequences of my wilful choices.
I hope you don’t continue to travel down the path of self destruction which has the capacity to ruin lives.
Go to GA and watch the members tremble as they share their tales of woe!

[Steven187]

Hope you are well.
I’m looking on sites/at scores less regularly, but I was wanting to be honest in my previous post re what had been happening.
The money I receive next week will be paying off a credit card, so there will be nothing to gamble with.
I’m currently in a similar position to yourself where it will take me years to pay back what I owe. Gambling again would only make that worse.

[theone12221]

Hey Steve, dry gambling can be quite dangerous! Hearing about/watching people gamble (in real life or online) can be a strong trigger that can lead you back into the trap.

I find that whether you think about gambling, place “mental bets” or replay previous sessions in your head, they are all extremely dangerous in the long run.

Right now you are still recovering from the initial shock of your big loss recently. You need to take drastic measures to ensure you don’t gamble – this may mean removing all access to any available funds you receive or handing complete financial control of your accounts to someone else. Make sure you’re also fully self-excluded as well! Good luck and stay strong.

[Steven187]

I realise no good would come of gambling again.
Will attempt to stay strong and not cave in, cheers.

[theone12221]

You’re going good Steven. The temptations will always be there, we just need to be able to control it/resist it. I don’t know why the pull of gambling is so strong perhaps it’s because there’s no other activity that’s quite like it.

[Steven187]

Another site today, had a few bets lined up, but haven’t gambled or deposited money into my account.
The temptation is still there, but I’m thinking about the negativity gambling has caused me, the financial difficulty it’s brought me and it’s not worth the risk.

[Steven187]

Pathetic as it is, went and placed a bet due to boredom/arguing with my girlfriend etc.
Put on ￡500, won ￡1300, placed another ￡300 bet and lost, then banked ￡1000.
Perhaps walking away when I’m up is part of my recovery, I wouldn’t have done this previously. I would have lost the winnings and then tried to chase it.
I’m wanting to get to a point where I’m not gambling at all, but I’m not there yet. That would have been 3 weeks gamble free tomorrow, instead it’ll be day 1.

[theone12221]

Hey Steven,

I’m glad you were able to withdraw the 1k. But you must treat this as a relapse and something to learn from. How can you prevent those triggers in the future? A win can be even more dangerous than a loss during recovery because it makes us think we can beat gambling again and slowly recoup our losses over time with “controlled gambling”.

When I had hit rock bottom last year I also went through a series of wins (had like around 8-10 winning sessions in a row and recouped a lot of my losses), however the inevitable blowout was just waiting to happen especially as I was getting complacent again about my gambling. Each successive time you hit rock bottom is more damaging than the last, so I hope you do not fall into this trap! Address your triggers and close down the accounts/self-exclude.

[theone12221]

Hey Steven, how you been? I get the feeling you may have gambled a bit more on the last couple of days. It’s especially difficult to stop after you get a taste for winning again, no matter how small the win. I hope you’re ok.

[Steven187]

Haven’t really been gambling, was just having a break from here. I’m away on holiday soon, so just sorting things for that.
Looking forward to a couple of weeks off work and a change of scenery.
I’m concentrating on paying my credit cards etc off. Sold shares, which means I’ll pretty much be debt free.
Will get the money from that and pay off the rest of my debt.
I couldn’t have tried to pay them off over the next few years, but this way is easier, as I will literally be starting from nothing again.

How are you getting on? Haven’t been on here much the last week, been busy finishing off things at work and getting ready to go away, so haven’t even been reading much.

[theone12221]

Hey Steven, that’s great to hear. Also good to hear that you’ll be debt free soon and off on a holiday. I think a fresh start will be great to coincide with your recovery from gambling.

I’ve been ok recently. Just working hard as usual and trying to get into some good habits agai. Stay strong!

[charles]

Hi Steven, clearing your debts is a good thing of course but it can also be a dangerous time. More available money, more available credit means we can be vulnerable when the urges turn up. Why not get a blocker for your PC? It will stop you gambling and also stop you visiting those gambling sites to look at odds etc.

[Steven187]

I’m only able to pay off my gambling debts, as I’ve sold shares worth ￡25000. I’ve lost another ￡25,000 in savings and ￡25,000-￡30,000 in winnings.
Enough is enough.
I now have a house I own and very little else. Life is difficult enough, there’s no point in making it more difficult.

[theone12221]

Hey Steven,

Good to see that you’re really committed to quiting forever this time. I know the savings and winnings you lost will still haunt you for now but use those experiences as a motivator to never go back to that place again. Gambling is not a life worth living.

Having your debts cleared will help you mentally a lot because the pressure of loans and struggling to repay them is a massive trigger and cause of relapse for recovering gamblers. Having a house is still a big thing and just another reminder that rock bottom can go a lot deeper and harder to dig out of if you don’t stop now. I also have a mortgage over my house and during the peak of my addiction I even considering taking more out on it to fund my addiction (the application was declined thankfully).

Stay strong.

[Steven187]

Thanks for your posts, all the best.

[Steven187]

Turned ￡5000 into ￡9000 and surprise surprise, lost it all.
This can’t keep happening, so back taking it one day at a time.
I realised a long time ago, that it’s not even about money necessarily. Who knows. I do know I’m making life harder for myself by gambling in a destructive way.

[theone12221]

Hi Steven,

Relapses are pretty much inevitable during the process of recovery. I personally had a relapse 3 days ago however it was only for $100 and I self-excluded from the website after (it was the last remaining site where I had just closed my account, but not self-excluded).

All you can do it learn from each relapse. Ensure that those specific triggers will not get you next time. Also ensure that you are self-excluded from that particular venue/website next time. Lastly the extent of your relapses will also decrease over time as you learn to “cut your losses” and stop yourself during the madness. My relapses a year ago would often be in the 5-10k territory. A few months ago they would be in the 1-2k territory. My last 2 relapses were $250 (just over a month ago) and $100 this week. I set deposit limits to these amounts and promptly self-excluded after losing these amounts. Of course I’m still very unhappy with relapsing at all but I know I’m making progress in controlling them…so that the road to a gambling-free life is at least not too expensive as I learn to be fully clean.

As to your point about money, yes it’s about playing and the excitement/risk and escape/self-destruction that comes with it. Sure, in the back of our minds it’s about taking revenge and winning it all back (or more) but that’s just the addiction talking us into it; really we just keep playing and playing til it’s all gone.

Definitely self-exclude yourself from that venue/online casino or bookie you used and if there’s any other ones that you have access to that you get temptations of using, proactively self-exclude from those as well. Good luck.

[Steven187]

Hope you are well, thanks for the post.
I’ll keep self excluding. I would like to be able to gamble in a sensible/fun way, maybe one day I’ll be able to do that.

[vera]

Once we we cross the line, Steven, we can never gamble normally again.
Believe me, I tried and failed many times.
When we finally accept that a CG will never win, we will see no further point in gambling. Why waste time and money when the outcome will always be one of failure/loss?
I think you hit the nail on the head when you referred to destruction. Gambling is a form of self destruction. I have no doubt about that.

[Steven187]

Hope you are well.
Maverick made a comment about his life with and without gambling and I feel the same way. Gambling has caused me nothing but misery. It brings a negativity that I don’t need in my life. I have to keep that in my mind next time I’m tempted to gamble.

[Fritz]

I have heard that statement so many times, and I have said it to myself so many times in the past that it makes me sick now. The answer is NO, I will never be able to gamble in a sensible/fun way. Pondering this question is just another way to romanticize, and give myself a free pass to think it will be ok again at some later date. Don’t fall for this! Slam the door in gambling’s face when the bell rings and never answer the door again. No gambling, ever, period!

One thing a sponsor said to me always rings true: Gambling will NEVER make my life or situation better, in any way, ever.

[theone12221]

Hey Steven,

I do agree with vera, once a CG always a CG.

The thing with addiction is that it’s not necessarily how often we play…it’s what happens to our thought patterns when we start to play.

We just can’t stop. We can’t just play small or for fun and leave. If we’re up we want more. If we’re down we wanna get it back ASAP. In other words, we just wanna keep playing. Sure we’ll stop the odd session with a significant win, feel great about ourselves. But you know what, that makes us view gambling in a even better light and we are all but guaranteed to return shortly again. If we COULD just walk away with a small win/loss and not think about gambling for a while, we wouldn’t be on these forums. I’m no psychologist but the way our brains are wired just makes gambling extremely destructive to us. It’s even strange for me to think that over 95% of the population can gamble recreationally without things escalating so why can’t I, an otherwise very rational and generally intelligent person, be the same? It is a tough pill to swallow. But you know what, I’m willing to let go of my pride and ego and just accept that I can never be a purely recreational or social gambler (despite the fact that when I do go with friends/family I’m fine, it’s still too dangerous as it will bring back inevitable urges to go alone later).

Is it possible to turn our mindset around? Definitely and I’m sure some people have. But after over 5 years of gambling and countless sessions, the amount of overall gambling sessions (alone) where I’ve kept total control is probably less than 10. The amount of sessions where I was confident I’d keep control but ended up losing control is well over 100. Yes I do feel my mindset changing over time but for people like us with that inner CG (which stays with us for life), a little bit of fun is simply not a risk worth taking – as the consequences can destroy everything we have.

[Steven187]

you all make sense.
I think it’s valid that we are all different and individuals though.
The past 10 months have shown that gambling in a destructive way (with large bets) is not working for me and the result always ends up the same.
I only started gambling in this way in Sep/October last year, so have I always been a Cg?! I don’t think I have been. And if that has always been there, I genuinely think I can overcome it.

My intention is to stop gambling for good and I will endeavour to stick with that.

Thanks again for taking the time to post.

[theone12221]

Yeah I agree we were not always a cg. But once we take that first step our brain is essentially rewired (usually after our first major loss/few major losses). From there it’s incredibly difficult to undo it. So difficult that the majority of us (after many, MANY relapses) simply accept defeat and realize that 0 gambling is the only way to go. Your intention is good and like you said one day at a time!

[Fritz]

I agree with you that it is different for everyone. For me it was in 2005 after winning about $5000 at the blackjack tables one night in Las Vegas. It took me a long time to figure out that was the beginning of the end for me. I finally went to a GA meeting on 1/11/2011, 6 years later. Timing is so different for everyone. I apologize if I come off a bit harsh and absolute, but it is only because of my hope that no one else will have to go down the spiral of destruction that I went through. It is progressive. I tried (and failed) so many times to be a “normal” gambler that could just go now and then and have a defined budget, without a care if I won more or lost that budget. CG’s just are not wired that way for some reason. It always escalates, and always turns into a disaster.

I don’t know you of course and no one can speak for another’s situation and I would never do that. I only offer my humble opinion based on my own experience and with the hope it will prevent someone else from going through what I went through. Everyone has a different time table it seems, with some agonizing over many years of CG behavior and some figuring out right away that they need a permanent change. Hope you keep reading and keep posting and it is of help to you on your journey.

[Steven187]

Thanks for posting.

I’m still trying to sort my finances etc, so won’t be gambling any silly money for the foreseeable. It’s definitely taken a few relapses/major losses for me to realise that I can’t continue gambling the way I have been. It’s affected my relationship with my girlfriend and I now realise how stressed out I was getting by the whole thing. I’d literally be gambling through an app on my phone all hours of the day. Basically first thing in the morning, until last thing at night. Unable to sleep, due to having to check scores/bets on my phone.

The bottom line is I’m happier not gambling in a destructive way. It’s difficult to realise/admit at the time, but it turned me into a different person and not a nice one at that.

Compulsive gambling really is tragic and so easy to fall into.

[theone12221]

Very relatable post. This addiction is indeed very tragic and such an easy pitfall to fall into. I think gambling online and through your phones has really revolutionised the gambling industry. Unfortunately the ease at which it is for young people to gamble online has not been offset by much governmental regulation and/or prevention. I feel this is an area which will catch up once the epidemic of young gambler addicts continues to rise but right now it is just way too easy for people to fall into this devastating and life-altering trap.

[Steven187]

Out of boredom more than anything. Walked away with three times my stake. I don’t even feel any pleasure from winning, I didn’t feel a whole lot to be honest after winning.

Unsure if anyone else has experienced this?
Could be part of my recovery, as very recently I would have gambled my winnings and be walking away with nothing.

I realise that you can’t beat the bookie, but perhaps showing some control is progress. I don’t feel like gambling again and think I will still aim for not gambling at all for the foreseeable.

[vera]

There is no such thing as a “win” for a CG, Steven.
Just think of it as a high interest loan.
I have often experienced a similar “numbness” following a “win”.
I don’t think this is part of recovery.
I think it’s part of the CGism playing tricks with your mind.
Sorry for the blunt reply but I was hoodwinked for years.
There is no middle road for a CG. We either stop or we gamble.
Just my personal experience.

[Steven187]

Hope you are well.
No need to apologise! I appreciate the input.
I understand what you are saying.
I do think that walking away and showing some self control is progress for me though. Next time, I may not bother gambling at all. The desire and compulsion to gamble has been less over the last while.

[theone12221]

It is progress to be able to walk away with a win. But at the same time it is still a relapse.

I have experienced it before also. I’m not sure about how you were previous to becoming a CG but a lot of gamblers including myself are actually quite tight with money in real life (I’ve always been a very good saver and I assume you are quite financially astute as well). Yet at the peak of our CG addiction we become desensitized to the bursts of dopamine that a win produces. We need bigger doses which come in the form of larger wins or more consecutive wins.

There were times where I’d win 1-2k and not even blink.

However once I stopped gambling regularly…over time my brain “reset” itself towards normality and even when I did have minor relapses, even a couple of hundred (win or lose) became significant to me again. The thought of going back to very high stakes scared the hell out of me…whereas I didn’t even blink an eye putting 1k on a hand of blackjack this time last year.

In other words I think it’s important that we regain our sense for the value of money again. It’s tough after making very high stakes and high risk bets over a prolonged time. It will take at least 3-6 months of heavily reduced/no gambling to reset our brains so we are not desensitized to “small” wins and losses and we start to value money again (perspective).

[Steven187]

I was never tight with cash, but at one point I’d be gambling thousands at a time and then resent spending ￡50 on food shopping or whatever. Can relate to your post, as I’ve experienced it first hand.
My focus at the moment is to sort debts and start saving again, try to compensate for (some) of my losses. I couldn’t put thousands on a bet now, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I’ve lost too much already.

[theone12221]

I’m glad to hear that. The fact you cannot see yourself betting high stakes again shows you are making good progress. Just be very careful as one moment of weakness can send us over the edge…the escalation from low to high stakes can occur so quickly. Never relive that nightmare again!!!

[vera]

“I couldn’t put thousands on a bet now”
No, Steven but your “addiction” could!
KenL would use one word to complete your sentence…”YET”

[Steven187]

I’m currently in a position where I’ve paid off two credit cards completely, so now have two credit cards and a loan to pay off.
I’ve been talking to my bank regularly over the last two weeks, to make them fully aware of my situation and that I’m endeavouring to fix it.
I have gambled again since I last posted, but it’s been a week since my last bet and I have no urge to gamble again.
Perhaps calling my bank was the wake up call I needed.
Still feel like a total **** up due to the predicament I find myself in. My life will be very different for the next few years, I will be unable to afford things I used to take for granted.
I only have myself to blame though.

The conversations with the bank were entertaining, I don’t recall such scrutiny when they were giving me a credit card with a silly limit or loans with no questions asked-all spent on gambling.

[low-life]

How did you manage to give up for that long mate? Did you not have strong urges? Well done for not releapsing once! You must be very strong minded! Nice one

[low-life]

How did you manage to give up for that long mate? Did you not have strong urges? Well done for not releapsing once! You must be very strong minded! Nice one

[Steven187]

I am not gambling and don’t intend to again.
Was looking for some advice on sorting debt, it’s predominantly on credit cards.

[charles]

If you are in the UK the I would recommend eitehr the Citizens Advice Bureau or Stepchange for debt advice. Both are free and will give you expert advice on how to get things to a manageable situation. They will talk through your options with you and even write to your creditors for you.

Hope this helps.

[Steven187]

I have been talking to my bank, but I might also have to try step change and/or citizens advice bureau.

Cheers,
Steven

[micky]

Hi Steve thanks for your post on my thread it means alot when someone acknowledges something positive i say. Hope you sort your debt out i used the stepchange dmp, was well worth it i paid it off alot sooner than i would have done if i had tried to on my own. ??

[maverick.]

Hi Steven,

Hope this finds you well, I am afraid to say I know alot about being in debt and also in the brown smelly stuff, I would never want to pry but can probably advise you of what way to go with regards to your debt and the best way to manage it only because I have been in the same spot myself, If I can help you in anyway my friend I promise you I will, this addiction takes everything as we both well know and if we keep on going it will take our lives!

Take care and hope this finds you well.

Maverick

[Steven187]

My bank froze interest on my credit card for three months after I contacted them at the start of the month, which will help in the short term. They didn’t really give me any useful advice, but mentioned freezing interest rates, but this will have an impact on my credit rating for 6 years I believe. I might have to go down this road.
I’m still gamble free and get paid next week, so will be out of my overdraft and hopefully won’t need that facility again.

The temptation to gamble is still there at times, but I haven’t given in. The irony is that I could really do with the money, this time last year I was ￡20,000 up and didn’t need it.
I’m now in a position where my life savings, shares are gone and I have ￡11,000 odd to pay back.

On the plus side, I feel more like myself. I definitely wasn’t myself when I was gambling in a destructive way. I was several different people at different times-work, college, family.

My relationship with my girlfriend has suffered the most through my gambling, but things are good there now. My gambling didn’t interfere with work or college, so I wore my mask well. Above all, I was kidding myself that I didn’t have a problem. I know realise I had/have a massive problem with gambling and it’ll take years to sort my finances out.

Thanks again for posting, it means a lot.
Cheers,
Steve

[Steven187]

I talked to someone from Gamblers Anonymous last night and will be attending my first meeting soon. I’m a bit apprehensive about the meeting, but want to go to see if it helps. I still haven’t gambled since the start of Sep, so hopefully making progress a day at a time.

[charles]

Good decision Steven. Let us know how that meeting goes. My first meeting was a bit of a blur so I would recommend getting to a few meetings then you can properly make your mind up as to if they are for you.

I hope you find them as useful as I did/do.

[Steven187]

I will be attending some time next week and will let you know how it goes. I’m a bit apprehensive, but want to see if it will help. Talking to the guy on the phone was certainly useful, as he understood my situation.

[Steven187]

Attended my first GA meeting yesterday and it was a really positive experience. If anyone is unsure about attending a meeting, I would highly recommend it. Any apprehension was very quickly removed and I was able to take something from pretty much everyone’s stories at the meeting, as well as sharing my own.

I haven’t gambled since 01/09/16 and for the most part, haven’t been tempted.

[Bee123]

Well done Steven on going to GA. Sounds like you took to it right away. The thought of going there scares me to death for some reason.
Keep it up, all the best

[i-did-it]

Hi Steven , I just read through your thread and I could have written it. Especially the times I withdrew and thought my control was returning . Also how I still felt bad afterwards even thought I had won. I guess deep down we know we are indulging in something which will destroy us .
Well done on your gamble free time . It’s not easy but so worth it . I love how you are feeling “normal”. I don’t know what gambling does to the brain chemistry but it is great to feel ok again.
I have never picked up the courage to go to GA so I admire you for doing so. You have done really well and I know u wil continue to go from strength to strength .

[Steven187]

Thank you both for posting.
I think part of the issue with compulsive gambling is admitting you have a problem.
I was continually telling lies about my gambling to my girlfriend and family, I was also being dishonest with myself or at least not ready to admit to myself that I had a problem.

Admitting my problem to myself, girlfriend and family was the first step and they have all been very supportive. Next was to attend a GA meeting and that was also a big help and will hopefully continue to be.

I started this thread with the heading ‘Some understanding…’, what better place to be or better place to seek help than with people who have gone through or are going through the same things as you.

At the GA meeting on Saturday I was put at ease straight away and couldn’t have been made to feel more welcome. I fully understand the difficulty in walking through those doors for the first time, but it might end up being the best decision you’ve ever made. My view was that I won’t know, until I give it a try.

I also believe that we are all different, (compulsive gambling aside), so what works for one person may not work for the next.

I wish everyone all the best and thank you for reading and posting. The stories on here and support I’ve received have also been a big help in recognising and dealing with my own issues.

[theone12221]

Hey Steven, just checking up on how you’re tracking? Hope the GA has been effective for you and that you’re on the path to recovery.

[作者]

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